I am a human dragon... in Anchorage, Alaska...
My name is Spike Skylar Sparkle, as a child, I worked off debt that my mom; Twilight Stella Sparkle stacked on me. Finally, after my twentieth birthday, after so long I was able to pay off the debt. Now, on my way to a new life - I'm moving to Ponyville - I am looking to get a more rustic life.
(First person narrative of Spike).
(First story of this kind for me).
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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the pacing is a little off, a few misspellings here and there but other than that, nice job
Good job! I approve.
One thing, get an editor other than that i'm really looking forward to the next chapter
pacing is a bit odd, but if this is your first fanfiction, it's pretty good, mate!
Everyone has 3 full names, odd choice, but interesting concept I eagerly await more.
machine gun style pacing, still a good story though but the pacing is just...like I said..machine gun
3388660 im with you man a bit to fast for me to read
There are numerous grammatical and spelling errors, but ignoring those for the moment. Spike's mom, who is apparently Twilight, isn't in debt but decides her son owes her money and isn't allowed to leave until he pays it off, so essentially he's a indebted servant with a fake debt... yeah, that happened. Spike's continuous need to call Ponyville rustic is just strange, like the three names thing. Theres a ton of repetitive moments. All of the girls, except Applejack who he just bumps into, randomly invite themselves to his house to say hi and leave. You have 5 introductions, arriving at ponyville, and moving in in a measly 1,100 words. I might need a neck brace from the speed this is going at.
ya gotta pace this slower man :U at least have the girls have REASONS to come randomly say hello and leave? or maybe have himmeet them in a alter chapter? writing isn't a race, it needs to e taken slowly :3