*sees title*

INSTANT TRACK!

FINALLY! SOMEONE WRITES THIS! And there is only one thing left to say...

*Dramatic pause*

YOU. HAVE WON. THE GAME. I mean, really. Even though your grammar isn't the best, I love this. So. Much. I just can't wait until Deadpool meets Pinkie Pie... Bye-Bye, fourth wall, it was a pleasure knowing what's left of you...

I feel like I should point this out in the rudest way possible.

"so what do you think, where do you think i need to improve, and on what levels , plus if you see any potential in me that is great. Because I was thinking of another fic that portays discords origins using the movie Scarface (1983) Oh and enjoy this prequel to part 2"

You see this? Get rid of it. Right the fuck now. Replace it with a bunch of ---- I don't care just get rid of it.

Seriously though, the story itself is okay. lots of spelling errors you need to fix, spaces between words you need to add, and delete. Also, when new dialogue is added, a new paragraph is too. I know you would have lots of one or two sentence long paragraphs, but that's how literacy works.

But I do like the story, and I'd like to see more, but it needs to be drastically improved.

............

For a workout of the imagination, this is a serious workout.

I'm intrigued by the idea, but the errors make it hard to read.

Not to mention that out of place portion in the middle makes me think you're just pitching this idea to people. If you wanna do it just go with what you want. I mean its Deadpool in Equestria go nuts!

Also, if you have a mind to mention maybe making a revised version, you should have done it before you posted. That or not have mentioned it at all.

That said, I still like the idea.

Wall of text.

Other than that, I may give it a chance. Seems a bit rushed though.

>>276005276005 I actually like how you didn't backdown you weren't afraid to tell me what was wrong and I respect that

I believe the forth wall will be lost forever after this. YAY!!

>>276082276082 And I can respect someone who can actually take criticism. You sir, are on my respect list.

It's a somewhat short list...

We are gathered hear today to morn the passing of Fourth Wall, he died in the line of duty and will forever be missed.

:Hi want to be friends, what am I saying of course you do cause I'm friends with every pony in Ponyvill and...

(Fourth Wall resurrects)

Also apple bloom why you so

Lol matching my Spider-Man fic

I really like the concept, and your dialogue and such is rather good. I don't want to harp on your formatting errors, as other people have acknowledged them. However, if you so desire, I'd be happy to be a pre-reader/editor for you. I don't think your story needs changing. The overall organization just needs a little polish is all.

Now that these two epic worlds have collided, we must ask: Muffins or chimichangas?

>>276535276535 That is easy neither. U always should choose a chimimuffinga.

Deadpool in Equestria.......... WAAAAANNNNT!!!

This first chapter was pretty good. The story definitely has potential to be good. I'm assuming english isn't your first

language from the story's grammar(sorry if i'm wrong), so i would suggest getting a pre-reader. You may also want to

hire a contractor and construction crew to handle the 4th wall you're about to demolish! Looking forward to more.

>>275979275979 same here.... brohoof?

>>276923276923 brohoof. /)

its pretty good considering its your first work, i'm also new, and made some of the same mistakes you did (grammar, and the humongous paragraph), still, its not good to insert  a chunk of text telling us  about some other fic, or asking us what we think of you. you should leave that at the coments, your blog, or even as a note at the end of the document. also you should give it a few readings before posting, to try and fix every error you may find (i wrote my first chapter about 3 or 4 months ago and even though i kept checking grammar, i still had some mistakes when i uploaded it a few weeks ago.

although i'm jealous of you XD. you got so many bronies here giving you constructive criticism, while i got mostly bad critiques because of a gary stu problem, that didnt even add up, but i digress, all and all i hope to read more of you soon, take care and you can always improve.

>>276938276938 brohoof (\

Yes! Deadpool is the only logical super hero choice to have a crossover with MLP: FIM

Power rangers fuck yeah

Good bye 4d wall, it was a pleasure  to meet you

Achievement unlocked: 4d wall crisis (pinkie and deadpool in the same fic, nuff said)

Why cant I give this story a thumbs up again? Knighty, fix dat shit

Here, let me give you a tip.

When you're writing a word, and the next word needs to have a comma, you write it like this.

"and then, he did the thing..."

One space, connecting with the word behind it, not in front of it, nor in between.

If you need a pre reader, I'll gladly help so you don't have to waste time editing it. If not, then please just follow my advice.

are the elements going to make him sane or something

>>283015283015 actually, with the way deadpool became deadpool he is sain supprisingly, he is just so bored that he has to make life fun for himself

Well, I can see that getting deadpool to coop with them, will be:

Funny, dramatic, 4d wall breaking, and ton and tons of fun

I'm kinda glad that someone made a Deadpool fic.

I had an idea for one of my own, but this is decent

Well it feels that the chapters are too short ( in my opinion ) and sometimes they need a little more "meat" in them, but as far as it goes i can say its a good start So keep up the good work

JUst asking from one deadpool fan to another

Do you only know deadpool from mvc3?

im a bit confused about why deadpool would wreak havok in ponyville, well yeah... he's insane and unpredictable, but he's also a brony. also like novablast said, if you only know deadpool from MvC, you should try to read some of his comics, it would help you improve on his character a lot, still this last chapters, are looking much better than the first one. keep up the good work.

>>288536288536 have you read episode 50 yet? its sad

I have read the comics people

>>289196289196 depends, since there are a lot of deadpool comics these days, i don't know of which you are talking about. (and since i don't live in the US i find it difficult to get the comics)

That aliens comment...it made me think of my pic. I like this.

>>289553289553

episode 50 "DEAD"

Deadpool, feel pity?

You sir did the impossible

Gj at that gj

This... this is Deadpool, sure, but the grammar is... OH GOD.

I cannot, I CANNOT like this. Deadpool crossover or not, the constant usage of double  spaces and , wrong commas makes me very sad, and quite angry.

>>295578295578 relax, I got better and by  chapter 3 the grammar should be much better I will probably go back and fix the first 2 chapters

Discord, Pinkie Pie AND Deadpool?!? The only thing not causing the entire multiverse to implode into a cloud of butterflies and chimichangas is the fast that Sheogorath isn't there as well; nothing can handle that much pure concentrated insane at one spot but this will still cause some strands of reality to tangle up with each other.

Bravo!! I love it!!

NICE!

I bucking love that song.

you sir get all of my mustaches!

(Also it's Guitar riff not rift just thought you should know.)

A Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny reference and Sweet Child of Mine by Guns 'n' Roses? I knew I would love this story.

Please continue! This is really good!

Yay! Applejack Daniels for the win!

lol that song sounds like me playing any modern online shooter, singing improv jolly songs while kicking flank. Good times

However, he was human, she wasn’t, accompanied by the fact she wielded one of the Elements of Harmony making her immortal, he would die one day.

LOLOLOLwut

You can't kill deadpool/ He lives forever..

In one of the comics, He is still alive 300 years later..

Dudeeeeeeeee. come on..

aweyeah!!!!!

Tenacious D  reference for the win!!!

>>311767311767 did Applejack know that though?

AWWW i was hoping applejack saw at least five of the guards fatally injure Deadpool and him just getting back up as if nothing was wrong,

just for her to see he's as immortal as a cockroach that just wont DIE

lol marenia

also FIRST!!!  

You know, normally I would bust a author's balls for making a Rainbow Dash sexuality joke (I am one of the few that believe she is straight) but you made up for it with the Twilight joke. Personally, I believe no self-respecting vampire would allow themselves to sparkle in f*cking daylight.

this is worthy of mine interests

Let me gues, it's Dante, plz let it be Dante

GHOST RIDER GHOST RIDER GHOST RIDER  FTW

Well. We got a spawn of the devil, a lawyer.

And what a better layer than Mr Wright

(still Dante and ghost rider are wile PW is discord)

>>333216333216 Pony rangers.

Write MOAR NAO or you'll make fluttershy cry

5 bits say pheonix wright

>>333216333216. Sorry mate I have 3 other crossovers, one of which is an unreleased one starring Phoenix Wright

*snorts* Ha! That's good. Giving them a lawyer.

I clicked on the link..WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!

>>315976315976 really I don't believe her gay, the whole "Rainbow Dash is a lesbian" thing caught my eye as a joke about the stereotype, so I treat it like that , a joke

>>339255339255 Alright That's cool man. Just pulling your chain

*looking through stories, sees deadpool*

"DEADPOOL DEADPOOL DEADPOOL DEADPOOL DEADPOOL DEADPOOL DEADPOOL DEADPOOL DEADPOOL DEADPOOL DEADPOOL DEADPOOL DEADPOOL DEADPOOL  DEADPOOL DEADPOOL DEADPOOL DEADPOOL DEADPOOL!"  

yay

GHOST RIDER OR I'LL GET PUNISHER, BLADE, GHOST RIDER, SUPERMAN, AND GOD TO DESTROY YOU ALL THE WAY DOWN TO YOUR VERY SOUL!!!!!!

Deadpool is funny and all and kicks ass and all but I quite dislike the fact that he started out things with a fight! A meaningless one at that

Totally had Sweet Child O' Mine playing in a separate window while reading the rock off part. 5/5 scootaloo to you

I made a cliffhanger to the epilogue because I am just that evil

You sunubabitch

...i have absolutely no idea what just happened.

You know it actually somewhat fits with Deadpool to have an anti-climactic final boss fight... but then again it is Mephisto... boss fights with him are usually anticlimactic in games... even Marvel Ultimate Alliance had a somewhat anticlimactic boss fight...

Wait so does that mean... is One More Day gone? Is everything back to normal?

well lets be honest because of the storyline of deadpool, he is just as unkillable as mephisto, because of a certain curse put on deadpool, you could cut off his head bury them both in seperate places for 100 years reunite them and deadpool would still be alive. he already hes been thrown into a fire turned to ash but they didnt scatter the ash and deadpool came back to life

ridiculously silly!

What the hey? No!

Ghost rider riding rainbow dash Do it Do it now!

Make more now

You are recording this aren't you reader? Hehe no? Hehe, WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU AREN'T RECORDING THIS?

...uhhh....im going to say...let's see...someone who can take down mesphito...Frank West.

Note: This chapter is short for a reason, I realized how horribly I did on this fic and wanted to reboot it as quick as possible. So prepare for a reboot that takes place in the Earth-616 continuity.

>>952702952702

I dare you to have a random cameo of Headpool. maybe bring Dogpool over for Winona if you bring the AJ/Deadpool shipping again.

I now leave you with the mental image of Rainbow Dash, Pinkie, and Lady Deadpool having a threesome, enjoy.

>>952841952841ಠ_ಠ I'm ok with this.

I thought she was so far back that she had her own room in Narnia

>>952841952841

atticca atticca

>>955562955562

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_unsuresweetie_flip.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_O_O.png

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_TwilightWut.png

>>955624955624

its something that headpool has said

Well here is the first chapter to the reboot

Relax, Mephisto will still play his role :D

Now I am off to use my new Accusharp which arrived in the mail today

yessssss moar

Lots o' grammar errors.

>>964315964315 Something tells me you are reading the first chapter. The grammar improves as the story progresses.

Ha ha ha, I can't read. No but seriously, good chapter and I like the way you started this reboot

>>620630620630

not meaningless at all. he wants a challenge and wanted to see if twilight could give it to him. And then he realized that she couldnt alone but with her friends she could and thus calmed down

Deadpool: Well now if you need little old me then just ask.

Twilight: What huh how?

Pinkie : he got here through the front door.

... Pheonix wright. With turnabout always acheived

nice bro nice.

Tenacious D  reference

Huh . . . seems legit.

I SEE AN UPDATE AFTER SO LONG...

MINIONS! ATTACK!

Image: http://www.blogcdn.com/www.joystiq.com/media/2009/02/overlord2580main.jpg

>>18401221840122>>18399691839969

How'd you guys like it.

I know, I've been gone for a while.

I've transferred back to public school, so that cut into my fanfic time.

This doth seem to be true g=fact my good sir