- Member Since 2nd Mar, 2012
- offline last seen Jun 28th, 2021
FishyCrackers431
I like writing things and... stuff. Don't hurt me.
FishyCrackers431
Joined 2nd Mar, 2012 ·
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Not a bad sounding premise, will give it a read later today
Edit: Not bad, I rather liked it.
281336 yep
you've got talent, keep on writing
281336
Wait, did I seriously write colt? I did, didn't I? Wow... Mentally slapping myself.
EDIT: Alright, fixededed... Still feel like an idiot for that.
0.0 wow this is GOOOD keep writing
Good, but the ending is weak compared to the rest. An extended discussion right after saving Twilight would have been nice, as would some story dealing with the fallout of this beyond Celestia, Luna, and Twilight's friends.
This was a good story, but two things;
1) SPACES BETWEEN WORDS, and
2) ''Twilight'' The group replied. ........................DOTDOTDOT
Sorry...
Anyway, good premise. Nice buildup to Twilight's anger, and the way you described their reactions was good.
BUT THE OOCNESS HURTS
Seriously, so out of character. Rainbow should've been MUCH more devastated over her wings, and the way they just reacted to Twilight..
Princess Celestia's reaction was so bad it hurt.
SHE'S A FRIGGIN ALICORN! She could've done all of that stuff!
Also, that Discord at the end? I hated that. There was no need for it. It was redundant, and added NOTHING to the story.
All in all, this story...Nice ideas, but bad writing. Thumbs down.
Also, Dear Princess Celestia, FiM fiction is telling me this story is mine...
-.-
Im not gonna be mean and say this is mine but I posted something almost exactly like this not too long ago and it's still up on my page, now im not gonna be a douche and say you copied it, but im leaning towards it's more coincidental. Never the less it's a good idea.
281798
Thanks for the input.
The spaces between words is actually a glitch I had when I first put up the story, I'm still sorting that out when I find them. Something about the original file not liking italics... I don't know. I just take my time and procrastinate doing so. Something about reading my own work leaves a bad taste in my mouth, even if I like how I did it.
And yes, I did actually have one really complicated plot set out around why Celestia wouldn't allow anything to be done, involving Discord briefly, which would have explained quite a lot, but all it really did was provide loads of exposition that just took up space. Loads of talk that got less and less interesting, so I cut it down, kept it short. That's actually why Discord was added in at the end, though his presence was made near pointless without that bit of exposition.
Nice ending for chapter 3, awww.
this chapter had absolutely nothing to do with lust. Whence the title?
Why, precisely, is Celestia carrying the idiot ball here?
"My faithful student has been corrupted by an elemental evil--- let's just leave her to run loose in the forest."
I shouldn't even have to tell you how out of character this is. Even when she was completely outclassed by Discord, she didn't just throw her hooves up in the air and say "whatever." She brought out the Elements to fight BACK. They've fought dragons, they've fought Nightmare Moon, they've fought Discord--- at Celestia's command, no less. and now she wants them to just go home and pretend nothing happened?
282035 I really liked that story, seemed like a really good, lengthy episode, and it really helped to clear my mind of
"The Experiments of Twilight Sparkle"
Celestia's portrayal here is.... terrible.
All the bad decisions--- leaving the stone in Twilight's possession; not returning to claim it immediately, foreign trip be damned; not telling Luna about the stone; abandoning twilight and ordering her friends to do the same---- might have passed muster if it turned out she had been corrupted by the Element of Sin in some fashion herself, but as it stands it's just completely and inexplicably OOC. She spent the entire story running up and down Equestria with the Idiot Ball.
Then to have her switch tactics in mid sentence, from unreasonable yelling to condescending "forgiveness"--- without someone taking her to task for it, or for all the poor decisions she made--- is especially galling.
The fact that noone, not even Princess Luna, gives her a well-deserved Because You Suck speech, is just the icing on the cake.
282035
Thanks for the reply, although I think that anything can be made interesting. If you'd kept a little of the speech, just a small insight, then this would've made a lot more sense. I believe what RealityCheck is saying here is the most accurate.
Here's hoping Twilight never has any children that are less bulletproof than Spike
291670
But she can probably get away with it to Social Services considering the usual stuff that happens with Spike.
Well when you say it like that... actually yeah, that's exactly right.
283229
I'm not a good Celestia writer, a lot of what I put for her I actually ended up going over several times. I'll remember to look over her and edit some. Though the idea that she was out of the country was more added in as an explanation for why she didn't appear immediately. The known time from Canterlot to Ponyville is roughly a few hours by flight, and would've made for a much shorter story.
As for the whole "Don't do anything about it..." well, to be honest I knew that'd be a bit of a problem. When I removed the big speech of just why everyone was screwed, I was just kinda relying on the idea of "If you go, you're probably going to get burned to death (and then it's going to be my fault)" which normally passes by show's logic though not so much when applied to real world logic. The general idea was that Nightmare Moon and Discord never openly attacked the girls, they had other plans, and the Dragon scene was more of a "Just get rid of it, you don't have to go all Skyrim on it, just make it go away", where as Twilight was holding a flamethrower on her head and was ready to fire.
I'd have honestly gotten rid of her entirely if I could've. Seriously. I don't like Celestia.
283092
It was going to be a lot more weird, trust me. That's actually why I added in each definition, to show the variation of the word I was using. I figured just letting Fluttershy keep her kindness was a good representation.
Also if I went with the popular representation, I'd have to turn the rating up on this story. If you know what I mean
I liked this story!
Though I do admit, Celestia seems to be acting a little strange, are you planning a sequel for this?
Pwnt.
Gem of power is powerful.
Also
Evil gem connected to nightmare moon?
I can get it later.
283092 angel really wanted the gem. Therefore. Lust!
340788
It's still greed. Not LUST.
Don't use the word lust if you aren't willing to use the actual concept.
I don't know what's wierder: Spike with no face, or Rarity going completely nuts over that gem.
And so it begins...
Did Twilight just...
First a plant, then stone wings, then deep freeze, now a giant bubble? This is starting to get out of hand...
Meep...
WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!
Are they seriously giving up, just like that?!
Yay. Happy ending.
Spike's a genius.
Wow this is good really good
Wrath is my personal Element.
332370
I've been told Celestia came across as weird, she's not my best to write, unfortunately. And yes, actually. I started a sequel a while back, but I haven't actually worked on it in a couple months. The official reason for this is that it involves Twilight's parents so I'm waiting on the royal wedding. The more obvious reason is that I'm lazy.
Also the plot I sketched out once again went through the routine of Twilight going to see EVERY SINGLE ONE of her friends. Which was annoying enough to write the first time. So I'm considering rewriting the whole first half. I know it may sound like an overreaction, but looking back, I've only got one and a half chapters of that done and they're both kinda bad...
hmmm its 4:30 am ahh screw it 2 more chapters cant hurt
im suprised i ahvnt seen any comments about applejack and the property damage line (princess why u no take respobility for your screw ups)
awesome story, really liked it!
then she scolds twilight and her friends for not following her orders when twilight's friends and luna manage to set things right, when clearly; its she who was wrong. its the only thing i thought was bad with the story; celestia's personality...
one thing i did find a little annoying was how 'petty' and 'cowardly' (was the best words i could think of) celestia was in general and towards twilight, her friends and luna in the whole situation: i mean; first she doesn't even try to solve the situation and just gives up when twilight runs away, she even tells spike and all the others to just forget about her completely!
Hmmm the sooner twilight has people try to stop her the better even if it does take 1000 years! I say!! But as usual no one can hear me through the forth wall .
oh well! *forgets if this story had a tragedy tag or not* lets see if they all get to live happily ever after!
HUZZAH! THE FUN!
IT HAS BEEN DOUBLED!!!
Nice!! *likes story* I kind of expected pinkie to say "goodnight readers!" When she was saying her goodnights. Well as long as she is back to being hyper i am happy!
Why not show us some pics of twilight each time she changes a little?
341343 Well, Lust is the desire for a specific item and your desire to have it in your possesion, whereas Greed is the practice of hoarding many things for yourself. So unless Angel has a secret stash of gems hidden away somewhere (which I doubt), it is still considered Lust.
349811 rarity cactus!
Mrs. Cake only just turned to Twilight when the both fillies started crying loudly,
*Filly and colt
So her solution is to simply abandon Twilight and not try to help her at all?
She could have teamed up with the elements and save Twilight instead she forced Spike to remain abandoned and made the girls friendship almost fracture.
How could she play The lazy card and not do anything to save her.
Also how is Sweetie Apple family fluttershy's critters and Scootaloo doing? We never heard if they survived or not.
Me: At least they didn't turn their back on their friend, at least they tried and did something, they saved her while you planned on abandoning Twilight to her fate, maybe you should be punished.