• Member Since 12th Jul, 2013
  • offline last seen Nov 16th, 2023

That Avi Nerd


I find it fitting that I enjoy writing, since my last name is Ward. "The Old Gaelic surname derives from "Mac an Bhaird" ("son of the Bard"). A bard being a story teller or poet." - Surname meaning.

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It's Rainbow Dash's birthday and there's one present that stands out amongst the others. One that Rainbow wouldn't have ever thought possible. This story is about Rainbow dealing with said present, and the ponies surrounding it.
* disclaimer - this is poorly written. Read at your own risk. Reader's discretion advised.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 15 )

All of her friends of were present, too.

All of them of but Spike. As usual. What I don't get is why half of Ponyville was celebrating Dash's birthday while Twilight knew full well that Spike was still back at the library...and why she didn't seem concerned when she couldn't find him. That makes absolutely no sense. It appears that in this story, his so-called friends have the same regard for him as an ethnic servant in the 18th Century. I wonder...if they aren't his friends, who the heck is?

I could have enjoyed it, but when he didn't come on the expedition to save his...friend...and didn't even get any lines, I just skimmed the rest.

And when it comes down to it, Loyalty, is a powerful thing."

Unless you're a small dragon, it seems. Then, even if you've been demonstrating endless loyalty, dedication, and support since childhood, it won't earn you jack shit. That's the friendship lesson Dash learned: that ponies are the master race.

Huh?... This doesn't really make much sense. First of all, Queen Chrysalis knew it was RD's birthday, but she didn't bother telling the Changelings that would be impersonating her and her parents this most basic fact? Why did the Changeling replacing Dash jump behind the bush, basically giving itself away? How did the ponies get the location of where Chrysalis had lured RD to? Why would Celestia personally accompany RD's parents? -And why would her parents ask Celestia--herself!--to take them? How could Twilight (and the rest, but especially Twi) so easily forget what Changeling magic looks like? This isn't even an exhaustive list of nonsensical happenings in this story.

Admittedly, I only skimmed over the last third/fourth-ish, but I didn't see a hint of anything that could redeem what I earnestly read. This needs a lot of work, plot-wise--so much work that I'm inclined to say everything between RD leaving the birthday party and the escaping of the collapsing cave is unrecoverable. Sorry, but... it just really, really doesn't make sense!

3262001 I completely understand and agree, but, I accidentally left Spike out of most of the story when I had originally wrote this on my phone and had my plot set up in notes. By the time I realized what I had done, or rather not done, It was late in the story and I couldn't think of a way to change it without compromising the story, so, I gave him a minor appearance in the Library and blew it off as 'he had work to do, especially since the library was just trashed.' Maybe in the future I'll figure out a way to effectively put him in and make the necessary changes. For now, I'm focusing all of my attention on my other story.

All the grammar errors are fixed?

"What you posses her to do something like this?"

/\ ? :ajbemused:

3262006 This, I also agree with. This story wasn't exactly my best work, in fact it's probably the worst I've ever written, both in and out of this fandom. The primary reason I wrote this was to get my feet wet in story telling since I had stopped for a long time, and this did in fact help me become better in my writing when I originally wrote it. I suspect that it went down in quality on this revision since I basically half-assed it with copy and pasting from the original (which was only 5,000 some words) and adding text here and there. It's also not my primary focus, if anything, I rushed it. Broken Feathers was still at the fore-front of my imagination while I was working on this project (which was basically just me taking a break from Broken Feathers to get away from some writers block.)
So yes, I'll agree with you that this isn't an A+ story.

3262031 Yes... well... most of the grammar erros have been corrected. Author's notes have been edited accordingly.
Wow, you guys are picky today.

Celestia, I don't think you should ask Dash if she learned anytinhg.

3262050 I wrote this just after watching all three seasons of the show in less than a week, so I had written that part as an improv form of at the end of the episodes when Twilight usually wrote Princess Celestia about what she had learned and what-not.

3262062But it felt so out of place, I mean Rainbow almost lost all her love to Chrysalis. If I was her, I would be asking "I just lost my love. broke my wing. and was almost crushed to death, and you want to know what I learned today?"

Reading because today's my birthday.

And after a long day of adventuring... Ponies have died, RD have broken her wing and the changelings are on the run...
The only thing Pinkie thinks of is to finish RD's party.....










:facehoof:

I will write my reactions as I find them:
SUPRISE! :pinkiecrazy: how many times to I say that? many many times. pinkie what have you done with my life.
so wait, Pinkie's gift is a box? :trixieshiftright: I like. I know of somepony who would jump in :derpytongue2:
and the flutter squeal... :yay:
AJ gives cider? not hard cider I presume :ajsmug:
Rarity gives curtains- legit... nothing else.
Twilight me: gives a book... :rainbowlaugh: HA HA! I was right! and "I'm gonna lose so much sleep over this" like me and a new fanfic?
queenChrysalis. duh, bet'cha the parents are changelings. (I know it already! :trollestia:)
hey whats special about today? (dun dun duuuuuuun) it's a code word! :pinkiehappy:
(when the fake parents turn into fakes) TOLD YOU! :pinkiecrazy:
forcefully discording Rainbow Dash? wow... (reads AJ's) :twilightoops::twilightoops:by Luna.... wow... just...
wow.... no words can describe that... wow...
and fight time, Twilight does reaving spell to troll the changelings? :twilightsmile: me like.
Rarity and Pinkie double teaming the changelings? :moustache: me like.
so then AJ is a boss protecting RD? :ajsmug: me like.
TROLLESTIA ATTACKS! :trollestia: :trollestia: :trollestia: and then is denied.... Aw...
then the epic un discording of Rainbow Dash, nice flip of the insults. I like that.
so QC does big blast move. RD does a Homing Attack. :ajsmug: the shot mis fires... the cave collapses. everyone runs. oh nopony trip! (twilight trips) DANGIT! :facehoof: go save her Rainbow Dash, just don't get (RD hurts wing) NO! :facehoof::facehoof: why does nopony listen to me!
sweet! epic medic Pegusai! good! somepony has that Idea too!
:trollestia:: what have you learned?
:rainbowdetermined2:: :rainbowhuh: what! I nearly died. then hurt my wing, then you ask what I learned? :pinkiecrazy: FLY FASTER.
and Pinkie only wants to complete the party. good! get some levity back into the glum situation.
aww... slow dance with dad. :moustache::rainbowkiss: so cute.

all in all :moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:/:moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:
me like a lot dear sir. good job for a "poorly written" story.

3692101 :rainbowlaugh: Hang on, I need to pull myself out of my grave. I have apparently died of suffocation due to lungs being preoccupied with laughter. That was an awesome review, if I do say so myself.
And yeah... 'poorly written' describes it in my opinion. Especially the first version which only had about 5 thousand words. It was less than... adequate...
Thanks for the awesome review, though! :rainbowwild:

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