Rainbow dash has an unexpected meeting in the Everfree forest with a stallion who is all but insane.
Follow up to Diary of the Stalked
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 27th Oct, 2012
- offline last seen Dec 2nd, 2018
The Lunar Samurai
If you are enjoying my stories, I thank you. Nothing means quite as much to me as someone really appreciating what I put out into the world. So, from the bottom of my heart... Thank You.
The Lunar Samurai
Joined 27th Oct, 2012 ·
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Ok shes comming..
*Is hiding in a bush waiting for Rainbow Dash to pass by*
Ok.... Now!
*Jumps out of the bush raving like a lunatic*
Blargle fible zibzap furikendoodle wizbolla!
*Hits Rainbow Dash with a muffin and runs away*
3402951
What?
This sounds like a rather nice story, I'll be sure to check out the next chapter to see if it turns out well.
3403415
Tsk Tsk,
Someone didnt read the story description.
3403423
This story is completed.
Turn heads around.
Phew, nothing... you gave me a little scare there.
3404492
You did read diary of the stalked didnt you?
3404496
Yes... *shivers*
3403789
Woops, didn't notice that, I apologise. It was a good story nonetheless.
3403427
Gimme a break, it was like 2:00 am when I listed that
Man I haven't been back here in months, well ever since I got my book published. Isee this email that you had responded to something i had said so i deceided to check it out.
On my first read through i didn't put all the parts together. This story is a part of the other and from the sounds of it there will be a third part. I will be checking back for that.
I would have to say that you have done a good job here. The setting is vivid and clear. It is creapy to read. The conversations however were a little lack luster. You put the studdering in there but there is more to fear than that. It changes the way you speak. It is hard to describe but someone i know once said 'It is hard to write good fear diolouge with out experenceing if first hand. Not like a guy poping out of a dark cornor to startle you scared but more of a falling in a crashing airplain scared." I don't think it would be a good idea to go and crash an airplain just so you can improve your diolouge :p
I don't know the sevarity of danger this stalker imposes but i would immagine that if it was planning to kill you and you had no rational way of describing it or communicating with it then i would immagine that the pony is pretty scared. The studdering was a good touch. I saw that a lot with the troops that came off the battel field; i wouldn't say that they were scared but they had been pumping adrineline non stop for several hours. It causes your brain to think differently.
As far as the over all story goes i think it was pretty good. Like i stated above i am looking forward to the next part (assuming there is a next part). The only substantial gripe i have is with your use of "avoiding hitting". I think a better way of saying that would be something like "to avoid hitting".
Please pardon the spelling errors, i am typing this on my phone in a japanese airport after being delaid nearly 15 hours. I am eager to get home :P