I'm slightly new to writing so excuse me for mistakes and everything
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Canterlot has many families who wish for them or their young to rise to royalty. This is the story about the only colt in the Pure Magic Blood family, Autumn Mist. He is consistently pressured by his parents to continue the family goal to promote one of it's members to become an alicorn, after the coronation of Princess Twilight Sparkle.
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You need something to offset your paragraphs. Nobody likes a wall of text. Try indenting them, or putting a space between each one.
It's hooves, not hoofs
I see a lot of missing periods.
New speaker, new paragraph. No exceptions.
This plot has potential. Your typing could use some polish, but it's a first story. Keep writing. Practice makes perfect.
3423620 Thank you so much for your constructive criticism and I'll be sure to take your advice and fix some of the mistakes. I really appreciate it.
I feel I should take the blame for the mistakes in the first chapter. I am TheMistofAutumn's editer. I kinda didn't edit his first chapter, but I'm doing it for the rest. So it should be smooth sailing from here on out.
Still the issue of missing periods and other punctuation at the end of dialogue.
Word confusion, like through/threw
Incorrect plural, like fillies/filly's
And that first paragraph...
Since it's the very begining of the chapter, we don't know who "he" is. Also be more careful with your commas.
3434325 Thanks again for you help. I'm really hopeless aren't I.
You're getting better. I'm seeing fewer of the same errors.
Don't confuse periods with commas. I'll give you an example.
Both of these sentences need commas, not periods, before the endquote. This is because the second part (said a voice from behind them) is not a sentence by itself.
The story has an interesting premise and I would like to see where you will take it from here.
On the the other hand I have noted several spelling and grammar mistakes throughout unfortunately.
If these mistakes could be removed it would go a long way to improving the story, luckily there aren't to many of these mistakes in the first place.
The one other thing that I have noticed is there are times in the odd paragraph where you will change the tense in which the story is being told. This has the effect of making the story lose any flow it was building up and can also confuse readers.
The main thing I would suggest is re-reading all of the story that you have currently published and seeing what you can spot and correcting as you go also I would suggest asking any readers of the story to point out anything that they spot.
All I have to say from here on out is keep on trying as practice makes perfect and as I can tell by having read all of the current chapters you are getting better quite fast.
Good luck and keep up the good work.
xxfuzzpotxx
p.s. On a personal note I would like to see some more exposition in the story just to flesh it out and make the world seem more alive.
4482976 Thank you so much for your constructive comment.
I know I'm not the best writer, and the fact that I went this far in the story without a single hate post or dislike is beyond me.
But it's nice to see someone say what I did wrong without making it discouraging.
I'll be sure to review over my older chapters and try to add more. Thank you again.
Well, I'm hooked. Good story, there were a still a few errors, but nothing too glaring. Looking forward to reading more.
Geez, poor kid. Also I wonder who Maple likes more, Noctar or Autumn? Let's find out!
Oh yeah, that griffin will be back.
CALLED IT! I wonder what happens from here. (The engagement of Autumn and Maple. Oh, yeah, that'll work out great, I reply sarcastically.)
4621666
I see what you mean about Auty and Maple but who knows what's going to happen. 
*taps foot impatiently* Chapter 9 please...
IT'S HERE
More oh god yes more
Very good job on this chapter. I noticed a couple of grammatical errors and one spelling error but none of them are large enough to impact the storytelling in any way. As I said well done because this is a fantastic chapter story wise.
I know Summer is up to something and I know that it involves Autumn somehow. I'm getting the feeling that Autumn should be more afraid of his father than he is.
Poor Autumn can't ever catch a break can he? He and Charlie Brown should form some kind of group.
Good chapter. There was one error I noticed: 'apologizing' should be 'apologize' otherwise fine.
Pls update