- Member Since 25th Jun, 2013
- offline last seen Last Thursday
Rakni
I enjoy writing, and I hope I can entertain you with my stories.
Rakni
Joined 25th Jun, 2013 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Slam-Manian · 96k words · 926 79 · 38k views
- Path_of_cloud · 65k words · 1,042 83 · 31k views
- MrWriterWriter · 39k words · 1,011 45 · 18k views
- Radiant Dawn · 415k words · 762 63 · 23k views
- Path_of_cloud · 8.6k words · 883 56 · 18k views
- WebHead69 · 60k words · 1,055 102 · 38k views
- DARKPHANTOM13 · 10k words · 475 38 · 13k views
- Slice141 · 66k words · 596 71 · 16k views
Featured In21
Clopfics11,544 stories ·15,811 members
- Spike shipping832 stories ·831 members
Sparity1,022 stories ·1,906 members
- Spike's Greatest Works1,398 stories ·852 members
- Spike646 stories ·283 members
Spike Fanfictions5,587 stories ·2,954 members
Spike's Harems488 stories ·1,587 members
Anthropomorphics7,624 stories ·5,015 members
Stats
Page generated in 0.266 seconds
Total duration
1,085 users online
1,668,956 hits today, 2,004,447 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
for a your first fic epic the a tad bit of a rush but barely noticeable in other word 9.5/10
Hmmm. This might be something.
It had some things that would normally turn me away, like noble-bashing, an OC like Quick, and (judging from the description) a Spike Harem, yet it's still interesting enough to see what comes of it!
Okay, you have my interest. Is this going to come back later, like does he have to fight some great evil or something?
Oh I love these kind of stories. Fav'd to keep track of updates.
I'm just commenting for the sake of commenting now. This story is so good, I can't even findaway to describe it......
My usual rule is never to read any timeskip fic that stars Spike and has a "romance" tag, but this looks better than most such stories, so I'll give it a chance. In terms of style and structure, it's very clearly a first fic, but you've already got a handle on how to develop characters' emotions and make readers feel what they feel. I really sympathized with Spike's plight!
I'm willing to volunteer for editing duties, if you're willing to have me. My specialty is improving flow and structure, but I can also help with more basic issues like clarity. (Since you're a beginner, I'll save the nitpicky stuff for later--walk before you can run, and all that.)
Pacing issues: Slow the hell down.
Punctuation issues: commas before speech tags, improper capitalization after ellipsis.
Grammar issues: run-on sentences, incorrect words, missing articles, comma splices, tense confusion, misspelled words.
Story issues: telling, MacGuffins, vague/possibly improper characterization.
Overall: this isn't particularly "bad." One thing I keep coming back to is why is it anthro? If you're not going to write ponies, why write pony fiction? That's just a personal preference, though, not a critique.
The plot feels like a very dull, bland excuse for a harem situation. I'm gonna guess that is the intent, maybe based on some harem anime-type plot. Some might say, "Well, it's porn, of course it's not going to make sense." No. "It's just porn" is not a valid excuse for poor story-telling. This is not specifically aimed at your story, but the harem anime storyline isn't very compatible with this world. Of course, Most people will disagree, saying that they like the characters in this light, but... eh, whatever. It's in the feature box, so I'm sure people will fawn over it, but there are serious flaws that could be addressed. This comment will no doubt be downvoted into oblivion, but like I said, this isn't really BAD, just flawed. There is a difference.
This is interesting.
3386999
You do know that just because something is anthro doesn't make it less pony right? That's like saying Lola Bunny isn't a rabbit because she has tits and hands.
But he's right about the rest of the stuff though, writer. Your pacing needs to be better, as well as the overall story. Also, no offense, but the Spike having a harem with everyone is... well... it's getting a little old. I'll still read and follow this for the meantime but if you want my fave, you'll have to prove this story will progress.
I will thumbs up though, for effort and first times story.
3387609
I disagree. Part of the appeal of the show is that they are NOT human shaped, and are ponies, four-legged animals. This brings with it a whole host of things that make the writer think: how do they hold things, what do you call body parts. In erotica, there's the placement of certain parts and the overall body shape. In fact, it could be argued that it matters even MORE in erotic stories, because part of the appeal is the actual body shape for a lot of people!
All I'm saying is that if you want them human, with breasts and whatnot, then just make it humanized. There's no shame in that, and there are some very good humanized stories here. Anthro, to me, is just cheating, trying to have it both ways. You want to write about wing-play with Rainbow Dash, but you don't want to writer about her being a pegasus? Twilight has to be able to do magic, but pony sex is icky! It just feels... iunno, cheap.
3387609
Also, Lola bunny has never BEEN just a rabbit, so there's a difference right there. She was ALWAYS Anthro. Imagine if someone wrote a story with her as an actual rabbit. We all know and love these characters as PONIES, non-human, sapient life forms. Anthro is a crutch people use so they can use these characters but not have to change the way they write.
This site needs more hero spike.
Chapter was a bit short but hey, its a prologue.
I look forward to enjoying future chapters!
3387627 3387633
I have to disagree man. Anthro isn't really cheating, it's just a preference some people have.
By what you said here, you're also saying that humanization is unnecessary. I don't care what form the pony takes, as long as a nicely done story comes out of it. Anthro does NOT ruin a story. People need to stop acting like anthro is some kind of sick fetish, because guess what...
YOU'RE READING FUCKING PONY PORN!
As for the crutch... it really depends on the person writing it. Hands does not automatically make cheap writing, especially if the writing itself is solid. Also, it's not like it took much thought to determine how ponies picked stuff up in the first place. Some even held things with their hooves before. If not, they have magic, wings, or their mouths. It was never really that hard to begin with. Also, people like giving humans wings, horns in these stories, too. I think people tend to forget about that little fact
But I respect your opinion, as long as you at least give a story a chance before judging. You read this, and for the most part (except anthro) I agree with your assessment.
3387656
I see your point, I guess. But my question still remains: WHY? You have ponies, then you have humanized. I've read plenty of stories where the humans have magic, or even wings, like you said, so... what's the point of anthro?
3387674
If you have ponies, what's the point of humanized?
See what I'm getting at?
3387674
Also, I'm not berating your opinions. Some people don't like certain things. Some don't like tenticle fetishes; some don't like foalcon; I don't like overly done mane 6 lesbian ships; you don't like anthros. The world still goes on, and we're all still good.
3387703
And same here. I realize now I came off as overly snarky in my original comment. I'll go back and edit.
Also, I don't think humanized should be done, either! I just think if you HAVE to change it from ponies, at least make it human. It just feels like half-assing, you know?
3387716
I know what you mean man. Though at it's core, the story should be the deciding factor, not the form (and I wish people would understand this more). If the story sucks, by all means rip on the form as well.
And I personally don't mind people who don't like anthro (or at least boobied anthros, since by definition ponies are Anthropomorphic) if they don't like the combination of humans and ponies. Because most of the time, people don't like anthro because they don't want to be associated with furries, even though this is a subculture of it.
tl;dr: I like my fiction written good, and if it's written good, I do not mind humanization or anthro. I also understand if people don't like these two; it's a matter of personal preference.
3387737
Agreed. The story should stand on its own, regardless of the shape. A good story should also update... a story like, say... As Sweet As Lavender?
3387754
Shut up! I'm working on it
(next week btw
)
3387756
Is this a harem fic? If so then I will favorite this story immediately.
a good start.... 10/10
will wait to read more
First time story, eh? Well let me be the not-so-first to say: not bad! Not bad at all! And trust me, mah boi, I've seen MANY a first-time fic...
I'VE SEEN SOME SHIT.
But this? This ain't shit, not at all. I'm also kinda a sucker for Spike harem fics but that's just me. And I really like the way this one is presented. Of course, there's a LOT riding on the next few chapters in terms of how good this story turns out to be. I'm assuming that he will wake up tomorrow a changed dragon...and it's very important that you keep his internal thoughts true to his character (so far so good) and his interactions with...whoever he ends up interacting with believable yet at the same time appealing. Take your time with this, rushing to get an update out never does anyone any good! Definitely following to see where this goes, and I have high hopes!
As for your grammar and whatnot, you did really well for not having an editor! There was just one major thing that I noticed you consistently didn't do quite right:
This works as a good example. If your quotations/dialogue are followed by an incomplete sentence (e.g. 'Quick said' is not a complete sentence), then you need to connect the two clauses with a comma. In this case the correct sentence would be as follows:
Just like that. Easy as cake. But that's all that I really noticed, nice work!
A premise like this and no cover art? Tsk-Tsk.
I will edit 4 u if u want
It's a good start. I like what I see so far.
Crap, now I gotta go play some more Skyrim.
The premise is very promising. If this is going to be a Spike Harem(which I approve of), then I hope to see Rarity fall for him as well. But considering the entire Mane 6 and the CMC are listed, this is going to be one awesome fic. I shall await for more.
Hhhmmm. going pretty smoothly so far, I can't wait for the next chap.
With an opening like that I'm just hungry for MORE!
Hope this updates soon!
So wait... This is after TMMC, so Twilight is a princess now. That, I understand. Now, there's a bard around town named Quick Wit, and he gives Spike a stone that neither of them have solid knowledge of, and Spike eats it without second guessing? Then, he gets some subrandom knowledge shoved in his head, part of which including the title "Dragonheart", meaning that either he or Quick Wit are this "Dragonheart" character... And I'm assuming this all ties in with his height problem?
Favorited out of curiosity, but not quite Liked yet. I wanna see where this goes.
Oh, I love this type of fic.
This is going to be an awesome story!!!
Please continue.
i read through half the comments and got bord with the same thing over and over again "oh this story is so good! insta-fav!!" which i don't disagree with, because i did exactly that without the comment. what i was going to say was the best way to find cover art is to look something up online, google or bing, per say. and there are several editor groups that would be more than happy to edit for you or find someone to do that job for you.
keep it up and can't wait for the next chapter. only a few mistakes i saw, but as soon as i see them i fix them in my head and move on, completely forgetting about them. and if i reread it i wouldnt catch them because my mind has already filtered out the tiny mistakes i see. sorry i couldnt be any help in that front, but i hope you only get better from here on out, because you're already good and if you got better you would be awesome!
not just saying that, BTW.
thanks for at least reading my comment!
bye!
I don't like anthro, buts its a Spike fucks every mare fic so I love it.
>ving a picknick with her a
picnic*
yay
I want to like it because it's a spike harem fic, but the first chapter needs a lot of revising. It has potential, but you need to polish it up and change a few things. When you do get it revised, I want to see how you do.
oh my!
this looks promising!
:D
Not much to go on here, will track for now and see where it goes.
The story seems to have a pretty good start. Solid, and serious writing too!
However in order for this fic to be Wondrous and Spectacular, as a fellow writer I will give you a piece of Precious Winning Advice: When writing sexy anthro stories give a good deal of paragraph writing on character descriptions! Especially on their bodies, in sexual detail! Also it's good to make the Mane 6 well endowed and write some of the things... and I mean SOME of the things they do in a sexual manner: strutting, swaying, boobies bouncing. However don't go overboard!
Here's two good examples of sexyness:
Warning following links should not be viewed by people under 16
link 1
link 2
3391907
MOAR
Glad to see another spike story that's not some dumb joke! and this is looking to be fantastic~~
aww man, dis gon be good!
Could use a bit of work and some buffing. Right now it seems kinda generic, but then again it's only the first chapter, so there's not much to say, yet.
But I'll be keeping an eye on this...
MY EYES!!! jk!
And I see someone already said it but...
Dis gun be good!!!!
Hmmmmm, im not much for anthro.
But this story sounds REALLY promising so i guess i can deal with it
what brony pall said
Great start. My mind was on auto when reading so I guess I fixed any and all mistakes in my head... So sorry about that. Still this seems interesting, caught my attention as a Spike lover so I hope the next chapter comes out soon.