Forgotten Lessons

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Comments ( 13 )

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swigglybooter

swigglybooter #1 · Oct 14th, 2013 · 11 · ·

My body was not ready. I made it ready. I greatly approve of this TwiDash

Kodeake

Kodeake #2 · Oct 15th, 2013 · · ·

incomplete? Good sir, I hope that was not a mistake.

Sir_Fredrick

Sir_Fredrick #3 · Oct 15th, 2013 · · ·

3349645

Of course not. Chapter 2 is on the way.

SapphireGemstone

SapphireGemstone #4 · Nov 10th, 2013 · · ·

And when is chapter two coming, if I may ask? :3

Sir_Fredrick

Sir_Fredrick #5 · Nov 10th, 2013 · · ·

3469042
It's mostly written, then it'll go through my pre reader, which will take at least a week. Should be out before the end of the month

ShadowBrony

ShadowBrony #6 · Jan 3rd, 2014 · · ·

3469721 Almost two months later...

Sir_Fredrick

Sir_Fredrick #7 · Jan 4th, 2014 · · ·

3726935

I uhh.... I started working on something else.

ABronyJohn

ABronyJohn #8 · Jan 20th, 2014 · 2 · ·

Twilight's cheeks burned red hot as she found Rainbow splayed out on her bed, completely nude.

Ponies are allways nude xD

EDIT: I see that this story has them humanized, so ignore my last comment.

ScousePone

ScousePone #9 · Feb 16th, 2014 · 1 · ·

I enjoyed it! The descriptions were very nice, especially the ones about Dash's abs and stomach since they always get overlooked in clopfics. Both Twilight and Dash stayed true to their characters and were both sexy and adorable. The sex was also fantastic!

Now, of course there were a few grammatical errors and I think the way you structure your paragraphs could be improved. There were a few paragraphs that could've been broken into two and expanded on. Also, try to avoid writing too much action in a paragraph that contains dialogue. There were some things you did that I, personally, wouldn't do, such as writing a word like this "whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNNNN!" Instead, just cut it down and use descriptions and imagery to make the scene. Did her voice crack? Was her body shaking, trembling? It would definitely make the sexual scenes that much better.

Those errors aside, I really did enjoy this story. Thanks for sharing it with me!

Tatsurou