Today was a hard day. Not only did I have to talk Dash about Alex, but Alex visited me at the stand and tried to act like nothing happened. When I found out he was going to Caremel’s wedding, and how he got invited, it just tore me up inside. I wanted to be his special friend even more than before. Now Applejack, you know darn well why that’s not going to happen. It can’t happen. But part of me doesn’t care and wishes he hadn’t looked so deep into his own heart. And it hurts that much more because I know it’s for the best. Maybe I can get just one dance at the wedding, just to pretend for a few minutes.
I usually don’t write this early in the morning, but I have to record the dream I had last night, well, the part I remember anyway. Me and Dash were facing off in an arena, circling each other like predators. Alex was sitting on a stool at the sidelines. Me and Dash started tussling, then Dash was on op of me, pinning me down, about to win, when Alex yelled out something like, “I was wrong! I should have picked you!”. The next thing I know it’s Alex pinning me down, and he’s coming down, getting closer to plant a kiss on me. When I woke up I [scratched out word] I’m so ashamed for so many reasons.
Angry with myself