Heh, not exactly an original concept so far, but has a nice humorous touch to it. And of course, the interaction between Bon Bon and Lyra is priceless

Might I suggest *not* using paragraph breaks as linebreaks? It makes the story a bit hard to read...

Good story, but the spacing is annoying.

Moar!!!!!!!!!!!!

>>286492286492

Well I'm glad somebody likes my story!

>>285008285008

Thank you for the feedback and the read!

I'm thinking of adding the next ten chapters along with two new ones on Friday, but I could be persuaded to upload the next ten chapters tomorrow and add the the other two on Friday.  What do you wonderful readers want?

“You are not a dumb animal; you’re mind speaks volumes to me.”

This should be

“You are not a dumb animal; your mind speaks volumes to me.”

The short length of the chapters to date, combined with the lack of a cliffhanger at this point leaves me feeling as though I can wait, and leave the cohesion of updates up to the author.

However if you wanted to update now, I certainly wouldn't be opposed to it...

NEEDS ABOUT 20% MORE RAINBOW DASH! wait wait... scratch that. I CLAIM THAT YOU SHALL DO SOMETHING OR YEAH.......

>>290179290179

Thanks for that!  I guess I'm not as thorough of a spellchecker as I thought!

>>290880290880

Patience my good reader!  I just finished the chapters that will focus a little more on Rainbow Dash, and believe me, her part of the story is going to be big!

Borrowing a few ideas from Harry Potter are we?

>>304452304452

I'm afraid so.  I just couldn't come up with a cool sounding name for it other then just drab old "invisibility cloak".  "Sheet of Unseeing" is unique, but it just doesn't quite roll off the tongue as well!

The good news is, you now have 12 new chapters to read!  The bad news is that now we're caught up with my release schedule, which means from this point on, I'll be updating 2 new chapters a week.  I'm trying to pace myself so I can keep excited about my story, while simultaneously not getting burned out by school.  Life outside the Internet is so cruel.

Yolks are the yellow part of an egg. I think you meant yoke

>>305025305025

Sorry!  I can't brain today!  I have the dumb!

NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

quick bring the new brain tissue....

>>312146312146

Oh man, that made me smile

The way your sentences are cut

off in the

middle of them is a bit aggravating

but your

storytelling is sound otherwise

I really

liked the "bless you" scene.

Ah, no space weirdness by chapter 2. Excellent!

well...this is certainly interesting so far

>>316016316016

Yeah, it was a bit difficult adjusting to the formatting on this website.  Thanks for the comment!  I think I got some cleaning up to do.

>>316581316581

I'm glad you like it so far!  Things are about to get a lot deeper, and for coherency's sake I might just upload three instead of two chapters.

In the upcoming chapters, I'm going to be introducing a certain grey colored blonde maned pegasi.  Which name should I use?  Ditzy Doo, or Derpy Hooves?

intense

Nice, very nice.

However, you HAVE to remember to cut this thing into paragraphs, especially when somepony talks. The only reason I can read these walls of text is because they're really short.

>>331066331066

I'll try to keep that in mind in the future.  Thanks for letting me know!

Oh, yay, ANOTHER misanthrope human in Equestria.It was going so well...

Unwatched.

>>357903357903

Alright.  I'm sad to see you go.  Do you mind telling me what you didn't like?

>>358043358043 I'm just sick of authors making HiE fanfics where the human character bears an almost natural hatred of humanity, and doesn't miss a single beat to demonize our people. Worse still is the generalization to all members of our species. I'm sick and tired of that cliché.

So much so, the only notable HiE fanfics that I have an undying respect forr averting this are Article 2, by Muppetz, and What Separates by Zurock.

you what dude you stupid

>>358068358068

I know it's old hat to think of humanity as being a corrupt race of beings, but I'm afraid it's hard to deny our past actions against each other as a species.  This section of the story does introduce that, but what it will later address as well is that we as a race are not caged by the actions of our ancestors; we can rise above ourselves and our forefathers, and create something good and wonderful.  In short, yes, we can do to terrible things, but we have the potential to do great things as well, and we cannot allow ourselves to become hopeless, because that will be the day we confine ourselves to only being able to do evil things.

I have a lot of time on my hands this week, and I'll make sure to read the titles you suggested.  Thanks for your opinion on my work.

>>358228358228 Oh no, of course I'm not denying we did plenty of shit during our existence. And I naturally agree with your ideals, though you exposed them too little in this chapter, which immediately led me to think what I said before. You may want to give it a little rewrite to avoid this sort of confusion.

>>358269358269

Sorry for the confusion.  I know it's just a couple chapters a week, but I'm trying to write this as if I would actually publish it as a novella or something similar.  I might upload more chapters then normal this week since I'm on Spring Break now, so we can rush forward! Just bear with me a little bit; things might a bit darker before they get better, but things will turn out with a happy ending.  That's about all the hints I can give out right now!

>>358389358389 ... alright. I'm a bit disgruntled, but I'll do that.

Throttling Celestia? To the moon!

>>360437360437

Close!  So very close! The consequences shall be grave, but nothing lunar related shall occur with the punishment!

I DON'T EVEN

WHAT IS THIS

I am okay with this.

>>369833369833

Eeeeeeeyup.

awww yeahhhhh

the doctor is in!

>>371620371620

And tomorrow brings a new chapter!  Oh man, I can't wait to give you all this next part of the story!

Yes. Okay, just, yes.

>>382519382519

I really loved writing this chapter!  My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and it's fandom is actually what got me interested in Doctor Who, so when I started writing this whole story, this was kind of my way of tipping my hat to it.  Cue the Tardis engines!  We're headed off to even bigger adventures very soon!

And then suddenly it was a Dr. Who fic!

>>384299384299

I could say that it's strikes a rather fitting contrast that Adam is the first of his kind again in Equestria, and that the Doctor is the last of his kind, and that in their natures they are almost like yin and yang which strikes an interesting dichotomy for the rest of the series.

Or I could say I just wanted to write the Doctor in.  I got to be honest, but the last opinion is probably the most true.

Welp, it looks like Spring Break for me is over.  We'll be going back to our usual schedule of 2 to 3 chapters a day, and I'll be going back to the hallowed hells..I mean halls of learning: college.  The continued writing of this story has been one of a few joys I've had there, and I can't wait to write even more for you guys!  On a side note, storywise, we are now about a third of the way through my planned story plot.  Heh, plot.

I bet adam is tied to a disection table

I bet, Adam is going to pull a MORTAL KOMABT moment.

>>414213414213  >>414550414550

He's tucked away somewhere safe..for now.

Also what would you all think of a Mad Moxxi in Equestria fic ?

this will  get chaotic soon i got a feeling

>>416029416029

SOON.  Wait until we hit chapter 40, that was absolutely awesome to write!

Wow, I just looked at my counter, and AJUO has been viewed 6,000 times.  This is so much more than I ever expected really.  What started out as writing something to stave off boredom during Christmas Break has turned into my most successful story ever!  Thank you all for liking my rambling story and putting up with me!

Oh and just on a side note, if anyone is good at drawing (and let me tell you, I'm not!), I like to make a request on making a cover picture for my story; it's always seemed kind of naked without one.  If anyone is willing or knows someone who might be interested, please let me know!

>>414809414809 Could work if done right.

I what.

Well this is intriguingly suspenseful!

Next week!  Oh, next week! You cannot come fast enough!  When I upload the next three chapters, it will be tantalizing, trouser shattering, and mind boggling!  You all will LOVE IT!!!

I might be over-exaggerating, but you won't know until next week!

GAH! Dribbles and drabbles, its maddening!

Bunsen Burner is a great villain. I look forward to seeing him laid low.

>>445383445383

I'm glad you think so!  Originally, I needed a foil of some kind for Adam to end up in Canterlot's dungeons, and the character that that was (originally a pony I named Tangent Line) then evolved into Bunsen Burner.  

While he does act villainous, I've wanted to mold Bunsen Burner into the role of an anti-villain.  He is wise, passionately protective of his fellow ponies, and he has the overarching goal of wanting Equestria safe, which by themselves are noble traits and a noble idea, but his philosophy of using anything as a means to an end to carry out that goal is what sets him aside as a villain rather than an ally.  It's hard writing as him sometimes, as I can't stand some of the positions he will take!  

Don't worry, he'll get his due in the end.

A wrench to the head would satisfy me...

>>447220447220

Why are there so many violent people reading my story?

Nah, just kidding.  I guess I have set it up so that Bunsen Burner is someone you love to hate.  Now that I think about it, if anyone here has watched the TV series 'Alias' by J.J. Abrams, Bunsen Burner's personality might be based quiet a bit, unintentionally, on the personality of Arvin Sloane, one of the series main villains.

If anyone has a large knowledge of Astronomy and is willing, I need some consultation on ideas for later on in AJUO.  Anyone who can help me will have my great appreciation and might even learn of some titular events in the story.

oh shit

MOAR! Seriously great stuff! I love this story!

>>473694473694

>>474141474141

I knew you guys would love these chapters! It was some much fun and awesome to write them, I had to restrain myself from posting them really early!

And trust me, there will be plenty MOAR where this story's coming from!

yesyesyesyesYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES

Yes.

bad idea i fear oh and THE MIGHTY SWORD OF FIRST!!!!

>>503886503886

For the one who is worthy, he shall wield the mighty power of First Post!

DAMN IT, I DISPISE CLIFFHANGERS!!!!!

Btw great set of chapters I must say, cant wait for the next set.

I'm gonna make a prediction: force field from the TARDIS saves them tell me if I'm right

you cannot dislocate a rib, that make no since.

>>504248504248

Oh, yes.  Some action, rumination, a mite of sadness too.  But yep, they'll be pretty awesome!  I write it all for maximum saturation of awesome!

>>504400504400

You mean the Tribophysical waveform macro-kinetic extrapolator? mmmmmaaaaaaybe.

(Curses, they know!)

>>504438504438

While I will be the first to admit that I'm not a medical expert, you can dislocate a rib just as readily as any other bone.  See, each individual rib in your ribcage is connected to your spinal column and your sternum.  There are several ways you can pop a rib out of socket, but I imagine the easiest is receiving a large traumatic force from the front or from behind.

If you are interested, I'm providing some webpages if you want to know more:

http://sports.yahoo.com/top/news?slug=ycn-8015264

http://www.mens-health-tips.com/dislocated-rib.html

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_to_heal_dislocated_rib

>>504457504457 whatever flips your skirt mate (and of course I know MUHAHAHAHA)

>>506020506020

I'm going to have to remember that phrase from now on; it makes me feel Scottish!  Hmm, yes.

i carry the mighty sword of first!

>>539292539292

Conquerer of all the land!  I bow to you.

>>539559539559 can my character join this awesome piece of a story?

please with lemon drops on top

>>539633539633

I'm really sorry man, but I don't think I can do that. If I let one pony in, everypony might try coming along for the ride too.  Thank you for the compliment though!

>>539884539884

Thank goodness, this is an awesome story, the last thing we need is everypony's OCs pouring in from the sidelines.

Another great set of chapters.

Just wondering, why do you put these up in 3s?

>>541686541686

Well for one thing, two chapters to me always seemed like it would be to short, and I didn't want you guys to be shorted.  Because of that, I find that I've fallen into a rhythm of written 2-3 chapters at a time, sort of like micro-arcs in the overall story arc.  It makes it less likely for me to get writer's block, and it gives me time to stew on the good ideas and make them better ideas!

>>541884541884 Well thats cool and if it helps keep this story flowing, more power to it!

one chapter and im hooked, damn you mane you drive me to track this

aww it's so sappy you better wake up lyra or bruns gonner get some of my "PASSIONATE HEART"

I CLAIM FIRST!!!

>>572531572531

Confound these comments, they drive me to reply!  It's okay though, each chapter's fairly easy to read through, so you should be up to speed in no time!

>>572596572596

Don't worry, she'll wake up.  But in between now and then things might get a little..unusual.

D'aww, Do I smell a romance forming between whatsthehumansname and Lyra?

Great chapter set, im getting ready for the next one.

>>573523573523

His name is Adam, and I think everyone's going to like the next set of chapters.

On an unrelated note, the number of pageviews is OVAH 9000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

god... who knew Bon Bon could be such a Trixie?

>>598671598671

She's just looking out for her friend against that nasty human Thanks for the favorite by the way!

I just checked the weather report, and it seems we're due for a storm of chaos!

Image: http://img.ponibooru.org/_images/07edb57c9cb8900a7cc0fe11b7be3386/79873%20-%20Discord%20macro%20shitstorm%20shitstorm_incoming.png

speach.needs.spaceing

"character talks"

--space--

"character talks"

>>606204606204

Thanks for notifying me about that!  Back then I was still trying to get a format down, and I'm glad you let me know!  I'm glad you like the story so far!

YES IT IS ALL HUMAN ARE INSANE BUT THAT WHY  HUMAN ARE SO SPECIAL

DAMM I HATE THOSE.WHY DO THIS ME

>>627023627023

Um, pardon?  I'm sorry, but I can't really decipher your two comments.  What did you mean exactly?

Stupid discord never was chaso or other one because i made up so foolish moral do i say.By me all and nothing at all