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More Stories24

  • E Of Apples and Roses and Thick Purple Proses

    Roseluck falls for Big Mac, they both fall for poetry.
    47,980 words · 10,347 views  ·  963  ·  21
  • T Of Challenges and Kisses

    Featherweight tries to kiss Scootaloo, stuff happens.
    63,639 words · 22,823 views  ·  1,995  ·  75
  • E Of Rumbling Dinks

    When the previously lonely Dinky Hooves makes it to school, she learns a little about the meaning of true friendship, and maybe a bit about love.
    30,982 words · 4,002 views  ·  389  ·  11
  • T Of Revenge Served with a Side of Brandy

    A pair of mares stepped into Ponyville with only two things on their minds. The first was revenge. The other was alcohol.
    6,331 words · 1,518 views  ·  172  ·  3
  • E Of Time and Cavities

    Colgate, secret dental agent, saves ponies from evil gingivitis.
    3,113 words · 1,678 views  ·  106  ·  2
  • E Pro Corvo

    A raven visits Ponyville and the mane six. Because of perception things go wrong.
    9,401 words · 2,484 views  ·  214  ·  8
  • T Of Parasites

    Totally not a zombie fic, nope, nope!
    9,121 words · 5,080 views  ·  172  ·  6 · gore
  • T Of Insults

    Pipsqueak insults ponies. Things end awkwardly.
    5,505 words · 10,408 views  ·  468  ·  25

Blog Posts367

  • 40w, 5d
    I Cavd In

    So, I finally got a phone.

    Gah.

    Also, Gameloft pony game is best game ever. Add me? Name's RavenDagger sans the S

    10 comments · 281 views
  • 44w, 5h
    How to Make YOUR Blurb/Description Better


    So, I've been spending a fair bit of time here. It's a site for writers, similar to Fimfiction, but a tad more... general.

    While there, I found threads where people needed help with various things, from summaries to blurbs to whatever. And I love helping them. While showering today, the thought crossed me, why was I helping them instead of the people here? This is my home on the internet and these are my ponies. This is the place I should be helping.

    So, with a thin, thin layer of egotism wiped off, I decided to drag the thread here.

    Post your summary/description/blurb below and I'll tell you what I think.

    DO NOT post links, DO NOT post an entire chapter and DO NOT ask me to read your entire story. If I like what I see, I'll check it out on my own terms.

    I don't want anything in return. The responses will be quick, but if it gets busy, please give me a few hours to post back to you. I do have stories of our own, and, on occasion, enjoy a leisurely amount of sleep.

    Thank you and post away!

    37 comments · 264 views
  • 44w, 3d
    Infatuation

    So, My friend Malus did a thing.

    You're not obliged to, but if you feel like it, take a gander. It's a letter, of sorts.

    LINKY!

    0 comments · 136 views
  • 45w, 3h
    How You Go About It - The Editing Process

    I've been writing for a little over two years now, both as a terribly time-consuming hobby, and for work. When I started, I thought that rereading, editing and drafting were sins. They were wastes of my precious time. Now, after many a mistake, my views have changed.

    Editing is a big, if not the biggest, part of the writing process. It's the final step before publication and maybe the most important. It's also thanks to editing that I've found some of the greatest people and that I've learnt the most about writing.

    I was curious, fellow Fimfic-ers. (need a word for that) How do you go about polishing up your stories?

    22 comments · 201 views
  • 45w, 2d
    Hey Folks

    I have a story that I've written.

    Short, about 7K. And I've no idea how to end it.

    I was wondering if any of you felt suisidal enough to give it a read and your opinion on what sort of ending this fic would need? It's for a contest outseide the pony fandom, which means no pony. But plenty of Cyberpunk and the likes!

    Also:

    It's going around, and someone's going to link you to it eventually. Might as well be me, eh?

    7 comments · 159 views
  • ...
 951
 11,667

This story is a sequel to Of Solicitude

    Ten years after a massive war, Equestria has changed. The Empire now rules over all, giving peace and prosperity to those that deserve it, but some are against this new rulership.

    The CMC, a small, raggedy group of smugglers working for the Apple family, are caught red-hoofed by an Imperial patrol. As the friends fight for their lives, they learn about themselves, each other, and the world they now reside in.

    Meanwhile, in Canterlot, Emperor Blueblood has amassed a massive fleet and is preparing to smash what is left of the rebellion under the oppressive hoof of his Empire.

Fantart:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cSqZZHhQa_I

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JE7m2dk8FB4&list=UUS5YHp6kB61DHIXt8THr4iQ&index=1&feature=plcp

First Published
4th Mar 2012
Last Modified
11th Dec 2013

I would have been an idiot to not read this:derpyderp2:, I mean come on you had Pipsqueak (fav colt:twistnerd:), the CMCs:pinkiesmile:, airships:pinkiehappy:, :rainbowdetermined2:great action:flutterrage:, TheWattsMan as an editor, and my attention. While there are a few typos left behind here and there, there certainly weren't enough to detract from this kick-flank story, consider this tracked, yourself watched, and the story rating one-upped. This whole thing reminded me of Skies of Arcadia combined with Starfox for some reason, and that is an amazing feat:rainbowderp:. Love it GIMME MOAR:flutterrage:!

This seems to be the start of a good story. I look forward to reading more.

>>286472

    I can most certainly promise you more on the condition that you are patient. Thank you very much for the watch, track and one-up. They are greatly appreciated!

    Now about that Starfox thing. I have never invested a lot of time in that series, this, in fact, is a crossover of both Star Wars and Code Geass. (Set, of course, in a futuristic Dieselpunk -not Steampunk- version of Equestria).

Well, this is interesting! Give your editors some more time to catch errors, but your steampunk world is enticing and your action is exciting. Good start.

this universe of steampunk enthralls me and calls for my attention. perhaps the color scheme is appealing. perhaps id like to someday pilot an airship. or maybe i just like the goggles. either way, i will read this. wish i could now, but sadly, i must go to bed. :fluttercry: ah well, it appears to be a wonderful find, and im glad i stumbled upon it. :moustache:

OMG!!!!!!!!! A ponies steampunk crossover!!!! My god!!! So much win!!!!

TAKE ALL MY MONIES!!!! WINNNNN!!!!!!!!:yay:

Appears to be a good fic so far. Lol and good luck convincing everypony about it being a dieselpunk, NOT a steampunk.:raritywink:

>>286644

Yeah... Not going to be easy. Still the differences are quite broad once you look into it. STEAMpunk uses... You guessed it. Steam!

Dieselpunk uses... Diesel! Or rather, motors that are powered by some sort of fuel that is not steam (or coal, or anything that powers a steam engine).

Dieselpunk had other differences. Steampunk is more victorian-era inspired. Gears, Brass...ect... Deisel? Grime and 1940's style military clothing. Think StarWars Empire garb.

But they are very close honestly. I won't nit-pick...

Scootapilot? Awesome! :rainbowdetermined2:

Looking forwards to chapter 2!

Huh... Much better than my story.

More.

Now.

I demand. :pinkiecrazy:

On a side note, NOOO not the CMC! :fluttercry:

wow... airships, I got a few ideas for them if you want, but I only think of SUPERHUMONGERNORMOUS airships with like 20  air-to-air MG batteries; large, heavy cruiser naval guns for ground artillery and/or ship takedowns...

If you have ever played Kirby: Super Star Ultra, and have played the Halberd stage, Then I am talking about something like that...

looks good. :coolphoto: tracked to be read later

It feels like it could be a Castle in the Sky airbattle. That was pretty impressive.

Dear Celestia thats some awesome action!! You are truly a wonderful writer!! usually I get bored within the first page of a story like this, but you kept me hocked! I put off getting up to get my pizza to finish this!! You get a watch, track, fave and a one up my friend, I look forward to seeing more! :rainbowkiss:

I feel a little conflicted with the story so far.

I'm a fan of diselpunk, airships and the CMC, so this makes for a great scenario. Writing flows good too.

But I think the story is moving to fast at this point. The loss of the Crusader and the capture of Scoot's friends would have more impact, if we had spend some more time with them, read about a few of their everyday adventures and shenegains. The way it is now, I can hardly care for the ship that was just introduced in this chapter. And if I would not know the CMC from the show, I wouldn't care about them too.

If you were going for a beginning like SW: A new hope, with an Imperial Destroyer boarding the rebel ship and caputring the princess, I think the plot moves to slow and we shoud be with Luke on Tatooine by now. No need to go through all the technical details of the Crusader if it's only purpose is to be rammed by the destroyer to show the might of the empire.

Well, I'm tracking this. Let's see where this is going.

>>305138

Don't you know that most epics start in the middle and end at the begining?

I kid, I kid. Actually all things considered I should have started with a little backstory. But that would make the fic much longer than it already is (Writing chapter seven right now, I am about 1/3 of the way through), I was hoping that a few mentions of the past, some flashbacks and a lot of world building would fill in the blanks. Lets just find out if I can pull it off without bogging down the readers with details.

I made the mistake of reading this just before bed the other night.  The sense of "NOOOOO" kept me up for another half hour after I finished the first chapter.

Loved it thus far.  Can't wait for the next chapter.  Do you have a target length for the completed work?  (the 7k-word chapter length seems about perfect for this story, by the way)

While it does seem to move a bit fast, I'm not sure how you could've changed that short of info-dump. Hm. Besides that, while it doesn't hit me as hard, the fact that it hits her hard *Does* elicit sympathy for an already made-likable character. So.... I think the good and bad are in better proportion.

LOVE this story. Had to go ahead and finish reading during the previews before John Carter because I NEEDED TO. I'm really looking forward to this!

And this is what I originally meant to type: OHGODPONIAIRSHIP

>>311632

Every sunsequent chapter will be about 5 to 7K in length. As for how long the story will be, that is beyond me. To date I have written the first six chapters but I am still in the process of editing them. The center climax is still a few chapters off. I am glad you like my work!

>>311668

Pacing is one of the many things I have always had a hard time with. In this case I decided to take it slow. From the point where I started onwards the story progresses rather slowly, giving me plenty of time to build an intresting world and to flesh out my characters, big and small.

I sure do hope so, because I want to know so much more about this world!

I originally read the first chapter that you had on Google Docs (the source EqD linked in their recommendation), but I simply had to check and see if it was on FiMfiction so I could favorite and track!  You really pulled me into the story from the get-go.  And diesel-punk Equestria sounds absolutely righteous! (curious, does steam punk still have military applications, or is that diesel-punk exclusive?  I'm fixing to write up a fic of my own involving a war between the Griffon Kingdom and Equestria, and that's a pretty big part of the story for me. :p)

Also, how did you go about planning out this story?  I ask because that's the stage I'm currently in for my tale.  So far, it looks quite rich, and looks like it might've taken a good while to map things out.

Finally, I'm getting a really bad feeling that something horrible's happened to Celestia if Blueblood's in charge.  And where in Equestria is Luna?  Could she not stop Blueblood's rise to power, or did she not know of the atrocities that would befall their kingdom?

Anywho, I'll be keeping close tabs on this story.

Hope to see the remainder of those seven completed chapters soon!

>>286655 i can see the difference, after actually reading the chapter. i like the story, although your editors missed a few things. like when applebloom fell through the 'gapping' hole, and another part (i cant find it again, sorry) that's really hard to explain without actually finding it. idr what the sentence was about, but you wrote it like this:

The airship quaked. Sending the crew to their deaths, and doing something else in the process.

it should all be one sentence.

but i cant find it anymore so im sorry :P either way, its an enjoyable story. keep it up!

>>318290

Lets go through this in order. Thanks for favoriting, I really appreciate it. Also Fimfic will update a bit faster then EqD will (only about five or six hours, still, a tad faster).

Steampunk CAN have war like things, altough think of the armies as colonail era, in other words, lots of chivelry and pride. Dieselpunk is a bit more grim and dirty in that regard.

And I can't tell you anything about Celestia at this time (massive spoilers if I did).

Also I rarely plan out a story on paper. I do, on the other hoof, spend days thinking about the plot and details of each chapter.

>>318315

A few things always get through the gaps (hehe, bad puns) but please don't blame my editors. They spend lots of their time going over the stuff I write, I don't think it would be fair to blame them of anything. Really, I am the one who wrote the mistake in the first part!

As a note to anypony out there I am looking for a proofreader or two. If you wish to apply just send me a private message via Fimfic. Only apply if you're really fast and good (not to be mean, but I'll only send a version to proofreaders a few hours before posting. They need to be fast).

As another note Chapter Two (called Capture) will be here by tonight at the latest.

Still a crazy fun and adventuresome story, with action, intrigue, and airships!  I can't wait to find out what Rarity, Applejack, and the others are up to!

When will we be introduced to Sweetie Belle's brother?

Other than that, great work and I eagerly await for more.

This story is made of awesome.:rainbowkiss:

Hmm... This intrigues me:moustache::moustache:

What is in that letter, it's driving me crazy!:pinkiecrazy:

I don't know if you play(ed) any Crimson Skies but that's where my mind is right now, and it's awesome.

FUCK YEAH! ANOTHER CHAPTER! :pinkiehappy:

Applejack and Rarity famous... I wish to know why now, and if Rarity and Blueblood have a connection of any kind here.

Cool story, ill be waiting for the next one.

"adrenalin" -> adrenaline

"That was it, she was stuck here, unable to tell if Scootaloo or Apple Bloom made it out alive, or even if they were okay." -> "That was it, she was stuck here, unable to tell if Scootaloo or Apple Bloom were okay, or even if they made it out alive."

>>322697

Crimson Skies! Good times. Possibly my favourite airplane shooter on the original XBox.

evanwidloski:

Thanks for pointing that out. I`ll fix it when I get back from work!

Holy Hell that was good! :yay:

Hmm. A frenchy rich pony leading a resistance group. I'm liking the path this is taking

Interesting ... inexplicably flying air battleship/death star, French-speaking resistance fighter, and a glimpse at the world at large. Now we know that Twilight and Dash have large companies, with Twilight a tech magnate. Sweet Apple Acres also seems like an important agricultural conglomerate. Pinkie Pie is some sort of Oppenheimer-esque weapons designer. Rarity is apparently a member of the "Belle" family and is still into fashion, although she has yet to make an appearance. Fluttershy is MIA so far. We've now been in Blueblood's head, and he doesn't necessarily seem particularly evil yet, although he is a cad, and cruel. He also doesn't actually have complete control over Equestria. Well, I'm looking forward to the next chapter as always, and am equally looking forward to the introduction of the Mane 6 and more CMC + Pip action.

Sparkle Tech, Twilight Sparkle

Spectrum Skies, Rainbow Dash

Sweet Apple Acres, Applejack

Pinkie, just the same

Rarity, ??

Fluttershy, ??

Blueblood is really a massive douchebag

Hurrah! Airships and Star Wars-esque-ness!

:pinkiehappy: I'm really curious as to what Rarity and Fluttershy are up to... and what about that war? At first I thought it was Blublood usurping the throne or something, but then the Mane 6 wouldn't have sat quietly for that and built themselves companies, now would they?

Smile Emporium, love it and Dr Dissonance's  other steam-punk pony pieces. There're the perfect soundtrack for this story. Love this whole concept of industrial Equestria. Keep the chaps coming :twilightsmile:

>>346961

   I can fill you in on one of those, it doesn't have that much of a bearing on the story. [MINOR SPOILERS] Empathy Medical. I'll let you guess to whom that belongs... [SPOILERS END]

>>347283

   His music is a great source of inspiration. So is Phychgoth's, check him out too.

>>346959

   You touched many points I would love to talk about but unfortunately cannot. The least I will say is that by this time last week your wish for more Pip will be answered.

Sorry I couldn't answer to all; I don't want to reveal that many spoilers... As of note I am currently working with SALT on a writer's guide. It should be finished sometime soon. Also that request for proofreaders is always on the table, Celestia knows my spelling could use some help.

>>347848

Just 'Medical' would have been enough,

so: ST, SK, SAA, EM... Rarity's would just be something Fashion. lol

this continues to be awesome.

I really liked the Blueblood section: a competent little bastard, isn't he? Looking forward to more of this. And of course Pinkie's a cannon designer! I like it!

The Scootaloo bit, though, I wasn't much for the pacing felt rushed and off, and really the entire bar scene felt superfluous, sort of an excuse to show Scoot kicking ass. Maybe if you had moved meeting this Frenchy to the bar and all that, and possibly added some more forshadowing/information (perhaps a little thing comes on the radio?), and then had the whole 'Scootaloo kicks ass' thing if you really need to have it, and then have Frenchy come along.

Just a thought.

'Heavily accented pony'

French reading voice activated. :)

An enjoyable chapter, with more insight into the world. Maybe I missed this somewhere, but is it stated how long after the events in the show this story takes place?

French critique:

Nice touch, having Arnaquer refer to the soldiers with the formal "vous" and to Scoots with the informal "tu".

And "arnaquer" meaning "to rip off, to scam." Nice.

"Le veut tu" is a really awkward construction, which would never be used unless Arnaquer was merely pretending to be French.  Which is entirely possible at this point.  But if he is French, he should say "Tu le veut?" or even better "Tu le voudrais?" meaning "Would you like to," which is a politer construction he would use while trying to win her over.

In other news, you have created here the most dastardly Blueblood I've seen yet.  I can't wait to hate him even more as the story progresses.

>>349707

Even I am uncertain. I think of the CMC as in their late teens or early tweens. So approx ten years after the events of this season.

>>349751

You're right, or at least partially so... Depending on where the French is from "Le veut tu?" is okay while elsewhere it would be said "Tu le veut?"

Unfortunately I learnt my French in Canada. Basically it's like Texas English compared to British English. The method of pronouncing and even speaking is quite different.

looks good and its shaping up quickly into a bigger plot.

if you like, i got a bit of criticism, only on the style, rest is great (which i can see improvement chapter by chapter), some parts appear 'stretched' (some actions like the gun-turnabout on the imp seemed longer then the action should take) while some descriptions don't seem to have a lot of colour (just for describing environment, buildings, interiors and such), a few short descriptions whenever it might seem encouraging will create more 'taste' for the readers and visualization.

Other then my little bit of writing critiq i'm really anticipating how far your going to bring this story to our eyes! :raritystarry:

Have fun writing! :scootangel:

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