On old stallion recounts his life to his grandchildren on Hearth's Warming Eve.
Their request for a story becomes much more than that when one of them asks about Humans, and the stallion goes into a description of the human race that leads to a startling realization for his grandchildren, and even more, the story that goes with that realization.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This story seems interesting. It also seems to be a different take on the Human in Equestria genre, and I also think that it has some really good potential to be a great story. I did notice a problem, but it was mostly just that you switched tenses. You started off in the Present tense, but then changed to the Past tense. It's not really a big deal, but I thought I'd tell you anyway. I'll be tracking this story to see where it goes.
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To be completely honest, I didn't even notice that I did that! Thanks for pointing it out, and I hope to have another update by Saturday or Sunday, really depending on my schedule for other things.
Glad you found it interesting!
You're welcome.
It looks good, and the concept is one that is a little better than "a brony ended up in Equestria, lets see what happens." The only warning I would give is to be wary of where you go with the story, because a bad slip-up could destroy such a good concept. But until then......
Keep it classy.
SPOILER ALERT!!!
not everyone was as loving as work as them,
-I suggest "not everyone was as loving of work as them,"... also I find this talk of humans loving work more than ponies to be a bit odd given that while ponies DO like to play, they also generally have their career-path magically emblazoned on their hips and may become mentally unstable when they can't pursue it any more.
Some notes:
I feel like this chapter turned out all right, I'm happy with it but I think I could have done a much better job.
Secondly, sorry that it took so long for me to put it out, I had other things like life and research pop up that I had to prioritize, as well as writers block for this story. In the time that I had writers block for this one, I wrote the entirety of Letters to a Lunar Goddess and started on a third, fourth, and fifth fics that I'm going to be working on in addition to this one.
A heads up for this summer however, I will be putting out chapters in any of those much slower than you are used to, as I'll be starting a job where I only have access to a computer around 20 hours a week. I'm sorry for this, but I love the job and I wont be giving it up for anything.
Stay frosty.
- Icer
Here's an idea that I've been working on for a while, I've decided to let you in on some things that will happen in the future in the story, by taking a look at as something that happened in the past from the perspective of you the reader.