I Lost Something Precious to Me

Evil Twilight137 stories ·737 members

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" Twilight ...please. I don't want to hurt you." Celestia spoke tearfully. Twilight smirked and leaned into Celestia with her slitted red eyes.

" Aw, my sincerest apologies Princess, but I think you know well what you'll have to do."

What's wrong with Twilight? Will Celestia be forced to kill her own student?

Image and orginal idea belongs to CapcomWarrior on Deviantart

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 11 )

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Fallen Knight

Fallen Knight #1 · Oct 8th, 2013 · 1 · ·

This will be pretty epic. Loved that picture and great to see a fanfic similar to it.

K Prime

K Prime #2 · Oct 8th, 2013 · · ·

3318368

If I get permission I'll have to make a sequel, but due to the fact I'm not used to four legged animals fighting in words it might change to anthro.

Insane

Insane #3 · Oct 8th, 2013 · 1 · ·

Power Taint all, No matter how pure

Roseninapie

Roseninapie #4 · Oct 23rd, 2013 · 1 · ·

I feel terrible for down-voting this story, since it's an extremely solid idea, but here's exactly why I did:
a. Sweet Celestia, lack of paragraph breaks
b. Twilight's character development was solid in the beginning, but towards the middle the "evil Twilight" just starts monolouging. I feel like Twilight would disagree more rather than just standing there.
c. This could have easily lasted 5 chapters, explaining Celestia and Twilight's romance and the course of Twilight's brainwashing.This was too rushed-even for a one-shot. I heartilly approve of a longer version, and would love to see this idea expanded upon.

You have an exceptional voice, and your portrayal of the character's was spot-on.
I shall be watching you.

K Prime

K Prime #5 · Oct 24th, 2013 · · ·

3389095

I think now I'm going to extend it when I get a chance.

(Man I feel like this was terrible now.)

Roseninapie

Roseninapie #6 · Oct 24th, 2013 · 1 · ·

3394097
First, please don't ever dislike your own writing. Writing is a form of self-expression, so you are basically hating on yourself.

Let me explain my comment. (Please excuse pretencious monolouge) The only reason I took the time to write a comment that is so much more critical than I usually am is for one reason only; I LOVE YOUR IDEA!!!!!

I have had to work with writers my entire life, and let me tell you that only 1/8 of the people living on this planet can come up with a decent story idea and build off of it. While your presentation needs work, that can easily be fixed by some decent edits(which I would be happy to do for you if I can ever figure out how). Your voice is flawless and I have rarely encountered a better written EwilTwilight.(except in Reprecussions by Gary Oak, which may be my complete favorite) In short, please don't take offense, I love your style.

K Prime

K Prime #7 · Oct 24th, 2013 · · ·

3394354

Thanks for the encouragement!

Chaos Nightfall

Chaos Nightfall #8 · Dec 22nd, 2013 · · ·

I'm pretty sure you used Seductive in the wrong way here..... AND HOW DO THE GUARDS NOT HEAR ALL THIS?!

No it's like, the guards are all throughout the castle and usually infront of the throne room/ inside it at all times. ALSO! There are ALICORN PRINCESSES IN THE CASTLE! Surely SOMEONE would have heard right?