This story is a sequel to Perfect Days
Applejack goes flying.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 28th Jun, 2012
- offline last seen Jun 29th, 2021
TwilightUCrazy
Romantic purist, lover of creativity, admirer of writers, and a second pair of eyes. Also a lunatic who randomly bites people to smell what their screams feel like. Happy reading!
TwilightUCrazy
Joined 28th Jun, 2012 ·
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This was a great read! Well written, and extremely cute! Plus the romance and interactions between AJ and RD was believable. Certainly not a story that deserves a 50/50 ratio of likes and dislikes. Well done!
3327767
I'm glad you found some enjoyment in it. :)
Why the hell do you only have 5 likes? The story was amazing, the whole flight sequence was breathtaking, both Dash and AJ perfectly in character, and the ending with the courting ritual was both funny and sweet as damn hell. The first one was good already but you really did with this sequel, it was really a very enjoyable read.
3329586
I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'm really not out for fame or recognition, really. I'm just in it to give people some enjoyable reading material, and maybe a little feedback on possible improvements they'd like to see in the future.
I appreciate the vote of confidence though. It's always nice to hear when someone appreciates the efforts I made.
Happy reading. :)
3328903
Some? Try a ton! Like lammen said, the entire flight sequence was absolutely incredibly written, especially towards the end of the flight. It brings something fresh to the massive amounts AppleDash out there! This SERIOUSLY needs more likes!
3330063
Heheh. Well I'm glad you both think so. Maybe everyone looking at Golden Girl on AppleDash'll get curious. :)
Thanks once again!
I love it, but I really want to know about the dream!
Wow, the flying part was awesome! I did imagine it in my mind, I hardy could breath from the exiting.
3330737
Nothing much to it - just some slapstick humor, really. I highly doubt that Rainbow has any interest in Big Mac. They have nothing really in common.
But I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for the comment.
It can do with an editor.
You know to make it from being a buckingly awesome story to one of the best ones I've ever read.
But that's just me.
Quick and dirty changes:
'The other day' should be 'the previous day/afternoon'. You use this quite a few times at the start so see what works where but if it was the day before 'the other day' doesn't work
This one is a personal niggle but Italic text is normally associated with internal conversation (usually using ' instead of " ) so it threw me off a few times and broke the immersion where you used Italics to put emphasis on external conversation instead.
The ending was perhaps a teeny tiny bit too awkward than it needed to be. Perhaps a variation on 'I didn't know you were into mares' or 'I like you, I like you too, no I like-like you' or something like that.
Seriously though, amazing work, I loved reading it and I'm happy I was right in that you would write awesome stories!
3330213
Do you have a link from perfect days to this story?
Ah I checked, you do, great stuff!
So...will there be any other continuations of this?
Wow!....I really wish I had the ability to animate this story. The images in my head were like....wow!
3334381
Possibly... I have a few ideas. :P
3334650
That'd be pretty cool. Awful long animation though. XD
3332217d
Thanks for the feedback as ever. I'm always reading through and seeing how things can be made better. The way I've seen italics used, they can either be used to stress something, or for thoughtspeech. I think it largely comes down to writer preference.
In the future, I'll make the transition. I can see how it might be irritating.
I do tend to get repetitive too. Whenever it feels like I'm using one word too often, I fire up the Ctrl + F combination, and grab my thesaurus. Kind of a tricky science though - some words always get away.
3336416
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay
Okay, this? This was pretty damn awesome.
3372929
Thank you. I can live with pretty damn awesome. :)
The first one didn't catch me but the second one did.
I've always been fascinated with avian mating rituals, they're so exotic and oddly charming. I think you caught something of that in this story though you could have worked more on the free fall first kiss in my opinion.
Aside from this needing to be attached to the first as a second chapter I think you pulled off writing a good story, I eagerly look forward to the next story/chapter!
3446143
Oh? What do you think might improve it? Lengthen it? Deepen it? Or, perhaps I should explore the emotion they're feeling?
I'm interested in your advice, but elaboration would be helpful.
3449051
During the free fall mating ritual adrenaline surges through the body like wildfire, for Dash it would have felt as if her blood had been replaced by molten lava, her instincts taking full control I have little doubt that the pegasus would be high as a kite. (like being on ecstasy and amphetamine at the same time)
She would have been more flirty and far more touchy feely towards Applejack (who would now be her mate even though all they did was kiss, instincts are powerful things after all, especially in one as young as Dash.)
For Applejack with the heightened sense of fear and shock, time would have slowed, a pressure would have built up in her mind and the entire world would have disappeared for her.
Basically I would have made the mid air kissing moment longer and more detailed and yes though Dash would have been embarrassed she would be driven to stay closer to Applejack so when they touched down... well... yeah go with the more detail to emotions thing.
All things considered your story is wonderful as it is but I hope this helped with future ideas, when it comes to rushing blood and emotions I know a lot (studied similar in college) and as for the mating activities of avian creatures... that's a hobby. (don't judge me alright)
3451300
Hey, I'm not judging - someone's gotta study birds, and it sure isn't me.
At some point, I will go back and generally improve things. I rushed a bit, and wasn't satisfied with some things either.
Thank you very much for your comment. :)
3451445
And thank you very much for the story!
I'm a little mad at myself for letting this sit in my read later list for so long. That was dang cute.
3472758
This was an attempt to explore pegasus mating rituals a bit more in-depth. I always figured that Rainbow Dash stealing Applejack's hat had something of a primal urge behind it. While it felt playful to her, in the past it was something to show worthiness to a mate. Then Rainbow goes and pulls this off trying to impress her. (Really, why else would Rainbow constantly try to impress Applejack, anyway. It may be for fun, but I think deep down, there's a drive to prove herself as a mate.)
That, and I wanted to write a fic in which Applejack was scared of something. Flight seemed like a reasonable option for an earth pony.
There's still a major overhaul to be done with this fic to make it truly... decent. Right now it's a trainwreck of mixed perspectives and awkwardly-huge amounts of descriptive text. Once Perfect Days goes through its paces on EQD, I'll dedicate some energy to fixing this up and making it a halfway readable piece.
Glad you enjoyed it though. Hopefully you like the completed work even more.
3327767>>3329586>>3330737>>3332217>>3334381>>3334650>>3372929>>3446143>>3472758
Special thanks to my reviewers, especially Sweet Nothings and ForceUser who offered some helpful encouragement. Story has received minor to moderate updates to improve the flow and feelings trying to be conveyed.
Thanks for reading everyone, and for all the amazing feedback.
3502781
Anytime!
I loved it! It was funny, charming and sweet. Good Job! AJ and Dash were well written and the imagary was top notch. I give it 10/10
This was the first fic I ever read on this site (along with the first part). It took me forever, but I finally found it again so I can give it the favorite it deserves!
3672437
I hope that it was a reasonable introduction to Pony fiction.
3673737
Actually, the first one I ever read was on fanfiction.net, which was a really depressing and mean-spirited unrequited AppleDash. I found yours to be a satisfactory remedy. Thank you.
3673753 is it the one were AJ dies and RD has to raise a foal herself?
3792406
No, it's the one where AJ has a crush on Rainbow, and after a long time of holding it in decides to confess her feelings. Rainbow, quite erratically, decides to hate AJ for assuming she's a lesbian and terminates their friendship. It ends with the statement that AJ lived the rest of her life alone and miserable.
This one
3792523
I linked the FimFiction version.
3792527
Huh, still sounds too sad for me.
Okay, I was wrong about Rainbow's obvious demise. Good job on scene description.
..Well.
This was totally awesome!
Next goes to a non existant story D: This was amazing, cute romance, amazing description. In character characters! Thanks for the feels :3
5397304
Thanks for pointing that out.
I commented on Perfect Days asking for more, but then I found this, so never mind
Update: Oh screw this! I want more!! PLEASE TELL ME YOU HAVE, OR WILL, WRITE MORE OF THIS BEAUTIFUL STORY!!!