• Published 29th Feb 2012
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The Legend Of Star Swirl The Bearded - Blueshift



What is the secret story behind the most legendary pony wizard of all time?

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Chapter 6 - BYOB (Bring Your Own Beard)

Star Swirl did not merely walk to the Great Hall, she swaggered. Word obviously spread through the palace fast, and everywhere she walked she received a respectful nod or a courteous bow. Her strides were confident and powerful, her head was held high, her chest puffed out. The buzz she felt from such adoration was almost addictive, causing a heart swell of pride at every unicorn who acknowledged her superiority.

Clover was faring less well. The slightly smaller mare was scrambling along the castle corridors in an attempt to keep up with Star Swirl’s strides, hampered by the dress she wore which kept tangling around her hooves and tripping her up. Star Swirl turned for the umpteenth time to narrow her eyes at her assistant, who once more toppled head-first at her hooves.

“Sorry sir!” Clover squeaked, picking herself up. Whilst Star Swirl’s robes were hardly high-class, they were at least now ironed neatly. Clover on the other hoof was wearing a blue dress that was obviously several sizes too big for her, the hem dragging on the floor and tangling round her feet.

Star Swirl didn’t know much about style, but she knew the dregs of the bargain bin from a charity shop when she saw it. She stared at the clumsy Clover for a minute, watching her writhing about on the floor, attempting to untangle herself from the mess she had got herself in. There was a sudden painful tearing as one of her hooves came free. She gave a squeal and Star Swirl just shook her head. “Clover, get up!” She swung round, turning her head as she trotted towards the entrance to the Great Hall, determined to make an impression. “And Star Swirl will do, not sir. That’ll get old quick!”

Clover scurried to keep up with Star Swirl, her brow furrowing as she looked down at her dress. One of the front forehoof sleeves had ripped slightly, and was tearing further the more she moved. “I should probably go back to my room,” she whispered, slowing down to hang back slightly. “I’ve still not got that weird stain out of the floor completely…”

They were closer to the event now. Various ponies dressed in their fineries were trotting past them, chatting and laughing, and from the large open doorway to the Great Hall Star Swirl could hear a hubbub of activity, voices blending into a dull roar. She turned back to Clover, placing her forehooves on her shoulders. Maybe it was the endearing way Clover had taken to instantly trusting her, or maybe it was just the rush of power at having her own personal servant to fawn over her, but Star Swirl realised she didn’t want Clover to slink off jut yet. She looked deep into Clover’s large trembling pupils and gave a warm smile. “Clover, you look…” she trailed off, searching for the right word as she considered Clover’s cheap, creased and torn dress “…fantastic. If anypony stares at you, it’s because of how good you look, remember that! Now, stick with me kid and it’ll all be fine.”

Clover looked down at her dress, across at the beautifully dressed unicorns entering the hall, then back to Star Swirl. “I guess…” she crossed her front legs nervously, then her face took on a more determined focus and she nodded. “Yes. Yes, you’re right! At your side I feel like I can do anything!” She proudly marched next to Star Swirl as the two entered the bustling hall.

Star Swirl strutted through the doorway, taking in the sumptuous banqueting hall, and the groups of ponies standing around, chatting before the main event. She was about to reply to Clover, when something caught her eye. She waved her hoof dismissively at her companion. “Clover, go stand in a corner or get a drink or whatever. I’ve got something important to do!”


***


“Excuse me! Mind out! Watch it!” There was one pony in the castle that Star Swirl had been determined to speak to, and she wasn’t going to let a crowd of unicorns get in her way. She cantered forwards determinedly in a straight line towards her quarry, pushing past the various nobles and diplomats and distinguished guests. Even the elegant decorations of that vast room didn’t distract her, nor the sight of the massive table in the centre with room for easily one hundred ponies, already heaving with golden meal dishes as the servants prepared the feast. Her full attention was settled on one pony, and she would not deviate until she reached her.

“So, you’re a sea pony?” Star Swirl could feel herself bouncing uncontrollably as she blurted out the rather painfully obvious statement to the pony now in front of her in an attempt to attract her attention. There were already a few unicorns who had been talking to the sea pony ambassador, but Star Swirl hadn’t paid them much heed as she pressed her nose up to the tank. “I mean… obviously you’re a sea pony!” she laughed nervously as she tried to regain her composure. “But I never believed you were real…”

Up close, the sea pony’s carriage was even stranger. The wooden base had been carefully constructed, with complex pipes and metal levers jutting out at all angles, and a mild chugging noise pottering away inside from whatever device made the contraption work. It seemed to be built from driftwood and old timbers, and there was no obvious way that Star Swirl could see of steering it from within. The glass cylinder on top of the base was tall, higher than Star Swirl, and from inside she could see bubbles in the slightly murky water and all manner of reeds, sea weed and other assorted objects littered the bottom on top of a layer of sand. There was also a shimmering pink tail which caught and reflected the light almost as if it had sequins sewn into it, which gently swayed from side to side before her.

“Ah, Star Swirl, yes?” Craning her head up, Star Swirl could see the sea pony looking down at her from over the edge of the tank, her top hooves hooked over the edge to stop her from falling back in. Her wet, glistening mane hung over the side of her face as she smiled softly. “My people also thought land ponies were a myth until recently. I am the first sea pony to make the journey to the surface world.” Her voice was soft, smooth, with an almost sing-song quality and a slightly foreign twinge. “My name is Arcturus, Star Swirl. It is very good to meet such a powerful wizard. Our people would know more of magic, perhaps we could talk more closely.”

Star Swirl gulped slightly, aware that in her eagerness to converse with the strange pony she was not making an impressive showing. “I’d like that!” she croaked, perhaps a bit too enthusiastically. “I guess being the only sea pony here must be lonely.”

Arcturus smiled and whipped back her hair, sending a spray of water across the room and into the face of a nearby unicorn. “Nonsense!” she half-laughed. “I find you unicorns such interesting company. And your castle is much like the sand castles back home. Of course, my husband is also here to pass the time on the long cold nights.”

“Oh…” Star Swirl attempted to push down any pangs of disappointment at this revelation. “That’s… nice…”

“Yes, here he is.” Arcturus let go of the sides of her tank and plunged back into the water, to emerge a few moments later with an oyster held in her hooves. “Lord Proteus!” She leaned down to Star Swirl to give a conspiratorial whisper. “It is a loveless marriage of convenience, but our union ensures peace across the blessed kelp fields.”

Star Swirl baulked at the oyster with confusion. “That’s… nice…” she repeated, not wanting to insult the sea pony and her oyster lover, but slightly weirded out by the situation. “Good to meet you… Proteus…” she reached up a hoof to the oyster in greetings, and Arcturus bumped the oyster against her.

“Ah good, he likes you!” Arcturus smiled. “He can be jealous when I talk to the nice unicorn stallions; many times it has nearly come to blows! He has such a wild temper!”

Star Swirl narrowed her eyes at the oyster. “I would… never fight an oyster…” she heard herself saying, mentally working out how a pony was supposed to battle a shellfish. The only method she could think of involved a bucket full of boiling water, and that seemed a bit one sided. Star Swirl liked to avoid violence where possible, but if the worst came to the worst, it was always preferable to have an advantage over your opponent. She considered that battling a small limbless inanimate object was perfect odds.

Thankfully, the rather strange conversation was interrupted by a roar of trumpets, and as one, all the unicorns in the room stopped their chatter and begun to calmly make their way to the assorted cushions that lay around the main dining table.

“Excuse me, I will take my leave!” Arcturus gave a half-bow as she dropped down inside her tank, the mechanism roaring into life and with a puff of steam, trundling away from Star Swirl towards a space at the table which was lacking in cushions, seemingly prepared specially for the ambassador. There were already others seated around it.

“But wait, where do I go?” Star Swirl called after the sea pony, trailing off as she turned, hearing her name being called.

“Star Swirl! Star Swirl!” It was Greybeard, the king’s chief advisor. He was motioning towards a spare place at the table in amongst a group of extremely old, extremely boring looking ponies.

Gritting her teeth, Star Swirl cantered over to where Greybeard and his fellow mystics were sitting, settling down on the cushion provided for her and eyeing the table in front. There was a vast array of dishes laid out: rare flowers, tender fruit and vegetables, more than Star Swirl could comprehend. Her idea of a satisfying dinner was a plate of fried hay followed by several rounds of cheap ale. She peered across the table, looking for Arcturus, eventually seeing her amongst the other ambassadors. She attempted a small wave of the hoof, but couldn’t seem to attract her attention. Every other pony present looked so refined, beautiful and elegant, whereas Greybeard’s gaggle of unicorns looked so… beardy.

“…And of course I came with Lady Primrose, she was glad of the invitation, but didn’t quite seem keen on sitting with us old codgers! Can’t imagine why, eh Star Swirl!” There was a jovial nudge in her sides and Star Swirl realised that Greybeard was speaking to her.

“Oh yes, ha ha, I can’t imagine why not,” Star Swirl deadpanned. Then she creased her brow as she processed the tail-end of Greybeard’s words. “Wait, so you just invited a random pony and they came?”

“Why of course!” Greybeard stroked his beard thoughtfully and smirked across at his fellow academics. “These events are a highlight of the social calendar, the king only has feasts every week or so. I’m hardly going to take my apprentice along as my guest, am I?” The bearded ponies that surrounded Star Swirl burst into a raucous laughter. Star Swirl started to join in, slightly hesitantly. The laughter stopped just as quickly, descending into an uneasy silence.

“There you are!” Star Swirl felt Clover flop onto the cushion next to her, squeezing into the gap with two glasses encased in a magical aura floating before her. “This is all very posh!” she beamed out as she tried to settle down, her dress making another tearing noise as she caught it under her haunches. “The waiter kept trying to give me alcohol but don’t worry Star Swirl, I got you water instead, I’m sure you want to keep your head clear for study and meditation!” She floated the glass towards Star Swirl’s plate. The base caught on the edge of the plate, sending the contents all over the table top and Star Swirl.

“Yes, thank you Clover…” Star Swirl muttered darkly, looking down as the water soaked into her robes. She waved Clover away as her apprentice tried to mop up the water with a napkin, and instead turned back to a rather perturbed looking Greybeard. “Of course, Greybeard,” she began. “How else would my apprentice learn if she was not with me at all times in order to understand how a true wizard must behave?”

“Quite…” Greybeard’s demeanour turned thoughtful as he looked over Star Swirl, and then over to the fumbling Clover, who was still trying to mop the spilt water off the table. “So Clover, how are your lessons going?”

Clover stopped and turned to Greybeard. “Oh great!” She smiled, then faltered. “Well, I mean I’ve not been taught any magic yet, there’s not really been the time, but I’ve been cleaning a nasty stain off the carpet! It’s going really well!”

“I see…” Greybeard’s eyes drilled into Star Swirl who shrunk back slightly at the wizard’s presence. “Do you really…” He was cut off as from the head of the vast table came a loud banging as the king stood up to address the hall.

There was an instant hush, and Star Swirl strained her eyes to see the distant figure of the king at the far side of the table as he repeatedly rapped his overflowing goblet on the table and called for hush. “My subjects!” he roared out, his gaze passing across each and every pony at the table. “My loyal, loyal subjects. How it warms my heart to see the great and good gathered before me once more. A toast! To Unicornia!”

The king raised his goblet, and around Star Swirl, all the ponies raised theirs with a twinkle of magic. She stared at her glass on the table, hoping no one would notice her not raising her glass. “…Unicornia” she mumbled out with the rest. She could see Princess Platinum next to her father, rolling her eyes and looking quite bored with the whole event.

“…And of course!” the king continued in his deep, rolling tones that effortlessly filled the entire vast room. “To our allies, the three pony kingdoms!”

“To the Three Kingdoms!” the room roared in agreement. Star Swirl quickly shuffled sideways, bumping into Clover so that her apprentice’s glass was now hovering in front of her. “…Kingdoms!” she muttered over Clovers protestations.

There was a cough from across the room, and Arcturus raised a hoof from her watery tank. “I think you will find, my lord!” she called out to King Caractacus, “that there are four pony kingdoms.”

The unicorns seated round the table looked at each other unsurely as the king was interrupted, but Caractacus took this in his stride, bursting out into a peal of laughter as if it were the most natural reaction in the world. “Of course, my dear, I was including the sea pony kingdom! There’s the sea ponies, the pegasus ponies, and the unicorns. I’d hardly call what the mud ponies have a kingdom. More…” he ruffled his beard “…a refugee camp!”

Hooves thumped the table in appreciation as a volley of laughter rippled up and down the seated ponies. Star Swirl noticed one pony near Arcturus who wasn’t laughing though. It was Puddinghead. The earth pony Vice Chancellor’s expression had turned dark as she glowered at the king, bristling at the laughter that surrounded her.

“I am pleased relationships between our two kingdoms have become so strong,” Arcturus continued to the king, ignoring the grimaces of Puddinghead. “I hope that soon we will be able to open up trade relations with Unicornia. We are more than willing to exchange your magical artefacts for our kelp!” There was a spray of water in the direction of Puddinghead as a string of kelp was whipped out of the tank, Arcturus holding it above her head proudly. “Kelp! Life-giving kelp! Delicious kelp! The most precious of all-“

“Yes yes yes, we can discuss that later!” The king frowned at the sight of the kelp, turning slightly green at the thought of consuming it. “Of course I…” He trailed off, doing a double take in slight annoyance. “Ambassador Thunderwing, will you please sit down!”

In between the Goatlandian ambassador and a unicorn noble, a grey pegasus was hovering in the air, wings slowly beating back and forth as she smirked at the king. “King Caractacus!” she announced, more to the room as to the king. “As you are well aware, it is not deemed fitting that the hooves of a pegasus should touch the dirty ground. I shall continue to hover at my place in the customary manner.”

“That’s a shame, because your plate’s down there!” the king grinned, pointing to the plate on the table below the pegasus ambassador. He looked across at the assembled guests, licking his lips slightly. “Now, if that is all, let the feast-“

“It’s earth pony, not mud pony!” Puddinghead had leapt to her hooves, her voice quavering slightly as she shouted at the king. All eyes turned to her as she stood shaking with pent-up frustration. “We respect you, I mean, we…” she waved her hoof at the table. “...our farms provided all the food you eat! Show us some respect! Show me some respect, I’m the vice chancellor, not just some random ambassador! That’s how much we respect you! And…” her voice started to break up “and if it is mud pony, then that is because we are all subjects of the glorious Chancellor Mudhooves, not because we live in mud and eat mud!”

Star Swirl found herself staring at the king, awaiting a response. Politics was something she tended to stay out o, though she couldn’t help but feel uneasy at the almost accusatory silence that had descended on the room, all aimed at Puddinghead for speaking out. The expression on the king’s face was unreadable, but then a wry smile broke across his mouth.

“Well, that is awkward, Puddingbrain,” he began, motioning towards a servant. “Because I was under the impression that you mud ponies did eat mud, and to show the proper respect, I had my staff prepare you a special meal!” The servant trotted over to Puddinghead, placing a golden dish in front of her, containing a rather suspicious looking brown substance. “For starters, mud pate, served on a bed of mud.”

As Puddinghead looked down at the plate in stunned silence, the king continued. “And for the main course, Tarte a la Boue!”

“That would be mud pie…” Puddinghead squeaked, shrinking into her cushion slightly at all the eyes currently on her.

“Correct!” the king beamed. “And for desert, I have had my chefs cook you a rhubarb surprise!”

Puddinghead paused. “I-is the surprise that it’s actually mud?” she ventured finally.

“Amazing! You’re not as dumb as you look!” The king stomped his hoof in appreciation as several of the unicorn nobles laughed derisively. “Now Puddingface, of course it is only now I realise you don’t actually eat mud, but I have had this meal prepared for you specially, and as you said, it is important to show the proper respect.” His voice turned to a silky-smooth rumble. “So show me some respect and eat your dinner.”

Puddinghead let out the beginnings of a stuttering retort as the king’s horn glowed with magic and a silver spoon floated down the length of a table towards her, planting itself firmly in the plate full of mud to the titters of some of the assembled guests. After what seemed an age of staring at the plate, she lifted her head to the king, a determined look on her face. “Fine!” she called out. “If this act will make you show equal respect, then I will eat the mud!” Scrunching up her eyes tightly, she leaned forwards and took a small mouthful from the place, her face instantly contorting as if she had eaten a rancid lemon.

The king’s laughter boomed across the room, and soon every pony was whooping and hollering as Puddinghead ate the mud. With a pang of disappointment, Star Swirl could see Princess Platinum leaning against her father as she convulsed with laughter. Only Clover seemed to not find it funny, looking away slightly from the display as if a pattern on the floor had suddenly become interesting. Star Swirl forced a few nervous laughs at Puddinghead’s predicament, nudging Clover to do the same for appearances sake.

“Oh, priceless, priceless!” the king exclaimed, gasping for breath. “I can’t believe you did that Puddingpants. What a silly little pony you are! Now!” he thumped his goblet on the table again. “I believe the rest of us have a proper meal to enjoy!”

Puddinghead leapt to her feet, running out of the room in tears, her face still caked with mud as the servants moved in to serve dinner. Star Swirl’s earlier discomfort was soon forgotten as she found her plate being filled with all sorts of wonders. Fresh sweet corn, honeyed asparagus leaves, even banana peel sprinkled with sugar. Her mouth started to water with anticipation of the feast, as around her all the other ponies began to tuck in.

Star Swirl was just about to lower her mouth and dive in, when she froze. Next to her, Clover had levitated a fork and was shovelling food into her mouth at speed. On the other side, Greybeard was doing much the same, albeit in a rather refined way. All around, every pony save the non-magical ambassadors were gently using their magic to eat. Her stomach rumbled loudly as she looked down at the meal, so close and yet so far away.

“Not hungry Star Swirl?” Greybeard leaned over, face furrowed in some concern. “It really is very nice you know!”

“No, I…” Star Swirl began, but trailed off. The food on her place seemed to be calling to her, the constant noise of eating all around her only making the situation worse. She couldn’t even remember the last time she’d had something to eat, let alone a feast as astonishing as this. Pangs of hunger curled up from her stomach, and then started to throttle the part of her brain that dictated she go hungry for reasons of self-preservation.

“I am of the school…” she stated loudly, so that anyone within earshot could hear. “…That magic is something sacred and special, and should not be wasted on frivolous activities.” Then her head toppled forwards into the plate and she started to scarf down the food in a frenzy.

Greybeard watched Star Swirl in astonishment, his mouth hanging open as Star Swirl continued to gobble down her meal, her face buried in her plate. There was a clatter of cutlery as Clover released the fork she’d been using from her magical field, and with her eyes on Star Swirl, experimentally dipped her head to her own plate to pick up and swallow a chunk of tomato with her mouth.

“Whew!” Star Swirl came up for air, gasping out as she wiped a hoof across her mouth, giving a cheesy grin in the direction of Greybeard. “Yeah, you’re right, that’s good! Really good!” she puffed, suddenly feeling slightly exposed, as the boost in bravery she had received from her empty stomach evaporated.

Greybeard continued to look at Star Swirl, his head tilted slightly as he stroked his own beard. “So Star Swirl…” he muttered, and Star Swirl could swear she felt a tinge of suspicion in his voice. “Tell me, how did you defeat the Antwerp dragon? I’ve never heard of any pony on their own besting a dragon before.”

“Oh ah…” Star Swirl blustered, looking around for any sort of distraction. The rest of the room was busily eating though. Next to her, Clover had her face in her plate, her little cheeks bulging with food as she did her best impression of a ravenous hamster. “…You know Greybeard, the usual?”

“I see… Greybeard murmured. “You mean, Wallflower’s Greater Summoning perhaps? Or did you use Firestorm’s Major Drain?” He moved in closer, his eyes now fixed on Star Swirl’s beard.

Star Swirl shuffled back as far as she could from her sitting position, holding up a hoof as if to protect her beard. She was sure this was some sort of trick to catch her our, and so blurted out the only thing she was sure was real magic. “I used magic missiles!” she squeaked. “Lots and lots of magic missiles!”

“You used magic missile? On a dragon?” Greybeard’s eyes widened incredulously to the shape of ping-pong balls.

“Oh yes, hundreds of them!” Star Swirl could feel the sweat pricking at her brow. “You couldn’t move for them! You know how it is Greybeard, sometimes you just get inspired! We’re both true wizards after all…”

She trailed off. Greybeard’s expression was impassive, as slowly he put his fork down. “No,” he muttered coldly. “No Star Swirl, I think you know that we are not both true wizards.”

Star Swirl’s throat went dry as the chilling words knifed through her and she felt the claws of panic gripping her heart. “Now Greybeard, pal please…” she pressed a hoof against the old pony. “We can talk about this…”

Greybeard pushed Star Swirl’s hoof off him and stood up, causing a minor disturbance as he knocked down several plates. “My lord!” he called out to the assembled hall before a terrified Star Swirl. “My fellow guests. I have an announcement to make. An announcement regarding a cuckoo in the nest! A fraud! A fake! Here in this very court!” He bowed his head, grimacing as one by one, the assembled dinner guests fell silent. Finally, even the king stopped talking to stare at Greybeard.

“What’s wrong Greybeard?” King Caractacus let a stalk of celery fall from his mouth as he stared at his chief advisor. “I don’t understand!”

“My king, a terrible deception is at play!” Greybeard took a deep breath. “A deception at the heart of your court! It is my sad duty to tell you that one of us is not who they seem to be!”

There was a babble of voices as those present looked at each other in confusion. Arcturus clapped her hooves to her mouth in shock, and then instantly fell down into her tank as she let go of the edge. Star Swirl meanwhile was looking around the exits for an escape, finding them all blocked by guards, feeling the guilty heat rise in her as her deception came unravelled. There was only one thing to do.

“A pathetic, sorry lie involving a wicked, dishonest pony and a fake beard!” Greybeard continued. “And that pony is-“

He didn’t get to finish his statement. Star Swirl grabbed the back of his head and started to slam it repeatedly into the table. “Oh no, he’s having a fit!” she shouted as she drove Greybeard’s face into his dinner plate. “He’s got rabies, look!” Grasping his mane, she pulled Greybeard’s head up to show his mouth, now covered in mashed potato.

“He’s frothing at the mouth!” Platinum squealed in the distance, pointing in horror at Greybeard. Greybeard blinked his eyes woozily, and Star Swirl slammed his head down a few more times just to make sure.

“What’s going on? What’s this about a cuckoo? And fake bees?” the king demanded angrily, motioning to his guards as he too leapt to his hooves.

Star Swirl stopped trying to pound Greybeard’s head through the table, and let go. The old wizard collapsed with a thump. “I’m sorry,” she announced, conjuring up as much sadness as she could. “Greybeard has some sort of… wizarditis. He’s just saying words he knows, any words, just all spilling out of his mouth. Probably due to a cursed Scrabble set. I have some experience with this disease, and will treat it, wizard to wizard. Outside. Alone.” She hopped to her feet, and waving off several of the guards, started to drag Greybeard’s prone body away.

Clover uncertainly leapt up too, staring in shock at the fallen Greybeard. “Should I come too?” she asked, a twinge of panic in her voice. “I could mop his brow or something?”

“No no.” Star Swirl shook her head. “It’s important that it is just me and him with no disturbances.” She continued to pull him towards a size passage, awkwardly handling his fallen form. “Though if he doesn’t see reason, you may need to get me a roll of carpet and a canal,” she muttered to herself.


***


“Wake up! Wake up!” Star Swirl splashed another glass of water in Greybeard’s face. Looking for a private place, she had eventually found a cleaner’s cupboard, and dragged him inside. Several rags had been tied around his hooves, and Star Swirl stood over his trussed-up form, throwing water over his head. Just as she thought she may have hit him a bit too hard, the old pony coughed, shaking his head and glaring up at her.

“You can’t stop me!” Greybeard grumbled angrily, pulling at his bonds. “The truth must get out! I-”

“Look Greybeard, you’re a reasonable fellow, I can tell!” Star Swirl moved closer to Greybeard, talking over him. “This has all got out of hand, I just want a quiet life; I don’t want to upset or hurt anyone!”

Greybeard shook his head. “My mind is made up Star Swirl, the king must know of the deception! I know you’re a good pony, that’s why I didn’t try to bribe you.”

“We can pretend none of this happened and wait what?” Star Swirl stammered to a halt as her brain caught up with Greybeard’s words. “Bribe me?”

“I know, it was an idiotic notion! A pony such as you is far too noble to be swayed by base greed! I am double the fool!” Greybeard’s voice quivered, and tears pricked at the corners of his eyes. “I knew Star Swirl, I knew that one day a pony with true magical genius would arrive and expose me for the fraud I am! Please!” he quivered up at her, all thoughts of struggle gone. “Let me be the one to tell the king! Let me have that last dignity!”

Words tried to form in Star Swirl’s mouth, but nothing came out. Slowly, she moved her hooves forwards, and pulled at Greybeard’s beard. With a snap of elastic it came off, revealing a smooth if wrinkled chin below. “It’s a fake!” she gasped out loud.

“My secret shame!” Greybeard choked back a sob. “My parents called me Greybeard, but I could never grow a proper beard, so I wore a fake one! As you know, a true wizard must have a beard! I made sure that the king’s advisors were not the sharpest knives in the drawer so none would realise my deceit, but when you arrived Star Swirl, I saw that there was no way I could hide my lies from one such as you! You, whose mastery of magic is beyond my perception! Who could defeat a dragon with mere magic missiles! Who has the wisdom to ensure their apprentice learns humbleness by cleaning to ensure they are spiritually ready to receive magical training and not squander their power on frivolities! You would see through me in a moment, it was just a matter of time! I knew I had to admit to my lies before you exposed me.”

Star Swirl just stared in disbelief at the fake beard in her hooves. “I… well… I mean obviously I knew from the moment I saw you…” She slowly reached out to tug at Greybeard’s horn.

“Ow!” Greybeard winced as Star Swirl yanked at his horn. She instantly withdrew her hoof.

“Sorry! Just seeing if that was real too!” Star Swirl gave a slight innocent whistle.

“Of course it’s real!” Greybeard snapped back through his tears. “How else could I be one of Unicornia’s top wizards! I could hardly do that without a horn, that would be ridiculous!”

“Yes. Yes it would. Hah.” Star Swirl gave a nervous laugh as she looked down at the beard again. “So… you are a wizard, it’s just the fake beard thing?”

“Isn’t that enough?” Greybeard look down crestfallen. “The shame of Greybeard the Sage having a fake beard! I can think of no more heinous crime, no greater trickery!”

Star Swirl gave a warm and friendly smile as she shook her head. “Greybeard, my friend. I think you’re a good pony and can do a lot of good. If the king decides to have you exiled or worse, then nopony would benefit from your powers. If a small lie about a fake beard is the price to pay, then so be it, I won’t tell, I give you my word.” With that, she passed the beard back to the sniffing magician.

“Thank you Star Swirl!” Greybeard’s eyes were watery as he looked upon his saviour. “Y-you’re right! I will dedicate myself to good deeds! My soul may be scarred by this unforgivable lie, but I can still help others! Your wisdom puts me to shame!”

“It does, it does indeed.” Star Swirl carefully bit through the rags binding Greybeard’s limbs. “Now, about that bribe.” As Greybeard looked slightly shocked, Star Swirl continued. “…Not for me, you understand, I have no use for money because I am so spiritually superior, but poor Clover, she could do with some sort of income. Maybe if you could… sponsor her?”

Greybeard nodded slowly, wiping the tears away from his eyes. “Yes, that is indeed a noble gesture. My first step on the path to righteousness will be to ensure your apprentice has a regular income. I shall make arrangements to send payments to her immediately!”

Star Swirl placed a hoof around Greybeard’s neck as she led him out of the cleaning cupboard. “It’d be better to give the money to me to give to her,” she smiled. “That way we can be sure she spends it wisely.”

The two ponies with fake beards wandered back to the banqueting hall. “Greybeard…” Star Swirl purred. “…I think this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship!”