This story is a sequel to The Most Delightful Shade of Red
Being a dragon amongst a world of ponies isn't easy. This brings Spike to do some late night research of his own on how to remedy this problem.
His research brings him across an amulet once worn by an Earth Pony who was madly in love with a Pegasus. The amulet transformed the Earth Pony into a Pegasus and allowed him his beloved Pegasus to live happily ever after in Cloudsdale.
The last known whereabouts of "The Amulet of Love's True Form" was in the very cave the stallion and mare would secretly meet at. This location now had largely been consumed by the Everfree Forest and had become known as "The Cave of Forbidden Love".
The journey sounded perilous. However, for Rarity, Spike decided he would bravely take on whatever the Everfree Forest had in store for him. Though, can Spike stand up to what lurks within the forest depths?
You know it's a bad fic when the author uses a shitty snapshot of his tv screen from his phone as a cover illustration.
3453135
Actually, I got it from Google's images. Figured it the best way to portray the story.
Thanks for your time.
3453153
A sad trend I've noticed here is that the first commenters always seem quick to use profanity / expletives when sharing their feelings about anyone's work. It is quite unfortunate.
I always thought being a Brony, or a part of the Brony Community, was to "Love" and "Tolerate"?
I feel most bad for those who may not have high self-esteem who get comments like I got below. So many folks see the Brony Culture as a way to feel involved in something. Cruel criticism without substance would only give these people a bad taste for the Brony community, which does nobody any favors.
3453449
There weren't any diapers in this story. This was a totally diaper-free tale meant to just test another approach to writing.
I'm sorry you did not enjoy my prior works. I'm not as strong with Fan Fiction as I am with writing my own, original work. It is nice to try here-and-there.
The important thing to remember is there is no true set rule to writing and fiction is, well, fiction. We all perceive things differently and try to interpret them as we can through our unique ability in the arts.
Though, as you may agree, utilizing profanity and expletives in a comment is certainly not the way to get one's opinion looked at in any positive light. Nobody here is better than anybody else. It's all personal interpretation.
It looks pretty great.
3453135 You can't just criticize about something and have no real justification. Try helping others improve rather than pointing out flaws.
3453494
Honestly, I like the idea because ive seen a lot of Spike-pony but with no real explanation other than 'just cause'. Take your time and(I could be wrong because im reading this on my phone) space out the paragraphs with a space rather than indenting. Also this might just be me but I think you can improve the flow by spacing where a character speaks and adding the 'he said she said'. Like I said I really like the idea and would love to help any way if you need because I hate seeing good things get crushed by unhelpful comments. /)
PS Sorry bout the wall of text...
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Thanks for taking the time to look the story over. As with all my works, I've been trying to build a continuing plot while experimenting with different styles.
Have a great day!
3454524
I actually quite appreciate the wall of text. It's definitely better than a quick quip and nothing more. Explanations are most helpful in talent development.
I don't know if I am going to do anymore writing here. I've been cursed at more times than I'd like and, for me, it takes away from what I thought being a Brony and participating in the community was all about. After the early comments I got yesterday, it made me question my own enjoyment of the show.
I'm visually impaired and going to be totally blind in a matter of years. Pony gave me something fun I could enjoy with my son while also allowing me an actual chance to try and write fan fiction of various sorts. Though, it seems there are just too many here who would rather insult than ask while also criticizing without critique.
Your advice is rare and welcomed. As I am an aspiring, children's book author, I want to hone my skills so my stories are as enjoyable as possible. I will certainly take what you said into consideration as I do my personal works.
Thanks much for your time. I hope you have a wonderful day!
3456632 No problem at all, I love helping other writers that want to takes their talent farther than fanfiction and children's books are a fun and colorful line of work; good luck achieving that goal my friend!
This story like you previous ones have potential but you do seem to rush through, well, everything. You need to work on something I like to call, "The scene Change".
You really need to let the people know where you are where your coming from and what the place looks like. As a writing teacher of mine used to say, show us where you are don't just tell us. Describe the environment and weather the mood/atmosphere of the place, in short draw us into the story.
As for you previous work, well, it wasn't my taste but it wasn't as horrible as others say. Infantalism isn't my thing and forced/coerced infantalism certainly isn't.
When working with some of the more obscure/controversial fetishes out there you have to be careful with your writing or in cases like this, others might assume that Rarity is into molesting babies or something.
All in all, I see a lot of promise and a lot of potential in your writing. Keep at it and don't let others get you down.
3656268
I deeply appreciate all the time you took to give me such wonderful feedback. Honestly, this is perhaps some of the best I've gotten in a good while.
As a writer, I'm caught between a "Rock and a Hard Place", so-to-speak. I used to write EXTREMELY descriptive stories. However, nobody would read them and I got criticized for the size of the story being "Intimidating". As a largely unknown author, the last thing I want to do is not get folks to see what I am capable of.
Then I got told I took too much "Imagination" away from the reader through my descriptions. So, to shorten the works and give more "Free Thinking" to the reader, I started to be less descriptive to the point I am where I'm at now.
Balance is going to be the key to my success and, thanks to you pointing it out, I'll work harder at it.
As for the "Diaper Stuff", I was sort of conducting an "Experiment" to see what would happen if I wrote works of that nature. The experiment, sadly, was a success.
Those works have 4x to 10x more reads, likes, and comments than my tamer work.
Stories, starting with this one, do not contain really any fetish type stuff. I gave it up in lieu of being the writer I am most comfortable being. My views, comments, etc. suffer as a result. But, better to do what you like and feel good about than to do what makes you uncomfortable and get popular for it.
Yes, I do have a diaper fetish. Though, I'm trying to work through it through writing and other forms of constructive activities. I'm trying to get away from stories that focus on that sort of thing and go with stuff that is just "Cute".
Again, thanks for your time and epic, constructive feedback!
nicely done, Your writing's getting better
, depth or the players shine.
easy reading,
Good on you
4989938
Yet again I offer you my appreciation for providing me not only the time to read this story but for also sharing your thoughts on it.
This was a story I genuinely tried to use to build a story arc for all the Sparity works I'd done. Providing a genuine plot with Spike doing what he felt he needed to do in order to win Rarity's love was a true delight to write. I also wanted to give a shot at doing something with a bit more suspense than I had previously done in my pony works.
Thanks again for your time and for your remarks.