• Published 11th Sep 2013
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The Wheel and the Butterfly A Dan X Pinkie Pie Saga - Justice3442



Pinkie Pie finds herself adjusting to a new, hostile world, with a new hostile friend. Can they make it through this new misadventure together, or is it the universe that needs to watch out for them?

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Part 8 Dan & Pinkie Vs. Ordinary Week: Chapter 60: Dan Vs. Vacation

The Wheel and the Butterfly



A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga



Part 8 Dan & Pinkie Vs. Ordinary Week



Chapter 60: Dan Vs. Vacation

****

“Come ON! Vampires! Stolen video game system! That’s got to be way better than some stupid vacation!” Dan said into his phone.

“Dan, I said no!” Chris responded.

“That’s it, you’re official out of my will!”

“You don’t have anything worth getting!”

“Foosball table! Hello?!”

Here’s an idea, why don’t you just call a couple of your other friends to help you out this time?” Chris suggested.

“Ha ha,” Dan replied sarcastically, “like who?”

“Oh I don’t know…Crunchy, D.H., Ninja Dave, Pinkie mentioned you’ve met Becky a couple times…”

“I…” Dan paused and glanced through the bedroom door at his girlfriend who continued to snooze away in the couple’s bed.

“Dan?”

“Uh, nothing…I just didn’t realize I actually had a circle of friends.”

“…Do you…do you need a moment?” Chris asked.

“Chris, I still have plenty of time in the day to drive down there and stab you to death with blessed bayonets,” Dan threatened into the phone.

“…Do you, in fact, have blessed bayonets?” Chris asked flatly.

Dan picked up one of several dozen silver bayonets laying on his and Pinkie’s table by its brown grip. “I do!” He answered with a large, toothy grin. “I blessed them myself!” He stated.

“I thought you’d have to be a priest for that,” Chris stated.

Dan shrugged. “It worked for the holy water,” he answered.

“Uh…fair enough,” Chris responded. “Look Dan, I need to get going. I’m sure you two can tell us all about your vampire hunt when we get back.”

“If we live or are not turned into bloodsucking minions of the night, you mean!” Dan countered.

“Dan, you two have taken out a Wendigo, a supervillain, and more radioactive creatures than I care to count, I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

“Alright, but I’m not sharing any of my awesome vampire loot with you when this is all over!”

“I don’t think vampire are known for their ‘awesome loot’, but okay, see you in a few days, buddy.”

Dan sighed. “Yeah, alright, bye.” He terminated the call, then looked at his phone thoughtfully for a second and hit the screen a few times.

“Ninja Dave? Hey, I need your help with something…” Dan said into the phone. He paused as Dave replied then smiled wide. “Yes, actually. I need you to help kill some vampires.”

-

Ninja Dave stopped to process what Dan has just said. “…Dude, that is awesome! Count me in!...tonight? Sure, I’ll just close the shop down for the evening, it ain’t no thing…Great! See you then.”

-

Dan grinned to himself as he terminated the call. “One replacement down…one to go…”

**

Pinkie groggily came to her senses and took a quick glance at the digital clock sitting on the nightstand next to the bed.

Wow, someone really let me sleep in…

Pinkie took mental stock of her apparent physical wellbeing…

Okay…muscles, better, but still achy.

Head, I’ve had worse.

Temperature, nominal.

Shower…

‘Sniff’

…definitely.

“…Alight, Becky. See you tonight.”

Pinkie’s eye’s widened as she looked over to Dan as he terminated a call.

“D…Dan?!” She stammered out. “Did you just…did you just setup spending time with someone besides Chris?!” Pinkie asked as she jumped out of bed and excitedly bounded over to Dan, still clad only in her low-cut top and cut-off jean shorts.

Dan smiled. “Yep! Ninja Dave is on the roster for tonight, as well!”

Pinkie gasped and beamed from ear to ear. “Dan, that’s amazing!”

“Well, I am pretty amazing,” Dan replied with a grin. “I needed replacements for Chris and Elise, we’re killing vampires tonight.” Dan informed.

Pinkie’s smile dropped. “Wha…Dan! I don’t want to kill vampires! Can’t we just hang out or go watch a movie or something?”

WHAT?!” Dan shouted. “Pinkie, I’m very disappointed in you!”

Pinkie’s expression changed to a pout. “Dan! I don’t feel well! Why do we need to go out and kill vampires, anyway?”

Dan paused. “Oh, right, you don’t know. Vampires stole our video game system.”

WHAT?!” Pinkie exclaimed shrilly. Pinkie’s eyes narrowed and the features on her face turned determined.

“Oh…”

“It”

“is”

ON!

A giant grin spread across Dan’s face. “That’s my girl,” He announced, putting his hands on Pinkie’s shoulders. “Oh! And guess what! Our costumes arrived!”

Pinkie gasped. “SO WE GET TO DRESS UP AND KILL VAMPIRES TO GET OUR GAME SYSTEM BACK?! BEST NIGHT EVER!”

Iknowright?!”

**

Twilight sighed as she put a forehoof up to her face, her Canterlot work space behind her.

Pinkie’s question of why Twilight was in Canterlot was easy enough to field. Twilight decided to treat herself and Rarity to a trip as a way of Twilight making things up to the white unicorn. The mirror came along as leaving it in the care of a non-unicorn was likely to get awkward fast.

Twilight knew any question she asked would get a strange answer, and had attempted to start as innocently as possible, but “What did you do yesterday?” already brought a tidal wave of strange answers to the conversation.

Twilight lowered her hoof and sighed, “Alright, well…why are you dressed like that?”

Pinkie pulled down her orange sun-glasses to peer over them with a grin and twirled to show off her charcoal suit, leather boots, red cravat, red overcoat, white gloves with a pentagram and other letting on them, and very wide brimmed, red, fedora.

“Neat, huh! I’m going to wear it while Dan and I go out to hunt vampires!” Pinkie explained.

Twilight’s ears perked up. “Vampires? Sounds dangerous.”

Pinkie shrugged. “Not any more than anything else we usually do.”

‘THUD’

“What was that?” Twilight called out as Pinkie turned in the direction of the bedroom doorway.

Dan’s loud yelling of obscenities made the answer quite clear.

“Dan? Are you alright?” Pinkie called.

From the living room, a loud, laborious trudging was heard, growing in volume until Dan appeared in the doorway. Wearing round glasses, black pants, black boots, a black shirt, a clerical collar, and a large grey, bulging priestly cassock over the lot of it.

“So…several dozen blessed bayonets? Really heavy.”

Pinkie rushed over to her boyfriend and helped him over towards the edge of the bed. “Oof, you weren’t kidding…” Pinkie said as she helped Dan along to the edge of the bed.

“Uh…have you considered not walking around with several dozen bayonets?” Twilight asked.

Dan shot her a glare “Quiet, Sparkler! We’re trying to do vampire hunting over here! I don’t tell you how to do your”—Dan glanced towards the ceiling and waved his hands about his face—“Stupid, purple, magic stuff do I?”

Twilight’s eyes narrowed.

<*>

“Sparklers, I’m bored! Entertain me!” Dan demanded as he walked into the bedroom.

A red, and white striped shirted Pinkie looked over from the bed along with Twilight and Rainbow Dash from the other side of the mirror as the two mares stood in Twilight’s library.

“Dan, do you mind?” Twilight asked in an irritated tone. “We’re trying to have a conversation here!”

“Pffft,” Dan waved his hand about dismissively, “You can do that anytime! Start blasting things with magic, already!”

Twilight gave an exasperated sigh and glanced at Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie.

Pinkie smiled. “I’m always up for a magic show!” She replied enthusiastically.

“Yeah, Twilight! You should show off more!” Rainbow Dash insisted. “Blow him away with your awesome magic skills!”

“Oh, I’d like to blow him away, alright…” Twilight muttered under her breath.

“Less angry muttering, and more magic!” Dan insisted.

Fine! Rainbow?”

Rainbow Dash began to hover in the air as she flapped her wings excitedly. “Do I get to play magician’s assistant? Oh, this is going to be so rad!”

Twilight’s horn glowed purple as did Rainbow’s muzzle. Soon, a large black mustache appeared on it.

Ooooh, Aaaaah…” Pinkie muttered.

Rainbow looked down at her new facial hair. “Sweet!”

“Meh.” Dan said with a quick wave of his hand. “Hey! Make yourself look like Art Project!”

Twilight rolled her eyes as her horn and body began to glow purple. In a flash, her fur had turned light blue and her mane and tail turned rainbow colored.

Ooooh, Aaaaah…” Pinkie muttered.

“OhmygoshOhmygoshOhmygosh! You look sooo cool, Twilight!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.

Dan smiled. “Great! Now make Art Project look like you!”

Pschowap

In another purple flash, Rainbow’s mustache was gone, her fur had turned purple and her mane and tail had, likewise, changed purple with a light purple and violet streak going through them.

Ooooh, Aaaaah…” Pinkie muttered.

R.D. looked over her new lavender color scheme. “Huh…you really are too purple, Twilight.”

“Hey!” Twilight protested.

“Uh…sorry.” Rainbow Dash continued to over in the air as she examined her body, tail, and limbs. “I’m just not used to all this…purple…”

“Awesome!” Dan commented. He grinned devilishly. “Now cover Art Project in garbage!”

“Huh?” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. “No! Wai…”

Pschowap

With a glow of purple, rotten fruit and discarded paper products began to rain on Rainbow Dash out of a glowing, purple disk above her.

“Hehe… Ooooh…PFFFFT…AaaaaHAHAHAHAHA…” Pinkie exclaimed as she broke out into a fit of laughter, throwing herself back on the bed.

“WHAT THE HAY, TWILIGHT!?” Rainbow Dash exclaimed angrily as she shook a banana peel off her head.

“AH! Sorry!” Twilight said as she began to use her magic to levitate orange peels and apple cores off Rainbow Dash. “I wasn’t thinking!”

“Now THAT is entertainment!” Dan exclaimed with a wide grin.

“I am sooo going to make your life miserable if we ever meet in pony!” Rainbow vowed, glowering angrily at Dan as she pointed an angry forehoof at the mirror.

Pinkie continued to laugh hysterically.

“Pinkie!” said Twilight. “Stop encouraging him!”

HeheheheHAHAHA…I know I shouldn’t,” Pinkie choked out in between laughing, “Haha…but…hehehe…it’s just so funny!”

>*<

Speaking of your lame, purpley magic,” Dan began, “Can you magic me up a way to store all these weapons on me so I can walk around without looking like I devoured an entire buffet table?” Dan asked.

Twilight rubbed a forehoof against her chin. “Uh…a small pocket dimension spell would do it.” She commented. Her eyes narrowed slightly. “Though, I’m not really inclined to help you, here.”

“Sounds like some girly, purple, princess pony just can’t do it and is making up excuses!” Dan argued.

“What?” Twilight’s eyes narrowed further. “I can do it!” She insisted. “I just don’t want to!”

Pinkie quietly listened to the conversation, darting her eyes back and forth behind orange tinted glasses between the participants.

“Yeah! Sure, Sparklers.” Dan said sarcastically. “I bet you just don’t want people…er ponies to know you’re not the magic making super-star everyone thinks you are,” Dan said as he leveled an accusatory finger at the mirror.

“I can shot that spell across dimensions in a heartbeat!” Twilight insisted as her face began to flush red.

“Oh yeah?!” Dan counted. “Then do it!”

“Maybe I will!”

“Well, what’s stopin’ ya?!”

“NOTHING!”

“Then do it, already!”

“ALRIGHT THEN!” Twilight closed her eyes and her horn began to glow purple again, washing Pinkie and Dan in a lavender glow. Suddenly, she spread her wings and her eyes flew open, revealing that they, too, were glowing brightly with lavender energy.

A stream of magic shot from Twilight’s horn into the mirror then exited the other side hitting Dan. His outfit began to glow with the magic as it changed from a bulging mass around his body, to streamlined and form fitting.

“THERE!” Twilight exclaimed as the glow subsided and her eyes returned to normal.

Dan flashed Twilight a large, toothy grin.

Twilight’s eyes widened and ears flopped down as she smacked a forehoof against her face. “Why did I do that?”

“Wow! That was nifty-rifft, Twilight!” Pinkie exclaimed.

“Uh, thanks Pinkie,” Twilight replied.

Dan reached a hand into his cassock and quickly pulled it back out. “OW!” He retracted his hand as a small trickle of blood formed on a few of his fingertips.

“Owie…” Pinkie said wincing. “Are you alright?”

“Fine,” Dan replied. He turned to Twilight. “How do I pull these things out without cutting myself?”

“Very carefully.” Twilight replied while rolling her eyes.

Dan shot Twilight a glare as he slowly reached his uncut hand into his cassock and tentatively pulled out a several foot long bayonet by its handle. “Hey! It works!”

Pinkie smiled. “Now what do we say to TwilighOWIE!” Pinkie exclaimed before rubbing her just pinched cheek.

“You talk to me like a child, I pinchy you!” Dan stated. “OW…” he murmured looking down at his cut fingers he had just used on Pinkie. “Anyhow, Thanks Sparklers. I’m sure I’ll reduce plenty of vampires to ash, now.”

“Huh?” Twilight exclaimed, surprised she was getting any sort of acknowledgement. “Uh, sure, no problem.” She paused. “Why are you guys fighting vampires, anyhow?”

“Oh! Well, they broke into our apartment and stole our video game system.” Pinkie explained.

Twilight paused “…That doesn’t make sense.”

“Sparkles! I’ve already done a thorough investigation! It has to be vampires!”

“How’d they get in without being invited?” Twilight asked.

Dan and Pinkie exchanged glances.

“Mr. Mumbles!” Dan called. “Did you invite any vampires into the house?!” He shouted in an accusatory tone.”

“Mew.”

Huuuh…” Pinkie uttered.

“What she say?” Twilight asked.

“She said, ‘No.’” Pinkie grinned. “Maybe this calls for another set of eyeballs!” In a pink and red flash, Pinkie dashed out of the room.

Dan looked back towards Twilight, “You ponies have vampires over there?” He asked with a raised eyebrow.

“I could ask you the same thing.” Twilight replied.

Dan thought about this for a second. “Fair enough.” he responded.

“Found something!” Pinkie exclaimed as she bounded back into the room and sat on the bed next to Dan. She held up an ungloved hand, now shimmering faintly with glitter.

“Pinkie, that can be your glitter!” Dan countered.

“No way!” Pinkie insisted. “My glitter has much more pink and less green and tastes totally different.”

“Wait, what?” Twilight exclaimed. To her surprise, Dan leaned forward and quickly licked Pinkie’s hand without a second thought. “Bwaaaah?” Twilight uttered at the bizarre behavior, her eye twitching slightly.

Dan glanced up contemplatively up and clicked his tongue a few times. “You’re right Pinkie, it dose taste different from your glitter.” Dan pulled a slightly disgusted face. “It’s sickeningly sweet with a bitter aftertaste, and earthy…”

Twilight sighed. “I don’t even want to know…”

“…and vaguely…magical?” Dan added.

Pinkie licked her own hand and thought about. “Yep, that’s magic all right.”

“I got it!” Dan declared. “The vampires are in cahoots with a fairy or fairies!”

“Cahoots!” Pinkie exclaimed. “CAHOOOOOTS!” She giggled. “Hehe…cahoots…”

“You got that just from tasting glitter?” Twilight asked, cocking her head slightly.

“You wouldn’t be saying that if you just licked Pinkie’s hand!” Dan retorted.

“Why would I..? No, never mind…” Twilight replied shaking her head. “Pinkie hold up your hand for a second.”

Pinkie complied as Twilight’s horn glowed purple once more. Another small beam of lavender energy shot through the mirror, engulfed Pinkie’s hand briefly and retracted back into the mirror.

As the light from her horn dimmed. Twilight’s eyes narrowed a bit. “Huh, you’re right…” She stated. “There is some magic here…natural…yet dark…”

“See! I told you!” Dan responded. He stood up and started walking towards the door. “I better get some iron…”

Twilight and Pinkie followed Dan with their eyes as he exited.

“I suppose you want a magic coat, too?” Twilight asked Pinkie.

Pinkie smiled. “That’s okay Twilight, I’m not carrying around as much stuff as Dan…uh…there is one thing you can maybe do for me…” Pinkie began tentatively.

“Sure, Pinkie!” Twilight responded happily.

“Well…since you’re in Canterlot…could you maaaybe get Celestia to talk to me?” Pinkie asked hopefully.

Twilight paused. “Celestia?” She thought about this for a second. “Well, I’m sure she wouldn’t mind talking to you for a bit.” Twilight responded with a smile.

Pinkie beamed. “Thanks, Twilight!”

Twilight nodded with a smile. “No problem!” She glanced up towards the ceiling as her horn started to glow, in a purple flash, Twilight was gone.

Pinkie waited pensively for Twilight’s return. Thankfully, she didn’t have to wait long. Soon Twilight was back with the tall, alabaster alicorn.

Pinkie bowed her head as she saw Celestia on the other side of the mirror.

“That’s quite alright, my little pony.” Celestia said, her voice vaguely melodic. “Twilight says you wanted to speak to me?”

Pinkie looked up with a nervous smile. “Yes, your…er…princessness…It’s just that we’re going out to fight vampires, and…”

“Oh my, sounds dangerous.” Celestia said as her smile faded.

“Huh? Oh, we’ll be fine!” Pinkie insisted with a small smile. “It’s just…Dan’s doing all this blessing and chanting and things from his world to prepare for our fight, and since vampires are weak to the sun, I thought maybe…”

Celestia closed her eyes and smiled. “Say no more. Do you have a weapon or something you’re going to combat these creatures with?”

Pinkie reached into her coat and pulled out a large, pointed, wooden stake.

Celestia nodded. “That will do, hold it up for me.”

Pinkie complied, extending the stake towards the mirror.

Celestia’s horn began to glow brightly as did her eyes. Much like Twilight, she spread her wings out to their full span, soon her entire body was radiating light.

Even with her tinted glasses, Pinkie squinted at the brightness as warmth and sunlight emanated from the mirror.

The stake in her hand began to feel warm to the touch, and began to emanate a soft, orange and yellowish light.

The light began to dim on the other side of the mirror, returning the room to its normal level of illumination.

Pinkie grinned wide as she clutched the stake. As she did, she felt a warmth in her body that dulled the achiness into her muscles and cleared the fog from her head.

“Thanks, Princess Celestia!” Pinkie replied exuberantly.

Celestia nodded. “You are very welcome, my subject. That weapon should be very effective against your foe. Please don’t hesitate to ask for my assistance again, if needed.”

Pinkie nodded her head up and down vigorously. “I won’t! Goodbye Princess! Goodbye Twilight!”

“Farewell!” Celestia responded with a nod.

“Bye, Pinkie!” Twilight said with a smile. “Don’t die…or become undead.” She added with a touch of concern.

“Thanks Twilight, we’ll be fine, I’m sure!” Pinkie responded with a smile.

In a purple flash, the word ‘MUTE’ appeared over the mirror.

Pinkie stepped over to her closet and slid the door, closing it.

She looked over her new, glowing weapon happily one last time and placed it in her jacket. The feeling of warmth increased and continued to permeate through her body, easily overpowering the feelings of discomfort she was feeling earlier.

“Perfect~!” She purred to herself. She reached back into her coat and pulled out a couple of items that resembled giant handguns, one silver, one black, both with large, cursive letters engraved across the barrels that extended a bit over a foot from the weapons grip.

“Now, let’s see what I can do to make these battle ready…” She cooed.

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