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Trixie finally managed to untangle herself from the Apple family banner, with help from Raindrops once the pegasus had joined her. It still took several minutes, however, and by the time she was free, a number of ponies had begun to creep back into the festival grounds, given that there was no longer a gigantic blue bear destroying it.
“Where did it go?” one pony asked as Trixie shook her left rear hoof free of the streamer. This was followed by numerous questions, all of them directed at Trixie and Raindrops, but the two ignored them as they both trotted over to Twilight Sparkle, who was still passed out, but looked mostly unharmed. Trixie breathed out a sigh of relief, turning around to regard the crowd.
“Is anypony hurt?” she asked, slipping comfortably into her role of ‘Representative of the Night Court of Luna,’ which was her normal job in Ponyville. This usually simply meant that she served as a glorified messenger between the Ponyvillians and Luna, but in times like these the official authority was useful.
There was several minutes of low chatter between everypony as they checked each other. Fortunately, nopony seemed to have been injured by the Ursa. Trixie leaned quickly that there was a good reason for that: despite its later actions, apparently the Ursa had rather peacefully wandered into Ponyville initially, largely unnoticed due to essentially the entire town being at the Eventime festival. On sighting its approach, most ponies had quite sensibly already fled; the remainder made good their escape once the Ursa had turned obviously violent.
“Did you get rid of it?” a pony, an orange colt with a green mane, asked.
Before she even actively thought about it, Trixie was opening her mouth to answer yes, and then proceed to go on about how she had been instrumental and a vital part of doing that very thing – at least until she saw Raindrops watching her actions closely, left eyebrow raising by about half an inch.
“I helped,” Trixie decided after a moment, ignoring a twinge in her jaw as she turned around and pointed to Twilight, who was awake and groggily getting up onto her own four hooves, shaking her head. A look of mild panic overcame her features when she saw how many ponies she was surrounded by. Trixie placed a re-assuring hoof on Twilight’s shoulder. “But most of the credit goes to Twilight Sparkle,” the mare explained. “Raindrops and I distracted the Ursa, but she was the one who cast the spell that teleported it away.”
Trixie blinked a few times even as she finished saying that. Huh. That hadn’t been as hard to admit as she thought it was going to be.
“Wow…” a short green colt with an orange mane said, trotting forward several paces, eyes locked on Twilight. “You beat an Ursa Major!”
“An Ursa what?” Raindrops asked.
“An Ursa Major!” the colt repeated. “A big bear, bigger than any other bear! The biggest bear to ever walk Equestria! Nopony but the Princess is supposed to be able to beat one!”
Trixie pouted a little. “I helped,” she repeated in a low voice. She heard Raindrops chuckle, but decided to ignore it.
Twilight closed her eyes, shaking her head. “That wasn’t an Ursa Major,” she explained. “That was just a baby. An Ursa Minor.”
“A baby?” numerous ponies exclaimed at her statement. Trixie, herself, was having a difficult time comprehending that. “If that’s an Ursa Minor…what’s an Ursa Major like?”
The lavender unicorn laughed, rubbing a hoof behind her head. “You don’t want to know!” she responded, smiling a little and finding some inner reserve of socialness. “But trust me, I’d never be crazy enough to try and bring an Ursa Major into…town…” Her voice trailed off as she realized what she had just said, or more to the point implied, eyes wide and pupils shrinking to tiny dots. Looks of furor that would have done the Ursa Minor proud began to appear on their faces of the Ponyvillians as their eyes locked unerringly onto Twilight Sparkle.
The lavender unicorn sputtered a little, before snapping her eyes shut, horn glowing brightly and disappearing in a flash and a pop. There was a protracted silence, before Trixie turned to Raindrops and poked a hoof at where Twilight had been.
“That one’s not my fault,” she insisted.
---
Trixie found Twilight Sparkle on the floor of her wagon, saddlebags slung over her back and desperately looking between a pair of books – from the looks of things, trying to decide which of the two thick tomes to take with her. On hearing her enter, the lavender unicorn eeped and spun around, horn glowing brightly. “Stay back!” Twilight ordered. “I have a horn and I know how to use it!”
Trixie decided that, given Twilight’s current frame of mind, it would be better to leave that one be rather than come up with some witty response. Instead, the blue unicorn sat down just inside Twilight’s wagon, closing the door behind her and taking off her hat. “Full disclosure,” Trixie said, “there’s about a hundred ponies outside who are very, very upset that their Eventime festival has been ruined. More will be showing up soon, too. So don’t try to run.”
“Ha!” Twilight exclaimed. “I just teleported an Ursa Minor miles without having line-of-sight to where I was sending it, and to somewhere I’ve only been once. You really think I’d run?”
Trixie sighed, waving a hoof. “Alright, fine. You can teleport. You can make the perfect getaway. At which point I write to Princess Luna about what you did and you become a hunted criminal.”
Twilight stared, and for a second Trixie was worried that she had made a mistake mentioning to the desperate pony that she could turn Twilight into Equestria’s Most Wanted. After several long moments of uncomfortable silence, however, the lavender unicorn hung her head in defeat. “I didn’t mean to,” Twilight stated, sounding exhausted, hurt, and in all other ways like a pony at the end of her rope. “I just…I figured that you must have unicorns coming up to you all the time, being the Element of Magic…so I had to impress you to make you teach me what you know. Either that or you were treating me the way you were because you were a fraud, in which case I’d show you what real magic was…”
Trixie blinked a few times, considering, before rubbing a hoof behind her head. “Option two, for the most part…” she said.
Twilight locked eyes on Trixie. Despite being the one to bring up the possibility, she seemed shocked. “But…but you’re the Element of Magic!” she exclaimed.
The blue unicorn spent a few moments to try and figure out the best way to go about this. “Twilight,” she said, “what do you think magic is?”
“This!” Twilight exclaimed, waving a hoof around her wagon. “Research! Documentation! Experimentation! Spells!”
“Never been much of a spellcaster,” Trixie admitted sheepishly. At Twilight’s uncomprehending look, Trixie pressed on. “During the fight with Corona a few months ago, she destroyed the stones that I thought were five of the Elements of Harmony. At that point, I was ready to just give up, to let Corona win. I’d given everything I had and it wasn’t even close to enough. But then Cheerilee – you haven’t met her, she’s the Element of Laughter – pointed out that Corona hadn’t destroyed the Elements. She’d destroyed a bunch of rocks. The spirits of the Elements of Harmony were right in front of her. And one by one, each of the five ponies that followed me into the Everfree Forest claimed their Element.
“But Corona…well, actually, me, but Corona agreed with me on this…said that it didn’t matter, because we still didn’t have the sixth Element. But the ponies claimed that they did, and it was me. They pointed out everything I’d done to help them during the lead-up to the Longest Night celebration, and during our time in the Everfree. They said I hadn’t let them down yet and they said they knew that I wasn’t going to let them down now. Because they were my friends, or wanted to be my friends, despite the fact that I hadn’t acted very nicely towards them. And I realized that I wanted them to be my friends, too. That I didn’t want to let them down.
“And that’s when I earned the Element of Magic. Not because I knew so many spells, not because I had some kind of deep reservoir of magic to draw on. But because I had a…a connection with those ponies. My friends.” She scuffed a hoof on the wooden floor of Twilight’s wagon in slight embarrassment. “That’s what magic is. It’s connections. Unicorn spell-casting is the most obvious kind of connection, when we take our inner power and cast it out to the world around us and shape it by making connections with whatever we touch. But magic is also how a pegasus has a connection to the air and the clouds and the seasons. Or how an earth pony has a connection to the land, to growing things.
“But it’s more than just that, too. It’s the connection between friends, or family, or lovers. It’s the connection a teacher has with her students. The connection a musician has with her instrument, or a weather pony with her job, a farmer and her business, a mother and her daughter. Or a magician with her audience. It doesn’t matter what the connection is. If it’s there, it’s a kind of magic.” Trixie looked to Twilight hopefully. “Is any of this making any sense?”
Twilight considered for a few moments. “Not really,” Twilight she decided after her ruminations, her voice deadpanned. “No.”
Trixie huffed, hopeful expression dropping to one of annoyance. “Well, too bad. I’m not explaining it again.”
“So what happens now?” Twilight asked. As she did, her muscles tensed slightly, her head drooping a little. Clearly, she was expecting a fight, and in all honesty Trixie’s first instinct was to give her one.
Instead, however, the blue unicorn sighed. “I don’t know. This whole situation is sort of my fault. I manipulated you into making yourself look like a tribalist, and should have treated you better.” She looked to Twilight. “But it’s also your fault, for bringing the Ursa Minor into town. I’m willing to take responsibility for my part. What about you?”
Twilight met Trixie’s gaze, and the silence between the two of them stretched on, and on. Trixie could see the gears turning in her head, her weighing the situation carefully, trying to find a way out of the situation. After a long moment, she looked away from Trixie, eyes closed, a look of defeat on her face. Trixie smiled at her apparent choice. “You’ve made the right – ” she began, when Twilight’s horn glowed. In a flash and a pop, the lavender unicorn disappeared from sight.
---
Dear Princess Luna,
As you are well aware, tonight was the Eventime festival in Ponyville. I put on another magic show, and once again I found I had a captivated audience. You were absolutely right about my desire for attention and how showmareship would be an excellent outlet. The Great and Powerful Trixie could be a regular part of Ponyville’s festivals for years to come!
Unfortunately, I had more than just my adoring fans of Ponyville watching me. A unicorn named Twilight Sparkle had journeyed to Ponyville on hearing that I was the Element of Magic. She thought that because I was the Element of Magic, I must have been a superb spellcaster, and was distraught when she learned that wasn’t the case, enough to cause a minor interruption to my show. Unfortunately, I was not as sympathetic to her as I should have been, especially after she came backstage accusing me of being a fraud and wasting your teachings. I tried to leave the situation peaceably, but when she pursued me into the festival, old Canterlot habits came back to me, and I managed to make her seem like a tribalist to the ponies of Ponyville.
I have included a more formal testimony of her response in my regular report to you. Here, I just wanted to make clear that Twilight Sparkle is not entirely responsible for what happened in Ponyville tonight, that I bear a large responsibility for goading and dismissing Twilight. I don’t think she’s a bad pony, she simply made a few bad decisions – because of me. I ask that you consider that when deciding how to deal with her when the law enforcers of Equestria catch up with her.
Your faithful student & servant,
– Trixie
Trixie considered her letter for a moment, illuminated by the dawn’s light that was coming in through her home’s window. She hated having to send letters like this, ones where she was forced to admit to Luna that despite everything she was learning about not acting like a complete and total jerk to others, about the ‘magic of friendship,’ she still had a long way to go in that regard. A large part of her wanted to just crumple up the letter and toss it into the fireplace, but she knew that wouldn’t solve anything – Luna would find out sooner or later anyway, and putting off telling her teacher would only make her that much angrier when she did find out.
With a sigh, Trixie took off her magician’s hat, chanted a few magic words over it, and tossed the parchment she had written her letter on into it. There was a flash as the letter disappeared from her hat, the enchantment inside of it seizing it and transporting it to Luna’s private study, where the Princess would read it in a few hours after she rose from her sleep – though she held dominion over both sun and moon, Luna still considered herself primarily a creature of the night, and so typically slept from dawn until about noon, or later if she could help it.
Having fulfilled her duties, Trixie slipped her hat back on her head, and went back out into Ponyville. The mess that the Ursa made of the town’s center had been largely cleaned up, or at least turned from a chaotic, widespread collection of debris into a single large pile that would be dealt with later, after everyone had slept the day away as well – ponies were not themselves nocturnal, like Luna, but even without the Ursa, the Eventime festival would have itself been enough to prompt most ponies to decide to sleep in.
Some industrious pony had, from the looks of things, dragged Twilight Sparkle’s wagon into that pile. Trixie could definitely understand the sentiment. Despite being perfectly functional, it belonged to a pony who had ruined what was supposed to be a time of celebration, and so as far as the Ponyvillians were concerned the wagon and everything in it was just so much trash.
Still…there was a tremendous amount of knowledge in that wagon. Trixie recalled that Twilight Sparkle had been expecting her to be some mighty archmage, a sorceress supreme with magical power second only to the Princess herself. Despite her special talent being magic, however, Trixie had never really been much of a spellcaster.
But there was no reason that couldn’t change. Twilight Sparkle might not be the last unicorn who came to her looking to learn something. Maybe next time, she could actually have something worthwhile to teach.
Plus, Trixie supposed as she opened the door to Twilight’s wagon, there might be something I could use in one of my shows. Teleporting would be a neat trick…
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Author's Notes
Thank-you all for reading! I hope you enjoyed this. Also, I would like to take the time to thank Cerulean Starlight for taking it upon himself to serve as an editor for this story! Thanks again, CS, for the effort!
Still have a horrible plan for this universe, but I'm going to wait for CS' final edit PM first.
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Very nice. I love that in alternate universe Twilight without help of her friends remained the same closed and uncaring unicorn and Trixie learned that she's much more than lone wolf. Thanks for writing that, complex Trixie story is hard to find, expecially where she's not a villain or cliched two-dimensional character.
If I were doing this, I'd probably go for the obvious next step.... in which Trixie botches the teleportation spell, is dropped into Celestia's world, and then everypony wants to help cure her "delusions". On the other hoof, it would be a shame to leave behind the rest of the setting and characters you've created, as there are certainly plenty of other interesting things that can be done with them.
The next story in this setting will be the "Friendship is Magic" retelling, with the intent of greater world-building as to the society of the ponies in a world were Celestia went evil. I also have vague conceptions for an alternate version of "The Ticket Master," "Over a Barrel," and "The Return of Harmony" (though that last is VERY vague), as well as a few unique story ideas, mostly image stories meant to focus on and develop the characters of the new Elements of Harmony.
Interestingly enough, I had actually considered doing a write-up that was the *reverse* of what you suggested - Normal!Twilight getting stuck in Luna's world. Mostly because Trixie seems like the kind who would dive head-first into Evil Alternate Universe snarky comments.
Unfortunate, but okay. It's your choice. Following the episode closely was my goal, but I can understand if some people would have preferred something different.
Twilight absolutely did put her own gratification first and other ponies' property and lives second, so I'm not going to argue that. It is however, I hope you will admit, perfectly in character for her, as "Lesson Zero" should indicate; and especially in-character for a Twilight that has never had Princess Celestia to guide her.
(N.B.: Trixie says that she doesn't think Twilight is a bad pony, but Trixie's opinions are not my own, and are born from her own personal involvement in what went down)
So Alt-Twilight is on the run, doesn't get what makes Alt-Trixie the bearer of Magic and left behind all of her books because she didn't want to face Luna. Ah, well. Given how messed up she is, she might just end up in Celestia's world and create mischief for the Mane Six.
I really enjoyed this story, alternate pony universe's are fun to write.
I look forward to seeing what you can do with this setting. Why Celestia/Corona Blaze went mad will be interesting to see. Especially as you explained that Ponies aren't nocturnal/primarily nocturnal creatures. I do hope for a Twilight redemption story, though I wonder what your universe's Flim Flam brothers are like, I imagine they're much fairer, honest business ponies.
Expanding on earlier comments, altering characters is not as easy to swallow as events. And mirroring things too closely makes the differences more irritating. More so for well developed characters like Twilight. The story would have worked better if the reason for Twilight being this way was developed more.
For instance, she does not have a strong sense of morality at all. While the show's Twilight does do bad things (Lesson Zero), for it to be this different would mean without Celestia she did not have anypony to teach her about being good. Yet it seems she had loving parents, who should have done so.
While she would not have been encouraged by Celestia to make friends, it can be argued that if she ever tried she would have an easier time when she was young at making friends. This is because being the protege of the princess could have very well lead to others being envious of her when she was younger*, and in this world she would not have that.
* Given her reaction to the thought of being sent to magic kendergarden in Lesson Zero it would seem she had some very bad experiences when she was young that could have greatly increased her reclusiveness.
Finally, more is needed to wrap this up than for Boast Busters. What with Twilight having actions to answer for on top of the issues Trixie had.
Twilight in this fic is an incidental antagonist, as Normal!Trixie was in "Boast Busters." While the reasons for why she is the way she is would be fascinating to look into in and of themselves - as the many Trixie-backstory-fics out there should prove - it's beyond the scope of this little fic, which was really intended as proof-of-concept more than anything, as well as being structured like an episode itself (hence why I included the opening theme after the initial teaser scene), with each chapter end being, essentially, a commercial break.
I think that delving too deeply into the background of this Twilight would only get in the way of this fic, especially seeing as she's a secondary character in this universe. *Why* she acts the way she does doesn't matter, much as the reasons behind Normal!Trixie's bombastic attitude don't matter within the context of "Boast Busters." At a guess, though, I'd say that Twilight's pressure to please Celestia in the normal universe, has instead been replaced by a pressure to be perfect. She's mentioned as the only unicorn in history to leave Luna's school with a perfect grade point average, and a year early besides. Then there's her monotone delivery of the line "I am the best."
Also, don't forget that she didn't flip out for no reason, nor as suddenly as you seem to think. Trixie's magic show is mentioned as being two hours long, and Twilight, who had travelled all the way from Manehattan to see it (with expectations of what Trixie would be like building up for the entire journey), would have certainly been sitting there the whole time, resentment towards this charalatan blue unicorn being nothing like what she expected building. Following this, Twilight goes backstage to try and figure out what the Hell is going on and basically gets confirmation that Trixie isn't the Archmage Supreme that she's supposed to be, is insulted by Trixie, and then is manipulated by Trixie into looking like an absolute fool in front of Ponyville.
On a related note, I think history should prove well enough that a person can have kind and loving parents, yet still turn into a bad person. If I might quote a both a favorite movie and a favorite actor of mine, "we are all animals."
I'm uneager to change the ending, as well. Twilight *not* getting her cummupance leaves her more open to appear in later stories I might write. Twilight may have more actions to answer for than Normal!Trixie did, but there's a fairly simple counterpoint to that - how does that have anything to do with whether or not she *does* answer for what she's done? People get away with crimes all the time, and I don't see why ponies would be any different.
Here's what would have happened, given the extreme measures your Twilight is willing to take:
Trixie sighed, waving a hoof. “Alright, fine. You can teleport. You can make the perfect getaway. At which point I write to Princess Luna about what you did and you become a hunted criminal.”
Twilight stared, for just a moment, before casting a spell that severed Trixie's head at the neck.
"They'll never find the body," Twilight Sparkle said, laughing maniacally. 
And they never did.
It is a choice to explore why or not, but not doing so removes half the interesting stuff from having an alternate universe. And the part that is left is the one that people are more likely to find disagreeable.
The point about build up is I did not get the sense that she was losing it like in Lesson Zero, so comparing her action here to that does not really work in my mind. Hence making it more clear to readers that is the direction she is going would be good, so that your reasoning is more apperent.
Leaving the status of Twilight as possibly a wanted criminal would make her worse than any of the minor antagonists from the show. This come off as a bad place to leave things, particularly when the ponies that did basically the same thing in the show get off with community service and a temporary 
. As I said, the more that is left the same the harder the difference are to accept.
I'm a huge Trixie fan, as you can tell by my avatar. ;) I think I'll click on 'watch'.
Twilight isn't willing to go so far as actively hurt ponies; I'd think her reaction to seeing her mind-control spell fail and immediately helping Trixie stop the Ursa, with no questions asked, would be proof enough of that. She's not evil, just arrogant. She honestly thought she had the Ursa under control and that the risk to the ponies was limited to making sure she didn't make it accidentally step on any, and at no point in the story was it implied that she wanted to harm anypony, even Trixie. I even included a token line about how she'd never use her Imperious curse ripoff on a pony.
Also, that doesn't deal with the 100 (and more) ponies outside of Twilight's wagon.
Snips and Snails are also school-age colts. Can't forget that minor fact. They also didn't run away from taking responsibility (at least not once confronted about their actions). Had Twilight remained behind, she may have gotten the same deal; or not, we don't know. She can just teleport away from her problems, though.
However, if it bothers you that much that there doesn't seem to be enough build-up (how much is "enough?"), then I'll go in and insert in a few lines here and there throughout the story to suggest Twilight being at her wit's end. The thing is, though, that I wanted this story to focus on *Trixie*, not Twilight. The more we see of Twilight, the more this story becomes "Look at Evil Alternate Twilight," which is emphatically the wrong direction to go. This isn't Twilight's universe where she gets to be the main character by default. She's supposed to be a side-act, nothing more. I am not going to add entire new sections, only expand existing ones, and in as limited a way as possible at that. Twilight in this universe has gotten about as much "screen time" as Trixie in the other one; has a character as developed as Normal!Trixie. In fact we actually know more about this Twilight than Normal!Trixie, by dint of her actually explaining her background.
It is just my view, though I suppose it might be because I have more emotional investment in Twilight than Trixie. In which case the issue is choosing to start off with a scenario that pits the character you want to tell about against a major character from the show to start off with rather than starting with something else.
Not much that can be done about that, except have stories to build your characters before doing more pieces that do the same.
EDIT: PS
Story has been added to some of the appropriate groups.
Kind of disappointed in Twilight here. I thought she'd be more responsible for her actions and accept her punishment. Aw well, an open ended story leaves things for you to expand upon if you ever mean to continue this.
I actually liked how you explained how the elements can choose ponies that are right for them. It doesn't necessarily mean who has the most power or the most laughter, generosity, etc., but as long as a pony has the potential for that element, then they can become a bearer. Trixie may not be the "best" choice, but she still has the qualities that could make her element work.
A wonderful look in how things could be different for our little ponies. Plenty of food for thought and all that jazz. As always, I look forward to more of your works in the future.
I think what people aren't realizing is that when Twilight's in extreme situations (at least, what she thinks is extreme), she can turn into a bit of a nut.
Personally, I think the characterizations were spot on given the context of the story. I'm looking forward to seeing the other Alt Elements, and subtle hints at how the rest of the Mane 6 interact within this universe. I can't really see Alt-Pinkie changing all that much, maybe assuming a secondary role (like normal Cheerilee).
Anyway, keep up the good work!
Good ending! I really do feel sorry for Twilight here (just as I feel sorry for Trixie in canon), because for all her knowledge of spellcasting, she doesn't understand the fundamental nature of Harmony that makes Equestria work. Also, full marks for stating that Trixie really isn't all that amazing at magic - she's the Element of Magic because she understands friendship and, as she said, the connections between ponies. The relationship between performer and audience is an interesting one, the way you've explained it.
I'm very keen to see what else you do with this set of protagonists! Somepony with video editing skills should recut the opening credits to put these characters into it. Very impressed here!
Well, it's a shame Twilight didn't really learn from her actions (or, at least, didn't learn enough quickly enough), but I did like Trixie's explanation of the elements! It really shows you put thought into this beyond "celestia evil, luna good, Trixie replaces Twilight". I certainly would love you to do more alternate episodes - especially with alternate titles - so we can see some of the other characters in the spotlight.
However, to disagree with one of your decisions which you mentioned, I think you might want to postpone "Friendship is Magic". I'd worry that, in building the world too heavily in the first episode, you'd just end up limiting your options in later works. Kind of a Schrodinger's story - nothing is fixed until you describe it. So, if you want to explore the alternate world and characters (especially our new Mane 6 and the alternate versions of the old Mane 6), I'd actually suggest you tell the stories first, and make the world second.
Of course, you're the author, write what you want. Your version of Trixie is excellent and fun to read, and I really enjoyed this chapter! I look forward to your further works in this setting.
Maybe one or both of you with the author's permission could make a side story based on those ideas of either Twilight or Trixie crossing over to the others universe or even having Normal Trixie meeting Alt Trixie (same with Twilight) with the one with more friendship experience teaching other one about it.
Not likely what you were going with, but until proven otherwise, this is my headcanon.
"To my most beloved student,
Twilight Sparkle, is that her name? Funny you should bring this up, because a rather unusual situation has risen in the Canterlot castle dungeon. A unicorn matching your description has mysteriously apeared in one of the high security cells, one of the ones you helped come up with that one can enter with the aid of magic, but not leave with it. She refuses to talk with anyone, save when I personally visited her, and even then all she said was, "I'm taking responsability for my half. I'm not leaving until I'm forgiven." She was crying when she said it. Trixie... I do not think I will be sending enforcers of any kind after her. She is punishing herself well beyond what the courts would do.
Your faithful mentor,
Princess Luna Equestris Faust"
Yes she's Alicorn Lauren's daughter, so sue me.
Well, I see the line "good Trixie story" in there, so I guess you're not *really* shocked about me getting on EqD. Personally I choose to believe that Sethisto doesn't give special treatment to Trixie stories, though. Especially seeing as there's a bevvy of prereaders.
(For the record, I am shocked I got on EqD, but I ain't complaining)
Very interesting read; Good Work. Though I do have two question.
Where did you put Spike in this world? Locked in his egg in Canterlot, Free with the other dragons in Equestria, with alt.Twilight, or someplace that you alone know of? Also, is Discord in your world an Agent of Chaos or Order?
Discord is still Discord, and was still defeated by a tag-team of Luna, Celestia, and the Elements of Harmony way back in the day, whenever that was. He's currently encased in a statue. Whether he's on display in the royal garden or burried deep in a vault somewhere, I haven't shown. Personally, if I were the immortal alicorn god of Equestria, I'd seal Discord up in a solid block of concrete, then encase that concrete in solid steel, then place that steel box deep under Canterlot. But that's me.
As for Spike, he's...around. Heh. Heheheh. HehehehehehahahahahahahAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
He's not in Canterlot, not with Twilight, not with other dragons, but as of the timeframe of this story, he's not in his egg.
There we go. That should be enough of a mystery to get everyone's interests piqued with the prequel.
I liked it, but I had only one problem.
Why this was Trixite fault?.
The only thing she did that could be seen as anthagonizing Twilight was rebuking her claims of false magic (after she crashed a foals shows, might add). In fact, apparently what you state was trixie's fault for the entire fiasco was this:
I had help, with Pegasus Magic, Earth pony magic..." trixie
"Pegasus and Earth ponies don't have magic " Interrupted. Twilight Sparkle.
She didn't goad her to said this, she wasn't even all that rude with Sparkle in the first place (and she was as shocked as the rest when Twilight said this), she was simply explaining what happened against Corona and the situation with the Elements of Harmony, so why did she blame herself and got sucked punched by Raindrop? Because she said "Element of jealousy"? , a normal quip, hell, a harmless one even by the canon standards, after she was stalked by Twilight after the show and accused of her ability? An action that a normal pony would find annoying and worth of snark?
It just doesn't make sense and that is my only problem with the fic. For me, it would better if you couldeither change Trixite fault or make her look like she was actually goading and manipulating Twiligt to act as a tribalist. Otherwise, it sounds very mean spirited to Trixie's character and more like a case of unintentional drama.
Have a nice day.
Problem with Discord being in a vault is that it is not going to do much to stop him when he wakes up, as he can just turn it to rock candy and eat his way out or something. Celestia keeping it in the garden was a pretty decent idea as she can constantly keep an eye on it, and have a better turn around time then digging up the vault and checking if he's out for sure on the rumor of weird things happening.
So, when do we get Crisis on Infinite Equestrias?
I liked this story a lot. The initial concept makes for an interesting AU that holds some (for me) new ideas. But an idea alone isn't enough, you also have the writing skills to tell the tale, which in my opinion is the most important part. I like your style, it's descriptive, visual und quick to read. The dialogue was also nice. I had to snicker at Lyras transformed hooves 
Too bad AU!Twilight didn't learn her lesson at the end. I felt more sorry for her than for Trixie on the actual show and really wanted her come around. But as you said, this story is supposed to mirror "Boast Busters", so I don't mind the ending, since I think you achieved your goal with it.
I'm also glad to see you're writing another story set in this universe, I'm going to read that, too, as soon as possible. I want to know more about "your" Trixie.
Keep up the good work! :)
NTL
I have an idea for a fanfic concept. I'm not able to do it justice myself, so I thought I'd see if DoubleDash was interested, and if not, if anyone else was.
The princesses get a letter that has them both in a panic as they give orders to prepare for a VIP guest.
"Dear My Little Princesses,
Goodness, has it been 5000 years already? How time does fly. I thought I'd stop by for the day and take a look at the solar system you two renovated, and see what you've done with the place. And to catch up with my two favorite alicorns of course. I'll be there soon.
Love and kisses,
Your Mother,
Lauren Faust."
With red mane, white coat, smooth wings, and pearl horn, the mother of the goddesses is visiting!
I haven't even read the story yet, but that single post made me think...
This story is ungodly sad when I think about it. Its because you're seeing how the entire world can change, just by chance. Heroes become villains. Villains become heroes. Love turns into hate, and hate into love.
I hate to bring real life into this, but what would have happened if the dictators in our world made a different choice? Or if someone had cut to the chase of being a dictator? Would they have ended up being heroes? What would have happened if Hitler had kept trying to an artist and succeeded? Maybe he would have been seen as a saint and inspired hope and beauty with his work? Instead of being the cause of so much death, he could have been a hero. Just like this story. If Celestia had acted first, Luna would have been the hero and her older sister would have probably slaughtered thousands before she was stopped...
Would the disaster that strikes innocent people, killing so made, end the lives of future heroes, or future criminals?
When a disaster hits a city, and a man helps others, saving the lives of one or more people, how much of life is that changing? Could that one person, had he not sacrificed his life, killed someone in the future?
This is a world, where a single person made a choice, where someone was just faster than her counterpart. People that lived, are now dead, and people we once cared about are scum and filth. People who we saw as antagonists are suddenly the hero, superior to what was once their enemy.
When you really think about, a single choice can decide who is a hero and who is a villain for generations to come. Acting a day early created a new tyrant, and new foes. Acting on impulse made Applejack a villain. Twilight Sparkle is a heckler and an arrogant bitch. She's Trixie and Trixie is Twilight.
All decided by who is faster...
All this just from reading the first few comments on a story. God, my mind works fast. Also, now I'm depressed. 
After skimming through the story, my opinion still stands.
Freaking depression.
Twilight Sparkle, the hero turned into a fugitive (which I think is unfair bit extreme since the culprits in the other world just got a mustache, but whatever) and Trixie is the hero.
Next thing you know, Applejack's going to steal the Flim Flam Brothers' apple cider and Trixie, Raindrop, and the others will have to stop her. Pinkie Pie will be bullying Dinky and the others have to get her to stop. Then Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy will be found cheating on a race by sabotaging the other racers and Rarity will be overpricing her dresses and robbing her customers of their money.
Truth be told, I doubt I'll be continuing reading your stories. A: I don't like whitewashing villain and villifying heroes,stories even if this one justifies it. B: As I said again, FREAKING DEPRESSING. If other people can read your stories without being heartbroken and depressed about the tales of a fallen hero, or possible hero in this case, then that's great, but as for me, I just can't get behind the story where the ponies I liked and respected are turned into the crooks and scum of some backwards world.
...Or maybe this is the real world and the show I've been watching is the fake.
Again, depressing.
Very intriguing. Good to see Trixie on the right track and with her heart in the right place, without getting completely whitewashed into cliché Paragon of Nice. Trixie just...works as an abrasive ass.
My advice would actually be to not to do the pilot episode. The story has been told way, way too many times and there's just not really a reason to retread it again, especially with the short account of it we get from Trixie here. I'm sure the B-team has plenty of stories of their own.
And when you said Spike is out and about and it has to do with the prequel, I'm guessing he's Steven Magnet?
I do recommend giving "Longest Night, Longest Day" a chance, but it's your choice.
It's important to note that of the original Mane 6, Twilight is the only one that could be described as close to villainous, at least in my opinion (and even then I don't really see her as a *villain*, more of a menace, and she's already arguably that in the main universe). Their negative qualities have been enhanced slightly, but only slightly. Twilight really does seem only a step away from full-on insanity to me; the rest in this universe are simply not Element material but not necessarily bad ponies.
For example, in this universe, the only change made to Fluttershy is that she doesn't have Flutterbitch lurking inside of her. She would never in this universe scream "LOVE ME" at the top of her lungs while trying to capture hapless animals, no matter how frustrated she got. Without even a modicrum of aggressiveness, however, she's become even more introverted, to the point where the only ponies she interacts with on a regular basis are Rainbow Dash and Ditzy Doo.
As another example, Rarity is almost entirely unchanged. Maybe a little greedier, but nothing that would make her unlikable (as long as you don't mind drama queens). She simply wasn't in the right place at the right time with the right other ponies to lay claim to the Element of Generosity.
And as a third example, Rainbow Dash is just a bit lazier, but most of her change comes from a change of priorities: she's absolutely loyal to her oldest friend, Fluttershy, and is willing to leave Ponyville hangin' if she thinks Fluttershy needs her; unfortunately, she thinks that Fluttershy needs her a lot.
Hmm...
...tell you what. Do or don't read "Longest Night, Longest Day," it's your choice. But at some uncertain point in the future, should you see a story by yours truly entitled "Crisis on Two Equestrias," give it a shot. It may help reconcile this universe with the Mane Universe for you; at the very least given your first responce I daresay you'll find it an interesting read.
Too late, unfortunately. There's a good reason why I'm doing the pilot, though. Collaborative universes need a firm foundation.
I saw the story you're referring to, and peeked into it a bit, but I simply don't think its my kind of story. Apologies, and thank you for the offer, but no thank you.
Enjoy writing your crazy mirror-verse story. I apologize for any trouble. I hope others enjoy it more than me. I honestly do.
I'm going to have to agree with MasterZero about the ending. I enjoyed the story overall and thought you did a good job of building your characters, but leaving the end so ambiguous (and probably very bad for Twilight) was unsatisfying.
Not to say the ending of Boast Busters wasn't depressing in the same way; but people write so many Trixie stories precisely because it's an unsatisfying ending to her tale.
And you told me this would be a Comedy, I feel so betrayed!
I found large parts of it funny, even if the ending wasn't so much.
I write everything as I go, so that might be part of the tag-to-text dissonance. The story was planned to be a little more light-hearted initially, with Trixie still having her third person speaking habits, albeit trying to break herself of them. Twilight was going to have much less to do with the Ursa coming to town, and Trixie's letter to Princess Luna was going to be shorter and more lesson-y rather than debriefing-y, with Trixie commenting on "Seeing how Twilight Sparkle acted has really shown Trixie that she needs to be more humble," and the story was going to close on her getting a reply from Luna that was just the same letter, sent back, but with the third-person parts of it circled in red ink.
Writing the story prompted several changes to make it flow better, though, as I re-examined some characterizations. Most importantly, when I chose to focus more on the fact that Twilight is willing to make problems in order to solve problems, and changed her from "same ol' loveable Twilight from the mane universe" to "the Brilliant and Clueless Twilight" (as HopeFox has dubbed her) of the Lunaverse.
enjoyment has been had!
this story is really interesting, and a genuinely fun read. I like the look at the "what if" universe we've got here.
Though... shouldn't Trixie call "Corona" Celestia, similiar to how Twilight and most of her friends call Luna, Luna? Just feels wrong whenever you have her think Corona.
"Clearly, she was expecting a fight, and in all honesty Trixie’s first instinct was to give her one"
Give her a fight? Ahahaha no.
You might, oh, annoy the spellcasting prodigy a bit, until she's had enough and pounds you into the ground like a tent stake.
This story is definitely an interesting read. I can see Twilight going this route- without her being able to latch onto Princess Celestia's approval as her be-all and end-all, she took instead to almost worshipping her concept of magic. The thing though is that in Equestria, Friendship is indeed Magic. What she centered her live around is power. She just doesn't know it.
All things considered, I have to agree with Antiguo though. Upon first reading the story, I did not get why Trixie could even claim to have manipulated Twilight into saying anything. She managed to firmly lodge her hoof in her mouth all by herself; As always, Twilight Sparkle was perfectly capable of showing what kind of screwy goofball she actually is without outside help. But it is the combination of Trixie feeling guilty and (more importantly) Raindrops thinking Trixie should feel guilty that's problematic, because frankly, as things stand now, she (Raindrops) has no reason to act like she did.
>>271564 While it's important to have a good vocabulary, I disagree that the thesaurus is a writer's best friend, and frankly, I think it can be a dangerous trap for some. I see a lot of sentences like this on FimFic: "The red, glistening, viscous, dripping liquid slid slowly from the glimmering, shiny, razor-sharp blade." It makes me tired reading just that sentence, let alone a whole page of that, let alone a whole story. Know what I mean? 
Cerulean Starlight is amazing, isn't he?
This has the patter down. The ponies speak and chat and crack in ways I'd expect to see on the show. Not only a good ear for dialogue but a great sense of the source material.
Oh...and as the author of School Daze I DEMAND TO SEE CHEERILEE IN THE NEXT FIC! This I command.
PS. I feel like I need alt-universe emoticons for this story.
I dunno if I like this fic or not, normally when Trixie is made the hero I don't like it, usually because her inherent flaws are ignored, but here she still has them, she still self-centered and egotistical and in need of being knocked down a few pegs. I'm not sure I agree with Applejack being greedy and with out financial problems, but then that could easily just be Carrot Top's view of Applejack. Rainbow Dash, well really that's how she is, she seems lazy and flaky, but she gets the job done right and on-time. Raindrops resents Dash but at the same time can't really say Dash isn't doing her job. The context you know someone in does color your opinion. I do how ever feel for Twilight, as her crime was wanting to prove her prowess, which she did, but she will suffer a worse fate than Trixie did in the original episode.
Not bad, though the ending rubbed me a bit wrong. I was hoping you would deviate more from the plot of the original episode. Then again, I'm a serious Twi fanboy, so I was probably destined to not be 100% happy with this story.
That said, I will give Longest Night, Longest Day a look.
Edit: Thinking about it a bit more, the part of the ending that bugged me the most was Twilight teleporting away from her problems. It is too outside of her show characterization for me to buy completely. True, this is AU, but if you use the justification of Lesson Zero to explain that she would willingly create problems, then it seems odd to ignore the end of that same episode, where she willingly goes to the Library to face Celestia's punishment.
Anyway, just my thoughts, wanted to get them down on paper and out of my head.
A very nice story.
Although it does seem unfinished. I would like to see some continuation. With Twilight being apprehended and forgiven (I mean, come on! Bringing an Ursa to town? Snips and Snails were not put it prison for that - they just got some nice mustache! Why should Twilight be arrested?). Maybe even let Corona take her as an apprentice. That would be nice.
Twilight isn't evil. Corona is very evil, and this is a very well-known fact. If she came face-to-face with Corona she'd run away, just like just about anypony else.
Also, as I pointed out, Snips and Snails are minors, and they didn't run away. Had Twilight not run away she may have merely had the same community service/moustache ensemble that they got.
Er, not exactly. As I understand, in this alternate universe, it was Celestia, who became corrupted with some dark magic and then was sealed into the sun by her sister Luna for a thousand years. And I gather, that somewhere in the prequel to this story Celestia/Corona has escaped her imprisonment and has been defeated by the Element bearers (Trixie et al). In the result she has been freed from the corruption and now once again resides in the Canterlot castle as a co-ruler of Equestria together with Luna. Or am I wrong?
You're right up until "defeated and freed from corruption." Two reasons - one, Corona wasn't corrupted by dark magics, she was corrupted by her own greed. It's as much a part of her as her, I dunno, horn, so it's not really something that you can just bing-bang-zam away. She has to *want* to be redeemed.
Two, Corona was defeated, but not redeemed. She was driven off.
I forget whether I mentioned that in the story or in one of the comments, so it's a mea culpa if that's not clear.
EDIT
Found it; it's during Raindrops' and Trixie's conversation in chapter 1. Raindrops is hoping that the Eventime will go better than the Longest Night, and Trixie remarks that Luna said that Corona will need a long time to recover from being zapped so probably they don't have to worry about anything.
Very, very nice alt-universe!
Your Trixie is a neat character - an attention-seeker and something of a jerk, sure, but she's aware of her issues and she's clearly trying to overcome those flaws. And her being an Element of Magic who isn't a powerhouse of raw magic like Twilight makes pretty good sense to me. Now, I want to see more about alt-Mane Six!
As for the Twilight in this story, people clearly aren't getting that this is not the Twilight Sparkle we know. This is Twilight who hasn't had Spike and Celestia to keep her arrogance and "I know better" tendencies in check: who doesn't have any friends to help her improve her social skills and connect with the other ponies; who still thinks that making friends is something she has no time for. She's not an evil pony, but she's not a nice one, either, and not very pleasant to be around. I really pity her.
Glad you liked it! If you want to see more of the alt-Mane Six (I'm calling them the "Lunaverse Six"), then you should check out my Blog for character profiles (currently I have Trixie, Raindrops, Lyra, and Carrot Top done), and of course, Longest Night, Longest Day, the prequel to this and my alternate version of the pilot episode.
Loved this story. The vibe I'm getting from the comments, though, seems that people are looking at this as simply "Twilight is the bad guy" without taking into consideration that this is an alternate universe. Twilight is not the main character, or even *a* main character. Understanding this, it does not bother me that she's the antagonist.
I will definitely be looking into your other works.
ok let me get this straight, cherilee is laughter, trixie is magic, derpy is kindness, carrot top is generosity, so that leaves honesty and loyalty?? who did you make those 2 out to be i know and remember raindrops was one of em, so who is the other of th emane 6 alt universe ponies. im confused.
Trixie - Magic
Cheerilee - Laughter
Raindrops - Honesty
Lyra Heartstrings - Loyalty
Carrot Top - Generosity
Ditzy Doo - Kindness
I'm pretty sure I did mention each, but it was intentionally oblique since the Elements don't play too large a role in this.
You can read Longest Night, Longest Day to learn how everything began.
Man, this was... where to begin? This was well-written, well-paced, provides an interesting alternate universe...
...But Applebloom is a bit of a brat, Applejack is a greedy produce baron, Rainbow is lazy, and Twilight has no idea how to function in society, which directly leads to her losing her personal possessions and ending up on the lam from the authorities. That's two seasons of character development gone, and it kind of hurts to watch.
I have no reason to dislike this fic, and you can take that for what it's worth. But where another such fic would have left me smiling or perhaps thoughtful, this one just left me depressed. This story could almost count as a tragedy, in a metafictional way - the canon Mane Six never met, and are all living demonstrably worse lives because it, some dramatically so. That's pretty tragic.
I recommend reading the prequel, "Longest Night, Longest Day" for more insight into the canon characters. Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie lead basically the same lives, in actuality. Dash may be a little lazier, but she's still loyal to her friends; that's just the problem, she puts one friend in particular (Fluttershy) before Ponyville. But Rarity and especially Pinkie Pie are identical - just looked at from a different perspective.
Besides, Applebloom is a bit of a brat anyway, RE: poor Doctor Whooves...
There are crappy stories, which I can easily dismiss as a waste of my time.
There are great stories, which leave me with a smile, or in tears, but make me glad to have read them.
But this kind of story is rare: A thoughtful, engaging, well-written tale that leaves a horrible taste in my mouth.
I had to think for a long while to figure out what exactly about this story is so unpleasant to me. The major problem, as some others have already posted, is with Twilight. Living a different life would make her different, yes. But your Twilight is simply a bad person. Her obsession with magic and learning has consumed her completely, leaving no redeeming qualities. FiM Twilight, even before gaining friends, was dutiful, loyal, protective, and above all, responsible. Your Twilight is none of these. A good AU fic reshapes characters known to the audience to give a new perspective. But instead of doing that you *whittled away* Twlilight's character into almost nothingness; a one-dimensional plot device.
The second problem is that aside from Trixie, the other characters have no depth either. Perhaps a limitation of the length of the story, but there's just something that makes them seem hollow; their personalities just an empty shell. The situation might improve if you fleshed them out more, but I have this odd feeling in my gut that tells me I wouldn't like to meet these ponies..
The third problem is the inescapable feeling that this universe is a darker place than the FiM universe we all know. I'm not just talking about inversions of the celebrations and day and night. There's a harsher tone; Raindrops actually *punching* Trixie is straight-up disturbing. Mentions of ‘Representative of the Night Court of Luna’ and 'law enforcers of Equestria' have a positively Orwellian vibe. 'Your faithful student & *servant*' actually makes me fear Luna.
The end result is a sickening feeling that this universe isn't just different -- it's *wrong*. Like most bronies, I admit I have a naive childlike urge to visit FiM's Equestria. I want to stay far away from this story's universe.
Well, let's see if we can address these points.
On Twilight
I can't help but think that, somewhere out there, there's somepony named RaindropsTheTitan complaining about how a fanfiction entitled "Boast Busters" has managed to whittle away the personality of everypony's favorite jerk-with-a-heart-of-gold, Trixie Lulamoon, into nothing more than a self-absorbed, showy, wandering gypsie with no redeeming qualities, and worse has even largely removed her special talent, magic, rendering her as a barely functional magician.
Just food for thought. As I've mentioned, this story was structured to be deliberately like the episode "Boast Busters." In "Boast Busters," we learn nothing about Trixie beyond the fact that she's a lying jerk (with no gold to be found). If anything, this story is better in that regard: we see far more of Alt!Twilight's motivations and learn much more of her history than we ever did of Mane!Trixie. Or in other words, Mane!Trixie was a one-dimensional plot device. Why can't Luna!Twilight be?
Though everypony calling her a bad pony seems to forget that she seemed honestly regretful of her actions at the end...just not enough to not flee. You can commit a crime and feel horrible about it and still not want to go to jail.
On the Lighting
It is a darker world, but part of that is born from the fact that I know I'm writing for an audience that mostly consists of adults or at least late teens, so I can get away with showing a somewhat darker world than FiM can. However, mostly it's just a different world. To your specific points:
- The Night Court of Luna isn't called that because of any kind of evil connotations: it is the Court, of Luna, which is held at Night. It's held at night because Luna is by choice nocturnal, so if any government work is to get done in Equestria, it has to be done at night.
- Trixie is her official representative in Ponyville. Again, nothing sinister. As Trixie herself pointed out in the story, she is basically just a .glorified messenger between Ponyville and Canterlot. She can't even be said to be an appointed governor, as Ponyville still has a mayor. Her actual authority in town is: 1) In the event of a tie vote in the town council, she is the deciding vote; and 2) during a crisis, she can take direct control of Ponyville; however Luna looks poorly upon abuses of this power (these are outlined in the prequel, "Longest Night, Longest Day").
- Twilight brought an ursa into town, recklessly endangering the lives of hundreds of ponies and causing a lot of destruction. Of course the law enforcers of Equestria are after her. Bring a rabid elephant into a city sometime, then run away, and see if the law doesn't come after you. You're reading too much into this line.
- As for "student & servant," again, this is because Trixie isn't just Luna's student; she's also her official liason to Ponyville. "Servant" is more a formality thing than anything, and I included it mostly to get the idea across that this Equestria has a somewhat more antiquated feel to it (the prequel mentions gas lights used to light Trixie's house, for example). In 1898, any letter addressed to the King of England from one of his ministers would probably have been signed "your faithful servant." So, once more: nothing sinister.
I exposit on the differences more In this blog post, and a commentor, Zobeid, provided much insight into Luna's character.
I do recommend reading "Longest Night, Longest Day," it will probably dispel most of your wories. Luna's Equestria isn't an unpleasent place to live by any means.
Oh, and on Raindrops punching Trixie: I honestly found it to be thoroughly comedic. Slapstick, even. I was specifically thinking of a scene from an anime called Soul Eater when I wrote it. The context is kind of different, but it basically amounts to:
Character 1: I've been a jerk. I deserve to have my face punched in. Please punch me as hard as you can.
Character 2: Yosh. [proceeds to do so]
[Episode ends with everybody laughing. She really did deserve it]
I haven't decided whether to read "Longest Night, Longest Day," though I suspect I eventually will, if only out of curiosity.
Why *is* Trixie Luna's "representative" in Ponyville? FiM Twilight in Ponyville has no special authority; why did you choose to break the symmetry here?
Raindrops punching Trixie: Sorry, I can't see it as comedic. I'm not above some good ol' fashioned slapstick or mindless violence. The problem here is the set-up just isn't there. Trixie seems to be *afraid* of Raindrops. And I don't think Trixie was *that* much of a jerk (she was the only character I felt you developed well, and I felt for her.) She didn't deserve it, especially not from a supposed "friend".
Again, there is this "harshness" (or "darkness", or "unfriendliness", or even "danger") that you apparently didn't intend in this world but that I'm very much picking up.
ETA:
I just read your blog post. It... pretty much totally confirms my initial impression? The world you created *is* darker, the monarchy stricter, the ponies less trusting. I'll be blunt: it creeps me out.
I dunno. Really, I think it's more me wondering why the symmetry doesn't go the other way. Twilight Sparkle, wizard extraordinaire, has been under the personal tutaledge of Princess Celestia, theoretically the most powerful spellcaster in all of Equestria. And she...works in a library? Maybe? (we certainly don't ever see her doing any actual *work,* that is to say, a job to make money, unlike everypony else except for Fluttershy, and I've got my own theories on Fluttershy).
That just doesn't make much sense to me. Plus, this Trixie hasn't just been learning spells. She's been learning rhetoric and politics as well. My take on Trixie is that her special talent isn't just magic, it's doing magic for others, and that distinction is what prompted Luna to offer apprenticeship in the first place.
It also helps get across the idea of a different governmental structure to Luna's Equestria as compared to Celestia's. Whereas Celestia's Equestria comes across as monarchy in name only, with Celestia acting more as a guardian and steward than actual leader, Luna's Equestria is somewhat more fuedal in structure, with the landed nobility and powerful guilds and trusts having more power.
To borrow Zobeid's take on the two:
Celestia is all about knowledge, reason and power -- a perfect Enlightenment Age leader. She wants her country to work like a machine, with every part in its proper place and turning smoothly, and the trains running on time. Her natural approach to any problem involves tackling it head-on, and she prefers openness over concealment or deception. She keeps a tight reign on the nobles and bureaucrats, not tolerating much nonsense from them. Her natural impulse is to follow the rules, and she expects others to do the same. Her game is chess.
Luna is all about myths, instincts and dreams. Her truth is relative and fluid, and she'd rather inspire than explain. Her natural approach to any problem involves concealment, deception, and manipulating friends and enemies alike into doing what she wants. Although no friend of Discord, Luna isn't obsessed with order; dreams are chaotic, you can't summon them from a mathematical formula. Luna loves her secrets and enjoys the byzantine rivalries, spying and scheming of the royal court, and is pulling the strings behind most of them. She thinks rules can be bent, renegotiated and subverted. Her game is poker.
Basically Celestia is Lawful Good, while Luna is Chaotic Good; and while Celestia's Equestria is basically like Louix XIV's France, Luna's Equestria is more like...well, Byzantium.
See, we disagree. I think Twilight's lack of official authority is a subtle but very important and appropriate part of her relationship to Celestia *and* to her friends. If Twilight was in any way a bearer of Celestia's authority it would drastically change the nature of all her relationships, and not for the better, in my opinion. Things like jealousy, fear, deception, and conflict of interest would creep in. I'm not saying she coudn't have her firends, but things would be a lot more complicated.
I diagree in parts with the description of Celestia you quoted. Celestia is not at all above pulling tricks or bending the rules. But Celestia believes in allowing ponies to manage their own lives; she will interfere only when her help is requested or things become truly dangerous.
I can't speak with any certainty to canon-Luna as we saw too little of her in the show. Your description, on the other hand, does not endear her to me at all.
I'll also add one more thought about the story. You do break symmetry with "Boast Busters" not only in your characters and relationshiops, but in the outcome itself. "Boast Busters" ended with Trixie leaving town after having her pride bruised and her wagon destroyed, while Twilight learned to not hide her talents and reveal more of herself to her friends. "Boast Busted" end with Twilight escaping as a HATED, HUNTED CRIMINAL, while Trixie learned... actually I'm not sure what. That reading can be good? That she should learn more magic?
Can you at least see where I'm coming from?
So basically...the reason why Trixie shouldn't of had an official posting...is because politicians can't have real friends, just "friends" who are trying to use them for something.
...riiiiiiight...yeah, I'm quite happy with a main character that will allow me to explore the political side of Equestria from an insider's perspective. If that's not your thing, then that's not your thing, but you have a fairly low opinion of politicians from the sound of things.
Oh, and Trixie learned that she's still being a jackass to others, and as a result of this she played a part, however peripherally, in ruining somepony's life. She kind of states that (twice), so I'm not sure how you missed it.
Not what I said. In fact I said the opposite. She could definitely have real friends; it's just that her relationships would be more complicated.
I don't mind politics in fiction, if they're done well and add to the story.
And since you brought it up; I honestly didn't see Trixie as a jackass. A bit insensitive, inconsiderate, yes, but not a jackass. I really liked her, and her behaviour was not at all unreasonable. If anything, I thought she was blaming herself unfairly; perhaps that's why it didn't really register as a lesson to me.
We do seem to have very different perspectives. I hope you didn't take any of my points as insults; they are just my opinion. Like I said, your story was well-written and engaging. Ultimately it seems I didn't like it because my tastes are significantly different from yours. C'est la vie.
Okay, I'm just going to say it; this was one of those rare stories that made me think. Not 'think' as in 'coming up with silly little imagine spots', it made me actually think.
For example, Twilight. A fair few of the comments on this story seem to be suggesting that she's acting out of character, but they seem to be forgetting that this is a universe where Luna's the ruling princess and Celestia's the one who was imprisoned for a millennium, where Twilight never grew up with Spike or Celestia, where Twilight was never sent to Ponyville, and where Twilight never met the five best friends that she would ever have. And that's really, really heartbreaking.
Everything is different now, and everything still seems to work out fine for Trixie and the others, but the Mane Six, the ponies that we know and love, have now essentially got to live out their lives as background ponies. That really depresses me a little bit.
Regardless, however, this is a fantastic universe and I implore you to keep writing it.
But isn't the show about fixinig problems? Why not take the lessons of normal Equestria here? Seems like it's time for a crusade...A 
SMILE crusade!!! What have ye taken away from it if you're going to be as skittish as Lilly and flee at the first sign of conflict? 
I think the issue was more about a lack of resolution to the conflict, rather than there being a conflict. Then again, I was deliberately trying to drum up interest in a larger universe, and a good way to do that is to leave dangling hooks for sequels, the more enticing the sequel, the better.
Twilight's plot thread will be resolved, eventually. Just not here.
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