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19w, 2dTwilight's Library
Prologue
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A strong wind blew through Ponyville. To most it would be an unremarkable occurrence, but to anypony who lived in Ponyville long enough the telltale streak of a rainbow that accompanied that wind told them it was something special. Rainbow Dash, Ponyville’s premier flyer, was zipping through the town much closer to the ground than usual. The tactic was part of her new plan for a landing that would, hopefully, involve less crashing through windows at her destination.
Rainbow Dash had finished her daily weather duties, though not in a particularly timely fashion lest she miss out on her midday nap time, was heading to the place that had recently become her favorite hangout, Twilight’s Library. As the speeding pegasus closed in on her destination she slowed down to land a few feet from the library’s doorstep. Silently cheering about her successful landing Rainbow decided the she deserved a pat on the back for not crashing through Twilight’s window and into a bookcase, which at the speeds that she normally flew at could make quite a mess of the normally tidy library. Oh yes, no big mess today. No spending two hours helping to clean up all those hundreds of books and placing them back on the shelves only to be told that those particular books are part of a series of alternate Equestrian history novels and do not belong in the history section. Nope they belong over there on shelf twenty-three, row two, and should be placed four spaces away from the left side of the shelf so there will be room for the first four books of the series once they are found. Nope, none of that today she thought. She reached up a hoof and gave herself that well deserved pat on her back.
It’s not that spending time with Twilight that way wasn’t cool, far from it. Twilight was the whole reason she even came to the library, well aside from the books and the occasional Pinkie Pie party. But oh how she dreaded re-shelving books. Still, it was a good day as there was no crash and thus no re-shelving. That meant that she could get right to the fun stuff. Rainbow Dash raised a hoof and knocked on the door a few times as she put on her signature ‘good to see you too’ grin for when Twilight answered the door. There was a bit of shouting from inside, although it was nothing that Rainbow was able to decipher, the pegasus knew full well it was either Twilight or Spike shouting at the other to get the door. Rainbow had been around Twilight long enough to recognize that particular routine. Soon enough the door swung open revealing exactly who Rainbow Dash had been hoping would not answer, Spike.
“Hey, Rainbow Dash,” The little dragon spoke cheerfully, “Twilight is in the usual place if you want to head upstairs.”
“Thanks, Spike.” Rainbow Dash said letting the grin vanish from her face. No sense in wasting her charms on Spike after all. Rainbow Dash trotted inside and made a beeline for the stairs. It had been an exhausting day of weather duty. Rainbow had to work two whole hours before she was able to sneak off for her first nap. That was so not cool. If they would just let her work at her own pace she could be done in zap. But no, she had to work with all those slower pegasi who just threw off her rhythm. She only really took naps to let them catch up, or so she had convinced herself. Rainbow Dash was really looking forward to unwinding with Twilight. Truly the best part of the day was their newest routine in the beautiful unicorn’s bed room.
Rainbow trotted into the room, shutting the door as usual in hopes of preventing interruptions. Twilight was already sitting on her bed in anticipation. Every time Rainbow Dash entered into that little sanctum of pleasure she would receive the sweetest gaze from those lovely violet eyes. She could swear up and down that Twilight was a natural at that ‘come hither’ look. The unicorn’s tail swished back and forth across the bed making her desire for closeness quite clear. Rainbow Dash once again applied her most attractive smile to make full use of her natural charming looks. The pegasus visibly straightened her stance, almost puffing out her chest as her wings slowly flared into full extension. Rainbow Dash proudly strutted over to the edge of the bed taking in every inch of that shapely body that eagerly lie in wait for her presence. Everything was perfect; this was going to be so awesome.
“I’m glad you could make it today, Rainbow Dash,” Twilight said, an enthusiastic tone permeating her voice, “It was absolutely crazy today. First the Cutie Mark Crusaders showed up this morning insisting that I had to have a ‘guide to cutie marks’ book somewhere and proceeded to tear every book off the shelves to try and find it.” Twilight let out a heavy sigh before continuing. “They finally left after wrecking the whole place but then, of all the bad luck, the group showed up for our monthly book club meeting and the whole place is a complete mess,” with each word her tone became more and more stressful, “So naturally we spent a few hours having to clean up before we could even start the club meeting. By that time everypony was already hungry only for me to realize that I didn’t have time to go shopping this morning.”
Rainbow Dash already knew where this was going. Twilight was in full on rant-mode. Rainbow knew the only two options she had were to let her get it all out or to nip this in the bud. Rainbow Dash could tell this was going to be a longer rant so she opted for the latter option. Climbing onto the bed and sitting down right next to Twilight, Rainbow Dash leaned in against the lovely unicorn draping a wing over her to keep her close. Her cyan hoof came up to press against Twilight’s lips hinting to the unicorn that it was no longer time for talking. There were things to be done, fun things.
“Shh, I’m sure your day was perfectly awful, Twi, but now I’m here,” Rainbow Dash said, confidence radiating from her words, “You don’t need to worry about all that bad stuff. After all we have plenty of time to work off all that stress.” Rainbow finished as she silently congratulated herself on, what she felt, was her most convincing speech yet. She lowered her hoof from Twilight’s delicate lips as she tried to resist the urge to bury her tongue between that soft crevice.
A calm look washed over Twilight’s face as she listens to her friend’s words. The unicorn leaned her head over and rested it against Rainbow Dash’s neck. “Oh, Rainbow Dash,” Twilight says letting out all her frustration from the day in a massive sigh, “You always know just what to say to reel me in.” Twilight pulled her head back and looked down at the bed. “Since you are so eager today why don’t we get started?” some of the energy returned to her voice.
“Sounds good to me, Twi. Do you want to start today?” Rainbow Dash asks excitedly as her eyes lit up with the anticipation of a filly visiting Sugarcube Corner for the first time.
“Certainly.” Twilight responded. Her horn glowed brightly as Rainbow Dash and Twilight gazed down at the bed. The book glowed with the aura of Twilight’s magic and opened to the first page.
Comments ( 28 )
You have no idea how mutch I waited for a fanfiction like this since the Read it and weep episode came out especially since TwiDash or as I use to call RainbowSparkle (I thnk it's 20% cooler or at least for me) shipping and I love the idea of Rainbow Dash's newly found ejoy of books comes togeter.![]()
The first chapter seems very intresting. I like how you discripted everything. I have the feeling they have deep feelings for eachoter for a while and they know it very well.
I can't wait to see how things will going on in the further chapters so yes I'll truck the story and I marked to get notificition of the updates. ![]()
Its decent. If we had the star system I'd rate it between 3.5 to 4.5. But, lets just say that I like it.
This being only a short first chapter, its hard to give this any proper criticism, but it looks to be a good start. Starting the story off in the relationship rather then before it, which is good for a slice of life story most of the time.
This is pretty well written, no big obvious grammar errors, and is set up rather well, not the greatest fic in the world, but really good none of the less, and will no doubt be entertaining to read and too see where this is going.
Good Job ![]()
Lol that prologue had such a funny ending twist, if not for the teen rating I would have expected it to go in a completely.different direction.
Looks very promising. I'll definitely be anticipating the updates.
Rainbow Dash's characterization is very good, in my opinion, and the descriptions are vivid. But the story randomly switches from past to present tense in the last four paragraphs.
I wish it was longer but all and all its great!
But it was funny how Dash blow off spike LOL
The ending was ENTIRELY DIFFERENT than what I expected.
I expected a kiss and a fade out (Teen Rating and all)
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To everyone, I appreciate any responses I receive. It has been a few years since my last bit of creative writing and I was hoping to get back into it as a hobby as I had once done. This prologue was intentionally short as I was testing a few things with the site's submission process as well as attempting to gauge potential interest for this project. I fully plan to have longer chapters as the main purpose of the prologue was an introduction to the "setting." I do work a full time job so I make no promises of a potential update schedule.
>>266795 Thank you for the feedback, however brief it may be. I know I'm quite out of practice with my writing so even an average score is quite nice to see. Proper or not, I fully encourage constructive criticism. Unfortunately, I lack anyone to proofread or otherwise assist me in editing my works so I expect mistakes to make it through no matter how much I re-check my work.
I would like to know, if you care to humor me, what you think was missing or could have been done in a different or better way. I'm using this story as a way to shake the cobwebs off of my writing so anything helps, even purely negative feedback. I have no qualms about re-writing a piece of work (even entire chapters if needed) if it means improving the story as a whole.
>>266967 Thank you for pointing that out. I've gone back and edited the tense of those paragraphs so they should be correctly in the past tense now. I'll endeavor to keep an eye out for that in the future.
>>267182 As I mentioned above, I intend to have longer chapters in the future. Thank you for your interest.
>>267524 That was actually intentional. I was trying to portray a deeper connection between Dash and Twilight than simple friendship or reading buddies. Most of the prologue was written to hint at a physically intimate relationship to set up for a slightly twist ending showing that physical intimacy may not actually be present in their relationship. Was there anything in particular that was confusing or was it simply the twist ending?
>>268106 I'm glad that effort was not wasted. I had originally intended this part to be much more straightforward, but once I started writing the idea struck me to use this build up as a hook to set the tone. Admittedly it was way more fun to write than what I was intending so I went with it. I had toyed with the idea of a mature rating to really emphasize the surprise of the last line but I decided against it considering how out of practice I am at the moment.
>>268276 Truthfully, Nothing is really missing. Its good, it really is, but its as introductions go, its pretty ordinary. Don't change what you have, because I honestly don't know what you can really do with it.
I really want to read where this is going before I can say if anything is missing, this being a prologue it serves as sort of a mood setting, which is exactly what you did.
Slice of life is kinda hard to rate truthfully, and in all honesty, I am not that great of a writer. I just how I feel about certain things. Anyway, Ignoring my rating, I find this story so far interesting and want to read it more, so keep up the good work.
>>268568 Well you don't need to be a great writer to give valuable insights. I've learned that a few years back. Aside from help with the technical aspects of writing I've often received more help from the comments of non-writers than from my fellow writers. Fanfics are largely about making a story enjoyable and appealing to certain instincts, desires, and emotions within the readers. The only way I can know if I'm doing that is to hear my reader's opinions. Few people need writing experience to give a helpful opinion, only to give specific or technical advice.
That said, my favorite part of writing is knowing others can enjoy my work. I'm looking forward to any future feedback that you (or anyone else) can give me.
I'm currently about one thousand words into chapter one and barring needing any massive edits I do hope to plug it out in a few days. If my past story writing is any indication chapter one is going to be fairly hefty compared to the prologue. I'm feeling a bit more in the zone now so I'm trying to add some more descriptive flavor in various places. Hopefully I can pull it off without hurting the flow. Thankfully I know what I want to accomplish in terms of plot progression. I am so much happier planing things out this time rather than winging it like I did with the prologue, so hopefully the extra effort will show in the finished product.
>>268904 Its is unfortunate that slice of life usually boils down too "make stuff up as I go along", but I can imagine something therapeutic about writing whatever you want without too much planning, and it does allow one to keep up with recent episodes.
Better plots are usually those that are planned out, and you should always know how your story is going to end, if there is an end.
I've been thinking about writing a fic, myself, although I honestly have no clue about what to do. If I did do something, It would probably be a short one-shot for practice.
Anyway, I have a tendency to ramble and get off topic, It is great to see someone dedicated with there craft and willing to take criticism, and am looking forward to the rest of this story.
>>269432 Ha, I'm the second best person I know when it comes to off-topic rambling, so I definitely know that feeling.
As for planning, I won't write the first line of a story if I don't have the last lines already done. Only time I ever did that differently was the only time I never finished the story. (lesson learned)
Oddly, I'm pretty bad at planning anything more than a general direction for a story. I find I do my best when I just immerse myself in the story as I write and let it flow organically. Doesn't stop me from having to do revisions, but I never end up with everything 'just as planned' so I stopped trying to force that a long time ago. That is just my method though, everyone has to find their own way to write.
As for your own story, the best advice I can give is to just write something. Doesn't matter what really. Heck I started my creative writing hobby as a poet before branching out into original fantasy and fiction stories. When writing poems, whenever I couldn't think of something to write I just asked my friends for ideas. I've written several poems from the inspiration of a single word, so who knows where you will find inspiration. Sometimes the best literary works are not even the writer's original idea. Just remember the only way to get better at writing is to write. It takes time and effort, but few things can be as creatively liberating.
That said, short stories and one-shots are a great way to get your feet wet. One of the hardest things to learn is to write with fewer words. Anyone can abuse a thesaurus and go mad with purple prose but most readers can't stand those kinds of stories unless done very, very, well. Again, just grab an idea and give it a shot. I can pretty much guarantee that getting started is the hardest part writing.
The book glowed with the aura of Twilight’s magic and opened to the first page.
ok, DA FUQ THAT WAS NOT WERE I THOUGHT THAT WAS GOING ![]()
at least it didn't go there ![]()
Dude sincerely F.U.C.K Y.O.U. I fell into the trap, I actually thought that they were going to make out or something... I face palmed myself at the end, you really know how to make a build up. ![]()
See this? This right here? This is my new favourite ending. You lured us with your sweet words and your closeness, but then WHAM! Right in the kisser! And I felt so silly for letting those kinds of fics corrupt me! Good show! ;)
Asfsdfjsasldfijaij . . why do you twist your reader's emotions like that on the first chapter!?!
GAH! No, i feel for the trap! >.<
I was all, oh uh now they gonna kiss and then PLEASURE TEMPLE! And suddenly books... ![]()
Good one.^^
"So I should either work on my own fic or that pmv I project I have"
*Sees unfamiliar Twidash fic based on Read it and Weep in the feature box*
Delightful, relaxing, and certainly charming. I really feel like I'm following Rainbow Dash's state of mind when we're not bothering to smile at Poor Spike, or taking naps to let the rest of the weather team catch up. This is a great start!
NITPICK MODE:Premier usually means "first", maybe pick a different word there at the beginning?
the end of this chapter made me laugh so hard, you got me i should get me head out of the gutter
. oh i really like it!







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