JMac
Joined 1st Feb, 2012 ·
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Wow that was an excellent story! I simply loved Quiz's attitude or the way she explained things! thumbs up to you good sir/ma'am!
3288496 Thank you. I wasn't sure if the story would work if this was the reader's first experience with Quiz. Oh, and it's 'Sir.'
Ha! I have missed Quiz and her deadpan dialogue. Excellent little story and fits nicely.
For a ghost story, that had an awful lot of fuzzy feelings.
Good show Quiz! Ya, know, that deadpan delivery actually really sells the story.
Gawd, Quiz is just so cute!
That was really quite great.
And now I can feel them not touching me!
Review: They’re Not Touching You!
You could show more and tell less. But, I find myself engaged in the story regardless.
Minor typo: plot of land out family had purchased.
I’ve gotten this far without significant comments. It still feels a bit “tellie” but I’m hard pressed to put my finger on why, or how to fix it.
- - - I hate you. That’s creepy.
Typo: “Delight the asked, ‘Do
Have a like. Good story. Cute, but creepy too.
I'm impressed with how in-universe this was. You get the blue ribbon for the contest.
3353065 Thank you.
Yeah, I found the typos after submitting the piece (as you always do). Now that judging is over I'll make corrections.
I agree about this being tellie. Showing is far and away the most interesting and creative way to write, but telling has the advantage or brevity and clarity. If you want to do something like introducing an OC and making it clear that her stepping up and taking center stage is important to her and her friends, and you want to do this quickly, you tend to get tellie. Could I have achieved this through showing without running up the word count? Probably, but it isn't easy.
I apologize. But the "I hate you" reaction was exactly what I was going for.
That you thought the story felt "in-universe" is the highest praise I can imagine. I certainly try.
Please, Apple Bloom. You should know Quiz doesn't have the imagination to make stuff up
That's not what "thoughtful" generally means, Quiz
Pfffhaahahahahaa!
Well, I loved this. She basically used her sister's imagination to tell a ghost story. Clever
One small error:
> “Her story was the scariest, and therefor she is the winner.”
Should be "therefore". The word "therefor" actually means something else.
By far the best line in this story, with Delight's original question falling in second. Quiz is a master of creepy mindscrews, and he knows it.
(And now I kinda want to know what Scootaloo's story was.)
3769858 Thank you. I love that you get what a huge victory this is for Quiz. It's even more evident if you've read some of the other stories about her and you see how far she's come.
3769955
I now have, and I do indeed. Quiz taking pride in anything is astounding.
Nicely done. I remember when stories like this used to scare me - it was brilliant.
Now I tell them to my little sister - it's much better!
Also - *yoink!*.
I'm sure my little sister will appreciate this.
This was charming. It felt telly in spots and could use a spell-check, but the ghost-story-within-a-story is absolutely perfect for Quiz's dispassionate tone, and as 3769858 says, the self-analysis is terribly clever.
> 'If they follow you home, you have to keep them.'
Words to run from, really fast.
thanks for putting in my group, ghoststorys
That's the kind of thing that is most horrifying, something that is so impactful it permanently imprints into your head, leaving you to wake up someday, years from now, in a cold sweat. You wonder in silence as something nags at your mind, slowly at first, then quickly gaining momentum, worming its way to the forefront.
Then you remember the horror. It can't leave you. It won't leave you. A frightened prisoner, a victim to your own self-made dilemma...
What inspired this story? The origins must be fascinating.
4285923 It's actually a random idea that occurred to my wife, she just blurted it out during a conversation we were having in car (we might have been talking about mind screws, but we aren't sure). Months later (yeah, you don't ever forget) the Writing Lab group had a ghost story contest, and I wrote this, my first one shot for Quiz.
I love how Quiz keeps going on a tangent even when she's supposed to tell a scary story.
Another great story, keep up the amazing work.
I love this series!
I don't care who you are, this is hilarious and adorable.
That... was actually a very good ghost story....
Bravo.
On to the next.
Interesting take on horror stories! Most tales are ephemeral, but those that last, those are the good ones! Well... Gonna check if I upvoted this...
Oh... Just one typo:
"parent’s wonder"
So, would the appropriate panic induced scream be "Stop not touching me!"
6121796 Why, yes. That would be exactly the reaction I'm looking for.
Going to call this one hauntingly charming. Quiz is, true to her character, very honest and technically correct, but she has managed to translate that into a decent ghost story. It's fun to watch her grow and change as a character, and this story is a great example of that. It's also wonderful to see you growing as a writer; the further I go through all of the Quiz stories, the better they seem to get. I'm very glad I choose to stick with them to the end.
Quiz appears to be the child of Fluttershy and Maud Pie for how polite and articulate she is.
I like this overall. It has a certain 'Scary But Harmless' charm to it.
That last line. Ooh, that's good.
You can has review!