Before Harmony blossomed, before Discord erupted, before History began, there were three tribes of ponies.
The first lived in the desert, where nothing grew. The second lived in the mountains, where nothing relented. The third lived in the jungle, where nothing surrendered.
All three tribes adapted. All three tribes survived. All three tribes lived. Yet none of them grew, none of them advanced, none of them flourished, until they had each other. This is the story of what they learned. This is the story of what they accomplished. This is the story of what they began.
Thanks to Sereg for prereading.
Chapters (1)
I enjoyed it very much though the repeating was a little strange for me but it was cool
Interesting. From a literary point of view, I love it. From a cultural point of view, I love it. From a biological point of view, I find myself wondering when the three tribes split up to begin with, because that part of my brain apparently refuses to have fun or follow parallel structure.
In any case, a fantastic story from the edge of prehistory. Thank you for it.
3517225 But, convergent evolution! Land bridges via marine regression! Uhm, glacial isostasy?
I'm just making things worse, aren't I?
I'm mighty sorry 'bout this, Clever
:, but the repetition already tested my patience in the Iliad and other such archaics.
It made for a rather frustrating read.
5150351 I already admitted in the author's note that it was an experiment, and that it was not as successful as it could have been.
It's not the best read among my works, but writing it was an interesting experience nonetheless.
5152106 I know. Perhaps that came out a bit harsher than I meant. I think you should try again: you've got a good idea there, you just need to pour more feels into it. Also, elegant variation might be the key: instead of using the same words, use appropriate synonyms.
5152768 I don't really think it's that simple. I tried to mimic the mood and enticing vagaries of oral tradition by copying the repetition and simple conflict resolution. The problem here is that those devices are redundant and counter-intuitive in a non-oral medium. Using some poetry techniques might make it less grating, but it might have the same problem--the presentation hampering the story.
I think if I was going to try and copy the fairy tale/historical epic feel in prose again I would need to try a different approach. Perhaps take the Hellboy or Pan's Labyrinth route and make the plot dreamy and jumpy while keeping the presentation conventional?
Shrug, food for thought.
Nice take on the oral tradition. Stories do get distorted as time passes on. They're never exactly the same no matter how many times you hear it. Though like many readers, I feel the constant repetition was a little much, but speaking as an English Major in college it totally makes sense. Now if only I was more articulate in my review
I do so enjoy world building fics.
The beauty of this fic is overlooked when read, oral history is 'written' repetitive for a good reason. So that it sticks in the kind of the listener. When written down, of course it can seem clunky, because oral history stories were ment to be spoken and listened to. This does not diminish the quality of cleverpun's work here, it just needs to be taken for what it is.
*favorited
7940969 Yes. I even had Twilight mention/allude to this facet of oral tradition in-story. I suppose if I had been truly committed to the experiment, I would've done a dramatic reading of this fic, but my microphone is pretty bad
I took some of the lessons I learned here and applied them to "The Sisters and the Dragon": that story also leans heavily on mythology and oral tradition, but has a more conventional presentation.