If you are enjoying my stories, I thank you. Nothing means quite as much to me as someone really appreciating what I put out into the world. So, from the bottom of my heart... Thank You.
The Writers' Group56,384 stories ·9,291 members
One-Shots18,903 stories ·2,369 members
Derpy tales743 stories ·1,208 members
Short Stories5,069 stories ·547 members
School for New Writers9,608 stories ·5,008 members
Authors Helping Authors8,589 stories ·2,462 members
The Feature Box Is More Than Clop333 stories ·65 members
Chess-by-mail can be stressful, especially when Twilight realizes her horrible mistake. Will Chester notice it? Will Derpy find the lost letter? Will Twilight ever explain to Applejack how the 'towers' move?
Edit: The Fifth to Final Move made it to the popular list. (That might be common, but whatever, I'm flipping out) THANK YOU ALL FOR LIKING THIS! :D
Page generated in 0.094 seconds
Total duration
664 users online
951,568 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Silly Derpy...
A cute fun story. I liked it.
3263187
Glad I can entertain.
+ Support! You can haz dem all!
3263279
:D I like supports! They hold things up.
You did a very good job of creating tension on a mundane issue. I enjoyed it.
3263429
Mundane? MUNDANE!
This was for the Semi-Finals of the Equestria wide Chess Master Tournament!
Thanks man, I appreciate the read.
Oh, the Derpy-isms. How they entertain.
Now, mind you, I haven't had a chance to read it today, but I will, and I'll fave it to show my honesty.
But I had to post this for the sake of getting my message across
pony.cscdn.us/pic/photo/2013/07/e63ceeb784e82deae79ace1009e99bcd_1024.png
3263460
Now that I've seen that picture, I will. XD
One of the best stories on the site for just filling in about 5 minutes of nothing to do. I like it. Very silly and the best part is possibly the whole 'deliver at Twilight' thing. I would never have thought of that!
3263502
It was actually a suggestion by my father. He knows next to nothing about the show.
Personally I like the part where Derpy stops for 'a minute' at the bakery, but ends up staying there for hours.
Also, Best is a strong word. I don't think I'd go that far.
3263515
Well, best in my opinion
3263521
Well gee. Thanks, I really appreciate the kind words.
This is quite clever and I liked it. The pacing was a little quick, but that's okay, it didn't ruin the tension. But who was the mare Derpy ran into outside the post office!?
I want to know 
Nah but seriously, I enjoyed the good quick read.
3263930
No idea, just a random pony on the street.
scontent-b-dfw.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/150980_1421510648072116_660957878_n.jpg
~theviciouskiller
Delivered at Twlight, oh the puns.
Okay, here goes.
Name of Story: The Fifth To Final Move.
Grammar score out of 10: 8
Pros:
It was a fun little five-minute read, nothing too heavy.
Characterizations were spot-on, I believe Twilight would really have a conniption of that order and Applejack would be utterly clueless.
It lived up to its Comedy tag!
Cons:
While for the most part it was technically very well written, you missed a couple punctuations and capitalizations.
There was no real sense of pacing to let the tension build, it felt like it started and resolved within the five minutes it took to read.
You frequently told what was happening instead of showing.
Notes Section:
Overall it was better than the average fic posted here. A diamond in s*** mountain, if you will- albeit a rough-cut one. It could use a little sawing down of the corners, a little more interaction between the characters, and a better sense of pacing! I don't really believe Twilight would pass over the chance to teach somepony something, she would have explained that the rook is actually a siege engine, not a 'castle'. Try going over it a few times more before posting, or sending it off to someone to have a second look at it, I'd be happy to offer my services as a proofreader/editor.
And lastly, Show, don't tell! Don't say X character did Y, show us through description X character doing Y. It helps the narrative feel like a story and not a bunch of paper characters floating in a white space.
Enjoy your review! Please help me out by looking at this story: Fallout Equestria: SIDEQUEST (Mature Tagged)
3266097
Thanks for the review. My editor was offline at the time and I'm too impatient. Another situational issue was the fact that it was rushed due to its creation for the One-Shotober contest. I need to continue to strive for better quality though. Thank you for pointing out my faults, and I will do my best to rectify those problem spots, to polish the diamond. I'll keep you in my contacts list if my editors are unavailable in the future. Thanks again for the review.
3266236
You're very welcome. I have way more fun critiquing than I should....
I start writing and turn into Simon Cowell. :C
3266247
Well you are very knowledgable on the subject. Don't stop, FimFiction needs as many editors as it can get.
3266326
And by that I mean when everyone else is bending over backwards to apply lips to your nether regions and inflate your skull, I'll be there to rip you down. In my utterly peerless no-kindness manner, tell you why you suck.
But then tell you how to be better, and if you deserve a bone, I'll toss you one.
3266338
Being nice is for the weak. Those who understand their writing can improve are those who can improve. If you are prideful of your work, it will never go anywhere.
3266352
Indeed!