• Member Since 1st Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen Oct 2nd, 2015

makey101


T

[If anyone wants to continue or re-make this story, feel free. Copy it all or change it]

An unorthodox Jedi is found outside of PonyVille one week after crashing into Equestria. The Jedi is in exile and is hiding from the rest of the Galaxy. The only thing on his mind is how to remain hidden and to search for the truth about the Force. With a sarcastic wit and ponies to deal with, he attempts to live out his days in Equestria.

Chapters (8)
Comments ( 212 )

Goodness! I swear I wrote the chapter like seven times! In any case, I hope to bring in more characters next chapter and perhaps get into some shenanigans. My source for all things Star Wars is the illustrious Wookiepedia. And a little inspiration from old Star Wars comics.

Intriguing :moustache:

I knew that was not it's name, but all work and no play makes a Jedi a dull boy.

My absolute favorite line :rainbowlaugh:

Anyways, nice story! I only found a few minor errors, like a missing comma. I will be tracking this story, it looks interesting.

The first thing I thought of when I read the title was the main character from KOTOR II... boy, did I love those games.

334239

I actually thought about that. However, I want to reference a certain Jedi who has appeared in a few more games than that...:trollestia:

This was... great! When I saw this I expected something good, but not quite like this. Keep up the good work. Tracked and liked!

...MOOOAR, please. ^^

I'm a very big Star Wars fan and I thought this cross-over was pretty interesting, I can't wait for the next chapter.

Hmmm... yes, yes I like this. I like this a lot. The jumps in perspective from first person for the Jedi and 3rd for Twilight are a little jarring at first.

334239 Revan shall be in my heart forever. The Exile, however, was much more fun to be, especially when you have a mod that gives you Revan armor :trixieshiftright:

This story please me greatly. I'm a huge Star Wars fan, so obviously, I jumped at this story the instant I saw it. And mostly, I was not dissapointed

A more in-depth spell-check would be appreciated.

You have caught my attention, please do not dissapoint.

334270
Let me guess: Kyle Katarn? He has the same sort of snarky attitude and disregard for Jedi convention. Now as for the time period, I know you have not decided yet, but may I ask if this takes place before or during the Yuuzhan Vong War (since the period after that is in the Legacy Era)?
I also spotted a mistake: in the fifth paragraph you write "Wait! Stop!" Twilight yelled from the narrator's POV before he learns her name.

334311
I agree with you, although my reason for preferring the second game and the Exile (Meetra Surik) was more how The Sith Lords presents everything in shades of grey, and makes you profoundly reconsider all you thought you knew about the Force. I felt bad at the end when I had to kill Kreia because I could sympathize with her belief that the only way to end the constant war between Light and Dark was by killing the Force itself.

I SHALL WAIT FOR MORE! :pinkiehappy:

JEDI + POINES = HAPPY THELAZYCOMMENTER

334615

Oops. I'll fix that.

As for the timeframe, I want to do my own thing with the state of the galaxy so I think it will take place a long time ago as opposed to a long, long time ago. To sum it up: after any named character has passed. I am much less of a Star Wars buff than most people so I will just kinda make everything up and ignore inconsistency

Mmmmph.

I want to like it, but...

It needs a lot of work, let's say. I'm not going to mark you down with a Dislike, but I will say that I think you may need to start over.

Some specifics:
1) Establish character first
2) Establish the story a bit more strongly. Linger a bit more on what's going on.
3) Twilight seems a bit out-of-character here.
4) Reconcile the apparent differences between the Force and Magic.
5) For that matter, what about the obvious astrophysical peculiarities of the system? Are you going to explain that away as the Princesses exploiting some form of advanced technology?

Jedi in Eqeustria? he should join the dark side

334905

I appreciate the feedback. I've been kinda writing blindly and stumbling. I am HORRIBLE at starting stories. So I figured I'd tell a little bit about the character here and there. I am trying to work on a balance between flow and being over detailed. As for twilight's character, ill figure it out eventually. I plan on going VERY in-depth about the differences between magic and the Force. I just needed to get SOMETHING on paper that I could work with. And I have ideas for some interesting portrayals for the princesses

334974

*scratch chin*

Well, I'll see where it's going.

334944 Those who walk the path of dark, tend to have a LOT more fun. Learned from experience. Now excuse me, as there are a couple Jedi and Sith behind me, mainly because I turned on both.

This definitely seems like a good read. I am going to track this and wait for more.

this interested me cause of my username:rainbowlaugh:

well pump out a chapter every day or so and i am happy

Just by reading this makes me think you are using the charcter of the Knight of the old republic, the (in)famous girl or boy revan. when you were avoiding the gender of the character, it makes me think of Him/Her. i could be wrong or not, i will see later on.

337970

Snap! I totally forgot to put that in lol. I had a short quip about genders but it didn't fit in that conversation. I'm putting it in next chapter. :twilightsheepish:

Ok readers, we have two options ahead of us. While I AM writing this for my own amusement and will take it wherever I whim, I do care about you guy's input. So, I can either make chapters of similar length (1,000-2,000 words) and keep pumping this story out about once a week (or so), OR I could spend more time writing chapters that are closer to say 6,000 words. Longer chapters will mean longer waits as I get writers block fairly often (plus I work). I will probably write shorter chapters, but is the community demands it, I will write longer ones. And a few notes: I DO have a plan for this story so don't worry that nothing has really happened. I want this story to take a look in a more average experience of a Jedi and not the "all action all the time" experience most stories about Jedi are. Plus, I want to see is I can make the characters seem real. Anyway, I would like to see more Jedi-In-Equestria stories!

Good one make them rather long , if you are okay with that.. Please?

I vote short weekly chapters.

345740
Bring in Jedi Starkiller
(The force unleashed)

345740 I like the shorter chapters.

Write whatever length you feel most comfortable with would be my suggestion. :twilightsmile: Personally I lean towards chapters being between 4k and 7k words in length when writing. It seems to give a nice balance between being too long and time consuming for readers and having enough story weight to, hopefully, satisfy. So, just do what you feel works best for you. :twilightsmile:

go long. when you write a long chapter it helps with the flow of the story instead of it being chopped into little bits.

345740
I dont care as long as there will be shippings.

351859

You bring up a point of contention for me. As a brony, I LOVE shipping. Be it in HiE stories or other stories. However, I am unsure of myself writing a shipping fic. I do not want to alienate readers who are vehement against HiE shipping. This is partially due to the fact that I have only seen one other Jedi-in-Equestria story, so I want to be sure it is a good one. Also, I feel that most HiE shipping fics tend to have a naive look on what relationships look like. So if I decide to do a bit of shipping, it will probably be fairly unique. I will NEVER write clop. Due to religious views that I personally have, I have never had sex, so me writing about it with a pony wold be like Steve Carell in 40 year old virgin when he describes having sex.

P.S. I might try a longer chapter just to see how it will work :eeyup:

Very interesting concept of star wars meets MLP. The chapter size is alright, longer would be nice but short is probably the better. So keep up the awesome work.

kill her. goooood let the hate flow through you my young sith apprentice :pinkiecrazy:

MOAR OR THERE WILL BE NO CAKE! :fluttershbad:

Yay! Another chapter! I had work hit me like a train and then school etc. In any case, the story should pick up now that there is something I can go off on. I hope the last little bit at the end was good. I want to do a little combat here and there so I tested the waters with this. If you were curious, i just watched Avatar so the combat will be described like that. I am excited to start writing some more juicy bits of the story. In any case, Please leave your thoughts below so I know what I need to work on!

The Warden is a pretty jumpy fella. Can't blame him though, seeing what he's been through.

Glad to see a new chapter. This keeps getting better and better!

Never thought of a jedi as being capable of having post-traumatic stress syndrome. I thought waking up with your nine mm. pointed at the bedroom door was bad... Flying light-sabers trump that every time.

I'm not gonna lie I like the story but it seems like everything come why to easily.

We'll be watching you career with great interest.

GREAT. INTEREST.

Finally done! Sorry about the wait. I had a literal existential crisis (no joke) so I took some time away from it all. Plus I had an idea for a new story, so I've been dabbling in that. Next chapter things should get more interesting. Hope you all liked it. Please comment with any suggestions, questions or corrections!

Padawan pony?

Poniwan?

Either way, I like what is going on. Are we going to see anything like Droids, Stormtroopers/Clones or anything like that in this story? Then again, the tone of the story might be something peaceful and just about the Jedi teaching Icarus the ways of the Jedi or something. Then again, I can't wait to see what comes next.

517019

I really want to do a more slice of life thing cuz I really enjoy those stories. That being said, a Jedi is only as cool as how many cans of whoop-ass he is carrying at any given time. I have plans for some interesting conflicts, but the focus of the story will be on him adjusting to life away from the galactic stage.

Oh shit! Pinkie Pie is a Jedi with her Pinkie Sense!

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