In case you couldn't infer, the 'ten minutes' in the library were NOT the ten minutes mentioned in the description. Read on.

D'aww Poor Pinkie

Twinkie.

I love Twinkie, but hate Twinkies, make me sick to my stomach.

Cheers

~iraqlobstah

>>289812289812

A better name for the ship than PinkieTwi is TwiPie.

Not a bad story, plus I am open to all kinds of shipping. Gonna track this one and see where it goes from here.

I would if there was more to read.  

Nice start of a story, I did find a few errors though.

Looking forward to the rest.

BOUT' TIME ANOTHER ONE OF THESE STORIES CAME OUT.

Best. Shipping. Ever.

I kind of like it, but there was one thing...

Image: http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2007/07/so-muich-purple.jpg

You could really stand to dirty up your prose.

Twinkie, huh? Not a ship one often comes across. Which isn't surprising, I suppose; it's kind of an unlikely one. But most ships can work with a good story, and this one is off to a promising start. So keep writing, and I'll keep reading. Twilight better not break Pinkie's heart, though...this doesn't need to get any more sad.

This one's nice :)

Nice to see a TwiPie fic up.  Such an unusual pairing.

Tracked and waiting for more!

I actually see quite a fair share of TwiPie. You want to know what's rare? Try finding a well written RariPie shipping fic. Good luck, they're very difficult to find.

I really like TwiPie and this seems good so far.  Tracking and seeing were it goes.

I think TwiPie's the only shipping pair I haven't seen with a multi-chapter fic written for it;

Tracking for rareness & well written-ness

...

and for want of moar TwiPie

(Only mistake in terms of grammar is otganize rather than organize)

TwiPie. Good lord two in one day? This is fantastic! Hooray!

Want moar.

Update soon.

tracked AND watching. Cant wait to see where things go from here! please though for the love of Celestia and Luna make this six chapters or more, i know its alot to ask but the way you set this up it has THAT much promise!

>>291484291484

Try an Applepie, that's the only shipping pair I have never read that falls into the category of Pinkie x Other Mane 6 Member. I actually found one, but It didn't look very well written so I left it alone.

Am I really famous now?!

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSZZZSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

I never bought the day would come when I would be featured! FUCK YEAH

This is the best thing I've ever seen on the Internet. I mean, just the though of a lot of people liking this... YEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSDDDDDDDDJFJFKSKTNOFKDDJFKDJDN

>>291326291326 Well... Twilight's purple.

I guess I could stand to use a different epithet. I'll try. Update soon, 'cause I have to 'cause I'm popular now. IN YOUR FUCKING FACE, CHEESEDELUXE!

You might wanna do a quick sweep over the story; I noticed at least two typos. Nothing really major, though, it's pretty darn good otherwise.

>>291868291868

Hehehe. I think he was trying to say you're using too much Purple Prose and that it needs to be made a little more prosaic.

Why yes I do like TwiPie.

Why yes I do like this story so far.

Why yes I did just add it to my track and faves.

>>291899291899

... do I want to know what that means?

I don't.

God, I'm stupid.

>>291926291926

>>291934291934

It just means that the phrasing was a little over-the-top and sounded like... Have you read the story "Naked Singularity" here on FiMFiction? What Twilight writes in the segments from her novel, that's Purple Prose. Just change some words to more common sones and alter a few lines to be less obviously dramatic. Purple Prose is a simple fix.

Hah, you want a rare shipping? Try my personal favorite Mane 6 pairing, TwiShy =/

That being said this one is off to a good start, and I'm intrigued, tracking

Maybe a bit of a purple prose story (and i can recognize purple prose cuz i have a problem with it myself...), but otherwise I think you pretty much nailed the personalities. Pinkie's not tooooo crazy or that beating over the head omnipotency she seems to have in other fics. Just...Pinkie. And Twilight's not as antisocial or well onesided as other fics. Very nice so far, pretty cute story. TRACKED!!!

Dude (I Totally Miss You) - Tenacious D

>>292045292045

TwiShy Group

It is Octavia X Twilight that is much to rare for how good it is, as the only story I know of is Strings and Sparks.

Well, how come when I make a normally-phrased story, it sucks garbage and when I make a 'Purple Prose', it gets featured? I'll never know. I guess I did well, though, considering my grasp on MLP:FiM characters is rather shabby. I'm not a 'show' brony, I'm a 'fanbase' brony.

Speaking of, only the original 'dream sequence' at the beginning resembles your definition of a Purple Prose, and it was meant to reflect the complexity in the dream. I pour tons of emotion into my fanfics. I'm just that kind of dude.

>>291970291970 Look at my other comment above.

Btw, um, I dint want to get off on a bad start with anybody, so, point out some phrases oundontnlike and I'll change them unless I consider them to be essential to the story or mood.

>>292138292138 since it would be bad to tell you how happy i am for you in the story base, i ask you to check your mail

love the story dude and to think you almost gave up writing not to long ago! good thing you didn't huh?

Considering how often Pinkie Pie is portrayed as a brainless idiot or ignored entirely, its nice to see a story running from her perspective for once. Keep writing.

hmmm...taking a break from flutterdash there Emerald?

Anyways, this is another fantastic work, maybe even better than your flutterdash.  Keep it up!

Cheers,

jangledorf

I'm a big fan of TwiPie, since Twilight and Pinkie are my two favorite ponies, so another one is always welcome.  There's just a few problems with grammar and typos, but enough to where I'm liking where this story is going.  I actually had the idea to write a story about Pinkie falling in love with Twilight and trying to win over her oblivious heart, but I'm too lazy to start.  So I'm glad someone else has the ambitions required to do so.  I just wanted to point out this:

(sports had always been one of Pinkie's few skills).

Ummm...what?  Are you talking about Pinkie or Rainbow?  Pinkie is a musician, an ice skater, a singer, an inventor, a baker, a song writer, and a party planner.  She's probably picked up more skills in her twenty or so years than most people do in a lifetime.  

>>292370292370 What I meant to express throughout the beginning part was that this is PINKIE's thoughts, as she compares herself to Twilight. She feels rather jealous of Twilight, but her nature and psychology causes her to change that feeling into respect. Pinkie has a bunch of skills (she's epic), not to mention a lot of snills and a great deal of sjills.

>>291868291868

Cheesedeluxe has some hate toward all shipping from what I can tell. At least... I hope so, otherwise he just hates my writing for some reason.

Did you somehow manage to have him proofread this for you?

Also, I didn't actually get a chance to read all of it. I thought it was a one-shot, and was going to save it for later. I s'pose I'll have to track it now.

Track some quality Pinklight? Well, I don't mind if I do.

...and track!

For some reason almost every pairing with Twilight is a good shipping, though why that is so, I can't tell.

>>292485292485 Are you stalking me?

COOL!!!

for the confused, I had the description say 'one-shot', but changed it before submitting. So this guy had to see it before I submitted it, and nobody proofread this.

I love this ship about as much as i love the Twi Luna ship...Thatalot of love

>>292403292403 pinkie pie is epic yes..yes she is and its because of this she is feared by celestia..

sounds interesting, I'm certainly looking forward to reading more.

Now to continue on my Rarixie story!!

>>292698292698

Sorry, I'm a stalkee, not a stalker. Too busy with my own fan base (I sorta have a shipfic of my own) to attempt to invade your privacy and comfort zone at the moment. I just thought it was a one-shot because of the synopsis.

You make me so ashamed of my fanfics

Loved the story!

and tracking btw.

>>292121292121 You linking me to that group is good, I've been trying to find it, but never could

I am familiar with Strings and Sparks as well, and it is excellent, as one can easily tell

There's a fun thought. PINKIE, of all ponies, on the verge of a panic attack over developing romantic feelings for somepony else. I mean, I've read other shipfics that starred her - actually, now that I think about it, quite a few - but not many have had her get so panicky when near the object of her affections. Well, I guess there was The Games We Play, but that relationship was a clusterfuck the whole way through anyway.

Attention = grabbed. I await further developments.

Yessssssss, you have more than grabbed my attention here.

Pinkie Pie is by far my favourite pony to ship, but sadly RainbowPie seems to be the only pairing that gets any love. Keep it up!

Faved - Check.

Tracking - Check.

Tracking with email - Check.

Really likes the mane - erm, story - Check.

Discovered a new (epic) ship - Check.

Double checked my checklist (just had to) - Check.

FOREVER!

>>292877292877>>292921292921>>292920292920>>292705292705>>292528292528

You... you guys...

C'mere. GROUP HUG!

COMMENT ALL THE HAPPY EMOTES!

PinkieTwi don't work? Neither does Twikiepie?

Well have I got a solution for you..

Image: http://www.ydtalk.com/food/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/twinkie.jpg

Image: http://profile.ak.fbcdn.net/hprofile-ak-ash2/261087_205624676172155_1163309938_n.jpg

This is BRILLIANT... though i never see PinkieTwi.. i'm starting to strangely like it ^^ keep up the wonderful work up good sir Dr.Shisno

You sir have my attention with this. Please do not disappoint.

Very underused and interesting concept... I'll track this and see how it goes...

>>293048293048 I'll try not to. But you gotta understand how hard it is writing this kind of fic while keeping it up to the expectations you raised with the first chapter.

Now I have to wait for the next installment.

This is genuinely good, you're onto something here.

What, are you kidding? This ain't Eternal. This is written by someone with a personality (actually, a bunch of personalities) and nothing to do. Gimme two days. Maybe. Who knows? I could even have two updates out by Wednesday.

But I am LEGIT featured.

W00T

>>293256293256

>>293227293227 Do not fear my friend, I think you're going to do alright.

Ah. The only thing I love more than the ship itself are good fancfictions to read. I eagerly await more.

And congrats and being featured.

>>292751292751

Well... I'm sorry. I've never done that before.

If you want, I could give you some tips... I mean, I don't want timeline proud, and there are so many better people to get tips from... but, I mean, if you want to...

looks interesting

tracking just in case it becomes better

>>291326291326 that's a cute kitten

Awesome, cant wait for chapter 2!

Image: http://k13.kn3.net/DDC9DFFD7.jpg

NOT BAD

Yes...this is relevant to my interests.

Aww, poor lovesick Pinkie ;w; SO tracking this. <3

Most joy full of nights

I like night time better

Gonna track this to see how good it gets

You... I'm watching you... or well... watching this story of yours anyway!

In my world you can't go wrong with TwiPie. Two best ponies!

On top of that your writing has a nice flow to it and is pleasant to read!

I do love TwiPie.

>>291940291940 yay! awesome story dude/dudett!

~~~rainbow_shy~~~

I made an account just to track this story.

There is a part two, right? Right? Please tell me there is a part two!!

>>294851294851  you dont know how much of of a deja vu feeling your comment just gave me..

Hmm, Logical!Pie. Trackalucious.

>>291188291188 twinkie is the best name

>>294923294923 I was just thinking that.

>>294902294902 No.

I'm screwing around with ya. Working on part two right now.

>>295408295408 i know right...its been how long since i made that first comment on wattpad? and now look at where we are lol

>>295522295522

SUPERBEST FRIENDS!

This second part is fucking HARD. Halp meh. HALP MEH

Honestly, Twilight/Pinkie is a strange setup to me; there just isn't much chemistry to work off of.

Which, actually, is why it takes testicular fortitude (bawlz) to try this out. Good show, sir.

And I'm going to say that I didn't really see too much purple. Sure, you can find it if you want it, but none of the actual writing irked me. My only criticism is that Pinkie just didn't fully feel like Pinkie. The only instance in which I felt comfortable with the more 'placid' Pinkie is when she herself thinks about keeping up her personality while in the library, because you acknowledged that she was being less than normal.

Pinkie normal, that is.

Ok here's what i got for ya:

- She taught herself suconciously / that suppose to be 'subconsciously?'

- There was sun a swirling / there was 'a sun' swirling

- but her expression changes momentarily / should be 'changed'

only did a quick read. if you want i can go back through it when i get back from work but that's all i found.

when a chapter is as well worded as this is, it has a completed feel to it, that lets it stand of it own accord as a one off.  The possibilities for further development could allow a myriad of writer a limitless variety of scenes that would all complement this one chapter to perfection, this is remarkable storytelling, it hampers no possibilities of outcomes.  You will have my continued praise, Emerald.   P.S. Pinkies intuition exceeds mortal intelligence, she is in no way stupid.  

This story is very interesting, its the first romantic story i've ever read and so far its got my attention

>>296117296117 A'ight... um... storyline-wise. I need teh details of your thoughts. They are super-important.

HEY! SPECIAL OPPORTUNITY! Then next few people to reply to this comment (until 9:30 pm eastern, 8:30 central, and whatever the fuck else you got going on) get a SNEAK PEEK TO PART TWO! I need halp. And don't cheat, and, like, give everyone else the plot (it's got a ).

YES, YES, YES!

Another story with my favorite ship so soon? Sign me up.

And the verdict is....Eh. The premise is okay, the characters are okay, and the description is okay. Other than wording and flow, which you could use a lot of work on, everything seemed fine to me. But "just" fine. Nothing stood out to me. This IS only the set-up, but I don't see anything incredibly interesting aspect of the story that I want to see explored other than this ship itself.

I'm a bit lukewarm, honestly.

But perhaps that's not giving you enough credit. Everyone seemed in character here, and you've portrayed Pinkie in a way I think could be fun to read about. And this IS only the first chapter; I haven't seen enough to get a good feel for the story or what you're planning. I guess I'll just have to wait for more to know for sure!

I like what I see so far.  Definitely tracked, I can't wait to see where this story goes .  Only saw one error, near the start of the story you misspelled language in "The beauty in lanuage had once again revealed itself".

>>296371296371

Heh. I've never been one to say NO to a good story...

Please send it on over!

>>293014293014 Hey! I said that first!

>>291484291484 Challenge Accepted.

Tracked.

Favorited.

...

Tracked again.

Tracked, faved, love, waiting that is a short list of words that describe how i feel about this book

>>296577296577 Seriously, if you find some good ones, even better that they sprung up from this recent episode, I'd love to see them. Seriously, that ship is such a guilty pleasure for me. I want more and all of it.

How did I not read this until today? Hmm... let's chalk it up to me being a horrible person. But what isn't horrible is your diction and syntax, this was a very clean paper

Tracking.

>>296681296681 I meant I would write one... but OK.

sweet when is this going to update?

There's one part I'd like to point out that you could rearrange and I think it'd flow a little smoother.

"The library wasn't too far from Pinkie's home (just a hop, skip, and jump),"

Since, we're already fans of the show, we'd get that reference, you don't really need it as an aside like you do. It could read: "The library was just a hop, skip, and a jump away from Pinkie's home" and it would make sense, and seem to move better. Those parentheses can be jarring.

>>297068297068 That works too. Any good Raripie, send my way. Please?