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Sun Dusk Meets The Prophecy

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Sun Dusk Meets The Prophecy by MuffinDuffers

Tragedy Sad Comedy Crossover Adventure Slice of Life

Princess Sun Dusk the first happens to be one of the kings most beloved daughters (his only actually)

She has always been curious about the mysterious solid black tower in the courtyard. Her father never answered when she would ask "Daddy, what's in the tower?" He would clearly change the subject like "What do you want for dinner?" or "How was your day?"

He never really told his daughter anything much about the tower, not even about her own mother. She did not even know she had one until one evening when she was at the age of 14 when she snuck into the tower after a dream.

She had found out she had a mother. She was mesmerized. She never knew mothers had even existed! She decided to go on a quest to find her and finally make the king smile.

He NEVER smiled, yet he had a great sense of humor. He only laughed in his deep voice scaring many ponies that ever came to the castle. He did not mean to, it was not his fault.

(Anways) Sun Dusk is the only pony in the kingdom that may or may not have these special powers, she does not have a horn, so she is not a unicorn. She has wings, so she in considered, a pegasister. A pegasister, on a journey.

A mission for the prophecy.

First Published
27th Feb 2012

Last Modified
15th Sep 2012

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Jack Ass Knife

#1 · Chapter 1 · 68w, 2d ago ·

Where is the picture from?

Rollem Bones

#2 · Chapter 1 · 68w, 2d ago ·

>>268182268182

The picture was originally done by a friend of mine. You can find it here: DA

Yurayura29

#3 · Chapter 1 · 68w, 2d ago ·

I like the improvement! :twilightsmile: Very VERY minor grammar errors and that's about it. I shall be eagerly awaiting the next chapter. :ajsmug:

ResidentCody

#4 · Chapter 1 · 68w, 2d ago ·

Really the one thing that bugs me about this is the way dialog is spaced. Try separating lines when the speaking character switches. For example:

"Hello, my name is Lord Facesmasher." The supposed Lord was dressed and appeared as one would expect absolute royalty to be.

"Why, what a coincidence, my name is Drol Smashfacer!" In stark contrast, this naive peasant was just that; a peasant in peasant fare.

This makes it much easier to tell who is talking, and easier to read in general. You aren't the only one to do this, though. Actually a very large number of writers structure the story much like yours. I think separating speakers, dialog, and relevant information into appropriately sized paragraphs is a major key to making a good story great. In some cases, a great story can push me away with frustratingly designed structure.

Point is, try and make your story not just be written good, but also make it look good. It really helps readers focus on important parts.

MuffinDuffers