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Tundara

Joined February 2012
723 followers

Stories (11)

  • The Longest Night
    On the first night of Luna's banishment Celestia finds two alicorns in a crater.

    6,218 words · 16,582 views · 1,692 likes · 28 dislikes
  • Myths and Birthrights
    Twilight has to deal with new powers and troubles as an Alicorn.
    125,992 words · 10,446 views · 1,534 likes · 49 dislikes
  • Tiger Bloom
    Applebloom finds herself in the Everfree with a guardian that may be more dangerous than the forest.
    26,634 words · 2,713 views · 219 likes · 4 dislikes
  • Velvet Sparkle and the Queen in Stone
    Myths and Birthrights side-story: Velvet Sparkle recounts her younger years in a nation north of Equestria and the events leading up to her becoming the mother of Shining Amour and Twilight Sparkle
    39,950 words · 1,875 views · 186 likes · 5 dislikes
  • The Apple and the Fox
    4,417 words · 1,126 views · 135 likes · 6 dislikes
  • The Pacification of Crystal Valley
    1,303 words · 496 views · 108 likes · 5 dislikes
  • A Dream of Pride and Envy
    27,662 words · 547 views · 90 likes · 5 dislikes
  • Sins of the Ancients
    161,867 words · 1,931 views · 64 likes · 9 dislikes
  • March of the Marauder
    3,920 words · 298 views · 24 likes · 2 dislikes
  • Before The Fall
    12,635 words · 407 views · 15 likes · 2 dislikes

Blog Posts (128)


Prophecies; Twilight Sparkle has come to hate them with a passion. Caught unawares by an ancient prophecy, Twilight awakens on a strange land surrounded by creatures she's never heard about before. Worse, she is no longer in her own body, and none of her magic works. Having to learn a new form of magic, Twilight resolves to do whatever it takes to return home, and to her own body.

She'll just have to avoid assassins, creatures out of nightmares and from Tartarus itself, while dealing with a group of violent companions, if she is to have any hope of succeeding.

Meanwhile, Equestria is threatened by a form of evil it's not prepared to confront. Rarity is haunted by the creature, and if it should get its claws on her no pony, not even Celestia herself, may be able to save her, or Equestria.

Two worlds touched by the hubris and arrogance of a dead civilization will tremble. The Sins of the Ancients have, and will again, lead to destruction, and perhaps, salvation.

First Published
3rd Mar 2012
Last Modified
19th Nov 2012

Comments ( 148 )

#1 · Chapter 1 · 128w, 6d ago · · ·

A bit slow going but trackable none-the-less.

Have thumbs up too.

Oh and a :trixieshiftright:

:P

#2 · Chapter 1 · 128w, 6d ago · · ·

>>283785

I'm sorry for the pacing being a bit lack-lustre for a first chapter. Originally this was going to be the second chapter but after discussing things with a friend it seemed to make more sense to reverse their order. The first few chapters carry a lot of exposition sadly and not a whole lot in the way of action.

It's been four years since I wrote anything longer than 1k words in length and am having to knock a lot of rust off the old brain. I find it funny that you say it's a bit to slow when before I was told my stories tended to be too fast. Finding a happy middle ground is a pita. :twilightoops:

Thank you for the comment.

#3 · Chapter 2 · 128w, 1d ago · · ·

It could have been worse...it could have been her knee. :pinkiehappy:

#4 · Chapter 2 · 128w, 1d ago · · ·

>>301762

But... wouldn't she then need to take up guard duty? I can't see Twilight as a guard... :twilightsheepish:

#5 · Chapter 3 · 126w, 4d ago · · ·

Heh, start making friends in a new strange land that you can rely on for support as you get your bearings only for them to die and to have to start anew.  I have the sudden image of this being a reoccuring tradgedy for Twilight, ending up the only survivor again and again while she slowly pieces together how this new world works enough to figure out how to get back.  Hmm...and to take it further...the constant tradgedies can weigh on her mind till her quest to return to Equestria starts to take on a life of its own long after her spirit is broken from the constant loss only to find that when she finally returns she is almost unrecognizable as the Twilight that left while Jasmine has had the time and support to allow her to reconstruct Twilights life, probably greatly helped by Twilights numerous notes and checklists giving good insight into her personality.  Add in enough time to allow the others to adapt to what inconsistancies are still there and the Mane cast wont believe Twilight is who she says she is...and wow this just dropped straight into Grimdark...:pinkiecrazy::facehoof:

#6 · Chapter 3 · 126w, 4d ago · · ·

>>343875

Well, the story certainly isn't going to get -that- grimdark. I can promise not everyone Twilight meets will survive, but that is about it. Jasmine does have a leg-up on Twilight, you're right. She's safe, has support, and Twilight is the kind of pony I imagine to have detailed journals not only of her experiments but also of her personal life. But Jasmine is not Twilight. Their differences in personalities will become more evident as the story progresses. I hope at least.

Thank you for your comment Necrovore. I appreciate it greatly.

#7 · Chapter 4 · 125w, 3d ago · · ·

Heh, I had forgotten about the eyes and what they might mean. :facehoof:  Too much fun focusing on Twilight and her struggles I guess :pinkiecrazy:

#8 · Chapter 4 · 125w, 2d ago · · ·

>>377553

Hehehe, yeah. This was a hard chapter to write actually. I really struggled with keeping Rarity in character. :twilightoops:  

#9 · Chapter 4 · 125w, 2d ago · · ·

>>378163

I would say the hard work payed off here, I don't think you could get much closer without using the now overly cliche quotes of hers.  And resorting to such methods would be The. Worst. Possible. Thing!!! :raritydespair:

:trollestia:

#10 · Chapter 4 · 125w, 2d ago · · ·

>>378985

Yeah, I didn't want to resort to using such techniques. The fainting sofa was cool in Lesson Zero, but it get's pulled out all the time in stories to show how melodramatic Rarity can be at times. To me Rarity is vain about her looks, on the surface shallow, but that's mostly a front she believes she needs.  There is surprising steel beneath that shallowness as shown in Dragon Quest (I believe that is the episodes title...). Probably my favourite portrayal of Rarity is in 'Flight of the Alicorn'. That is an amazing story.

I'm glad that it seems the extra effort and work paid off.  

Oh, I've also removed the 'Gore' tag from this story. I had debated long about it's inclusion and 'ticked' it in the end as there are going to be some violence in this story, though nothing too graphic. But after seeing lots of other stories with similar levels of violence as what I am aiming for NOT using the tag, and that the tag seems to only be applied to 'Cupcakes' type stories, using the tag feels out of place.

The next chapter is going to be another slower paced one with world building and mostly exposition. This is the first multi-chapter story I've written in over four years (actually, this is the first thing I've written period in four years, but that's a longer story itself), and pacing has never been my strong point. I hope everyone can bear with things until the action and adventure really starts to kick in.

Thank you for your comments Necrovore. :twilightsmile:

#11 · Chapter 4 · 125w, 2d ago · · ·

>>379283

For me at least, Gore applies if organs end up outside when they are supposed to be in, or apendages end up a bit seperated in a very descriptive way.  To me the pacing seems fine, but I tend to enjoy slower stories with more focus on describing the world so I am probably not the best to judge. :twilightsheepish:

#12 · Chapter 6 · 122w, 4d ago · · ·

Sorry this chapter took longer to write than I anticipated. I've been working through a bout of depression and anxiety this last while and doubting a lot of what I had planned for this story. I also lost one of my pre-readers/editors to the black hole of Sailing and Not-Having-Internet leaving me with just one, who mostly reminds me of all the commas I let languish in limbo.  

Hopefully we're past the bulk of laying out the setting and characters. From here on there should be more of the adventure and less of the exposition. :twilightblush:  

This chapter surprised me as I was writing it in a few places. There were some events I was debating what to do, particularly with the fate of Laurence. In the end I think it worked out. And I apologise for the cliff-hanger ending. I am a cad and a villain, I know. :moustache:

#13 · Chapter 6 · 122w, 4d ago · · ·

I think you might want to change some of the measurements for the dragon.

Each wing 100 feet long, 200 foot total wingspan.  Reasonable enough

100 foot long tail.

150 feet from snout to tip of tail.

50 foot body?

You then mention the wingspan being as wide as the snout to tail measurement, suddenly missing 50 feet.

Teeth and talons of the same length, both described as being as long as Twilight is tall.

Put her at ~5 feet as I forgot if you specifically mentioned her human height earlier in the story.

5 foot teeth in a 50 foot body would have the same proportions as a 5 foot tall being with 6 inch long teeth and claws.

Possible, but one very tooth filled grin.

"Oh my!  Grandma, what big teeth you have." :pinkiecrazy:

#14 · Chapter 6 · 122w, 4d ago · · ·

>>464233

Hmmm, this is what I get for doing the measurements off the cuff. :facehoof:  Thanks, I'll have to do some actual free-hand drawing and figuring of *shudder* numbers. Oh numbers, how we hate each other. :pinkiecrazy:  Actually, I'm surprised my editor didn't catch that. Usually he loves pointing out glaring inconsistencies. He must have been too busy making me laugh until my sides hurt as he twisted the entire chapter into sounding like bad clop-fic. :pinkiesick: I'll figure it out and edit in the proper dimensions first thing in the morning. Thanks for pointing it out. :twilightsmile:

#15 · Chapter 6 · 122w, 4d ago · · ·

>>464233

Thanks to my insomnia I decided to get cracking on this now. :twilightsheepish: I hate to do this, as it says there is a flaw with the description in the story that I am resorting to out of story explanations, but here are the real dimensions. Most of what is, now, in the story is accurate, but it's also perposefully vague as well to allow readers to fill in the blanks.

Thank you for pointing this out. This is the kind of thing I could read a hundred times and go, 'Yup, all looks good!' :facehoof:  Some of the edits feel a bit sloppy. Actually, the whole sequence is feeling sloppy to be honest. :twilightblush:

#16 · Chapter 6 · 122w, 3d ago · · ·

>>464315

Hmm...Might want to look again after you get some sleep. :trollestia:

You still have the 50 foot body with a 100 foot long tail, a tail twice as long as the body can work if it is something like feathers extending out, but muscle and bone of a moving tail, a bit awkward balance wise for flight :rainbowlaugh:  The description of the fang length is a bit complex for that part of the story though certainly a more fitting length.  Just noticed the sentence about clouds in the sky right as Twilight looks up at the dragon could probably be worded better.  The ratio of wingspan to body length should be something to think about. Off the top of my head wingspan for many creatures seems to be significantly larger then the length of the creature, to the point where it is a third again as wide as the creature is long, so 200 foot for a 150 foot long dragon.  If you increase body length to match the tail, the wingspan could end up being ~270 feet.

Just pulled up the dragon quest episode and about 2:30 in you can see a shadow of a dragon flying overhead that gives a good indications of the proportions between tail, body, wingspan, and the measurement you left out entirely of neck length. :pinkiehappy:

#17 · Chapter 6 · 122w, 3d ago · · ·

>>465420

Actually, the tail is supposed to be that disproportionately long. :twilightsheepish:  Equestrian dragons and this settings dragons are very different. I was hoping focusing on how long the tail and wings were in relation to body size would help highlight those differences. I'm going to have to hit this entire part of the chapter with the revision hammer I see. Perhaps I should cut out all the numbers and measurements and just go full 'poetic description'. Alliterate the stuffing out of the description! :moustache: Wings like, uh, sails! A body like a mountain! Tail like... uh.. erm... Okay, so I am terrible at alliteration, which is why I rarely try to use it. :facehoof:  

#18 · Chapter 6 · 122w, 3d ago · · ·

>>465491

Damn, overly long tails, now I just have the image of Dragonflies in my mind...though in that case the wingspan is still significantly larger then you have it :pinkiehappy:  You probably should add a description of the neck though, as in a lot of art it is as long as the tail, and if that isn't the case it should be explicitly stated.

#19 · Chapter 6 · 122w, 3d ago · · ·

>>465568

Hmmm, good idea. I debated putting in a description of the neck and didn't as I found I was already becomming concerned about the repetitiveness of the description.

Thanks, I really appreaciate you comments and help. :twilightsmile:

Edit: Tweaked the description of the teeth, added a mention of the neck.  Hopefully that's everything and I can stop hanging my head in shame.

#20 · Chapter 6 · 122w, 3d ago · · ·

>>465586

"Then the sun was blotted out. Looking up Twilight slowed and then stopped. She knew that there was a cloud in the sky. A low gasp passed Twilight’s lips as she looked for the first time on a dragon of this world."

Should that be 'wasn't a cloud in the sky' ? :trollestia:

#21 · Chapter 6 · 122w, 3d ago · · ·

>>465650

My editor/pre-reader is sooooo fired... :facehoof:

#22 · Chapter 6 · 122w, 3d ago · · ·

This story is criminally under-rated.

#23 · Chapter 6 · 122w, 3d ago · · ·

>>466203

Thank you! :twilightsmile:  

The rating has puzzled me no end, I'll be honest. Been a bit confused and disheartened at times. But I just have to try harder in the future. :rainbowdetermined2:  

I've been putting a lot of effort into the next chapter and want to get it out by Friday before the new episode to make up a little bit for how late I was with this chapter. :pinkiehappy:

#24 · Chapter 6 · 122w, 2d ago · · ·

The rating is a mystery to me too.  I wonder if something is wrong with the site?  I just now hit the thumbs-up button myself, which the site showed that I hadn't done before -- even though I'd already faved the story long before now, and it's a mystery why I would have done that without giving it a + as well.  :rainbowhuh:

Now a nitpick....

> “Sandle wood, cedar balls, a vile of black powder, string, lock-picks, travelling ink pot and quills...

I think "vial" is the word you were looking for.  Also, if that "black powder" is what I think it is, then "gunpowder" would be a more proper word.  People didn't start calling it black powder until after smokeless powder was invented.

#25 · Chapter 6 · 122w, 2d ago · · ·

Incidentally....  For a while it seemed like the story was starting to drag a bit, but you really cranked up the action here at the end of this chapter.  Lots of things happening that I like.

If there's anything nagging me now, it's wondering what's going on back in Ponyville....

#26 · Chapter 6 · 122w, 2d ago · · ·

>>468620

Thanks, Zobeid. Nice catch with vile/vial.

On the matter of the "black powder", and I am not saying if it is or isn't what you think it is, but no character would think to call it "gunpowder" as there are no guns. Twilight wouldn't know what gunpowder is either, at least not by that name. She'd know of the chemical compound and it's properties, probably, but not associate it with 'metal tube that launches deadly projectiles, aka, guns'. But that's my own personal take on our favourite adorkable librarian/scientist/wizard.  :twilightsmile:  I hope that clears it up a little.

#27 · Chapter 7 · 122w, 1d ago · · ·

:derpyderp1:

Now things are getting even more interesting.

#28 · Chapter 7 · 122w, 15h ago · · ·

Hooray!  Other people commenting besides me. :pinkiehappy:

#29 · Chapter 7 · 122w, 14h ago · · ·

>>475362

I know, I'm so happy there are more people commenting. The more comments the merrier! :twilightsmile: I need all the help I can get to improve. :twilightblush:

I'm trying to kick the pacing up a bit, spend less time waffling and get to the meat of the action. :twilightsmile: I don't want to spoil anything, but things should get rolling for a few chapters at least. I hope. It's been so long since I attempted anything like this, and my Ad Hoc way of writing isn't helping. :facehoof:  I have the next few chapters planned out more or less in my head now. The finale is fully plotted out. If I find time I may go ahead and write it out so it's all there and ready to go. :twilightsmile:  The points in between are kinda wishy-washy and a general fuzz of 'I need to mention A, B, and C, but otherwise, I can go nuts.' :twilightoops:

#30 · Chapter 8 · 121w, 1d ago · · ·

If this chapter seems a bit rougher around the edges, especially in regards to grammar, it's because I have found myself editor-less this week. I've tried going over it several times, but I know I'll have missed commas, used the wrong word, or something. It's also another slow-ish chapter that's mostly character development.  Sorry about that. I promise to make it up to anyone still reading this soon-ish. I hope. :twilightsmile:

#31 · Chapter 8 · 121w, 1d ago · · ·

dat ending  :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

#32 · Chapter 8 · 121w, 1d ago · · ·

"Great and Powerful Tracey"

Well "Twilight" having a "Great and Powerful" rival seems to be a universal constant.

#33 · Chapter 8 · 121w, 1d ago · · ·

>>503554

Yeah, I just couldn't help it.  It just seemed like such a perfect way to end the chapter and set up for the middle act. :twilightsmile:

>>504477

Death, taxes, and Trixie being Twilight's rival in all dimensions of reality. :trixieshiftright:

#34 · Chapter 7 · 121w, 1d ago · · ·

Aarrgh!  What the hay?   Things were going so well, and then suddenly it seemed like I blundered into a completely different story.

I am disappointed by the insert of Cadence into this story.  I am never going to accept her as an alicorn.  She was originally written as a unicorn.  The show ever explained her being an alicorn in any way.  None of the characters even mentioned it.  It played no part in the story.  As far as I'm concerned she's a unicorn that was accidentally depicted with wings -- sort of a recurring animation error.  (I'm quite sure this was ordered by the Hasbro toy department, actually.)

Tying her in with the whole back history of Celestia and Luna is bogus, to me.  Making her immortal is bogus.  Making her a "goddess"....  Well, I'm not even particularly fond of seeing Celestia or Luna depicted as goddesses.  Elevating Cadence in that manner just makes me shake my head.

And what's worse is, I actually like Cadence.  I like her as a unicorn: a rather nice unicorn with a fairly powerful talent who had the misfortune of accidentally getting drawn with wings a few times.  She's a likable character as long as you ignore her wings -- just as every character in the show did.

#35 · Chapter 8 · 121w, 1d ago · · ·

>>505068

On Cadence in Sins, or rather my version of her; The chapter with her was posted before the season finale last Saturday. This wasn't done by accident as I wanted to establish my take on the character before Cadence became canonised. Things like her relationship with Luna and Celestia. Her personality, history and all that. I also found it interesting as I was writing that chapter how it altered Luna as a character. Having a living legacy of her actions as Nightmare Moon isn't something I've personally seen done in other fics, but there are a -ton- out there of not read, so I wont discount it as a possibility.

The Cadence of the show I have a neutral opinion on. To me she came across as just another Deus Ex Machina to defeat the villain, a walking talking Elements of Harmony, but otherwise indistinguishable.  She wasn't terrible as a character, but she didn't have any growth and had so little screen time or importance until the end as nothing more than Damsel in Distress that she struck me as being a canonised Mary Sue. Which she kinda is actually. She's based on the daughter of one of Hasbro's executives, and it was Hasbro who gave the order to make her an Alicorn rather than a Unicorn. Willing to be corrected on both those points if I am wrong. I'm 99% certain though, and that I read them in articles either on or linked to from Equestria Daily.

Cadence wont have a big role in this story. In fact, this one chapter will be the biggest 'screen time' she'll ever have. She also, probably, wont be a PoV character again. I don't like how I handled the transition of PoV in that chapter as it shifted from her to Luna. Ultimately I feel the insights into Luna and the relationships are worthwhile as groundwork for something, that while I admit wont be happening for a long time in the story, will hopefully have more impact emotionally when they do occur.

Thank you for your comment Zobeid. I'm sorry for the story having such a jarring effect.

#36 · Chapter 8 · 121w, 1d ago · · ·

:facehoof:  Hmm, I see an initial incredulous reaction at the similarities followed by near homicidal rage at the loss of life due to a schoolyard grudge. :flutterrage:

#37 · Chapter 8 · 121w, 1d ago · · ·

>>505347

Thanks for explaining.  I'm feeling more calmed down now.  :facehoof:

#38 · Chapter 8 · 121w, 1d ago · · ·

>>505721

It's certainly going to be... interesting. I hope at least. :twilightsmile:  

#39 · Chapter 8 · 121w, 1d ago · · ·

>>505783

No problem. I've been mulling over how to revise that chapter without erasing all the important information since reading your comment. I can't promise any revisions or major edits happening as I'm pretty bad when it comes to finding the will to do editing. I tend to move on and not look back. :twilightoops: :facehoof:

#40 · Chapter 9 · 119w, 3d ago · · ·

My apologies on this chapter taking longer to get out. I spent a few extra days going over things as my editor is still really busy with studying and life and what-have-you. :twilightsmile:  Comments and grammar/spelling corrections are welcome as always.

There are some moments of graphic violence. Nothing I personally consider too extreme, but your mileage may vary.  :twilightsheepish:  This is also pretty much the first 'fight' chapter I've written in a long long time, I'm curious how it turned out. I know I'm not objective enough to notice all the flaws. I'm sure I'll look back on this chapter at some point in shame. :twilightoops: :facehoof:

#41 · Chapter 9 · 119w, 3d ago · · ·

... I feel cheated.  I want MOAR!!!!!  I can't bear it.  I NEED to know what happens next!

#42 · Chapter 9 · 119w, 3d ago · · ·

This is awesome!!  My faith in this story, earlier starting to falter, is now restored.  

#43 · Chapter 9 · 119w, 3d ago · · ·

Yay, an update! I'd been waiting for this.

#44 · Chapter 9 · 119w, 3d ago · · ·

>>563890

Well, I'm working on a Ponyville update, since it's been a few chapters since we saw what they were up to. My general plan has been to have 1 Equestria/Ponyville, then 2 Twilight chapters in terms of story focus. I tried to have this chapter be less of a cliffhanger for that reason, thought it's still hanging a bit. :twilightblush:  

>>564764

I'm glad to hear that some faith has been restored. :twilightsmile:

>>564844

:yay:  My update schedule is going to be a bit chaotic. I'll try to keep things around a week, but no promises.

#45 · Chapter 9 · 119w, 3d ago · · ·

"Just before the door slid shut again Twilight saw the unknown wizard still stop the flowstone"

Should the 'stop' be 'atop'?

#46 · Chapter 9 · 119w, 3d ago · · ·

>>565275

Yup, thanks for the catch. :twilightblush:

#47 · Chapter 10 · 113w, 6d ago · · ·

Been waiting for this.  I no-shit "Pinkie Gasped" when I saw that this was updated.

#48 · Chapter 10 · 113w, 6d ago · · ·

>>759957

Thanks! I hope it didn't disappoint. :twilightsmile:

#49 · Chapter 10 · 113w, 5d ago · · ·

I finally started reading this and I have to say I am pleased I did.

#50 · Chapter 10 · 113w, 4d ago · · ·

>>764907

Thank you, I'm glad you're enjoying the story. :twilightsmile:

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