Ponysopher
Joined 5th Feb, 2012 ·
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0 words total
It's okay. Not the best but it gets a like.
i wish luna would make my nightmares disappear
Sweet, intimate, and on the verge of being quite profound. I say "on the verge" because the ending... felt a little rushed. The entirety of the questions are summed up in one rather small paragraph. You probably could have had 4.5k to 5k without it feeling like it was running on for too long; after quite a heavy-hitting second half (as it currently stands), it would have been gently eased into the conclusion without screeching to a halt and give it a stronger sense of finality.
But that's just me. Otherwise, I immensely enjoyed this story, it was quite well written (and aside form the ending, quite powerful), and you had my attention firmly throughout. And also it's about Princess Luna. All these things are enough for a like and favorite from me.
This is exactly the kind of story I want to read.
There are no words I can say that could effectively describe this piece.
But I'm going to try.
The same sense of physical power we got from that one paragraph with Celestia, we get in a magical sense here with Luna. Oddly enough, it's the part where she has to strain to make that one star that gets me:
You look over to Luna in great surprise, but freeze when her horn is still glowing. It is pointed at a mass of circulating brown dust, turning and churning by some unseen force, presumably Luna’s magic. You watch with curiosity as she closes her eyes and appears to strain herself, gritting her teeth and tensing up her muscles. Slowly, the rotating mass of dust starts to swirl faster with her effort. She grunts and the speed of the spinning dust spikes. As she apparently works harder, the aura around her horn grows like a bulb and boils. You saw this before and realize that she is performing very a strenuous spell. Then suddenly with the turning of the dust, you notice that the mass is starting to collapse into a ball, like it’s being pressed together by Luna’s magic.
As it compresses, Luna gasps with weariness, and it suddenly pulsates and expands again. So you see her grind her hooves into the bed and tries with all her might. Then the ball shrinks again and starts beating with tiny little pulses as Luna works. Finally, the dust starts to swirl violently and contracts into a tiny sphere. Luna pants and a bead of sweat rolls off of her coat. Then with one last magical push and a grunt from her, the ball catches fire and there is another flash.
When you are able to see again, there is a small, dim star about the size of a hoof glowing with a brownish red just a few feet in front of you. Luna falls to her haunches in exhaustion, panting heavily and leaving you utterly astonished. You can feel heat flowing from this star as well, and then you know that she has such power. Though Luna looks very tired, she looks contentedly at you and says, “That is the tiniest star I have ever made, my subject.”
Just these three paragraphs offer so much! Whereas Celestia seemed to have effortless grace about her power, this is focus and concentration. The admission of weakness afterward just makes it so much more profound. I mean, what can you say about somepony that just made a little, tiny star, and it took that much effort? What could you say when that same pony is at full strength?
I want everyone to listen to "Music of the Night" from Phantom of the Opera during this. It's so fitting, so special.
Just a note, I faved and liked the story BEFORE I jotted this down. I asked, you delivered! Now the sad part is, I can't fave and like it twice!
Okay, okay.... I'm going to challenge you now, really push you.
PRINCESS TWILIGHT. DO IT.
Great story. Loved every second of it. And I was listening to "Quantum Flux" by Northlane while reading it, and I thought it went pretty well. :D
Wow...just, wow.
...
The summary makes it sound like another second-person clopfic. That could make people just skip over without giving it a chance.
3966903
I think I wrote this more for mature readers rather than those who might perhaps come to that immediate conclusion. The content rating reads "Everyone" so I think the reasonable person could guess that it wasn't a clopfic. Yet that said, I think that, while reading this story, one does have to maintain the level of control necessary to separate a sexual situation from a merely intimate one. Simply being in Luna's bedchambers does not entail sex but it does imply privacy. The reader should keep this in mind.
A 2nd person insert that isn't M-rated clop. I'm not sure how rare such a thing is, but it's nice to see such things are out there. The scene in which she unveiled one of her stars has some vaguely disturbing, yet sexy, implications, though: she showed it to you just to demonstrate how powerful she is, and with that fact in place, I can't help but wonder what would've happened to her companion had he left her bed instead of spooning her in the end. Luna: the galactic stalker of dreams.
Her last sentence could easily be more of a threat than a comfort.
I'm mostly kidding, of course; what I extrapolated is obviously not your intent with this fic. It wasn't my cup of tea, but I enjoyed it anyway as a sweet little love letter to a character, drawn up in appropriately poetic prose.
i love it
I hardly ever look at my notifications, but I decided to today. You were recommended by someone I follow, and I’m unbelievably glad you were and that I saw that today. I very much so enjoyed this, especially all of the attention to detail- it’s rare that I feel like a 2nd person story actually makes you feel like you’re there. Will definitely be going into my favorites and be one I revisit, and I’m very much so looking forward to looking through the rest of your stories. Thank you for making my morning just that much better, I hope you enjoy the rest of your day!