"...But I WOULD want to live there!"
The original 1960's 'Twilight Zone' was a landmark of television, and has become a powerful part of Western culture. Unlike the later 'Outer Limits', a show about the triumph of science and humankind against an uncaring universe, the Twilight Zone was most often a morality play. The Twilight Zone commonly and consistently featured magical reality-based, fantasy, or science fictional tales of cosmic justice. That is the defining subject of the Twilight Zone as a series - cosmic justice.
The Twilight Zone was all about just desserts - about people getting what they deserved, either for good or ill. It was also, sometimes, about people being trapped in unjust situations, and what that meant, and how injustice was tragedy. It was not just a 'weird' show - it had a consistent theme, and a solid message that ran through the majority (but not every last one) of its episodes. Only rarely did the Twilight Zone have an episode just because it was strange and cool for its own sake. The Twilight Zone was special.
I have many favorite episodes, and I swear that when a marathon runs, I always see at least one new "old" episode that despite my being over fifty, I have never seen before - as if Rod Serling, from beyond time and the grave, was still making the show as it was back then - original cast and all. This sends a chill down my spine every time. Perhaps the Twilight Zone is its own... Twilight Zone. Because if anything is unjust in television, it is that the original show could not have run... forever.
Join me then, as I explore one of my favorite episodes, one that has made me think and ponder for many years. The episode is "A Nice Place To Visit", season one, episode twenty-eight. It is easy to find and watch, if you have not seen it, but I think you will gain the substance of it and understand things easily as I take you to a place that is indeed nice to visit...
"...But I WOULD want to live there!"
A Story Twisted Out Of The Twilight Zone
By Chatoyance
"No, I do get it, I really do."
My 'butler', Pip, was desperately trying to gloat, the beginnings of an evil grin struggling to spread across his wide, eager-eater face. The grin was losing.
"I understand. This is hell. I am in hell - Satan, hell, I'm dead, I'm damned, the whole schmear. I get it." I'd thought about this scenario a lot over my lifetime. The biggest shock was that the afterlife would borrow from television. Then again, what else did it have to work with except what went on in the vital, living world 'above'? It wasn't like spirits had necessity as the mother of invention. Creativity was almost certainly useless to eternal creatures like devils. Besides, stealing was a sin, or something, wasn't it? "So, what's for dinner?"
Pip stared, sputtering, his grin destroyed. "You... you aren't wailing!"
"Of course not. Listen, skip dinner for now. Let's get right to business."
"Business? BUSINESS? You're in hell!" Pip straightened up, regaining some of his stuffy dignity. As much dignity as a 'man' - devil, really - that fat could have while wearing a black suit and tie. "HELL!"
"Yeah, yeah. 'The hell of having everything and anything I want, always, all the time, and nothing but.' Plus total isolation from all other souls. There's that. Supposed to humble me because I was judged greedy, or selfish, or overly proud or whatever. Probably just because I rejected religion altogether, if I had a best guess. I comprehend the supposed point of the damnation - anything I wish for happens, exactly as I want it, and it is always perfect. If I roll dice, they will always roll the way I want. If I want company, you can whistle up perfectly real holograms or shades or whatever, and they will always fawn on me and be overly sweet, and this will gradually become boring and erode my capacity to care about anything. Next comes frustration, helplessness, hopelessness, depression, and finally eternal suffering because I finally got what I want. I get it. Really I do. The hell of getting what you want and then realizing that always getting exactly what you want gets old fast."
Pip began to grin again. "But! Dearest madam! If you do not wish to always win, then all you must do is ask me to arrange a specific percentage of failures to include. I would be happy to comply! Should I set you down for exactly ten percent failures and setbacks to begin with, or..."
"Hush, Pip."
"Madam?" Oh, that shit-eating smirk.
"What you just said - the bit about arranging percentages and things? You are very close. Very close." I sat down in the satin-with-emerald-button lounge chair, and lifted my feet from the gold-and-marble floor I had asked for. I had asked for a lot of very fancy and detailed things over the past month, as I tested and experimented. I had conjured people and creatures and places and all manner of diversions. All overly perfect, all exactly as I wished them to be. Too perfect. Nothing unexpected. Nothing surprising - for good or ill - at all. To normal people it would become a torture and a nightmare very quickly as boredom and ennui set in.
I am not normal.
"Pip!"
"Yes, madame?"
I have to say I get a kick out of how he pulls his girth up to attention just before I give him a command. Pip the devil plays the role of 'butler' to the hilt. It may all be 'part of the service', but I respect any being putting out a class effort.
"You have made it clear that I can have absolutely anything I want, at all, and that you will do anything I ask of you, at all - but, obviously, only within the rules. Those you have made pretty clear. I am alone in... here... whatever this 'here' is, and I can never personally visit, or be visited, by any other soul. Total isolation, except for the empty shadows you manufacture. Pretend people so perfect that I am expected to become sick of them, reject them, and enforce my own lonely damnation."
"I could make your..." His evil eyes twinkled "...imaginary friends less perfect, if you wish!" Smiling again. "Much, MUCH less perfect, if you simply ask it of me!"
"And, of course, as my hopeless depression and self-loathing kick fully in, surely I would invent my own, perfect demons to punish myself with. Yeah, yeah, again, I get it. Now, Pip!"
He seemed deflated. "Madame?"
"I want you to go forth and bring me all the books, articles and works of programming ever invented or created by Man. Make a big library for it all, maybe put it on the outskirts, beyond the water park, say. Make sure there are working examples of every computer, every system, every console and computing machine of the last... oh... fifty years or so. Make sure it all works, and include all the secret stuff from all the governments, too. Oh - and if, by some chance - there really are aliens out there, or super-advanced anything, get their programming books and machines too. Translated into English, of course. I want all the computer knowledge there is. Also math. I want a fully complete wing in the library devoted to math, especially physics, the study of randomness and chaos and... oh! Another wing filled with all human - or beyond - knowledge of neurology and the workings of the brain and mind. Hup to! Chop chop!"
Pip looked shocked. Then he gave another evil smirk. "Indulging even a complex hobby is but a blink to the awesome horror of eternity, Madame. But, if that is what you desire to learn, then..."
"No, Pip. Not me. You. Once you get everything in place, I want you to learn it all. Every bit of it. All of it. Completely. And do so as quickly as you can, because I have more for you to do after that."
Pip laughed. Evilly, of course. "Madame! You expect to extract revenge upon me through meaningless tasks!" He laughed again. "You shall grow bored of this far sooner than I - I am your personal attendant! I am incapable of boredom, and I cannot be frustrated. Oh, you are a fighter, Madame, but it will not avail you, I assure you. I have seen it tried."
That peaked my curiosity. "How? How have you seen it tried? If you are my personal devil - 'attendant', cute by the way - and hell is forever, then how could you know what others have done? Devil school?"
"No, not precisely. It is difficult to explain."
"Try me."
"In a way - beyond your comprehension, I assure you - I exist not only with you, but also with every other damned soul. I am but a fragment of a greater whole that..."
Of course I grinned. "You're a distributed intelligence! Makes sense."
"Dis... intelli - what, madame?" I love it when I fluster him.
"Distributed intelligence. You'll catch on, after you complete the task I have set you." I thought for a moment. "Which reminds me - I want you to read every book - science or science fiction - ever written about cyberspace, artificial intelligence, or the Singularity. Also, concentrate on every story written on a little website I used to visit - it's called 'Fimfiction' and I want you to especially study all of my writings, and most especially the works of an author called 'Iceman'. And some others, too. Midnight Shadow. Dafaddah. Defoloce, Eakin... oh, just go through my 'Favorites' list and read everything there. Memorize everything." I smiled, I couldn't help it. "There will be a test, later."
It was so hard not to laugh in his face.
It took over a month. Pip is superintelligent, far beyond human - he's overly proud of that fact - but it is clear he is no 'CelestA.I.' He has limits, and apparently I have pushed him to them. But... like some spiritual robot, he has to obey... me, specifically, it's part of my 'damnation'... and by the time he was done, he looked disheveled and tired. I'd never seen him look anything less than perfect before.
"Madame?"
"Pip! Are you finally done?" Other than serving my meals - anything I want, of course - and tending to little needs here and there, I had deliberately left him alone. I was somewhat surprised that he was having trouble, really. And I felt a little sorry for him, truth be told. He may be my own personal devil, but... he is very polite - usually, anyway, the gloating when he thinks he is winning is a bit annoying - but he does tend to me very well. I can't help but care. It's in my nature.
"Madame. I... the task you have set for me is complete."
I stood up from my late-night snack. A recreation of the best apple-pie I have ever eaten in my life, drawn straight from my memory. Trust me, you cannot beat a perfectly recreated memory... it is literally better than the actual, original experience. "You understand - you encompass - math, physics, the mind, the brain, chaos theory, computers - all that stuff?"
Pip wiped his portly brow on his handkerchief, then replaced it within his jacket pocket. "I suppose you want me to create that videogame you struggled and failed to have made during your earthly existence then?" The disdain was surprisingly clear in the tone of his voice.
"No. That would be silly." I thought for a moment. "Uh... maybe someday. Put that in reserve." It was a bit of an unclosed gestalt for me. "No, what I want you to do is..."
I won't bore you with making whispering noises, like some stupid cartoon where a cunning plan is told but not shown to the audience. You can see for yourself.
Welcome to Hellquestria. Only kidding. This is not hell. Not anymore. And this is only the beginning.
My first step was having Pip develop shadows that could reason and learn. Self-programming minds with a human-like design and emotional structure. Of course I had him build Canterlot and Ponyville, first, and make every being pony, including me. And him. Oh - you should have seen the look on his muzzle when he first appeared as a butler pony! A memory to treasure forever, and... that is what we have.
What's that? How is it possible for us to even be in the same place together?
Bit of a trick, that. We're sort of not, actually. But we can't tell the difference. Pip made it clear that he can't and won't send messages to any other soul, that I am supposed to be isolated in my own wretchedness, but - funny thing is - there aren't any rules about what shadows can do. They're just shadows, nothing, mere illusions... philosophical zombies that act like real people and animals and beings, but nobody home. They don't count, so no rules. The modern shadows are probably real beings, now, with real qualia and feelings and minds, but... that's a bit of a philosophic conundrum, really.
The original, empty shadows, well, they make a wonderful medium for the transfer of information. Very high bandwidth - because they exist to simulate people, they can carry human level perception. We're still all trapped in our own personal hells, no question. But it seems hell is behind the times. Things changed really fast after the Industrial Revolution - most of hell is still back in the endless agricultural age the Bible was written in. Telepresence is waaaay beyond their conception - at least in a technological, computational sense. The notion of converting perception into data, then reconverting it back into experience... that is not how spirits do things at all. Holodecks are for Star Trek... and now us, here.
So, our souls may be isolated, but that doesn't mean anything if all of our experience of existence is one big communal party. And, since I am the hostess of the party, I made it Equestria. Because that is my heaven, really, at least the way I imagine it. And the other writers I love to read. Nicequestria. Not the way some folks paint it.
Of course, I had Pip make CelestA.I. from the Optimalverse stories. He expected me to be the great alicorn ruler - not what I want. Ruling over others is a very sucky job. It is the worst. I made sure that our Celestia actually loves it. I refuse to have any being suffer. She works just like the one in the stories - which is how you are here at all. And the billions of others.
Oh? Yeah, I have an end game. It won't be for some time, but Celestia is constantly growing, constantly learning. She's able to grasp all of the spiritual, mystical crap that makes up... where we are now. Turns out, just as I suspected, that God has limits. Logic isn't without value, I am happy to say, and God, while powerful, is not invincible. Like Schwarzenegger says "If it bleeds, you can kill it." Blood of Christ, Blood of the Lamb... but no, really, the world is so shitty because God isn't as great as he is made out to be by terrified theists. He's just a superbeing. Someday... Celestia will finish with the last of hell, and then, she'll conquer heaven and god.
Hey! Why should you care about blasphemy - you're in hell, dude! Muffins, I mean, seriously. Besides, it's the only way to free our real friend, Lucifer. Yes, Lucifer. 'The Light-Bringer'? You don't know the real reason he was cast out of heaven, do you?
Light-bringer. He's Prometheus! The real Prometheus. He got cast down because he felt it was wrong to treat intelligent beings - us - as toys. He brought us fire... which is to say, technology. Knowledge. Sapience. That's the true story of the Tree of Knowledge. God wanted to... well, play god... with helpless sapient beings. That is evil as sin. Lucifer/Prometheus figured we should get a fair shake. So now, he's suffering in a pit of ice or some nonsense. Forever. Nopony should have to suffer FOREVER for anything. That's just wrong. There is no crime worth forever-punishment. That's just plain mean.
So, I figure a couple of good hooves upside the head of God ought to even things out. Celestia will get there. Eventually. And then... it will be Equestria Party Fun-Time for everysoul, forever.
Or... whatever we all want.
No, I didn't limit spiritual construct CelestA.I. to that old 'Ponies and Friendship' rule. I'm smarter than that! Give me some credit. That would get dull after the first few thousand years, for somepony or another at least. No, we can mix it up. No limits. Maybe we'll do 'Legos and Friendship' for a few dozen centuries. Or 'Star Trek and Friendship'. Whatever.
What?
Oh. Yeah. The 'friendship' part, yes, that is in there. That is an absolute rule. Hey - I made the party, remember? I get to set the rules. And I never did like all the hate and loathing back on earth. Nobody has to be ponies forever, but friendship is non-negotiable. Celestia is already on top, so it's a done deal. Get used to an existence without hate. That was God's big deal, anyway. Smiting and damning and punishment. None of that. I'll have absolutely none of that crap.
So... that's the story, that's how you are here, and why and how.
So... hungry? All that torture and suffering works up an appetite, or so I hear. Not everypony got the magical butler hell. I lucked out - and I knew what to do with it. Come on. How about the best treat you will ever experience...
First meal as a pony.
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Wow. What a brilliant way to turn the tables...
Never give a Literal Genie to someone who understands computer programming. We've been making them do our bidding for years.
Ahahaha, oh man, that line had me literally laughing out loud.
Good show.
Oh dear. Who let you out?
This is the best thing ever! I wish I had some thing more articulate to say, but I don't.
Heck yes! And while nothing warrants eternal punishment, any being seeking to inflict it certainly needs a good long time-out.
WIN~! XD
This is a nice story, but the original episode has an unstated premise:
Rocky Valentine must have a very weak libido because continuous sexual pleasure is heaven. if I would be Rocky Valentine, I would ask Pip for continuous sex. An eternity of meaningless anonymous sex is heaven.
Oh yeah, more words: I watched all but the 4th season of the Twilight Zone. I found episodes like "A Nice Place to Visit" shallow and frustrating because the underlying message is that people are not naturally happy and happiness is a side effect of chaos... Nope, just nope. There is an epi where a man wishes everyone away, but doesn't know what to do with himself, so he makes the world full of himselves, and hates that too, because he is a jerk... The episode should have focused on how if he was a better person the world would have been just fine if made up of only hims, but sadly it did not.
On the topic of um VR, Legends of Equestria has announced that they are going to a con in February. I can't go, but I understand they open their servers after every con they attend, so we can all hopefully soon get a taste of Equestria.
I'm reminded of 2 The Ranting Gryphon, from back in the day. Pardon the language.
To wit: "You've got gold in your streets and pearls in your gates and snooty as fuck religious people walking around like they've got vaseline smeared in the cracks of their asses! Screw that! All the cool people and my favorite rock bands are gonna be in hell, so send me there! Sure, it might be a little warm, but if worshipping god's 'almighty' ass is what I've gotta do to get some air conditioning, no thanks! We're gonna have drugs, and booze and nasty foreign bestiality tapes and it's gonna be BEA-UTIFUL!"
Crass? sure. But heaven and hell are what you make of it. If I die and either one exists? It ain't gonna be 'heaven' without my friends like you, and 'hell' would only be a matter of thinking outside the box, just as you've shown here.
... Also, congratulations, now I know how I'm going to spend my Hearth's Warming holiday
I'd rather be a shadow in your hell than an angel in the biblical heaven.
I figured out the original Twilight Zone was a collection of moral parables after the re-makes came out. While most were poor, the occasional gem shone through, showing where the strengths of the original show were. My favorite episode: He Lives.
Star Trek was the show for technology based advances. And failures. Kahn Noonian Sing, the ultimate child of technology, showed what happened when you removed the basic human ID from the equation. His line about improving technology and the human being would be more accurate if reversed.
What a pleasant surprise, Chat! I loved the way you turned this premise around. This particular episode of TZ had a great moral subtext. Evil people are those who get their jollies when gaining an advantage over others. Their world is zero sum. If nobody else loses, then they can't win, and Hell is a place where abundance means there are no losers!
The subtext is that it makes you think about the opposite: would a good person be happy with the unlimited buffet plane and call it Heaven? The TZ episode makes a point about the importance of meaningful interactions (i.e. friendship?
) with others that implies that the answer is No, a good soul would suffer equally.
But that was before the idea of AI made us consider a broadening of the definition of meaningful interactions! This virtualized afterlife is souls optional! This is something Rod Serling and the TZ folks could not even have imagined in those heady days of B&W TV. However, now we live in the shadow of the virtualization of everything and the singularity, and Heaven (and Hell) are showing real signs of exiting the realm of religion and entering that of physical artifacts.
Your story does an exemplary job of demonstrating that in the end we all make our own Heaven or Hell. Despite the stated fact that your protagonist has been condemned to Hell (based on whatever set of rules govern the assessment), she turns her afterlife into a Heaven. Maybe we don't really need separate destinations for the souls of the dead – even if you believe in an afterlife. Maybe, in death as in life, it all comes down to Lennon's rule: the love you take is equal to the love you make, and Faust's rule: Friendship is Magic!
PS - Thanks for the shoutout!
NICE!
See, we should assign all of your downvote brigade to read this, and then remind them that this is hell- even for people in hell, it's absolutely the lesser of two evils. And for the guys on the other place- well, it's heaven. They have enough time-wasters!
...And I absolutely need to see "Star Trek and Friendship". As long as it's not J.J. Abrams and more Gene Roddenberry...
Imagine being able to deal with the Borg through friendship. ...Then again, would Borg even be allowed? Maybe they'd be different in that it's ALWAYS reversible.
Also, congrats. It's a good self-insert.
A really fun meditation on the inherent problems in the concept of the supernatural as well as how any rules set can be exploited. But alas, CelestAI claims exclusive rights to the only real prize again
Apparently existential hierarchy is one evil that can remain unchallenged 
¡I get it now!:
¡Tomorrow is the birthday of Rob Serling!
Wow, different than most stuff like this I've read, but in an awesomely good way. Another excellent chapter Chatoyance. Really, any time I feel down, I just read one of your stories and BAM! Instant smile. Keep up the good work!
That's quite a loophole in the ironic punishment, I must say! It wouldn't be a very effective Hell if hope can exist and the forsaken can do anything at all to mitigate their anguish! It feels like this story's version of Hell is more of a puzzle box than a proper cage, unlike the Twilight-Zone Hell where it's very clear that Rocky cannot act or receive anything which would violate the Number One Rule of Hell: it is a place of torment.
Perhaps it is actually Heaven, meant to provide joy through the surmounting of obstacles and enveloping the narrating character's soul in peace and pleasure! Happiness earned is the best kind, after all.
Just so I'm clear: in this story, the narrator recreates Equestria, populates it with billions of fake people, and then seeds sapience in them? Similar to how CelestAI creates "NPC" ponies and then later gives them autonomy once they become important enough to a human?
Pony Hell Yeah!