Its been two years since Spell Nexus was defeated and his cult destroyed, Nyx and Twilight Sparkle have been preparing for another winter. One that is having an odd effect on Nyx.
As the winter draws even closer, Nyx begins to remember a filly, not from her past, but from Lunas. Filled with questions but nopony to answer them, Nyx investigates as to who this white filly of the snow is, and how she is tied to her past.
Can Nyx discover who this filly in her memory is? Or will the answers be buried beneath the snow.
Chapters (13)
Can't start reading just yet(swore to myself that I would do a quick check of fimfiction and then go to bed) but if this is what I think it will be from the description, then its going to be the. Cutest. Thing. Ever!
3670039 I hope I won't disappoint.
When Nyx is heading to Twilight at the start of the Chapter, you misspell Course as "Coarse"
When Rarity is speaking with Twilight, you misspell Course again
When they're at the train station, you both correctly and incorrectly spell "board" as "bored"
You misspelled "clothes" as "cloths" when Twilight visits Rarity. And why did she give Rarity one of Spike's things? Seems a bit out of place
Also, you narrate that Nyx is aware the sound she hears the snow make can only be heard by her and Luna, just how does she come to realize this?
There's "chili" in the coco
And the tense struck me as a bit odd
3670570 Yeah I'm not very good with words. I'll go back and fix some typos myself.
As for that part about the snow and Luna, I forgot all about that part and which chapter it is in, now that you mention it it kinda does sound silly I'll have to find out which chapter that was in and fix that up also. But that part might relate as to how I'm trying to make it seem that Nyx borrowed so many traits from Luna in the first place.
I'll fix things up in time, maybe not as quick as people may like but I will get around to fixing it.
The pacing is extremely awkward. You jump from one section to the next very quickly, and there's not really a lot of details.
Honestly, though, I really like the idea, but as it stands now, it's not that good. I'd strongly recommend you get a proofreader to help you with this story, because this could be great if you had a bit of help.
3673136 I wouldn't know where exactly to find a proofreader, and I'm not good on details. I admit I rush it quite a lot and it displeases me when I do that. I'll try to do better on chapter three which I am currently working on. I can't promise the pacing will improve so much as the story keeps going since no ones perfect but I will try to improve the story for it's readers over time. I hope these little issues don't ruin the story for you.
No worries Great Story! Keep it up
This new title is by far the best and I love the new chapter
I agree with the dude below.
Hope to see more soon
keep it up
I was waiting for someone to mention echolocation in a fanfic.
a little error
shouldn't be "It will be done my student." The princess smiled warmly.
you may want to fix that miss placement, anyway love the story so far keep it up.
4561379 Fixed. I had no idea I made that mistake. I'm usually very careful when the characters speak.
I don't like were this is going! Poor Nyx she not going to use her magic any more.
4562721 You assume my friend. Princess Celestia said that she might lose the ability to use magic if she fails the surgery (Unless I made a typo). Doesn't mean she will lose it. Just wait till I publish chapter six. Hopefully I can quell your concern for the little dear.
Some where in here twi said car (lol what is a car) and I saw coarse instead of course I forgot where they were and Icant (tablet keyboard derp) find them again sorry
4609614 Yeah I'm not good at typing. But if you know what I'm trying to say then I feel there isn't really a problem. Do you remember which chapters they were in? If you can remember I can go through and look.
4611673 in chapter 5 of this story
4611994 Of course only the longest chapter would have the evil creature called.... a typo.
I'll fix it up asap.
edit: I fixed the Card typo, but finding Coarse is gonna be hard since that's one of the hard words to find amiss 10,000 words.
4613447 yeah... sorry
The snowdrop in her class part has some flaws compared to the orignal anmation or was that on purpose
4710191 I can assure you my friend that my flaws are never on purpose. I strive to keep things canon, the characters personalities intact. And any flaws in my stories are purely mistake. If by flaw you mean how short it was then an explanation for that on my part would be because Nobody really wants to read tonnes and tonnes of dialogue from Ms. Winidth while all that is written for Snowdrop is [Snowdrop just sat there, silently listening to her teacher as she taught the class, answering the occasional question only if she knew the answer.] It's boring. I find it's better to detail what's happening (which I may not have done in my haste) whilst keeping the story going. Now underneath all that writing in this reply what I am really saying is... I don't know what you mean by flaws. Whether that means I am being naive is questionable. But my flaws are never on purpose.
4712017 the two backround ponies where soposed to say something about who was her partner last time
4712051 I wasn't recreating that scene. That part in the animation takes place Two Weeks and three days after the events that transpired during the last half of this chapter during the Snowdrop segment. I can understand your confusion as I made it play out in a similar way. There's even evidence to show that act 3 of Chapter 6 and the events of the Snowdrop animation are in fact weeks apart. In Snowdrop Ms Windith says that she could Still place her in a group, where as in my story she says "I could always place you In a group if you'd like." This implies that this was the first time Snowdrop was given the offer. I probably have that mixed up but Act 3 of chapter 6 is not the exact same scene that was in snowdrop, merely a prequel to those events.
4712113 oh that clears up a lot
4712137 Ms. Windith even says in the chapter that "the spring sunrise is in two weeks." Did I perhaps make a typo or did you by any chance skip over a few lines?
4712151 probly my inner derpyness sprung into action and well was derpy
Snowdrop... I don't think that there are any blind ponies like you. I think that you're a one-of-a-kind.
Tracking.
I do love all of these Nyx stories that seem to be floating around.
4936858 me too
4936858
4937062 So am I.
4938998 OMG LOL YOUR PROFILE PICTURE!!!!!!!
4939015 You like it? I thought it was pretty good myself lol.
4939024 yeah
This is one of those stories i forget about, than when a new chapter is posted. I'M BACK AGAIN.
4941742 Not to sound rude or anything, I know you were making a joke but... could you have possibly made those big red words any bigger? I'm not starting trouble and you don't have to remove the comment I mean you could edit it but I just find having those big words to be totally unnecessary joke or not, I'm sure other readers do it all the time in comments but it seriously hurts my eyes when I have to scroll past it and again it is highly unnecessary to have made them that big You can edit the comment or I will remove it myself if you already haven't I'm sorry.
Nyx really needs to tell Twilight about Snowdrop. I've got the feeling that her presence is a symptom of something else happening in Nyx's mind.
Besides, even if there wasn't a possible threat from some echo of the Nightmare... I think Luna deserves to join Nyx in the dream-world. I don't think that Snowdrop will be able to go to her rest until her friend has had a chance to say goodbye to her.
4946995 You see Nyx can't and won't tell Twilight because she is afraid that she might tell Luna out of concern and as a result of that Luna may take away the memories of Snowdrop like she did to the ones toward the end of Pen Strokes Past Sins. Ya know.
I noticed at some points you refer to Twilight as a lavender alicorn and at others she is a unicorn
4948117 Using "lavender unicorn" was getting way too frequent. I like to differentiate between the words and referrals so that it doesn't get repetitive.
I like this story, but its really hard to follow right now. I have to read really carefully to understand what's going on, and I miss a lot. The main problems I noticed were that you were constantly jumping between past and present tense, which is very clunky (just stick with past tense, it sounds better), and you have unnecessary details (you don't need to tell us that Nyx has never had a cavity, just say she got ready for bed) detail is good, but make sure its valid to the story and doesn't bog the reader down. There was also the part with the train that didn't really seem right, I would have just had Twilight decide to take the balloon for a more scenic route, the conductor shouldn't be allowed to refuse access to nyx.
5189208 The story takes place two years after Past Sins, many of the residents in Ponyville still harbor a lot of hate and mistrust of Nyx because of who she is (No explanation needed as it is already written by Pen Stroke). And I figured that Twilight taking the train would be a lot faster then a balloon. I'm aware that I made a lot of mess ups in the first few chapters (which I hopefully improved on in later chapters), and I started this story back when I was still writing Into the Beginning: The Life of Writing Glory, and anyone who has read that will know that my Fimfic writing wasn't very good. As I have said I hopefully improved this story as it went along. My way of writing isn't the best but I'm slowly learning what to do and what not to. I do thank you however for letting me know that my detailing is way too much, and my past and present tense is a mess. Not to sound rude but how much of the story did you read before commenting? Probably doesn't matter. Even so your analysis or critique(?) is appreciated and I will try my best to improve. I do hope that you enjoy/enjoyed the story even so.
Are you trying to kill me this morn with all of the cute and feel moments? (Its 3:22 pm now, I had no idea how to word it earlier.)
I can barely make it pass a YHAY chapter. and that's 10,000
This story is going to go a long way.
Bless you.
Don't take too long next time please.
5421568 5421568 Thank you
And sorry bout that 3 month wait for the 8th chapter, school got in my way a tonne and so did the lack of motivation but hey I released chapter 8 a day before Christmas, that's not half bad right? I can't promise I won't take long again but I'll try.
5422436
Are you taking a long?