• Member Since 10th Jul, 2012
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Twinkletail


I write poni. I am easily distracted. I like Oreos.

E

Rainbow Dash is not a happy pony. She just finished organizing this awesome storm, and then she finds out that Applejack and Rarity had the nerve to use it to have a slumber party with Twilight. And they didn't invite her! She's determined to get herself invited to a slumber party with Twilight, whether AJ and Rarity want her to or not!

(A bit of silliness written for the TwiDash group's "After The Storm" competition!)

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 63 )

Yea. I'm not sure that Rainbow Dash has ever been remotely this paranoid. Pinkie Pie... maybe. But not RD.

That was an enjoyable story. Rainbow being so over the top was interesting enough to keep me reading and while a couple spots were a bit much others, like her reaction to Twilight, made up for it to me. Since I'm here for the Twidash anyway, you hit the important part IMO so... Good Job. :twilightsmile:

Rainbow is lovably dense here. :rainbowhuh:

Two, of course, has trouble with going off the cuff. :twilightsmile:

Cute story all in all. Though ruining Applejack and Rarity's date wasn't nice there, RD. :raritydespair::ajbemused:

I'm warring with myself as I try to decide whether Rainbow is out of character, merely slightly exaggerated or if she's really that dense. I'm leaning toward the last possibility.

Her train of thought is a pleasure to read, insane as it may be. It's well written and I didn't spot any mistake.

Here are the lines I liked most;

'She hadn't done it all by herself, although she totally could have if she wanted to,'

'"Zammed" wasn't a word, as far as she knew, but with how awesome and amazing she was, she could probably get it to catch on. If other ponies heard that the great Rainbow Dash was zamming, then they would certainly want to zam too. Pretty soon, ponies all over Equestria would be zamming, and it would all be thanks to her.

Rainbow was so distracted with her thoughts of zamming that she couldn't help but close her eyes, in order to better visualize the legions of ponies that would be signing up to receive zamming lessons from her,'

'She was quite thankful for this, because neither of her two friends were very fond of her crashing into them,'

'She didn't even hit them and Rarity was still upset? There was no pleasing that mare,'

'She had heard Applejack, of course. Her hearing was just as awesome as the rest of her,'

'frowning at the two jerks in front of her,'

'"I don't care how promptu it was!",'

'Rainbow once again couldn't believe her ears. First they tell her that they slept over Twilight's without inviting her, and now they try to blame it on her awesome storm? They had some nerve,'

'Rainbow looked between them. They were probably plotting another slumber party right now! And AJ was probably trying to get her to tell them her schedule, so they could do it when she was busy!,'

'It was an absolutely foolproof plan, but that went without saying. Any plan made by the Dash was instantly the best plan ever,'

'It took a pony as amazing as Rainbow to come up with this plan, and in the same vein, she was the only pony brilliant enough to find the flaw in it'

and

'That was where she made her best plans, and whatever this plan was gonna be, it had to be the best. Just like Rainbow Dash.'

Oh, trapping Applejack was just mean. And sounded more in character than it should.

I loved the repeat of 'the most important part of the plan,' as well as these lines;

'She knew this because she knew everything, and she knew everything because she was Rainbow Dash,'

'Without a storm, Twilight had no reason to invite anypony in for a slumber party, and if Twilight didn't invite Rainbow in for a slumber party, then Rainbow wouldn't be able to have a slumber party with Twilight. Seeing as the whole point of this plan was for Rainbow to have a slumber party with Twilight, it was very important for Rainbow to have a slumber party with Twilight if the plan was to succeed,'

'In fact, there really was nothing that Rainbow Dash couldn't handle,'

'Rainbow hoped that her acting skills were good enough to give that impression. Then she stopped hoping that, because the phrase "acting skills" contained the word "skills," and if there was anything that she had plenty of, it was skills,'

'Rarity had to be kept away at all costs,'

'AJ smiled a lot normally, but she seemed extra-smiley on her way out of the library,'

'The way she was looking at Rarity, walking close to Rarity, giggling with Rarity...it was totally obvious what she wanted. She wanted Twilight all to herself,'

'Twilight didn't need more muscle. She was a bookworm, and she was just fine with the soft curves that she already had,'

'Or the second most perfect, second only to Rainbow's shape,'

'Rarity didn't like it when Rainbow accidentally knocked on her head because she wasn't paying attention to the fact that she had opened the door. She complained every single time it happened, even though Rainbow always told her that it wouldn't have happened if she'd answered the door earlier,'

'She'd been positive that her natural awesomeness would keep Rarity from looking anywhere other than right at her. Maybe something was wrong with Rarity. Probably delirious from too much plotting behind Rainbow's back,'

'Rainbow thought Rarity was pretty cool. Then she remembered that she was supposed to be annoyed with her, and stopped thinking that she was cool,'

'Rainbow Dash was not one to scare easily, but the eager glow in Rarity's eyes following that statement shook her to the core,'

'looking about as happy as...uh...something that was really, really happy,'

'"Nah, I've got...um...a wedding coming up," Rainbow lied. "For my favorite cousin. Who I've never spoken about because...reasons,"

'having clearly been totally fooled by Rainbow's great story,'

'how could both of them not be distracted by her unadulterated awesomeness?'

'AJ raised a brow, giving that annoying "I think I know everything" look she sometimes gave. She definitely didn't know everything. Otherwise, she'd be Rainbow Dash, and there was only one Rainbow Dash. Though it would probably be kinda awesome if there were two,'

'It was absolutely flawless. Just like Rainbow Dash,'

'Rainbow frowned a really big frown'

and

'She was way too nice and sweet to plot against anypony, let alone somepony as great as Rainbow.'

I'd separate '"Good afternoon, Rainbow Dash!" Rarity said with a smile. Then she looked behind her. "Whatever do you have all of those clouds with you for?"' from 'Rainbow panicked slightly. She'd been positive that her natural awesomeness would keep Rarity from looking anywhere other than right at her. Maybe something was wrong with Rarity. Probably delirious from too much plotting behind Rainbow's back' because they're two different 'speakers,' though.

And all's well that ends well. Rainbow Dash's realization was cute.

I liked these lines;

'Rainbow Dash flew awesomely towards the library,'

'It was the burden that came with being as utterly amazing as she was, a burden which she was more than happy to bear,'

'The slumber party was so close, she could taste it. She wasn't really sure exactly what a slumber party would taste like, but somehow she just knew that the taste she had in her mouth right now was pure slumber party. Pure slumber party apparently had a dry, nervous taste to it, which made total sense. Rainbow Dash never got nervous about anything, so it had to be the taste's fault,'

'and without coming inside, there would be no slumber party. Duh,'

'Seeing Twilight in pain and knowing that it was her fault, though, made her feel awful, even though it was only a tiny bit of pain,'

'"Uh...I was just walking around, not doing anything suspicious, when this rain started! Woe is me!" Rainbow grinned to herself. She totally nailed that,'

'That was the smile of a pony who was totally about to invite her for a slumber party,'

'Rainbow felt a warm feeling in her chest as Twilight smiled at her. Probably because she was getting exactly what she wanted,'

'Twilight giggled, which made Rainbow feel even happier,'

'Rainbow blinked. This didn't sound right. Rarity wasn't here. Why were makeovers being brought up? Makeovers were totally lame, and not what she wanted from a slumber party. She was cooler than makeovers. Twilight was cooler than makeovers,'

'Twilight looked as if Rainbow had just asked her to cut off one of her hooves,'

'The makeovers lasted for half an hour. That was roughly half an hour longer than Rainbow wanted them to last,'

'Rainbow watched her shuffle awkwardly on her hooves, and figured she was doing so because she was only just realizing that she was in the presence of the great Rainbow Dash,'

'Something about Twilight looking upset just made her feel bad,'

'"You...just wanted to spend time alone...with me?" Twilight asked, her eyes glimmering a bit,'

'It was like somepony had turned on a "Twilight is pretty" switch in her brain,'

'Rainbow and Twilight were greeted with the sight of an enraged Applejack, splintered bits of cellar door still stuck in her mane, and a slightly-less-enraged-but-still-pretty-upset Rarity. Both of them were holding sodden pillows.

"Pillow fights"

and

'Rainbow smiled awkwardly. And also awesomely.'

Very cool story... I can kind of see Rainbow's thought processes running like this.

I feel like you put a little bit too much...Rainbow Dash in Rainbow Dash

I dont see this "out of character" nonsense others speak of. This Rainbow Dash might seem a little more awesome than usual but as long as she's totally awesome (which she is), she's in character. Duh

I really liked the "Twilight is pretty switch" line. xD
Totally awesome story! It is an utterly awesome fic completely worthy of the amazingly-awesome Rainbow Dash!
Awesome!

3243697>>3248218
Remember, this is Rainbow Dash from Season 1, before she got any character development.

Twilight pulled what was essentially an all nighter yesterday. Tonight she is immediately willing to have another slumber party. For this we can conclude that Twilight doesn't need sleep, which is good in a future demigod, as sleep is for the weak.
:twilightblush:

3259524 in season two she let a pony fall to their death whilst signing autographs, pranked royalty even when she would have had a fine view of Luna's disastrous attempts to make friends, abandoned Twilight for basically no good reason in a complete invalidation of her element and was the first to almost ruin the reputations of her friend's employers simply to satiate a craving. Nah, she didn't really mellow out until Season Three. Even then she has her relapses.

3259562 I remember all of Dash's sins well. I have to be able to defend myself from all the flak I get from her massive fan base.

3260043

This story's written for a contest. One of the rules is that the story has to take place in the span of season one (from their meeting to the Grand Galloping Gala).

You have a really strong grasp of Season One Dash - I was grinning and snickering the whole time. Well done.

This was hilarious.:pinkiehappy:
Nothing is faster than Rainbow Dash, not even her thoughts.

If this is suppose to take place after Look before you Sleep, than Twilight and Applejack rescuing Fluttershy couldn't have happened yet.
That happened later.

Wow, RD really was a jerk. It was almost a bit too much for my personal taste, but it was a fun read :rainbowdetermined2: The beginning of the slumber party was especially painful to read, and made the diabeetus-sweet turning point hit home even stronger :twilightsmile: Nicely done!

Rarity and AJ giggling and blushing in the background were also very cute :ajsmug: :raritywink:

3297143
You're right.
And I can't remember when Twilight and uh Pinkie Pie and somepony else went to save Fluttershy? Which episode was it?:rainbowhuh:

Nice start to this one.

Buuuuut... For some reason Rainbow Dash seems FAR to child like.

~Skeeter The Lurker

I dunno. This would be a good one if not for Rainbow Dash being so... Eh.

~Skeeter The Lurker

Ok.

The ending recovers the hope. Just a bit.

But still... This Rainbow Dash just kills it. And not in a good way.

~Skeeter The Lurker

3371120 Yeah, not gonna lie. Rainbow Dash screwing her friends over just killed it for me. And the romance didn't come in until the very last part of the last chapter? Yeah... this story could have done better. Good idea starting out, but you could have focused a lot more on Twi and RD developing feelings for each other instead of Rainbow tricking her friends.

I don’t know what I can say about this fic that hasn’t been said before me, but I’ll give it a go anyways. You took the idea of Rainbow Dash in the first season and rolled with it, possibly better than any of the other entries have so far. I found myself giggling constantly throughout the fic at Rainbow’s antics (and especially her thought processes, “zamming” is totally a word in my lexicon now).

It really captured the comedy of the show and was for the most part spot-on with how I would imagine Rainbow Dash thinking in the first season (now if only I could pull that off...). That being said, as Skeets and a few others have mentioned, you took the immaturity of Rainbow Dash too far in a few places. While Rainbow Dash does often act childlike, throughout you take that a bit too far and make her too childlike for her own good. I don’t see it as out of characters as others do, but in some places it did make me cringe, but then I laughed afterwards, so I guess it balances out.

In particular, the second chapter Rainbow sets up and begins the absolutely perfectly-awesome-impossible-to-fail plan, and while I enjoyed her paranoia, it felt like a little too much paranoia, even for Rainbow Dash (though I will admit while putting a boulder over the cellar to trap AJ was decidedly evil, it was quite fitting).

The realization of her feelings towards Twilight was, simply put, cute. I admire how you kept to Rainbow Dash’s p.o.v. throughout the entirety of the fic where others may have gone into Twilight’s or Rarity’s thinking at some points. While we didn’t necessarily get to see Twilight’s side of things (or why she had a crush on Rainbow, apparently), that wasn’t a big issue for me in the slightest. Rainbow merely accepting her feelings and coming to terms with the fact that she likes Twilight was heartwarming, and the ending was perfect.

So, in summary I guess, I really enjoyed this fic (I found myself enjoying it more as I did this review/critique). I was laughing throughout, and even though Rainbow Dash was more of a Rainbow Dick, the argument can be made that this is S1 Rainbow Dash. I’m not entirely sure where I stand on that argument, but I can say in some places it worked and in others not necessarily as much. As for the romance itself, it was fun to see Rainbow slowly figure things out on her own.

I don’t even need to tell you to keep it up~

Timaeus out.

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