When Lyra gets a new job with the Canterlot Symphony Orchestra, things are looking up for her and her love Bon Bon. Moving out of Ponyville, the two find themselves in a new home in the old district of the Equestrian capital. But not all houses are a home, and these two ponies are about to find out why this particular house is not at all what it seems...
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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First! Keep up the good work!
aaaaaaahhhh run bonnie!
So far (four chapters at the time of this comment); this a well written, even paced, easy read; which is why I don't particularly like it.
The language is simple and very well done but is sometimes less than stellar; I would prefer it if it sucked at times and was awesome at others.
The pacing is superb but, for the most part, a straight and narrow line. It's easy to read and understand, which is great; but it fails to challenge me in any way, or tug at my heartstrings (pun intended).
The plot, so far, has been highly predictable; which would be great if this was meant to be satirical but I don't believe it is. While the relationship between Lyra and Bon Bon is very well established here, the dialogue throughout the story is simply unengaging; often, it's as predictable as the plot.
Overall this story is descent. Although well executed, it lacks a certain amount of style and emotion. It feels like an excersize more so than an expression. If it was a carnival ride, it would be a carousel; still fun, but there's nothing more than what you see from the ground.
4442869
Thanks for reading, and the comment.
I actually really like this! A fine piece of horror you've got here.
Oh craaaaaap, I did not see that coming!
4530899
Thanks! I really appreciate the comment. It has been fun to work on so far.
This was overall an enjoyable story. It falls into one of my favorite Fimfiction sub genres - Lyra and Bon Bon move into a haunted house.
I enjoyed this one, keep up the good work.
4659301
Thanks! It certainly has been interesting to write. It's not over yet, though.
4660692
OH! I totally thought it was over. I could have sworn I had read "Complete" on it. Well I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
Called it. If an old person tells you that something is haunted, you better listen. You'll find out that the previous owner is dead but by then it's already too late.
Lyra, don't try to downplay what was at least a home invasion. Bon Bon, just run, there's no hope in staying.
Oh boy, that demon revealed itself. Now, this just got even more interesting.
Demon is the HOUSR
Why is everything in bold?
5180531
No idea. I will look into it.
Edit: fixed!
I was a little upset when Lyra used her magic without explaining it, other than just saying "I'm a unicorn".
But nevertheless, I thoroughly enjoyed this story. Good job!
5310109
Yes, I... wasn't too thoroughly pleased with it myself. I may revisit the chapter and try and flesh that out at some point to try and push it a little more towards what's implied at the very end.
uhg really sis? really? just don't go dieing on me. u and bon bon r so much trouble at time i swear u to r like fillys half the time (gos and gets lyra saveing kit #63276 ready to bring both lyra and bon bon back from the dead if they die.....again)
i did warn Lyra and Bon Bon lets hope they make it out alive i hate doing necromancy on my sister and her wife!
ur not Lyra!!!!! Don't worry Lyra ur big bro is a comeing to save u!!!!!!!!!!!!
somethings fish here and it's not the blue fin tuna in my vest (this time)
ok that is it WAKE THE BUCK UP NOW LYRA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OK NO DEMON MESSES WITH MY SISTER AND LIVES!!!!!!!!!!! GET READY U DEMON SCUM I'M GUNNA SEND U ON A ONE WAY TRIP STRAIT TO HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ok archy meet my hoof!
nice move little sis nice move
uhg that demon the persistent some holy water and some everfree magics should banish it for good tho
Think knocking the house down and then building a solid concrete block on the property to stop all construction should solve the issue.