Gale, a grey scaled dragon with stormy grey eyes. Gale's past is clouded with mysteries and he intends to find the answers of his clouded past. Will he ever discover the origins of his mysterious uncontrollable powers?. He only has one lead, Canterlot. Dragon eggs are disappearing from their roosts and Gale intends to find out what do the ponies that exiled him intend to do with them.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Okay, here are a few things I've noticed about this fic.
Punctuation/Grammar:
There are a few mistakes. I noticed some sentence fragments, run-on sentences, and a few instances of improper grammar/sentence structure. Some word choices also seemed edgy, in my opinion.
Pacing:
It seemed to me that you were trying to move the story too far with too few words. Reading it, it felt rushed and hastily written.
Format:
Yikes. I know it's not really my business to question how you space out your lines or paragraphs, but this time is an exception. The first half looks like a huge paragraph with some small indents scattered in here and there, while the dialogue part looks like a bunch of smaller centered paragraphs. There are no spaces between any paragraphs, and that makes this story look like a giant, messy, wall-of-text submission. Not to mention it makes it a bit hard to read.
Regardless of errors, your story premise sounds interesting and could be polished into a great story. However, steps must be taken to make your story look more professional and to fix errors. I would suggest finding an editor or pre-reader for this.
Also, have a like. Everyone starts out somewhere, some just have a better head-start than others. I'm sure your writing will become better and better as time goes on and you practice. Just be mindful that your writing will only improve if you put the time and effort into it, as well as wanting to improve in the first place.
I think that was the longest paragraph I have ever read. Just as a kindness to your readers, try putting an extra space between paragraphs.
3359325 thanks for the encouraging comments. i really appreciate the feedback, ill try to get better at writing and improve this story. your advice is inspiring and i pinky promise i will get better. again thank you