I commit acts of great evil so that which is good may flourish. I am shunned to the darkness and from there I stand vigil, ready to damn my soul to see the light take hold.
This is a Monster Hunter crossover.
A group of hunters are after a kirin. While fighting for his life the kirin gets blown into Equestria after Twilight finishes her project. What will be in store for the kirin in this new and strange land.
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I love monster hunter so this stood out for me
Interesting, though need to read more before I can say anything.
I few minor spelling errors but overall a good read. I will be following this, I enjoyed the perception of the Kirin greatly. Never thought to look through the eyes of the hunted.
3949427 I glad you like it so far. I'm a big Monster Hunter fan and had a lot of ideas for MLP/ Monster Hunter crossovers but this one made the most séance. You know since the kirin is part pony.
3949491 Hopefully I'll have then next chapter out soon.
3949575 I'm glad you like the story and how I wrote it thus far. Sadly I'm a pore speller and have had trouble with it for a long time. I will try to do better in the next chapter.
Nice story with a bit of potential, but does it have a plot beyond just throwing a kirin into equestria? I will like it, but it is up to you whether it will be good or not.
3955527 yes there is a plot but I have no clue how it will go over.
3956059 Meh, I read unusual plots all the time. I have a story about applejack getting shrunk by poison joke and chasing a rat around her house posted for crying out loud!
PM me if you want an honest opinion on your plot, I'd be more than happy to help.
3956156 ok cool thanks!
Hmmm..could use a little more detail. Which Twilight picking up the girls and the arrival of the guards, they both seemed to be at the same pace as buying fruits in the supermarket.
Though now I am impatient to see how the ponies react to the visitor. Awaiting more.
3978949 Im glad you like it and hope it makes you happy to know im all ready working on the next chapter and should have it out by the middle or end of next week.
Kirin don't belong to any company - they are legitimate folklore and mythology. And a "lethal" strike to a leg? I'd suggest changing adjectives there.
3979077 the kirin I am using was made and belongs to Capcom. plus there is a major artery in all the legs on horses that if cut will bleed them out in a few minutes.
This is really shaping up considering the intial chapter. Dialogue is flowing better, descriptions could use a little work, but still enjoying it
3998433 could you pm me with what you feel needs more description. I always welcome some advice and I feel because of it I am improving at a steady pace.
My question would be: is the Kirin shrunken down to the size of a typical pony or does it retain its larger body habitus from the game? I do not believe it was specified anywhere.
4003027 that will be in the next chapter
This is good.
I like 
I also found this. Might help. And yes I am a book worm
Physiology
Kirin are most famous for their horns, as it is incredibly sharp, yet surprisingly fragile. A strong Silver Horn is said to be one of the most powerful and valuable of Kirin horns. The Kirin's horn is present in both male and females. Kirin also have incredibly tough hides, and they are beyond the sharpness of most weapons to damage. This is because Kirin's fur is by nature incredibly strong, and it is very tightly packed, effectively forming a suit of very flexible armor around the creature. The white/blue coloration of its hide is something of a mystery, though it appears to be also covered in scales.
Abilities
Kirin can summon lightning to strike attackers, or the area around it.
Behavior
Kirin appear to be relatively peaceful and passive creatures, yet they are quite capable of launching a powerful barrage of lightning attacks on their foes. Using their extreme agility, Kirin can literally run circles around their opponent, getting in close to gore an enemy with their horn, only to quickly dart away and prepare another assault.
Habitat
Kirin can be seen in the Tower, Snowy Mountains, Swamp, Old Swamp, Battleground, Old Jungle and the Unknown Great Forest.
4096517 im glad you like that story and thank you for the help, but everything you said are things I know already. im trying to give my Kirin a unique personality while trying to keep him close to the design he had in Capcoms hit game Monster Hunter.
Im am a book worm as well and there is nothing wrong with that.
4098054 Thank you and I have two editors. They were hard enough to get as is and do a awesome job. So unless you know another editor that isn't doing anything. I'm afraid this is it.
Very good
very good indeed
Well, technically, Kirin are Elder Dragons, so the likelyhood of them dying due to being killed by other creatures is slim. Disease I can buy, but still feels weird to be given a weakness to, I dunno, a god.
That being said, I'm really intrigued by this! This is a great start to seemingly a great story. There are a few errors, but it's passable.
SuperKamek deems this story....
8/10
It's a nice story.
I highly suggest getting help from an editor.
5674560 Thank you for the complement 8/10 is a great score for me. As for the God likeness the Kirin should have as a elder dragon species I have mine set at age 20. So he is very young before the hole God likeness kicks in. That and I was trying to keep him out of the OP range he should be.
5674758 Thank you I'm glad you like it thus far. As for the editor I have 2 but I fear my in experience as a author is what is causing the problems but if you have an editor in mind you think would like to edit the story further for me. Feel free to give me a name or have him/her drop me a line. I'm always willing to take help and subjections on my stories.
5675033
I'd like to help but I'm a lazy bum XP. In any case I believe there is a group that you can go to for assistance.
http://www.fimfiction.net/group/97/looking-for-editors
If things don't work out with them though, you can pm me and I'll see what else I can do.
5675290 Thank you.
you realise the Kirin isn't actually weak to dragon right
My only problem with this story is that the Kirin isn't actually an elder dragon, It's just in that category because of the lack of information about it's spices, it's like the Yami Tsukami, an unknown oddity and enigma
3979077 lethal means very damaging, and hitting any 4 legged creature in the leg is very damaging
5715452 No, Lethal means potentially fatal. It is a VERY specific adjective, and does not simply mean "damaging".
LETHAL: (adj) a : of, relating to, or causing death <death by lethal injection>
b : capable of causing death <lethal chemicals>
5674560 Wait, Kirin is an elder dragon!
Damn, didn't know that. You learn something everyday.
5690575
Well, no one knows all that much about the Gore Magala, and it isn't even classified yet! While the Kirin may not be an Elder Dragon in truth, it certainly has that kind of power. And if it ranks higher than an Akantor or Ukanlos, then this is certainly something to be feared!
5814253 elder dragon isn't a rank of strength, just because a Kirin is classified as an elder dragon it doesn't make it automatically stronger then every other non-elder dragon
5814897
You know what? You're right. Why don't you tell that to Capcom, okay?
5814998 I know i'm right, hence why the Akantor and Ukanlos hit harder and and have more health then the Kirin, because they're stronger
5816670
Well I didn't classify it, did I?
Mmmmmmoooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeee pppppppppllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeeeee
5816670 actually I have seen the thing in action and Kirin is a foe not too be trifold with if your inexperienced and yea you will go down and unlike others going in prepared is my specialty so that's a thing
The one chapter were there was no comment.
Welp! Time to pop that little cherry!
5816670
Oh yay smarty try saying that to a tempered or an arch tempered kirin then see who hits hardier
Good Story ^^ and Where's next chatper ?
10081376
Still working on it hope to have it done within the next couple of weeks I don't have a lot of free time due to my job and this is just a hobby one that I like and I'm glad a lot of people like but still just a hobby
10084399
Oh ok just ask not more
10084557
I understand and I'm sorry if I sound hostile it's just I've had a lot of people asking me when next chapters were coming out and I do this is a hobby and every now and again I do get a little bored of the stuff that I've been writing which is why I have like so many different stories that are unfinished I do plan on finishing them all and I am working on them bit by bit because frankly I'm quite happy that people like my work which was quite shocking since this isn't something I actually plan to do it was just a way to vent
10089248
It's ok and take the time, ok and this story is very amazing, i like it ^^
Anyway What's your favorite monster of Monster Hunter Series ? My Favor monster are Valstrax and zinogre
10097063
Zinogre and the Kirin
10104737
Cool ^^