2. Wherein Raindrops Keeps a Promise
Something clicked in Trixie’s mind. “Oh,” she realized. “Oh! I remember now. You’re the mare that graduated from Princess Luna’s school of magic a year early, and with a perfect grade point average.”
Twilight Sparkle beamed at the recognition. “Yes,” she confirmed. “Princess Luna herself handed me my diploma.”
Trixie considered, vaguely remembering attending that event alongside her mentor. “And since then you’ve just been wandering around Equestria looking for festivals to ruin?” she surmised.
The lavender unicorn seemed taken aback. “What?” she asked.
Trixie moved closer to Twilight. “You interrupted my show!” she exclaimed.
“Oh, that…” Twilight said, laughing nervously and looking a little mollified, before realizing what she was doing, shaking her head, and looking back to Trixie. “Well, that was only because I couldn’t take it anymore! I came here all the way from Manehattan, dropped everything I was researching in the library there, just to see you - and you were hardly doing any magic at all out there!"
“Hey!” Dinky Doo objected, hopping off of her mother’s back and galloping past Trixie and right up to Twilight, who backed up a few paces at the charge and the look of determination in Dinky's face. “Trixie’s the best magician in all of Equestria!”
Twilight blinked a few times as she stared down at the filly. Her expression changed to one of slight condescension. “Now, look, my little pony,” she said in a voice that matched her expression, leaning down to Dinky. “You’re too young to really know this, but what Trixie was doing was not magic.”
“Yes it was!” Dinky objected strongly. “Trixie says that magic is more than just spells and stuff! It’s all about style and presentation and I’m not too young to know ‘cause momma says I’m really smart for my age and – ”
“Thank-you, Dinky,” Trixie said, using a hoof to gently push the filly away from the older unicorn. “But I think Twilight and I need to have a discussion in private.”
Dinky looked dejected. “But I thought I was your assistant…”
“You are,” Trixie promised, “but I don’t know how this discussion is going to play out, and it might involve some mean words that even a filly as smart as you shouldn’t be hearing, and frankly I’m scared of what your mother might do to me if you did hear them.”
Ditzy Doo chuckled somewhat at that as she came forward, scooping up her daughter and placing her firmly on her back again. “Are you going to be okay?” she asked. Somehow, her eyes had managed to wander so that one was on Trixie, while the other was focused on Twilight. The lavender unicorn didn’t seem bothered at all by Ditzy’s eyes, however, which at least made Trixie's estimation of her go up, however slightly.
“I’ll be fine,” Trixie promised, before looking back to Twilight. Ditzy nodded, and headed through the stage’s curtains, a somewhat morose-looking Dinky Doo riding her – though the filly spared enough time to turn around and stick her tongue out at Twilight.
Twilight stared impassively at the display. “Never was good with foals…” she observed absentmindedly.
“Maybe if you didn’t talk down to them like you just did,” Trixie suggested, as she replaced her hat. “Especially Dinky Doo. She is very smart for her age.”
Twilight turned back to Trixie. “Really?” she asked, curiosity piqued. “What spells can she cast?”
Trixie blinked at the question, not understanding how Twilight could have made the leap from smart for her age to spellcasting prodigy. Raw intelligence and spellcasting ability were only peripherally connected, and unicorns of Dinky’s age were usually only just beginning to master basic telekinesis. Dinky was about as far along as any other unicorn filly in that regard. “Several,” Trixie decided to lie, “but that’s not what really matters right now. Why’d you interrupt my show?”
Twilight blinked a few times. “Like I said,” she explained, “you’re the Element of Magic! You were taught by Luna herself! But the spells I saw out there could have been done by…by a filly her age!” She pointed in the direction Dinky and Ditzy had left.
Trixie huffed. “Give my ‘Portal to the Fifth Dimension’ glamor a little more credit…”
“Well, okay, that was impressive,” Twilight admitted, scuffing a hoof on the floor. “But it’s not like illusions are real magic – ”
“What?” Trixie demanded.
“Well, they aren’t! They’re illusions! They’re fake by definition!”
Trixie couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Well, what were you expecting?” Trixie demanded.
“I don’t know!” Twilight exclaimed. “Something…well, something more!” She took a step forward. “Does Princess Luna know you’re wasting her education like this?”
Trixie jabbed a hoof forward. “For your information, it was Princess Luna who suggested I put on my first magic show, back during the Longest Night celebration!” she exclaimed. “She’s encouraged it! She said it was a good use of my talents!”
Actually, what Princess Luna had said was that it was an excellent way for Trixie to vent her natural egotistical streak and desire for attention in such a way that wouldn’t drive other ponies away from her, as she had at the time managed to alienate just about everypony in Canterlot still willing to give her a chance. Princess Luna had a way with words, and that way was to make them as blunt and cutting as possible in order to drive points home. Still, this upstart unicorn didn’t need to know that.
Twilight stared in incomprehension. “The Princess wanted you to become a showmare?” she demanded.
“She wants me to be happy,” Trixie informed Twilight. That, at least, was the complete, unvarnished truth.
Twilight blinked a few times. “Okay…” she said, apparently deciding to leave that point alone. “But why were you doing so little actual magic?”
“I was doing tons of magic,” Trixie objected.
“You were using sleight-of-hoof. Smoke and mirrors. Misdirection. There wasn’t a lot of real magic.”
Trixie’s eyes narrowed. “No, there weren’t a lot of spells,” she clarified. “Magic is more than just spells.”
“But they’re the only part that matters!” Twilight objected, looking shocked that Trixie could even imply otherwise.
“No they’re not!” Trixie exclaimed with a stomp of her hoof. “Spells are just the most obvious…and, really, the least interesting.”
Twilight recoiled as though Trixie had physically bucked her in the jaw while making that point. “What?” she demanded. “You’re the Element of Magic! How can you even say that?”
“I think you answered your own question there,” Trixie observed. “I’m the Element of Magic. I know what I’m talking about.”
Twilight glared at Trixie. “You’re wrong.”
“Hey, who between the two of us was taught magic by Princess Luna herself?” Trixie gave Twilight a sly look. “Jealous, maybe?”
Twilight was fuming at the implication. Trixie felt a little bad about the last comment – it was Trixie’s habit of name-dropping and bringing up her status with Luna that had driven away most of the ponies of Canterlot, or at least a mixture of that and spells gone awry causing problems. Then again, Trixie had no interest in trying to make friends with this stuck-up mare, and she doubted Twilight had come backstage looking for a renewed sense of camaraderie, either.
“Look,” Trixie said, straightening her cape and hat. “This is my first Eventime in Ponyville and I really just want to enjoy it, so if you’ll excuse me…” The mare pushed her way past Twilight, and out into the night, trying to focus on the festival in front of her and not the unicorn she was leaving behind. The encounter with Twilight Sparkle had left a bad taste in Trixie’s mouth – which, at the very least, made her first destination an easy choice.
---
“The short one is giving you the evil eye again, C,” Raindrops observed without removing the straw from her mouth. She was glancing over her shoulder, at the Apple family’s stand, which was being mobbed by customers – as usual. Nevertheless, the smallest member of the Apple family seemed to find plenty of time, in between helping her older sister with sales, to shoot dirty looks at Carrot Top’s own. She was scolded for it a few times by her sister, but it was never long before the filly started up again.
“Foals are foals,” Carrot Top responded simply as she topped off a carton of carrot juice and exchanged it for a few silver bits with a customer, thanking him for his purchase. His leaving left her alone with Raindrops for the moment. “All that really matters is Applejack’s realized that there’s a difference between small business and competition.”
Raindrops considered that as she used her tongue to switch the straw from one side of her mouth to the other. “Never got that,” Raindrops said, as she took a carrot from Carrot Top’s stand, tossing a few bits into the earth pony’s coffers before her friend could start up a rant about her not needing to pay like she had over the juice. “Carrots and apples. Not something you’d think could compete with each other…”
Carrot Top shrugged. “There’s some competition,” she explained. “Apple juice or carrot juice? Carrot cake or apple pie? Apple jam or carrot marmalade?”
“Ugh. Apple jam,” Raindrops said, even as she made a point of biting into the carrot she’d purchased. “Sorry, C, but apple jam. Carrots should not be made into marmalade.”
Carrot Top looked around conspiratorially, before leaning in to Raindrops. “I agree,” she said quietly, and in a tone of voice one might have used to say I accidentally poisoned the Princess. Raindrops chuckled slightly at the tone and the mortified look on Carrot Top’s face at her own words, though the expression fell as another customer came up and bought a raisin and carrot salad, which so far had proven to be her most popular item – it had, in fact, nearly sold out.
After she left, Raindrops continued the conversation. “At least your evil alliance with the Grapes is working out…”
Carrot Top nodded slightly at that, and she was grateful that it had. Put simply, nopony had a snowball’s chance in a volcano of breaking the absolute monopoly that the Apple family had on Ponyville’s produce. The Apples had the best fields, the best equipment, the best workers, the best everything, and the other farmers simply had to make do with what they could get their hooves on. Usually it was everypony for themselves, but this year Green Grapes and his family had hit upon the novel idea of, rather than selling his product directly to the public, working in concert with some of the other farmers to create new dishes that incorporated his grapes and splitting the profits, breaking a Ponyville tradition. Carrot Top had leapt at the idea, as had several other farmers, and the result was the raisin and carrot salad that was selling so well, along with other dishes.
It wasn’t going to break the Apple’s monopoly on anything, but it was definitely helping the farmers who actually needed the bits – and the Apples didn’t, no matter what Applejack seemed to honestly believe.
Carrot Top’s thoughts returned to the present at the approach of a blue-coated mare bedecked in a purple, star-studded hat and cape. “Trixie!” she exclaimed happily, though after a moment her smile dropped when she saw the expression on Trixie’s face. “Oh. Did the show not go well?” she asked, looking between the unicorn and Raindrops.
“No, the show was fine,” Trixie responded as she sat down beside the farmer’s stall, looking over the selection. In her telekinetic grasp there was already a caramel-topped apple, but there was also a small cup of caramel. After a few moments, she telekinetically grabbed a carrot and tossed a few bits into Carrot Top’s coffer – like Raindrops, before the orange earth pony could object and go on about her friends not needing to pay – and proceeded to drench the carrot in caramel, bore a hole in the apple and tossed away the core, and lastly stick the carrot straight through the apple.
“Got any salt?” Trixie asked. When Carrot Top shook her head, the showmare sighed a little before beginning to eat her odd amalgamation of carrot and apple and caramel, the mere sight of which drew odd looks from onlookers. Trixie had the most bizarre diet of anypony that Carrot Top had ever met.
“If the show went fine, how come you wanted salt?”
“Interruption,” Raindrops provided, shifting her straw back to the other side of her mouth. “Some purple unicorn mare with a star cutie mark – ”
There was a pop from near the stall, and a sudden stiff breeze from the appearance of some purple unicorn displacing the thin air. Her sudden appearance made Carrot Top jump, Trixie drop her unholy union of carrot and apple, and Raindrops to continue to sip on her carrot juice at a geologically slow pace, while a number of other nearby ponies seemed equally as startled by the display.
“That’s her,” Raindrops said after a moment of making sure she seemed suitably unimpressed.
“I am not jealous!” the unicorn exclaimed to Trixie.
Trixie blinked at other unicorn a few times, before looking down at her fallen confection. After a few moments, she hefted it off of the ground with magic, considering the pieces of grass that came away stuck to it, before taking a tentative bite. After chewing thoughtfully, she seemed satisfied, and pointed a hoof to her friends. “Twilight Sparkle, this is Carrot Top, farmer and Element of Generosity, and Raindrops, weather pony and Element of Honesty.” She shifted her hoof to point to the unicorn. “C, Raindrops, this is Twilight Sparkle, sorceress and Element of Jealousy.”
“Oh my,” Carrot Top intoned.
“I’m not jealous!” Twilight repeated. “I’m…I’m disappointed is what I am!”
Trixie nearly had an outburst herself at that, when she realized that Twilight was beginning to draw a crowd to Carrot Top’s stand. She grinned slightly, leaning over to her friends and held up a hoof as though speaking in confidence to them, though the volume of her voice didn’t change. “She’s disappointed because there isn’t actually an Element of Jealousy.”
“That’s not – !” Twilight began, before closing her eyes and trying to ignore Raindrops’ snickering. She visibly counted to ten. “Look,” she said, “I’m just trying to understand how a pony who is supposed to be the Element of Magic could have put on a magic show I’d more expect from a magic kindergarten filly than from somepony who saved the world!”
“Well, I did save the world. With help,” Trixie added quickly, nodding to Raindrops and Carrot Top, before looking back to Twilight. “It took pegasus magic and earth pony magic – ”
“Earth ponies and pegasi don’t have magic,” Twilight interrupted.
Trixie suppressed a grin. She'd hoped she'd get Twilight to say something stupid; she hadn't expected this. This was beautiful.
Carrot Top was taken aback at Twilight's statement, as were a number of earth ponies and pegasi in the crowd that had been gathering. Twilight seemed to realize her faux pas. “N-not that there’s anything wrong with that!” she added, looking both mortified and honest as she looked between Carrot Top, who seemed more shocked then insulted; Raindrops, who had raised one eyebrow half an inch but otherwise continued sipping her drink at roughly the same rate that continents moved; and the earth ponies and pegasi in the small crowd. “I mean, earth ponies are really good at growing things and are really strong and tough and durable compared to unicorns, and pegasi can fly and manipulate the weather and do other things that unicorns can’t…”
Twilight blinked when the angry looks didn’t go away. “I don’t think unicorns are better than anypony else!” she said firmly. To Trixie, it looked like she honestly meant that, but the damage was done. Twilight came to the same realization only moments later. She closed her eyes tightly, horn glowing, and with a pop she disappeared from view.
Trixie took another bite out of her confection – the grass really did add a pleasant zest to it – and turned back to her friends, chuckling to herself slightly, as the crowd that had gathered around Carrot Top’s stand began dispersing. A few, having had their attention drawn to it now, began to form a line.
Raindrops was staring at Trixie with the same look she had given Twilight Sparkle. “Hey,” she said, “remember after the Longest Night celebration, when you apologized to everypony for being so condescending and manipulative and stuff, and I told you I'd hit you - hard - if you ever acted like that again?”
Trixie considered. “Yes?” she asked.
“Hold still a moment,” Raindrops said as she set her drink down on Carrot Top’s stand and began trotting over to Trixie.
The blue unicorn backed away several paces in fright. Raindrops didn’t speed up to catch her, but she continued advancing. “H-hey!” Trixie objected as she continued backing away, glancing behind her occasionally to make sure she didn’t bump into anything or anypony. “What did I do?”
Raindrop’s wings fluttered a little, though she didn’t take to the air. “That,” she said, cocking her head over her shoulder to indicate Carrot Top’s stand. “Calling that unicorn the Element of Jealousy. Antagonizing her.”
“I didn’t!” Trixie lied, while wondering how to get out of this. Raindrops wasn’t fast, especially not by pegasus standards, but she was relentless.
Which made it a complete surprise when Raindrops stopped advancing, enough so that Trixie, rather than taking the opportunity to flee, stopped moving as well. “Yeah, you did,” the jasmine-coated pegasus said. “What did you think was going to happen?”
Trixie looked down. “She interrupted my show,” she pointed out. “Said that I wasn’t any good at magic.”
“And now you’ve got a huge number of ponies thinking she’s a tribalist,”
"She said it! I didn't make her say that!"
"No, but you were trying to get her to say something stupid," Raindrops said, walking slowly and non-threateningly up to Trixie and touching her forehead to Trixie’s own. “Look, Trixie, we both know you’ve got a delicate ego. And maybe Twilight deserved a little embarrassment. But this? This was too far. By a lot."
Trixie let out a long sigh, leaning in to her friend’s sign of affection. “You’re right…” she admitted after a moment. “I…I should do that whole apology thing, shouldn’t I?”
“Yes,” Raindrops confirmed as she withdrew from Trixie. “Also, one more thing.”
“Yeah?” Trixie asked without looking up.
There was an explosion of pain in the side of Trixie’s mouth, and she saw stars. The unicorn stumbled a little, falling to the ground in a daze. After millions of years – or maybe a few seconds, Trixie couldn’t tell – the world stopped being a spinning mass of stellar objects and singing birds and instead became a spinning quintet of Raindropses (Raindropsi?), who were looking down at her.
“Open your mouth,” the twirling quintet said. For whatever reason, Trixie obeyed them, and the pegasi leaned down and looked in. “Nothing chipped or broken,” they announced after a moment. “Okay, I have a drink to finish.” With that, the Raindropsi (Raindropsen?) were off.
Trixie closed her eyes and rubbed her jaw with her hoof. She resolved to – once she was certain there was no short-term memory damage – make sure to never get into a situation where Raindrops needed to keep that particular promise ever again.
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Yea, I read Twilight as more being angry at Trixie putting on airs while seemingly being fairly mediocre at magic.
Tribalist, ouch...
Wow even when Trixie arent an ass shes an ass.
270387
She's still fundamentally Trixie, otherwise there wouldn't of been much of a point of using Trixie and not some OC.
I enjoyed this chapter, and actually chuckled at the "Element of Jealousy" comment. Your dialogue is snappy, you've given Raindrops and Carrot Top believable and unique personalities, and in general you've restored my faith in this story. All I can do now is hope Trixie's "apology" goes as poorly as I expect it will.
Ditzy Doo is pretty bland, of course, but then again so is Fluttershy. What is one supposed to do with the Element of Kindness, anyway? I mean seriously, you can't even work with that.
Now for the fixes: "Twilight and me" should be "Twilight and I," or even better "Twilight and Trixie" (really, she's just not the same without referring to herself in the third person, and isn't Twilight supposed to bringing out the worst in her?)
You have a lot of extraneous adverbs and speech attribution tags.
Best things: Element of Jealousy; Raindrops melee pony; bigotwilight. I also liked the idea that Trixie is an utter weirdo in a lot of her personal habits, not just her strange diet. If you can give her a few more fun quirks I think you'll really have made her your own.
Good job.
Straight up loving this. Lots of lovely little details; and you're making me care about background ponies I honestly didn't give much of a buck about before. Watched, favourited, thumbed up. Hungry for moar!
270429
Know, O Ponydora, that between the release of a recent blockbuster film and the time when I did write this story and others, that I acquired a Book undreamed of, an anthology of short stories spread across the tome's pages like dreams given form and words beneath the stars - stories of warriors and wizards, monsters and mystery, of the dark spread of corrupting magic; of sleeping gods who should have been left to their millennial slumber but which arrogant and foolish mortals did attempt to waken. And all of these stories contain prose the most brilliant shade of purple you could have ever laid eyes upon, for the author of them, though quite talented, was most likely paid by the page; and so it was in his interests to write as much as possible about his hero, a man, black-haired, sullen-eyed, sword in hand: a thief, a reaver, a slayer, with gigantic melnacholis and gigantic mirth, and spin tales about how this man, the Cimmerian called Conan, tread the jeweled thrones of the Earth beneath his sandled feet.
TL; DR: I'm way too much of a Robert E. Howard fan, and I'm aware of this, but I don't think there's much I can do, and it results in me using extraneous adverbs like it's going out of style.
I will change Trixie's dialogue to "Twilight and I," though. As for her lack of the third person - hold that thought.
*if* I do another one of these that isn't "Episode I," it's planned to focus on Ditzy Doo, and hopefully make her more interesting in the process. She was mostly around because I needed Dinky around in this story, rather than as a character in her own right. If it helps, my head-canon for Ditzy Doo is basically Ditzy Doo's Dismally Derpy Day. That should be an episode. It won't be, of course, but it should be.
And as for Raindrops the Melee Pony:
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This fic reminds me of "Warrior's Heir," a Harry Potter fanfic. It's very different, of course, but both this story and that one do a good job at putting characters in different roles without sacrificing their personalities. It's a hard thing to do, but I think you've done a godd job with both Twilight and Trixie so far. Nopony else has really stood out, but you've only had two chapters.
In case you're curious:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4343191/1/Warriors_Heir
Well, that went as well as could be expected. Trixie is still an abrasive loudmouth and Twilight still has no social skills to speak of.
Poor twilight, deprived of the magic of friendship.
270128
I am well aware of the means of Corona. It's an unimaginative name for evil Celestia. Why not something like "Daylight Fright" or "Anti-genesis". So I will replace Corona with "cheap Mexican beer" every time I read it because that's more creative and it's funny to boot.
It's pretty interesting to see just to see how Twilight's personality would've been altered (or stayed the same?) had she not met her Ponyville pals. Trixie getting punched was a little much for me, but it seemed necessary. All in all, I wouldn't mind this being, like, a dream episode in the show.
270891 In all fairness, Nightmare Moon isn't exactly the most creative of names either.
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Ам і тнє юйlч юиз щню ѕээѕ тніѕ зvєгч тімэ тнєч ѕзз тнє тітlз імаgэ?
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Thing is, I can see Twilight being this much of an ass without friends. Trixie... was in the right, IMHO.
271103
On the contrary, Nightmare Moon is very creative. There is a pun with mare. Mare being the Latin name for sea. When first viewed through a telescope, the moon had dark patches that early astronomers thought were seas. Hence names like Sea of Tranquility (Mare Tranquillitatis). Then there's the play on the Man in the Moon myth. There's a play on the meaning of nightmare. She is a night mare as well as a nightmare.
271252
Well, Corona means crown. Celestia (as Corona) tried to become the queen of everything. So she'd need a bitchin' crown. Coronas are also the "atmosphere" the stars, and the one around Sol is easiest to see during a total eclipse, which creates an aura of light around a pitch-black core. Whis is metaphorically what Corona was: still a goddess of light and fire and heat, but pure evil just beyond the glare.
So there's still meaning there, just not as much as Nightmare Moon, which I'm okay wtih if it means I don't have to call her Anti-Genesis. Anti-Genesis just makes me wonder about an evil alternate Phil Collins.
I was considering something like Corona Sol or Corona Regina for a little bit, but decided I liked her having just one name more to help in distinguishing her from Nightmare Moon.
Lo.l. Good writing, my friend! This is going quite well, and once again I DON'T HATE TRIXIE (COMPLETELY. SHE'S STILL AN ASS. BUT AT LEAST SHE ISN'T AN INSUFFERABLE B*@#$)
I am enjoying this journey completely, and I like the characters for Raindrops and Carrot Top. As has been said, Ditzy could use a little bit of improvement, but at least she is still fundamentally the Ditzy we know and love :D I also liked the promise being kept.
If we could still give stars, this thing is very, very close to the full 5 (maybe 4.897?)
Keep going! I forgot to track the story before, but I rectified my forgetfulness!
I feel bad for Twilight, her point was valid, she just didn't have a good way of explaining it.
Great story though, I'd love to read more
Corona is such an obvious name. How many evil Celestia's are called that on this site alone? The deep meaning you may draw from the name is defeated by the obviousness of the name.
"Anti-genesis" was just a name I was throughing out there.
271457
There really isn't much in the way of a *good* potential name. The problem with the sun and light is that it's usually considered a *good* thing, meaning trying to make an evil name for an alicorn-goddess of both is difficult. I've never come across one I'm wholly satisfied with. Corona is okay, but there's the beer thing you mentioned. Other names I've seen:
- Solar Flare (meh)
- Umbrae Nova (New Shadow? My knowledge of Latin has ruined the word "nova" forever...)
- ______ Dawn (too many to count and most of them are movie titles)
- Day Glare Sun (...seriously?)
- Inferno ______ (again, too many to count)
- Trollestia (No.)
- Mollestia (No.)
The only vaguely interesting two-part name I was able to come up with is Negative Sun. However, given that I used that name once before as a boss battle in a Kingdom Hearts PnPRPG I was running, I didn't want to mentally smash the two together, since Negative Sun from that was a literal star corrupted by Heartless.
271503
The thesaurus is your friend. Halo, or aureole have some potential as part of a name. Then there's Sol Invictus (Invincible Sun), sun god of the late Roman Empire and associated with the Emperor himself. Nimbus Razzia would be a cool name.
Nimbus:
1.
Classical Mythology. a shining cloud sometimes surrounding a deity when on earth.
2.
a cloud, aura, atmosphere, etc., surrounding a person or thing: The candidate was encompassed with a nimbus of fame.
Razzia:
noun
a plundering raid.
Basically an aura or crown of destruction. And razzia sounds like raze.
Just look at synonyms and definitions.
271564
Nimbus Razia? Sorry, too many preexisting associations for me.
270429
All RainbowDoubleDash is doing is taking "Feeling Pinkie Keen" a pretty small step further.
272259
I was merely referring to the town's perception of her.
It just goes to show you, use caution around ponies of their word.
Lovin' this so far, even if I don't agree with the Apple family not needin' any bits, and etc. Heh.
272498
They have a monopoly on zap apples and cider that's apparently good enough to make ponies wait in line for hours just to get a taste, as well as Sweet Apple Acres being just one branch of a *very* large franchise that stretches across Equestria and even into the Mild West, where, from the looks of things, the Apples have essentially set up their own private operation as the most important business in Appleloosa in the Mild West.
On land they didn't pay for.
Applejack, in the TV show, has implied in the past that Sweet Apple Acres is struggling, but the actual evidence strongly suggests that the Apples are a thriving national corporation with a very large reach. I think that Applejack honestly believes that the Apples are struggling, mind, or at least that their business could collapse at any moment, and she isn't malicious, just...maybe a little ruthless about making sure that the Apples always get the best of the best. Possibly there's some trauma from an apple blight in her youth or something; the point is that in this AU fic, she's being called out on her beliefs not matching the shown reality
...that, or I like this little comic too much:
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272059
So "Dragon Ball" and "Magic: The Gathering" are keeping you from using a unique descriptive name. Good for you.
Here's another one: Sol Inclemens (Merciless Sun). I don't think I conjugated that correctly though.
272849
Well, that, and "Nimbus" doesn't sound very evil to begin with. Nimbuses (Nimbi?) are big fluffy clouds! That one looks like a puppy! That one looks like a dolphin!
"Sol Inclemens" is a bit too Latin for my tastes. The benefit to "Corona" is that it's a word that exists in the English language and which at least a decent number of people won't have to dig out Google Translator in order to understand what it means (at least the solar association, anyway; the crown part is a pleasant easter egg for people who know Latin).
Or in other words, there's probably a reason why the name keeps getting used.
272878
I guess your missing the point I am making. I have in a short period of time come up with a handful of alternate names for a story I don't really care about. You, as the author, should have no problem coming up with creative names for your main antagonist. It is in your best interest to create as an engaging story as possible. The names of your main characters are important. People are going to read them a lot. A lame name is like an itch that can't be scratch.
The reason Corona is such an oft used name is its relationship with Celestia is obvious. Corona equals Sun (not really, but that's the first thing people think about). Celestia raises the sun. You cannot call Evil Celestia Evil Celestia, ergo Corona. That's it. There is no deeper meaning. No complexities to tease out. No modicum of creativity.
272916
I actually considered not changing her name at all and just keeping her as Celestia, and it's something I still might do. There's no law stating that she *has* to change her name, and keeping it as Celestia actually kind of fits the personality I've thought up for her.
Corona, however, *was* arrived at after signfiicant thought. I didn't want to dip too heavily into other languages, and no two-part name I either found or came up with myself was satisfactory. Corona is simple and to the point, which is meritous in and of itself. It might not be clever, but that doesn't make it bad. Case and point: Megatron, Skeletor, Cobra Commander. None of these names have particularly deep meaning - one is essentially just a job description! - but everyone knows who these guys are and loves them and would never re-name them, because no one actually likes Galvatron.
272974
"I actually considered not changing her name at all and just keeping her as Celestia..." Do that! You're breaking the mold!
"Megatron, Skeletor, Cobra Commander." They are also original! Original names stick out. Who's going to remember Corona?
271457
"Corona is such an obvious name."
This is... actually very good. I was worried about the character swaps, since those tend to see good guys turned into jerks because...well, because good guys are supposed to turn evil in those, but here I can definitely see Twilight being a bit bigoted, very socially awkward, and just kind of bad at talking without shoving her feet into her mouth with wild abandon.
As for the naming thing, well, I think Corona works because it's not really a major plot point. While it does feel a bit "placeholder-y", at the same time the plot is clearly concerned with the characters and exploring how our cast would be different if a few things worked out in an alternate universe, so a little hiccup like that is fine.
I am very curious to see what other members of the 6 are like, especially when they're not seen from such sympathetic viewpoints - does anypony even know fluttershy in this universe? Your Trixie is also very compelling - you managed to take a complete showoff and braggart into...a very sympathetic showoff and braggart. It's nice to see a flawed character actually be a friendly, possibly nice person when viewed from another angle.
I look forward to your next post!
273053
Dude, "Nightmare Moon" is just as obvious a name for evil Luna as "Corona" is obvious for Celestia.
Nightmare = night + mare, a terrifying apparition, which is what evil Luna is. Corona = atmosphere of the sun, visible only when the sun itself is obscured by shadow, which is what evil Celestia is.
They're both equally obvious, which means the author is keeping with the spirit of the original show.
273674
You're telling me that if someone came to you and said "We have this character, she's a pony who raises and lowers the moon, and she turned evil. What do we call her?" You'd go "Why my good man it's obvious. Nightmare Moon!" I am going to tell you right up front that you are wrong. No amount of arguing on your part will change that.
This is a name that would require a good brainstorming session to come up with. It's not a name that's going to appear on most people's list of potential names.
I wasn't expecting a second chapter so soon! This is wonderful!
I agree that you've handled the characters very well. Trixie keeps showing signs of being on the verge of dropping back into her old, arrogant ways, yet manages not to with the help of her friends. The characterization you've given the other new Elements of Harmony is cool, too - believe me, I've looked for another named pegasus in Ponyville with no luck. (I like Lily Blossom from the toy line - she has a pet swan.)
I can definitely see your points about the usual Elements, too. The finances of Sweet Apple Acres don't make a lot of sense - in cider season they're on the verge of bankruptcy, but zap apple jam is the economic foundation of Ponyville? It doesn't take much of a reinterpretation to cast Applejack as a bit of a tyrant in local business. The same with Rainbow Dash and her laziness - it is a problem of hers, no doubt.
I'm very interested to see where you take the Elements, both old and new. Keep up the great work! Oh, and just quietly... your "job as an author" is to write whatever makes you happy, and if we readers happen to approve of it, good for us. "Corona" is a perfectly good name for corrupted Celestia, with its implications of both the sun and rulership, and trying too hard to be "original" would probably just get you a name that nopony was happy with.
273745
I'd call her Sin. But I'm a bit Near Eastern mythological like that, "Sin" being a pre-Islam god of the moon in various Near Eastern mythologies. And, well, it sounds like the word "sin," which is a coincidence, but a fun one.
273745
It's pretty dang obvious to me, but then I DO screenshot all interesting looking gmail spam names for later usage, and basically keep a 40mb file of potential names and interesting combos for all sorts of purposes. (Shadowrun kinda makes a good excuse for that kind of preparedness when you have to dodge Lone Star with believably false IDs/handles)
Just a coincidence of latin there's so many extra things you can pull from the name.
273811
, and they came close to losing it in the past when she was a filly, which gave her an obscene amount of paranoia about it.
Something about the Apples has always bugged me and it isn't just the farm's finances. I can't help but wonder based on Family Appreciation Day that Filthy Rich's dad may have given the Apples a loan at insane interest, and the Apples lost all their court battles to renegotiate the loan, and in order to make sure they don't get the entire empire at once every farm, even the founding farm, has to sink or swim on its own, this was a common trick to combat robber barons in the old days, to prevent the entire family from losing all their homesteads in different counties/states at once. So perhaps there's a bit of truth to what Applejack says
Filthy is, like Fancy, kind of pleasant for a tycoon, but I can't see DT being a very understanding loan shark.
It just seems like their finances are way more than the farm actually needs, yet they aren't living lavishly on a Virginian plantation mansion and AJ seems to believe Granny does need extra money for a replacement hip. Something is sapping away all their money so that even with everything they sell they sometimes teeter on the brink of oblivion. Also the Apples are stupidly prideful so none of them would want to touch money set aside specifically for the farm, so even if they did have excess money available, something like that would have to be a gift. I reckon FR's dad was mean as hell, and FR kept all the loans in place without question because he simply never thought about it, believing his dad to be a upstanding ethical businessman, but he gets first crack at the Zap Apple jam just in case they need to remind him one day he can't make it himself.
.. Wow. Raindrop, really? Punching just hard enough to "not break or chip something" is a great way to treat your close friends, especially over stupid stuff like that. Its pretty much the only part i didnt like about the chapter.
> “Princess Luna herself handed me my diploma.”
⸘Handed‽ ¿What is this handed? ;-)
Next, why don't you write up an essay on the inherent inferiority of beaks to snouts and mail it to the Griffon consulate?
The plural is "Raindropsim." It is a little-known fact that approximately 73% of pegasi are Jewish, and 97% speak Hebrew fluently (39% as a first language).
That was supposed to be a joke, but I like the way "Raindropsim" sounds.
And Twilight, stop being a unicorn supremacist. You may have fooled yourself into thinking you're not racist, but you certainly haven't fooled anypony else.
1552632
Not keeping your promises is a good way to lose your friends...
FOREVER!!!
When reading of Carrot Top talking about carrots I couldn't help but remember this:
Carrots are, originally white. Orange carrots were bred specifically in the Netherlands in the 17th century, to "honor" the royal house of that nation (the House of Orange-Nassau). Those orange carrots where then introduced to America by European settlers, and that is why the current "common" carrot is orange and not white.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carrot#History
That's because carrots can be bred to have a different range of colors, from white to yellow, orange and purple.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Carrots_of_many_colors.jpg
Okay, after rereadng this... this came off as horribly uncomfortable and Raindrops was 100% in the wrong. So was Twilight. Trixie did not goad Twilight in any real or even imaginary way. This was about... 99% Twilight's fault. Seriously.
There's not being wise, and then there's just idiocy. C'mon Twilight, seriously?
*brings out paper anfd begins to read again in whiny voice* how dare you make Twilight into a bigot, this is the worst thing ever. How dare you change the characters based on the fact they grew up differently and this is an alternate vers but still basically are the same and-Ok, can't go on (Ps., Hope you realize...I don't think this at all. I am only haveing a little fun here)
Again,I love Twilight here. This is so drawning back onto her "curses are not real"/"Pinkie sense is a myth" type of mentality we have seen before. LEt us not forget that Twilight is a scientist and a gal who has a strict mindset on what is real magic and what isn't. It was only through adventure and five mares that she realized it. Heck, this is why telling her is a bad idea.
Also, Trixie is doing what I do sometimes and I love it. IT wasn't even Twilight's fault anyway...It was just the fact that Trixie made her say the wrong thing and, being introverted as she is, messed up. Something I totally know all too well.
270485
I have to ask, when did the idea to make this a verse began? Just how many elements did you come up with? Did you always know that Trixie became magic because of that show she put on for her grandpa? I know if things were differnt Raindrops would be Flitter, but what about her own anger issues? How much did you know about these gals before we got into the universe
I really enjoy this story but I'm not going to lie Raindrops punching Trixie really bothered me a lot. I understand that she is supposed to be the Element of Honesty but if I saw a friend of mine do that to another friend, I would punch that person too
4062713
No, Trixie definitely goaded Twilight by first calling her the Element of Jealousy and then announcing to the crowd that she was disappointed there was no Element of Jealousy.
Now, whether or not Trixie goaded Twilight a little is a separate issue from whether or not she deserved a punch in the mouth for it, though.