Cheerilee rocked backward in her chair as the stench hit her again. As her eyes watered, she pretended to wipe her mouth. It was just a momentarily relief, but for those few seconds, the smell of the freshly laundered cloth napkin was the sweetest perfume she’d ever experienced.
“So, like I said, when you work with balloons animals, you need lung power!” Punch Line said, knocking his hoof on the table for emphasis. “You have to be able to really blow! Like this!”
Cheerilee closed her eyes, holding her breath as he demonstrated. As her lungs cried for air, she wondered how long it was going to be until dessert arrived and his mouth would be occupied again. Trying to block it out, she still gagged as the noxious cloud enveloped her. Am I tasting it through my ears?! she thought, panic beginning to set in as her air ran out.
“And there’s lots of different balloons, you know!” he continued. “With those really round, big ones, you need do just push out as much air as you can, but with the long, thin ones, you really have to pucker up and—”
“You know, that dinner really left a weird aftertaste in my mouth,” Cheerilee coughed, reaching for her bag. “I think I’ll have a mint.” Rifling through her things, she finally pulled out the tin, pulling out two of the breath fresheners. “Here, you have one, too. I hate eating alone.” she said, winking.
“Oh, no thanks,” Punch Line said, pushing the mint back across the table. “I hate to say it, but I just can’t stand mint. But have you seen this?” Punch Line patted the pockets of his sport blazer, his face twisting up in confusion until he finally pulled out a large pack of chewing gum. “Confection Perfections makes gum now! I can’t get enough!” he said, laughing.
Leaning just close enough to pick the pack up, Cheerilee quickly tilted her head back, pretending to use the nearby light to read the packaging. “Garlic and Onion Blast,” she said, turning the pack over in her hooves. Finally, she looked back to the stallion. “Is this some kind of joke, because I don’t—”
“Not at all!” he exclaimed, curling Cheerilee’s nose hairs. “They just saw a market for savory gum. I chew this stuff all day!” Taking the pack back, he pulled a stick out and began to unwrap it. “You want a piece?”
“NO!” Cheerilee cried, throwing a hoof up. “I mean, desserts is almost here,” she said, lowering her voice as several tables turned to see what the commotion was. “We should probably wait for that, don’t you think?”
Punch Line frowned, then pushed the stick back into the pack. “Yeah, you’re probably right,” he said, nodding. “It’s just that I love that stuff so much!”
“I can sm—see that,” Cheerilee replied, staring wistfully at the bouquet of fresh flowers at the table next to theirs. “You know, I’ll be right back,” she said, rising from the table. “I just need to visit the restroom.”
Trotting to the back of the restaurant, she pushed the door open and stared into the mirror. What’s wrong with me? she thought. I’m in pretty good shape. Leaning forward, she opened her eyes wide, tilting her head this way and that. No wrinkles. Cute manecut. She sighed and began washing her hooves, pumping the soap dispenser repeatedly. Of course, she thought, wanting to kick the dispenser off of the wall. Of course, it’s unscented.
“Hi, Cheerilee!" Lily said, trotting out of a stall. “I saw you over there when we came in but I didn’t want to interrupt. How’s your date going?”
Cheerilee just sighed, rolling her eyes.
“You, too?” Lily said, grinning ruefully. “What’s yours doing?”
“His breath could kill a moose at a hundred yards!” Cheerilee said, throwing her hooves in the air. “I’ve smelled skunks with more appeal!”
“Is that what the smell is?!” Lily gasped, covering her mouth with a hoof. “We’re by the window, and I thought it must be a dead animal outside.” Lily trotted over, rubbing Cheerilee’s shoulder comfortingly. “Well, it’s not just you,” she said, pursing her lips. “Mine keeps rubbing his hooves against mine under the table and licking his lips a lot. It’s really annoying.”
“Where do they pick this stuff up at?” Cheerilee said, “Where are all the normal stallions?”
“I dunno,” Lily said, stepping back out into the restaurant. “Tell me if you find one.”
Taking a deep breath, Cheerilee stared into the mirror again, steeling herself. Well, I have to go back sometime, she thought, opening the bathroom door.
The odor hit her immediately, and she fought to keep her dinner down. Around her, couples were wrinkling their noses, looking around in confusion, and asking each other what had died. Summoning the full extent of her willpower, Cheerilee slowly walked back to her table, where a slice of pie a la mode waited for her.
Opposite, Punch Line was digging into his dish with undisguised glee. He’d ordered the crème brulee, but it clearly wasn’t what the wait staff had brought, and the stallion was shoveling spoonful after spoonful of what seemed to be steaming hot death into his muzzle at an alarming rate.
Unable to help herself, Cheerilee wrapped her hoof tightly around her nose. “What is that?!” she cried, taking a few involuntary steps away.
“Well, I’m not really one for sweets,” he replied, licking the back of his spoon, “so while you were gone, I thought about it, and I just couldn’t pass up this place’s Curried Durian. I’ve really wanted to try it for a while now!” Punch Line lowered his head over the plate, inhaling deeply and sighing out a toxic cloud of gas. “I just had the waiter cancel the brulee and bring this.” Lifting the plate, he held it out to her. “You should really try some!”
Cheerilee bit her lip as the couple at the next table left a stack of bits and scampered out the nearest exit.
“I’m, ah… pretty full,” she said nasally, her hoof still squeezed tightly around her nose. “Actually, I hate to tell you this, but I’ve just remember that I’ve left the school’s heater on. If I don’t get over there, the mayor’s going to go ballistic.” Cheerilee started backing away from the table. “Thank you for an… evening.”
“What, already?” the stallion said, sounding bit hurt. “Well, can I at least get a kiss goodbye?”
Cheerilee ran as though her life depended on it.
Being completely oblivious: The ultimate sin of love.
I actually feel kinda sorry for Punch Line here as well as Cheerilee. He actually seemed like a nice guy. Okay, he wasn't the most polite pony in the world, but he's head and shoulders above some of the previous jerks on this list.
Durian AND Curry? Ooooohhhh
I can juuuuust imagine the smell...
~Skeeter The Lurker
3579436 Man, if there is one thing I've learned with this little project, it's that you guys feel for my terrible OCs! C'mon! These dudes suck!
3579438 You have to wonder about a restaurant that offers that...
3579468 Went to a party once where the host had durian popsicles. Yeah...
3579484
Ouch.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Well. Geez. Why? Durian?! Why?!
Maybe she should try dating Lilly next she did seem to be coming on to her a little there.
3579469
Bell Curve wasn't too bad!
3579471 I don't doubt that it would be good, it's just that Punch Line's got no sense of awareness for the stink durians can cause. It could be quite compounded by that curry.
3579613 Bell Curve was a winner. I liked that guy. But still, most of these guys are pretty terrible.
I have no sense of smell, and STILL bear the trauma scars from the time when poor naive me ordered durian cake (think a fruit leather of concentrated durian) not aware of what the fruit WAS, believe me if you think it smells bad you should TASTE it when expecting a nice sweetie. NOT an experience I ever desire to relive :p run cherilee RUN you do not want a durian kiss XD
3579775 OH, GOD! You poor, poor thing!
3579469 I liked most of these fellows pretty well. I mean, yes, some of them were manipulative jerks, but others like the Duck fellow and Bell Curve were completely well rounded but also unlucky. And some of them, such as this guy, just had one character flaw that made them hard to accept socially. I dunno, maybe my standards are lower than Cheerilee.
A side effect I've gotten from your story, is that I keep imagining my own OC going on a date with Cheerilee...and how it blows up in his face. I love this story so much!
Take a free moustache (or what I like to call, "the scent catcher"):
3575181 Thanks! I'm glad you like it!
3580502 Keep your OC far away! Nothing good can happen to him! If you love him, keep him away!
3580014 I think Bell Curve and Caramel are the best of the bunch. Mushroom Guy and Summer Blaze are a step below, but they have some pretty poor judgement. Nothing bad about Bell Curve, though. He's a great guy who may or may not make it through some tense medical treatments.
Gridiron sits at the bottom. Way, way down at the bottom.
I'm trying not to like this guy, I really am, but this guy is some kind of beast if he can put up with the smells and tastes.
Also I despise mint, I accidentally hit someone's eye when I spat some out once.
3580570 I thought all four were quite solid candidates. Maybe you could do a sequel to one of them to show Cheerilee's flagging hopes sink ever deeper?
3580613 Already in the works, my friend.
3580624 Strange minds think alike
3580602 Look, you need to hate my shitty OCs! What is with you guys and this stubborn charitability?! It's like you're all watching a show about friendship and acceptance and… oh, wait...
Cheerilee learns, I think this is the first one where she got out of picking up the tab.
3580786 Yeah, I imagine that she ran out on Gridiron, but then returned the next day to pay the bill. Cheerilee is too responsible to just stiff the restaurant.
Another dinner date gone horribly wrong. These types of dates just aren't working out.
3581147 I was thinking that as I was writing this. Cheerilee has gone out to dinner a little too often. The next date is going to be elsewhere. I've already got it planned out in my head.
LoL!
i think i know the answer is no but I have to ask. Are any of these are taken from personal experience? While some are wild and outlandish, some (this one included) are really very probable. While common sense would dictate that onion garlic flavored ANYTHING would be strictly off-limits food choices on a date, i (being a guy myself) could certainly see some idiot of a guy doing such a thing.
3581239
3581147
At least she didn't have to settle the bill this time
3582999 I HATE when people have bad breath. Hyper-acute senses run in my family, and I have a very sensitive sense of smell and taste. My mom's super power is hearing, and she can hear a TV that's at low volume several rooms away. I can taste vegetables sealed in a storage container in a closed refridgerator drawer in my milk that's in its own sealed container. I can smell a discarded chocolate wrapper if it's in a wastebasket in a room. So, I really can't stand bad breath. It's one of the things I find very difficult to put up with.
As for the majority of these, I've had plenty of experience dealing with people on hallucinagenic drugs. I've met plenty of loutish assholes. I've met plenty of well-meaning people that just made bad decisions, so in a larger sense, most of these are based on experience, but just not the exact details of the scene. I try and use as much real life experience as I can when making the characters. It's easier than just making things up out of the blue and I think the readers feel that it's more authentic.
Hmmm, does Ponyville have a grave yard? Hmmm, and if so there should be a grave keeper, be he or she be extremely sexy or just passable and somestuff like that, or maybe Ponyville has an Embalmer, oh the possibilities.
Besides possibly scarring Cheerilee for life and probably remaining single forever, I love this story! Please continue!
3583079 You just KNOW that would end up the poor Cheerilee getting buried alive or something!
3583155
And her eventual escape, a la Tomb Raider or Indiana Jones, or maybe like a zombie crawling out.
In Malaysia, they don't allow people to smoke, chew gum, or bring durians onto the subway.
Durian has a very unique flavor. I haven't had the chance to try some fresh Durian, considering I live in the middle of nowhere, but I did import some freeze dried Durian. It is said to smell like onions and garbage, and that's very accurate. Overall I enjoyed it, though it didn't leave a very pleasant aftertaste.
Durian! Oh, oh man, have any of you seen the viewer's choice episode of Chopped? It's a cooking competition show, where they have to use ingredients specified by the people in charge in their dishes. They let the fans suggest the ingredients for this one, and the fans were really really mean.
If you've ever wanted to see food judges subjected to the rotten carcass that is the durian, this is the episode for you.
http://www.tubeplus.me/player/2116979/Chopped/season_15/episode_3/Viewers%26acute%3B_Choice_Baskets/%22
In all honesty, durian is more of an acquired taste. I hated when I first tried it but now whenever fresh durian goes into season around my area, I am usually one of the first to buy a couple.
While I love durian, yes, that date died a smelly death.