Never read the first story, but "Dash and Twilight ended up having sex in a sea of pudding by the end" intrigues me.

hahaha , I usually don't read stories labeled *sex* but the pudding thing made me curious. *thumbs up*

I'd be interested to see you write something starring Applejack. Your phrasing an taglines have a certain southern twang ("bless her wings") that I can almost taste and I feel like you might really blossom into something great if you wrote an Apple Family story. Just a thought, from reading between the lines.

Yay for more TAW, I'm going to assume this is good and bring some tissue later. (oh Celestia, did I say that? ) Besides, a sequel to The Trials of Temptation is exactly what I'm looking for, it was so disappointing when it was over.

Stupid real-life cutting into my fanfics.

>twidash

For your older story, I guess you could say that the proof...

...was in the pudding.

EDIT: I think I like it better not knowing why they were in a sea of pudding. I love a good in media res.

>>287313287313

Same. :mustache:

Also.. Shower downstairs. What a kicker.

>>287720287720

You are a bad person and you should feel bad.

>>287644287644

>shipping

That was both funny and charmingly cute. Well done. I'd  love to see a sequel, perhaps beginning right from where they left off; having to awkwardly explain their situation all the while with their faces covered in...fluids. XD

Historically, I've found your stuff not really resonating with me, but this was pretty great.

Looking forward to seeing what you do next.

>>288565288565

Any particular reason why? I'm always looking for feedback, especially criticism!

Glad to hear you liked this one, though.

it was wasnt a 100% clop so it was good i can say

Oh yes TAW this is awesome keep going!

That cover picture is amazing.

You have my attention.  Do continue.

Well, shit. It's like Romance Reports all over again. Not that I want to compare this to Romance Reports, the ending just reminded me of it.

And... wow. I got so used to just reading all of your clopfics that I never really took the time to notice how good you are at writing romance stories. Trials of Temptation was really much more for fun than actual shipping, but to see you take it this far is really incredible.

Image: http://thelaughingmarcus.files.wordpress.com/2009/08/so-much-win.jpg?w=445

There was not nearly enough pudding in this story.

>>301193301193

Even a slight comparison to RR is high praise, and thank you!

That really is what I'm going for here, anyway, romantic-clop rather than just clop. Of course, I realise not everybody is into that kind of thing, hence the story has a very loose timeframe and I shouldn't find any issues writing more AndThenTheyAllFucked stuff inbetween chapters (like I'm doing now), so hopefully I can keep people happy!

>>301574301574

Tell that to Twilight, she doesn't even know how Pinkie got all that pudding out. Never. Again.

But that doesn't mean they won't have fun, oh gosh does it not mean that

and never say never when you can't be certain, either

Romantic clopfics are kind of a guilty pleasure of mine and this was great.  Really looking forward to the next chapter twixdash is my new favorite ship.

>>301672301672  Perhaps the future will hold even grander messes. I look forward to your next post.

Yours Truly,

Lappa Luxury

>>304786304786

The future holds a great many things for those two. Some they've foreseen, some I've foreseen, and some neither of us have.

This is awesome, you magnificent bastard!

The ending....killed me with lolz! You glorious bastard you!

'A bit of a clusterfuck'. Lol

I believe the quota for sexual activities while wet was met in this latest chapter. And for that I am glad.

Well, since you asked for feedback, here's mine, free of charge.

You have the characters very well down, in my opinion. Dash's rapid emotional changes, on the outside often not giving a shit but on the inside insecure and tearing herself apart. You also included Twilight's magic quite a good amount in here, which is a nice touch. Seeing how often she uses it and teleports in the show, you'd think that more people would make use of it.

I can't exactly see where you're going with this story, but hey, that's why I'm reading it. TwiDash is my favorite ship and you're one of my favorite authors, so this story doubly awesome for me. This reads very much like Unicorn Diaries, too. The chapters having a big chunk of relationshippy stuff and ending in kinky sex. Unicorn Diaries is my favorite story, just so you know, but this one is coming very, very close to surpassing it for me. At least this story is receiving updates.

My only real quarrel is your dialogue punctuation. Sometimes there's a period instead of a comma, sometimes there's nothing at all instead of a comma. Sorry, but that kind of stuff just distracts me. Otherwise your grammar is good.

Keep doing what you're doing and you'll have one very happy brony with me.

>>330630330630

Thanks!

I'll try and keep my sentence endings in mind, I'm still trying to figure out what feels best where.

As for where the story's going, don't worry about it - these early chapters are entirely for setting up the background stuff, potential recurring elements, characters, so on!

TAW writing more then 1-shot TwiDash.

welp,  life complete, I dont need anything else.

"The one that would terrify fillies, confuse stallions, and excite Rainbow Dashes."

Best.. Line.. EVER! I laughed so hard.

Tracking

Freudian slip: level 9001

good chapter keep you the work

Another excellent chapter TAW!

>dat RD 'cooking'

>dat weirded out Spike

>dat insecure Twilight

>dat adorable sex

>DAT FUCKING ENDING

Hnnggg...

On the more technical side, there were a few errors here and there, like you including an extra word or phrasing a sentence slightly awkwardly, but for the most part it all checks out.

>>404424404424

Thanks!

Any particular examples of those criticisms? Not sure what I should be looking out for!

Lovely.

>>287227287227 Agreed

GLORIOUS!

That was hawt.

My jimmies were rustled most vigorously by this.

Pleeeeeeeeeease do another chapter on this D=

My body is so ready right now.

I love this story

The Daring Do predecessor to this was actually the first story I ever read on this site (before I even had an account).

is this the last chapter in the story

is this the last chapter in the story

>>448666448666

not by a long way.

please help me I appear to be suffering from cardiac arrest of some kind

All the d'awwws.

YOU NOW HAVE PERMISSION TO HAVE SEX WITH ME

Goddammit, this chapter was amazing. Sappy, very sappy (a good kind of sappy), sexy (an even better kind of sexy), great on the characterization and with the kind of comedy I like in the show. The mental images of an adorable Dash curled up on top of Twilight and all six of them snuggled up in one bed together will be staying with me for a while.

All those feels, man, all those feels. Apart from the probably intended present tense of "Celestia knows" I only found one thing in the second to last paragraph:

>hasn't many anything less beautiful

I have a hunch what the next chapter is going to be about, in case you have the story planned in any way, but it could just be a self-contained theme in this chapter. In any case, I'll eagerly await whatever you have in stock next.

arrr my heart it expoled from to much d'wwws

>>451816451816

Whoops, can't believe nobody caught that. Thanks!

And no, not many of the themes in this chapter are self-contained, but there may not necessarily be direct continuations to all of them next chapter. I know where I'm going, but not each individual step.

oh god i'm feeling all the feels

fuk u taw

swag

Why can't I hold all these feels?!

Image: http://pockettacoradio.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/Its-Beautiful-Cat.jpg

TAW, you are a genious... Nay, a god of clop!

'Dorbs to the MAX!!! /)^3^(\

I lost track of all the d'aaaawwws

Ooooh this chapter was amazing! I myself never could read the clop parts of the story but everything else was amazing! KeeP up the good work!

>>462287462287

If I can keep you (crazy! These horses are hot!) non-clop guys happy with my saccharine feels, then that makes me one happy writefag, thank you!

Wonderful, this is becoming a better story by the chapter!

I do have a.... question?:

The next several minutes were uncomfortable for everypony present, and left Pinkie Pie tied up on the basket floor, and Applejack blushing profusely. Twilight and Rarity knew better than to ask what that was really all about.

I want to know what that was really all about...

>>464894464894

So does everyone else, but it just seemed too awkward to ask at the time, and bringing it up now? I don't think any of them want to do that.

time will tell

>>464962464962

But time is such a horrible story teller, I'd much prefer you do it.

>>465003465003

ah, but such things require elaboration, thought, and keeping the readers in suspense for my own amusement

but mostly the second one, need to think about things to make them good enough!

>>465023465023

Ah I see, never fear I will keep my musings to myself.

Okay, semi-evaluated review time. Firstly, have to say a thing near the beginning struck me as somewhat unnerving, seeing how the "magicsplosion" seemed to cause orgasm: the mention of Pumpkin was well... *cough*. And then overall throughout the chapter. Some parts felt a bit slow and oddly explained. Such as the affection Dash felt for her seemed a tad bit overly fast imo, Dash seem impulsive, but that still feels kinda ooc, a few things in this feels ooc. But still "within reason" in some parts. Though, gotta say, if it was either or both of them's first time in the previous story, they should have been more nervous and/or performed worse than they did.

Also, was a bit curious over how Twi disassembled the sewing machine without magic. And have to say Twi felt a bit off in that scene, although, she's been known to over-exaggerate so... Rarity seemed quite IC, a new touch of her being the "inexperienced" one, don't see it as bad or anything, it's just new. Twi randomly starting talking about Dash... could see it happen, althou it seems like a very awkward and odd element. She seemed to trail between kerfaffled and dreamy though hehe. And Sweetie Belle should know who Dash is, unless it was asked as ... dunno what the form of question is called xP Some words are repeated a bit often, and feels sluggish at times. Others works as a comedic effect, or whatever it's called. (and again, prefer the candy vag's, but it's up to you which color you pick ;P) Squirting included pleases my appeals xP Although, as said, Twi seems a tad bit experienced if she's now supposed to not be very well versed. Oh, and on a side note, you could use wings as a good appendage for ex: prostate (that's the g-spot, makes one squirt usually) stimulation or penetration in general.

Twilightlicious, Rainbowlicious and dawwilicious all at once!

As to Twilight's concern, I feel that she was correct in pushing Dash to go for the try outs.  Dash may only be in the Reserves but if she waited another year, those Reserves would have been filled with other ponies, forcing her farther and farther away from one of her life's main objectives.  That won't happen now, thanks to Twilight.    

Rainbow Dash and Twilight are absolutely adorable in this story.  I eagerly await more!

Right, got another chapter down. Can say Dash felt a bit ooc, but has improved since last works. Same goes with Twi. She could have been a bit more "collected" or however to call it, but it wasn't "that" noticeable. Just a few lines and action's here and there. Anyhow, while I can see Dash living quite... spartan I think it's called. I don't believe you mentioned her best flyer trophy, wonderbolt fanfilly stuff and whatnot. That, or I got a really bad memory haha. And while I guess Twi's magic is really varied, I've just seen it as of late that many have began to use it as an "Swiss army knife" xP The story works quite well, inner monologues works well and adds to the flow, usually can cripple it a bit. Like the small additions of humor, mostly since I do the same in mine hehe. And as said, while it's entirely up to you how endowed they both are, and the color of it, you know my opinion on the matter. But use humans models if you're more comfortable with it

On a side note, pony 69's are a tad bit more complex than human ones... especially for the males. Still, in either case, it's been readable so far But yeah, you did a rather good sex scene I have to say.

>>504449504449

Twilight was intentionally meant to be flustered in ch2, iirc, she had a report that needed finishing ASAP. You're right on the trophies, though, she should have had some - my bad.

As for Twilight's magic, she is a swiss army knife, effectively - her special talent, canonically, is magic itself, and she's been shown learning a lot of very varied different spells. In this case specifically, though, do bear in mind WBHW is set several years after the show, and both Dash and Twilight are very much still in training and education. It wouldn't make sense for them not to be more capable than they are in the show in that context.

Thanks for the feedback! I look forward to hearing what you think of the other chapters, and I hope you're enjoying it!

Bit shorter review here than last. Feels like the chapters are getting better imo. (or I'm getting more tired, but that should be irrelevant xP) I kinda liked the ponderings and concepts they encountered. A few felt a bit rushed, but it worked well. Like such things might do irl.

Have to say I found the sex scene in this one to be a notch above the previous ones, was more detail and stuff into it, like the puffing/erection of her vulva and whatnot. Also, rather interesting "magic vision" concept. (really, never seen it before. That, and nice to see less over-use of magic and magicgasm hehe.) Good use of wings, preening was one of the neater parts... huh, just struck me how hard "petting" sex Rarity and Fluttershy could have... preening, grooming, massage haha... dammit, now I got tempted to write just that xD (blah, I really got to many project on atm)

>>505498505498

Mm, I've always liked the idea of them being able to do things a little more "out there" than just straight up regular old sex - that, and horns and wings are some of my favourite parts of their body. Thanks for the feedback!

>>504499504499

(When will I learn to not  be sleep deprived and comment? xD)

I think I referred to something else with the partial OOC or whatever, but I kinda forgot heh. And yeah, she ought to have some trophies and medals, some "wonderbolt collection" of autographs and etc. And would have been funny with a "lonely nights" possession as well xP (although, wings seems close to equally efficient.)

And I know, I know, she is an army knife :P Some things, like a brush, seems kinda hard to do though, but eh, "It's magic, ain't gotta explain shit" works there hehe. So it's nothing I'd see as unlikely, it just seems like that kind of "I could learn how to use this super complicated thing... or use a brush... *goes off to practice*" I have to admit though, it fits Twilight to an extent  She is that "" like sometimes.

And glad you enjoy my semi-random rambling heh. Have to say I've semi-expected you to do female ejaculation at some point. Not to sure why though, heh. (Also, comments are a bit off, since my DNS server is bucking up for no good reason, please excuse that.)

>>506873506873

Hehe, yeah. I personally quite like SleeplessBrony's take on them. (even if I personally am not that fond of magicgasms, since it just adds yet another extra perk/trait about being a unicorn to the existing pile of them xP) Which is basically unicorns can get off with their horns, not as strongly as their genitals, but they got feeling in it and whatnot. Pegasi  can get off with their wings, leans more towards the "mental orgasm" some girls can have by ex: just having their breasts touched and etc. And earth ponies have more sensitive ears and cutie marks (althou all 3 of them have sensitive cutie marks. Ears were mainly added to not just leave them hanging.) They also have allot more stamina than the other two. But as said, ears and enhanced cutie marks were added so to not screw them over if not with another EP. (Ie: "I make up for lack of ability to get extra pleasure by being able to have more orgasms in a row, which doesn't help at all since my pegasus/unicorn partner is spent after just 1-2...")

>>507181507181

Yeah, that's basically how I see Twilight. She could use a brush, or she could get more practice in - and that sort of advanced telekinesis is a pretty generic skill anyway, it wouldn't all be from brushing.

And yeah, I very much like the idea of different races tending to have different preferences, though there's not much room to explore earth ponies here specifically, I do like giving them a bit more oomph.

>>507192507192

Technically, if you think of it, it's rather advanced, but fits Twilight since she does things the complicated way xP Since really, it requires a ton of  tiny magical tendrils to work like a brush. Unless you'd be doing a comb, but that'd still be around 10-20 tendrils.

Yeah, it's nice with a more "balanced" racial different instead of just "these have it awesome, these are doomed to be bland" heh. But yeah, no room to explore EP's in this fic, but just a general statement. They really need more EP "oomph" to it, they're almost always so underrepresented. In theory, they'd be the ones with the most oral expertise (since they use their hooves and mouth while the others can use wing and magic) and endurance.

>>507437507437

Indeed, it is, after all, canon that Applejack can buck for a week straight. And I'll leave it up to you to decide whether that's euphemism or not.

>>507624507624

Yeah, they get quite underrepresented imo. Can say one thing that bugged me show wise that so far, technically all major things has been solved by magic, some minor things by wings, and like, nothing really "important" has been solved by hoofpower. At least not that I can remember. Ah well, that's trailing off topic. Will hopefully get to that last chapter within the end of the week... possibly. Gah, curse being busy and slow with stuff

I'm very much interested to see how this turns out- I think this has been the best chapter so far by a long, LONG shot. Rock on, you crazy author.

Man you write some of the best stories. I'm not talking the best clop stories, but the best stories. Yeah there's some sex in this story, but it's there to show how their relationship would work. Good chapter I can't wait for the next one.

Oh you also write a pretty good troll fic as well.

Shine on you crazy diamond.

Wow that was awesome I can’t wait to see what happens next.  

Great chapter

I ... I just can't read everything I want to anymore and still pretend like I have a life. It's just too much. Especially from you, TAW. You're a god damn writing machine. Slow down, so I can catch the fuck up. But I swear I will keep making time for this story.

The sex scenes are happening earlier and earlier in new chapters, aren't they? And is it just me or are they getting longer, too? Especially this one. Got a little carried away there, didn't we? (This might look like criticism, but it's not.)

I don't have anything to criticize here. Take that as an indication for my standards if you will, but I'm loving the hell out of this story. Whenever I feel like I'm burned out on TwiDash, when I think I've read one fic too many, I see another moment of affection between them like in here, giving me that 'Hnnnnngh' feeling and I know that it's still there. Thank you for that.

That's it. I'm bad at commenting on stories, I know. I wish I had constructive criticism, but I don't. Ask me and I'll shower you in praise though. (Seriously, I'd do it.) I got nothing else, other than that I indeed can and want to wait for the next update. That makes it that much sweeter when I see a new chapter appear for this story.

>until Twilight was quite upside own in front of her

>Twilight aught to show her a dictionary some day

Oh, the irony.

>>508898508898

I'm always up for being showered in praise ;)

Thanks for the words regardless, though, they make the writing worthwhile!

And yes, the sex scenes ARE getting earlier, I'm starting to just take any excuse to segue into it so I can concentrate on the drama by this point!

>>512501512501

is it okay if I do the other way around?

what about both at once?

Can't wait for Twilight to go to jail for showing them up.

>>513193513193

like it could hold her

>>513227513227 Dude... Its almost canon the jail puts magic handcuffs on unicorn horns.

Fappin' is okay,

But don't walk in on me.

Or you'll be covered in basement...

Minus B-A-T.

Poem by Emerald Flight, no copyright, so dont have to ask for permission, but still giving credit.

Dash is going to be super late for work, it seems.

Yeah, WOO! Show those elitist bastards who's who! FIGHT THE POWAH, PONY GALS!

I cannot remember when I last "Daw"ed this hard.

You are an amazing author. Thank you for existing.

>>516432516432

Thanks! I try :)

Well alirght, that was a weird moment...I got about 3 lines into the newest chapter before I was like "Why does that whole magical plants which takes things from enviornment remind me of that one story I read some time ago.... funny coincidence.(and weird to think of a kinda dark clopish story while reading one of my favority shipping/clopish stories)", turns out you wrote that story yourself... I guess that explains that.

I'll prob edit this once I actully finish more then the first para, but I know the chapter will be good, all of them have been great so far.(even if I dont comment much(or ever).

what are "equine-hours" btw? I have never heard the term "human-hours" so that kinda confused me.(unless we are assuming time and as such hours passes at different rate in equestria.

Done, good chapter and I like how it is more story centered.(maybe not "epic advanture" story centered, but much more life events and just the things both of them have to face over time... I really like that, goodjob)

I can't wait to see where you are taking this, the way you went into the magical works and stuff was very interesting and I like your take on it.

>>527680527680

ha, yeah, that bit did get a little close to parts of Disobedience for my liking too

"Equine-hours" was meant to be "man-hours" - I guess stallion-hours might have worked better but that might not fit so well in a matriarchal society. Come to think of it, mare hours even sounds closer so I really should have used that. Welp.

Thanks! The story so far has been mostly internal, but it's this chapter where the external one really starts to ramp up, so there's more of that to come. Good fun!

Speechless...one of the better fics out here.

Hah...one of the better? That's a joke. ONE OF THE BEST STORIES EVER WRITTEN! << And that, my good Sir, is the truth.

Do the impossible, break the unbreakable, see the invisible, RO ROW FIGHT THE POWAH!

Image: http://desmond.imageshack.us/Himg708/scaled.php?server=708&filename=kaminawe.png&res=landing

Ahem, I found this chapter to be one of the finer things you've written and eagerly wait for what comes next.

Just one question, where was Spike during all this? Any reaction to seeing his adopted sister and her new girlfriend sprawled out on the floor? Great chapter though,

>>542178542178

Keep reading!

Right, another chapter down. And somehow Spitfire being quite "open" in said magazine kinda fits how she is in my headcanon for some reason xP Dash seeming to have some secret of whatnot at the start, and was first going to comment about how Cloudsdale was close to Ponyville, but then recalled it's only usually close to Ponyville, since they pointed it out in the hurricane episode the different towns took turns with swirling up water for it, or something heh xP And was nice to see Fluttershy being excluded from the spell for logical reasons. Not sure about Twi's "probing", since she seems to get caught off guard quite often hehe. Can say I was quite amused by the AJ gag thing.

As for the 12 hour flight, kinda made me wonder how far away it had drifted by now. Found the price to be a bit derped, but I guess it could be compared to a royal suite or something. (The FiM wiki has a decent price range on bits and stuff, but seeing how a cherry costs 2 bits, same as a whole apple pie, it either means cherries are a rare delicacy, or prices are not that hammered out canon wise. Which means that room costs equal to ~197,5 apple pies, or 1185 tomatoes ;D... or would it be ~592,5? Ah, never mind.) Twilight being a...forgot the name of it seemed a bit, awkward, but as said, anypony can be it :P (on a note there, keep in mind the "pony" words, "any" or "some" is usally just used (or should be) when non-ponies are there.) It did kinda creep me out in a mental "what would their friends say?" way xP

Gotta say I'm not 100 % on Dash having another anxiety attack, and in that manor. But I could see her have it. She recovered quickly though. (On a unrelated thing I just now recalled, it's immature, but would have been amusing in my head if Rarity, after diving in, shrieked, made some comment about "Dear heavens! What did you eat?" while crawling out from the bathroom.) Found the cloud scene to be really cute though. And ha, was almost expecting them to do it in public xP Was somewhat worried that Twi would loose concentration of the spell, before I remembered it kinda was a continual enchantment. And have to say, I was kind of anticipating that yell xD Anyhow, overall, it was a rather good chapter.

>>543402543402

The way I see Twilight's magic working, it would be basically impossible for her to *not* see somebody sneaking up on her, but only while she was actually looking. The vast majority of the time she isn't looking, and thus is quite sneak-up-onable.

I'll admit I made the bits up, but the show does the same so I simply picked a high-sounding number. The any(pony|body) issue is also present in the show, so I'm assuming they use both fairly interchangably. Also, I refuse to put anypony in my spellcheck's dictionary, so take that as you will.

>>543600543600

Fair enough, that works I guess. She's been seen trailing off doing magic, thinking or whatnot and got ambushed quite a few times in the show though hehe.

Yeah, while the show does quite random numbers, it seems to have somewhat of a balanced economy. It's something to keep in mind when writing, since most reading are at least somewhat well "educated" (in the MLP world), so they'd have a hum about the prices. Just putting it out there. The price is somewhat reasonable though, even if going with the current bits system, since it as said, seems to be some super suite, and all 6 of them can fit there. (food better be included xD) Anyhow, when it comes to the "body/pony" part, they've gotten much better at saying pony in the second season, but at the same time, worse imo. Since they tend to mess that up, using "body" when it's only ponies, and "pony" when it's mixed races. So eh. and fair enough.

>>543806543806

Well, if I'm given the choice between thinking of a number that "sounds about right" as opposed to becoming well versed enough in economic theory that I can predict the prices of a style of hotel room that doesn't exist in our world in a moving industrial city during a large event AND convert that into bits at the current exchange rate, I'm going to pick the one that takes me 5 seconds of thought, not 5 weeks :)

>>543917543917

Haha xP It doesn't have to take 5 weeks, just a quick "if an apple pie or three tomatoes costs 2 bits, what would be reasonable for a suite worthy of Celestia? It's what I used for a spa fic in progress... kind off,  I can agree I went a bit "sounds about right" there, since I think it was ~50 bits for an hour/90 min of full treatment. And in irl, that's about 500 sek, and an apple is like, 5 sek or something so by that I could kinda evaluate that if an (or two) apple costed one bit, and they used similar economy it's be an accurate price. And trailed off a bit here, hehe. Point being, it's good to have a comparison at least. After a bit of pondering, the price seems kind of about right. But still, dinner better be included, and I dunno why xD

>>544317544317

I generally try to avoid things so steeped in fanon, but sometimes it's necessary. I won't do it again if it's an issue for people.

>>544370544370

Ah, don't me to much, unless some other point it out, don't mind it. I just like to discuss and trail off in stuff hehe :P

Sorry for rambling on on so many things lately.

Welp, finally up to date, but to tired to comment heh. I liked the interaction and attempt to create... whatever it's called though. Dash pulling a rainboom in fright was an element I liked.