I love Disney, reading, writing, and of course, PONIES! As an English major I hope to improve in my writing skills and can't wait to publish. In the meantime, I will be happy just to read what's here.
Princess Celestia is still reeling from the loss of Sunset Shimmer. She'd done what she had to, but somehow she feels like it wasn't just a student she's lost.
Special Thanks to my editor and proofreader, Princess Rarity and Elric of Melnipony. :)
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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What, no editing credit?
Was this inspirerad pertly by the Equestria Girls comic?
Intriguing idea this
And the cat's in the cradle,
and the silver spoon,
little boy blue and the man in the moon...
Sorry had to do it.
Well you've given me another reason not to like Discord, using her child against her... par for course for the Chaos Tyrant.
3821697
No worries, I went back and added your name(s)
3822131 When you coming home dad?
I don't know hen. But whe'll get together then. I know we'll have a good time then
This was awesome...
I had an idea like this (minus Discord as the father) only it would more that Sunset finds out and goes back to pretty much Angst against her mom and turn her back on all her pervious ambitions and lessons just to spite Celestia.
I'm not all that sure about this story.
Let's begin with the dream sequence.
Dreams aren't depictions of past events. There's meanings to various objects we see in dreams, sure; and our dreams are often memories jumbled with other memories.
But they aren't crystal clear, perfect memories. Ever.
Sorry, it's a pet peeve of mine for authors to have their characters dream of past events instead of just letting the dream be just that: a dream.
Moving along, there's a ton of questions that once asked really ruin the narrative for me.
How could Celestia just forget she had a kid? Did Discord just wipe her memory of being pregnant or something? Wouldn't just being near Sunset trigger anything in her memory? Amnesia usually isn't so conveniently complete like that.
And why the Avatar the Last Airbender reference, with Sunset being found frozen in ice? I can understand shout-outs to our favorite works of fiction -- I make them almost all the time -- but this is really blatant. It'd make more sense if she were found in an orphanage or somewhere you'd expect an orphan to be.
Prince Zuko doll? "Isn't he handsome?" Your fangirlness is showing.
How did Sunset know Celestia was her mom anyway? Were there clues that Celestia conveniently missed and dismissed?
Why is Sunset's blood orange? And why is not enough attention brought to that???
I know that if the little girl someone found frozen in a block of ice also had orange blood, she'd be put under very close scrutiny.
With all that in mind, this all paints Celestia as horrendously negligent. She ignores clues like orange blood and bizarre memories-instead-of-dreams. She doesn't do a whole lot in this story besides be a dunce.
And the reference to the comics. As an aside note, I honestly don't believe the comic's creators one bit when they say the comics are in the show's canon. It's very obviously not: it's sanctified fan fiction, BY bronies, FOR bronies, and nothing more. That said, I'll just file this story under "Comics Canon" instead of "Cartoon Canon."
...Which actually makes the story make a little more sense. Well, not by a lot, but hey.
The writing is... really, really bland. It's unapologetically vanilla. Take this example, since it's the best example of what I'm talking about:
This isn't setting up a scene. This is writing a scene, sure, but it isn't set up well.
To set up a scene, you have to engage your reader. Your words have to pull them from wherever they're sitting and into your narrative. You have to bring the reader into your little world.
These paragraphs do not do that. Your words need to paint a picture, not describe a picture. So let's have a fix:
A hell of a lot wordier, mind you, but it sets up a scene better when you take the time to show, not tell. Just give the readers the pieces and they'll fit them together.
tl;dr, Try again. This story's sequence of events just isn't believable, the writing style favors telling over showing, and overall it just felt really bland. I give it two moustaches out of a possible five.
will you make a sequel to this
The only pet peeve I really had is Sunset having a Zuko doll and mentioning him by name-it was a little jarring and doesn't make much sense, unless she has some of her father's chaos magic and was using it to break the fourth wall into another franchise?
I agree with Metroid Medaking Prime. This story could use a sequel to resolve this whole thing.
On a side note: Infinite
This is so very sad. Infinite 
>not continuing the song lyrics into the chapter title
Super duper lame
As for the story itself, well, I think you moved things too quickly. The idea that Sunset might be Celestia's daughter through Discord just popped up out of nowhere, and then the story was over not too long after that. You set up interesting ideas, but the story never really took them anywhere. It was over too quickly.
good idea but I would've liked it to be a bit more in-depth with more details on how Celestia goes about with this and if she sees Sunset Shimmer ever again.
I think what's sad about this is that Celestia blames Discord for basically giving Sunset hope of being in a mother-daughter relationship and smashing it. She doesn't own up to the fact that she had a hand in this as well.
6513524 Denial is a very powerful thing, and it's always easier to blame others for your own mistakes.
This maybe an elsworld sort of deal..... But this is just sad. In way that it exposes the repression of trauma, the unintended consequences of doing the right thing, and the regrets of ones greatest failures.
I LOVE IT!
Akward pacing, plot device feels unrealistic and rushed. When the conflict is revealed, it's over too quickly with a serious lack of explaining.
I won't get into any of the questions I have because they've already been asked.
Cute story but disappointing.
Efffin brilliant
This was lovely, I just loved this entire story and I do hope you come back with a sequel soon.
3831578
Pretty good idea
So...great idea. It did go a little fast but very good idea.
Way to go celestia.
Wait what!
Losing your parents at a young age sure is sad.
That was unexpected.
Wow, guess what was at the beginning was true afterall. 😦
Idk why but apart of myself thinks she did that on purpose. 😒
I think I it may or not have been a vision of the future.
Wow, guess sunset was right all along! 😨