Part 7 Dan Vs. Love: Chapter 43 Dan Vs. Unemployment
The Wheel and the Butterfly
A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga
Part 7 Dan Vs. Love
Chapter 43 Dan Vs. Unemployment
****
Dan waited impatiently by the curb as a blue sedan pulled up and stopped in front of him. He quickly opened the passenger side door and entered the car and immediately began fuming at the driver.
“What took you so long?!” Dan demanded.
“I came soon as you called!” Chris insisted. “Traffic got really bad as I got to your place, though. I had to take a few detours.”
“Decreasing the cyclist population of Van Nuys in the process, no doubt.” Dan responded.
“Ha ha.” Chris replied sarcastically. “Where are we going, anyway?”
“We are going to places that sell things.” Dan replied.
Chris raised an eyebrow. “You mean, ‘stores’ could you maybe, oh, I don’t know, be more specific?”
“Shut up, idiot face, I don’t know what I need yet.” Dan explained.
Chris sighed and started driving. “So, where’s Pinkie?”
Dan sighed. “Working.”
Chris paused. “Wait…like…at a job?”
“Yes genius, that’s usually what one means when one says someone is ‘working’.” Dan replied.
“Why does Pinkie need a job?! She has all the money she could ever want!” Chris exclaimed.
“That’s what I said!” Dan replied. “But Pinkie said something about feeling anxious and empty not doing anything with herself, or something ridiculously stupid like that.”
“Are you sure she just wasn’t trying to get away from you? OW!” Chris rubbed the arm Dan had just delivered a solid punch into.
“Thanks for the vote of confidence buddy, and yes. I’m sure she didn’t do it just to get away from me.” Dan replied with sullen look on his face and folding his arms.
“Why’s that?”
“Because I asked her and she says she ‘loved’ spending time with me!” Dan said, his expression drifting towards a wistful look.
“Oh…uh…are you sure she just didn’t just say that to spare your fee…OW!” Chris rubbed the side of his stomach.
“Yes, jerk brain, I’m sure! Pinkie is a horrible liar!” Dan stated.
“Oh…right.”
“What is it with you and assuming she’d try to get away from me, anyway?”
Chris flashed Dan a ‘Seriously?’ look. “You’re not exactly the easiest guy to be around all the time. You’re like befriending an angry, hyperactive Chihuahua.”
“What are you talking about?! I’m awesome!” Dan declared, motioning out with his hands. “And you could at least think of a better breed of dog like a Schnauzer or Pug.” Dan added.
“Huh, never pegged you for a Pug guy. Why do you need some vague, unspecified thing, anyhow?” Chris asked motioning out with a palm.
“Pinkie’s birthday is coming up.” Dan explained.
“…and you’re going to get her something?” Chris asked in a surprised tone.
“Yes Chris, that’s how birthdays work. You buy gifts for the people you lov…I mean like.”
“You never get me anything!” Chris said.
Dan raised an eyebrow. “Do I even need to say anything?”
Chris sighed. “Walked right into that one…” Chris’s face brightened a bit. “So, are you having a party?”
“Of course I’m having a party! It’s Pinkie! I’m pretty sure she goes into a coma if she goes too long without a party.”
“When is it?”
“May 3rd. Be there or your life is forfeit…also bring that woman that lives with you. Pinkie likes her for some strange, inexplicable reason.”
“You mean, Elise?” Chris said, rolling his eyes. “You can just say her name, you know.”
Dan put an index finger up to his own lips. “Shhh…Saying her name gives her power.”
“Dan, my wife is not Voldemort.” Chris responded with narrowed eyes.
“Actually, I was thinking ‘Betelgeuse’,” Dan informed, “but yours was sad and pathetic, congratulations.”
“Harry Potter is not pathetic!” Chris insisted. He gave an exasperated sigh. “Look, do you know where we’re going yet? I’m pretty much just wasting gas at this point!”
Dan grumbled, pulled out his wallet, and handed Chris a $5 bill. “There, you big baby. Now stop moaning and help me figure out what to get Pinkie.”
“…Dan, did you just hand me money?!” Chris said in genuine shock.
“I don’t want you getting any credit for my present!” Dan exclaimed.
“Wait…So you’re going to buy Pinkie a gift…with your own money? You’re not even using her money to buy a gift for her?!” Chris exclaimed
“What kind of idiot borrows money from someone just to buy a gift for them?”
Chris rolled his eyes. “Gee, I wonder.”
“Anyways, I’m still working out an idea…do girls like flame throwers?”
“Uhh…usually not, I’d imagine…though somehow every girl I know probably does…” Chris said, quietly reexamining his life choices.
“Wait, stop here!” Dan commanded.
Chris pulled the car next to a parking meter and a palm tree as Dan threw open his door, quickly put some change into the meter, and ran towards the store they had parked in front of.
“Dan! That’s the Antique Mall! Don’t tell me you’re warring on the past, again!” Chris exclaimed.
Dan ran into the antique store as Chris stayed by the car, waiting to see Dan smash any number of the various plate, vases, or knick-knacks visible from the store windows.
Instead, Dan slowly exited the store looking crestfallen, without so much the sound of any glass breaking.
“Dan, what’s wrong?”
Dan sighed and pointed to an item in the store; an oval, full length mirror with a silver frame with an intricate silver etched butterfly adorning the top, all attached to a metal stand that held it upright. “Eight-hundred bucks.”
Chris whistled. “A bit out of your price range, I’m guessing.”
Dan looked up and glared at Chris. “No, I’ve decided. That will be Pinkie’s Birthday present.”
“Wait, you’re not going to steal it are you?!”
Dan rolled his eyes. “Yes Chris. I’m going to steal it,” He answered sarcastically, “because I want Pinkie falling in love with me to blow up in my face when she finds out the perfect gift was acquired through illegal means.”
Chris’s eyes went wide. “Wait, what did you say?!”
Dan’s face flushed and he looked around nervously, “Uhhh…That I wasn’t going to steal the mirror…”
“AFTER THAT!”
“…That Pinkie would be disappointed if she found out I stole her gift.” Dan offered.
“No, in between those two things you said.”
“Erm…’blow up’.”
Chris narrowed his eyes. “Before that.”
“’Pinkie’?” Dan offered with a hopeful tone.
“Now the five words immediately after that.”
Dan sighed. “’Falling in love with me’…” He answered.
Chris nodded and smiled. “So, buying an Eight-hundred dollar mirror is part of some sort of scheme to make Pinkie fall in love with you.”
Dan grumbled out a “Pretty much…”
“Have you considered telling her how you feel?”
“Why does everyone keep saying that to me?!” Dan responded throwing his arms out in a frustrated manner.
“Probably because it’s the sane way to approach the situation?”
“Look! Maybe all you lightweights are satisfied with your stupid notions of explaining your feelings and hoping for the best, but my victory over love will be complete! I will conquer my enemy completely with this gift, then bask in my total domination!” Dan declared. He paused. “Which in this case probably means lots and lots of smoochees.”
“You’re trying to beat love?” Chris asked with a raised eyebrow.
“At its own game, no less!” Dan declared with a giant grin. “The best kind of victory!” He added, quickly pointing an index finger in Chris’s direction.
“Dan, I really think you’ll have an easier time of this if you just talk to Pinkie. She obviously already likes you.”
“Oh please, like there are ways of telling if a girl likes you!” Dan said dismissively.
Chris rolled his eyes. “Yes, Dan. In fact, there are ways of telling if a girl likes you.”
Dan cocked an eyebrow. “Really? Do tell.”
“Okay, you know how Pinkie acts around you?”
“Sure.” Dan answered with a skeptical tone.
“That. Exactly like that!” Chris responded, emphatically motioning out with an index finger.
“Oh please, she’s like that with everybody!” Dan insisted.
“Dan! She doesn’t grab ahold of my arm, or flutter her eyelids at me, or give me pecks on the cheek.”
“That’s just because you already have she-who-shall-not-be-named to do that stuff.”
Chris raised an eyebrow. “I thought you said Harry Potter references where lame.”
“No! I said ‘sad and pathetic’, also stop talking.” Dan sighed. “Look, I know what I have to do.” He declared.
“Find and marry a rich, dying woman and hope she kicks the bucket within two weeks?” Chris suggested.
“No, you complete moro…actually, you know what?” Dan’s expression softened and he pointed at Chris. “Plan ‘B’”.
“Okay, if not that, then what then?”
Dan sighed. “I need…a job.”
**
Dan stared out the window as Chris continued to drive.
“So…this is your plan to get a job? Just…me driving around until you find something?”
“SHUT IT, YOU COMPLETE MORON! IT’S WORKED FOR ME SO FAR TODAY!” Dan yelled.
“Whoa… are you okay? That was pretty vitriolic, even by your standards.” Chris insisted.
“I’m FINE! Alright, king dufus?! Just on my way to become a wage slave! Nothing wrong with that!”
“You aren’t missing Pinkie, are you?”
“I SAID I WAS FINE DIDN’T I!? Geez! I saw her like…one hour, forty-one minutes, and thirty-five seconds ago! It’s not like I’m obsessed or anything.”
“Right…what was I thinking…” Chris responded, rolling his eyes.
“STOP THE CAR!”
Chris made an alarmed sound and slammed the brakes.
“Uh, Dan? That’s just someone’s house.” Chris said, looking out the window at a fairly typical looking Southern California beige house with hedges in front of it.
“I know that! Open the trunk.” Dan ordered.
Chris knitted his brow. “Sure…” He responded, hitting a button next to the steering wheel.
Dan quickly exited the car, walked to the back, dove into the trunk, and reemerged holding a large, metal tire iron.
Chris exited the car with a perplexed look as Dan walked up to a mailbox with a plastic cover that made it look like a large green and white largemouth bass and began smashing the heck out of it with the tire iron in his hands.
“Dan?! What are you doing?!” Chris called out in an alarmed tone.
“I HATE FISH MAILBOXES!” Dan declared ragefully, continue to smash the mailbox with as much force as he could muster.
“Dan! DAN! I think you got it.” Chris said, running up to his friend.
Dan gave the, now almost completely unrecognizable, mailbox a few more hard hits for good measure. “Huff…Pufff…”
“Feel better?” Chris asked.
“Much!” Dan replied with a smile. He turned his head going from calm to irate in a matter of moments. “THAT HOUSE STILL HAS CHRISTMAS LIGHTS UP! IT’S APRIL, YOU CRETINS! FEEL THE WRATH OF DAN!” Dan held the tire iron high as he screamed at the offending beige house.
Chris quickly wrapped his arms around Dan in a bear hug, pinning his arms to his side.
“LET ME GO!” Dan demanded kicking his legs out as Chris turned back to the car. “THEY MUST PAY! THEY MUST PAY FOR THEIR CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY!”
“Alright Dan, I think it’s time to visit Pinkie Pie.”
Dan stopped flailing. “Fine! But only because she probably can’t go even a couple hours without me before she starts losing her mind.” Dan insisted.
**
“WHY ARE THERE SO MANY CARS?!” Dan screamed out, motioning angrily to the long line of vehicles in front of the blue sedan. “CHRIS! QUICK! PRETEND THEY’RE PIES!”
“Dan, I can’t eat cars!” Chris exclaimed. “Well, probably not more than one, anyhow!”
“Not with that attitude, you can’t.” Dan gave an infuriated sigh. “Just take us back to the apartment. The bakery is only three blocks away.”
“Well, that’s convenient.” Chris commented.
“Our lives often are, somehow…” Dan commented in a ponderous tone.
**
“Oh, COME ON!” Dan shouted at the long line of potential bakery customers leading out of the bakery and into the parking lot.
Chris took stock of their surroundings. “Holy geez, no wonder traffic is bad. Everyone is trying to come here!” Chris said, looking over the completely full parking lot and its colorful decorations.
“Out of the way, mouth breathers!” Dan yelled out. “I have a roommate to comfort with my glorious presence!” Dan declared, pushing his way through the crowd and into the bakery.
“Uh, hi…sorry, oops…just uh…following that guy…” Chris said meekly as he followed Dan, bumping into people in the line, and collecting dirty looks from the people Dan and him were pushing past.
Dan made his way inside to the center of the packed dining area, threw his arms out wide and dramatically announced. “Behold, Pinkie Pie! Your bestest best friend in the whole wide world has taken time from his busy day to visiGHAH!” Dan found himself interrupted as a pink blur slammed into him, knocking him to the ground.
“DAN! OMIGOSH! I’M SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU! IT’S BEEN A CRAZY TWO HOURS, TWENTY-THREE MINUTES, TWENTY-EIGHT SECONDS SINCE I SAW YOU LAST!” Pinkie exclaimed from her perch on top of Dan.
“Uh…”
“Ooops! Hold that thought, gotta run!” Pinkie ran off, her long, curly hair trailing behind her as she dashed behind the counter, into the kitchen, and ran back out again with a tray of hot muffins.
Chris helped Dan up to his feet in the crowded bakery. “You two where really made for eachother.” Chris commented.
Dan blinked a few times and smiled. “Thanks, buddy.”
“Uh, sure.” Chris responded.
“HI, CHRIS!”
Chris jumped as Pinkie appeared behind him.
“Ooops! Sorry! Didn’t mean to scare ya, it’s just super busy and I have to go. See you two in a jiffy!” Pinkie said cheerily, once again dashing off.
“Well, at least she seems to be happy.” Chris commented.
Dan narrowed one of his eyes, looking at Chris. “Her hair is more of a mess than usual, and she’s apparently covered her hands in Band-Aids.” Dan pointed out. “I’m doubting ‘happy’ is really what she’s feeling at the moment.”
“Wait…she was here for a few seconds and you could tell all that?”
“There’s this thing…it’s called ‘looking’, you should try it sometime.” Dan replied snidely.
“SO!”
Chris jumped again as Pinkie suddenly appeared from behind Dan.
“What have you two been up to?” Pinkie asked.
Dan turned and stared into open space, Pinkie having already dashed off somewhere.
“Uh…”
“I’m here!” Pinkie said, popping her head out from behind Chris this time.
“Dan’s trying to get a job so he can…OW” Chris started to explain before Dan silenced him with a punch to the arm.
“Don’t tell her that!” Dan shouted.
“…Tell who what?”
Dan looked up and paused as he tried to process how Chris had suddenly transformed into Wally and why he was suddenly standing behind the counter to the bakery.
“I…uh…what just happened?” Dan asked in a confused tone.
“Hire him!” Pinkie said, standing behind Dan and pointing an index finger wrapped in Band-Aids down at the short man.
“What?” Wally exclaimed.
“What?” Dan responded.
“Hire him!” Pinkie insisted.
Wally looked down at Dan with a confused look that Dan mirrored back at him. “But, he might snap and strangle someone…” Wally argued.
Wally quickly found his vision almost entirely occupied by the face of an exhausted and frustrated woman framed by pink curls as he felt fingers dig into his shirt and apron. “AT THIS RATE, I MIGHT SNAP AND STRANGLE SOMEONE!”
Wally gulped. “Well…Does he have any experience?”
“Uhhh…” A confused looking female customer with red hair and freckles interrupted, staring at the seen in front of her.
“What?” Dan asked curtly.
“Erm…One Cranberry Nut Muffin, please?” The woman responded.
“Right away, ma’am.” Wally responded as he began a flustered search through the display case.
Dan rolled his eyes and pushed Wally out of the way. “You’re embarrassing yourself!” Dan declared. He took a quick glance at the contents of the display case, and fished out a muffin dotted with red berries and slivers of nuts. He handed the muffin to the woman who held out a few dollars. Pinkie happily took the money and quickly made change in the register.
Wally adjusted his glasses and looked at Dan. “You knew what it looked like?”
“Gee! I wonder!” Dan responded irately. “I’ve only helped Pinkie bake a few hundred times. Plus I can actually eat those, since there’s no milk. Just two cups flour, three quarters cup brown sugar, two teaspoons baking powder, two large eggs, two thirds cups orange juice, one third cup vegetable oil, one cup chopped cranberries, and a cup of chopped pecans.”
Pinkie and Wally paused and simply stared at Dan as a smile slowly established itself on Pinkie’s blank face.
“Chocolate cupcake ingredients.” Pinkie stated simply.
“The filling, the cupcake, or the frosting?” Dan asked. “Because the cupcakes are three ounces bittersweet chocolate, one third cup Dutch-processed cocoa powder, three quarters…”
Pinkie’s grin widened as she held up a hand to silence Dan. “My rainbow frosting.”
“Oh, uh…You use one and one half sticks of unsalted butter, a pound of confectioner’s sugar, and two tablespoons of milk for the white frosting then you color it with, pomegranate juice for red, carrot juice for orange, ground turmeric for yellow, spinach juice for green, blue berry juice for blue, grape juice for purple, and a combination of grape juice and pomegranate juice for violetGAHK!”
Dan suddenly felt himself in a crushing embrace.
“Dan! You wonderful, incredible human being, you!” Pinkie said exuberantly as she squeezed her roomie. She broke the embrace to place fingertips on either side of Dan’s face as she stared into his green eyes. “You memorized all my recipes!”
“I uh…I guess I did.” Dan replied in mildly surprised tone.
Pinkie turned back to Wally. “HIRE HIM!” She demanded.
Wally put on a pensive expression. “You’ll keep him from assaulting the customers?”
Pinkie smiled and nodded vigorously. “Promise!”
Wally sighed. “If you’re sure…”
“I’m surer than I have ever been of anything in my entire life!” Pinkie declared. She quickly turned towards the kitchen “C’mon, Dan! We haveGHK!” Pinkie felt her shirt color tighten around her neck as Dan reached up and snagged her collar as she tried to walk away.
Dan grabbed her by the arms and quickly spun her around to face him. He reached up to her face, putting a hand on either cheek and pulled her head down a few inches so she was staring him in the eye on a level plane.
“I’LL bake.” Dan insisted. “You can work the register.”
“But, I…” Pinkie protested.
“Your hair is in shambles, your hands are a mess, and you look like you’re about to collapse!” Dan stated forcefully. “Now are you going to sit here and fill orders, or am I going to have to chain you to the counter?”
Pinkie frowned. “Alright, Dan.” She responded, she smiled as she placed her hands on Dan’s and slowly lowered them off her cheeks. “Now get in the kitchen and start baking! We need more…everything!”
Dan paused. “Everything?”
Pinkie nodded as her eyes widened and she put on a serious expression. “Ev-ree-thing!”
Dan sighed. “Alright, Wally. You’re with me.”
“I am?” Wally asked.
“I can’t eat over half this stuff and there are CARS lining up to get here!” Dan explained in an irritated tone.
“WHAT?!” Pinkie exclaimed, looking out into the packed dining area with despair.
“Yes!” Dan pointed at Wally. “So you’re helping me bake,” he turned and pointed to Pinkie, “and you’re not to move from that spot until I say otherwise, got it?”
Pinkie sighed and nodded. “Yes, sir.” She replied.
Dan gave her a small smile. “Good.” He turned back to Wally. “Come on! We apparently have some everything to bake.”
Wally wordlessly followed Dan into the kitchen.
**
“Alright you two,” Wally said walking out of the office, “you can take a break.”
Dan looked up from the display case as he added another Rainbow colored cupcake to it.
Pinkie breathed a sigh of relief and wiped sweat from her forehead with her shirt sleeve, Wally took her place at the register.
“You’re done getting over your fake heart attack?” Dan asked with a furrowed brow.
“Uh…yeah…” Wally responded, dabbing at his forehead with his handkerchief. “And it looks like we’re finally ahead of the rush.”
“Do we have a first-aid kit?” Dan asked.
Pinkie and Wally looked at Dan quizzically.
“Yes, it’s in the office.” Wally answered.
“Alright, I’ll get it.” He turned to Pinkie. “You! Kitchen sink!” He ordered.
“Uh, sure Dan.” She responded.
Pinkie walked into the kitchen in the back where she waited patiently.
Dan soon entered carrying a small first aid kit. He set it on the counter next to the sink. “Alright, fess up, what did you do to your hands?”
Pinkie winced. “I kinda grabbed a tray out of the oven without using an oven mitt or a cloth…”
Dan fixed her with a stare.
Pinkie looked to the side pensively. “Erm…like…six or seven times.”
Dan smacked his palm against his forehead. “You really are hopeless, sometimes, you know that.”
Pinkie’s expression changed to a pout. “Sorry! We were really busy and I was doing so many things at once and I sort of forgot I needed to protect my hands.”
“How can you forget that six or seven times?!” Dan exclaimed.
“Well, I’ve only had them for a few months!” Pinkie said, waving her hands about.
Dan sighed, and turned on the sink, “Also, Band-aids? You can’t just wrap adhesive strips around burns, you numbskull!”
“I was in a hurry!” Pinkie protested.
Dan grabbed Pinkie’s wrists with his hands and ran them under the cool running water.
Pinkie winced as the water hit her hand, but then relaxed slightly as the water dulled the throbbing pain.
“Not going to lie, this is probably going to suck.” Dan stated as he started tugging at a soggy Band-Aid.
Pinkie whimpered as Dan began removing bandages, rubbing her hands with the cool water and cleaning her splotchy, red skin as he went. To Pinkie’s surprise, after a while she found herself enjoying the attention and contact, as painful as it was.
“Thank you, Dan.” Pinkie said softly. “I’m not sure what I’d do without you…”
“Probably die in a gutter somewhere.” Dan responded.
Pinkie giggled. “Sounds about right.”
Dan removed Pinkie’s now clean hands and began gently toweling them off with some paper towels. Dan sighed, “I can’t even leave you alone for a few hours without you making a mess of yourself.”
Pinkie pouted, but it slowly gave way to a small smile, “I’ll guess you’ll just have to keep an eye on me at all times, then. Won’t you?”
Dan began slowly wrapping one of Pinkie’s hand in gauze. “I guess I can live with that,” Dan said, slowly looking up into Pinkie’s big, sky-blue eyes with a smile.
Pinkie felt her heart flutter as she stared back into Dan’s green eyes, “Dan, I…”
Dan placed an index finger on Pinkie’s lips. “You talk too much,” he said, leaning up slightly towards Pinkie’s face.
Pinkie felt her face go warm as she closed her eyes leaned in close and…
“Hey, Guys! Could you tell me where the bathroom is? I’m a little lost.”
Dan and Pinkie synchronized turning and fixing their interruption with an angry glare. “CHRIS!” They both shouted.
“Uh…sorry…am I interrupting something?”
Dan grumbled irritably, “Why are you still here?!”
Chris frowned. “When Pinkie grabbed you, I decided I wanted some cupcakes!” he explained.
“That was over an hour ago!” Dan exclaimed.
“Well…waiting in line made me hungrier than I thought, so I had to get more!” Chris said.
Dan’s face flushed red with rage as his mouth contorted angrily.
Pinkie pointed towards the door behind Chris. “Out that door,” She pointed left, “to the left”, She made a walking like motion with her index and middle finger with her now gauze covered fingers, “Down the hall, the door will be right there.” She answered
Chris smiled. “Thanks Pinkie.” He quickly looked at Dan and flashed him a thumbs up and goofy smile before disappearing out the door.
“And that’s where they’ll find your body.” Pinkie added cryptically, slowly walking after Chris. She stopped when she felt a tug on her wrist.
“Hold up, killer, I still need to wrap up one of your hands, then you can go kill my best friend.”
Pinkie stopped and turned around. “Sorry Dan, I guess I shouldn’t lose my head like…”
“I wasn’t joking,” Dan responded with a small devilish smile.
Pinkie chuckled, “You know what? I think I can let Chris go.” She placed her wrapped hand on Dan’s cheek and leaned in. “His mistake is easy to fix,” Pinkie purred.
Dan frowned, “Something is going to happen.”
Pinkie paused and blinked a few times, “What?”
“Something always happens, it’s like there’s some sort of malevolent force out there that’s toying with us for its own, sick, twisted amusement,” Dan observed.
Pinkie thought about this for a second, glared into open air and mouthed an angry ‘Forever’. She sighed, and turned back to Dan with a smile, “Well…it couldn’t hurt to try, right?”
Dan smiled and leaned up again, his face almost touching Pinkie’s. “I guess not,” He murmured, his lips brushing against hers as he spoke.
Pinkie gasped and…
Screams erupted from the dining area.
Pinkie smacked her hand against her forehead. “OWIE!” she exclaimed as she slammed her burnt and raw skin against her face.
Dan quickly grabbed Pinkie’s hand and began running it under cool water, again.
Wally appeared in the doorway this time. “I uh…hate to cut your break short, but apparently there’s a horde of giant radioactive hamsters terrorizing the neighborhood,” He explained, toweling away at his forehead with a drenched handkerchief.
Dan sighed. “Radioactive hamsters, got it. We’ll be right there,” He responded with disinterest.
Pinkie gave a soft whimper. “This can’t go on forever, right, right?!” she asked.
“Well, I’m sure the hamsters will move on, eventually,” Wally responded.
“I DON’T EVEN CARE ABOUT THAT!” Pinkie responded shrilly.
Dan pondered this for a moment, staring at the ceiling briefly. “Maybe something needs to happen first,” Dan mused.
Pinkie raised an eyebrow.,“Like what?”
Dan shrugged, “We’ll figure it out, soon, I’m sure.”
Pinkie exhaled, “We better, I’m not sure how much more of this I can take!”
“Uh…” Wally began, “I don’t want to be a killjoy but…”
Dan motioned out to Wally in a ‘shoo, shoo’ fashion. “Just go hide under the desk in the office or something. Let me finish wrapping up Pinkie’s hands and I’ll go scream angrily at the hamsters and hit them with a rolled up newspaper or something.”
“You think that’ll work?” Pinkie asked.
“I have a lot of anger at the moment,” Dan replied, “and I’ve found rolled up paper surprisingly effective against large, furry beasts.”
“I like the plan, because I get to hide,” Wally explained before dashing out of view.
Dan pulled Pinkie’s hand out of the water and began toweling it off, again. “Wanna help me scream at creatures created by man’s hubris at playing God with, small, furry rodents?” Dan asked. “I bet we can still get Chris out of the bathroom and force him to play distraction.” Dan added.
Pinkie’s smile finally returned. “You know what? That does sound like fun.” She replied. “Bandage me up and lets go kick some hamster tail and watch Chris run around and scream like a scared little girl.”
Dan smiled as he began wrapping Pinkie’s hand in gauze. “That’s the spirit.”
***
Pinkie and Dan wearily pulled themselves up the stairs to the apartment, they each had an arm draped over the other’s shoulders as if they were simultaneously trying to help and get support from the other. Dan laboriously gripped the railing dragging the two roommates up and Pinkie placed a gauze covered hand on the wall, doing the same.
“Stupid baking, stupid hamsters, stupid paperwork…” Dan mumbled exhaustedly.
“It’s okay Dan, we’ll get an early start on baking tomorrow.” She smiled at Dan. “I’m sure with both of us working together, it won’t be so bad.” She added hopefully.
Dan sighed as the two made it up to the walkway and continued towards the apartment. “How early is ‘early’.” He asked.
Pinkie’s smile went pensive. “Well…the bakery opens at seven am, and we’ll want a few hours to get started, soo…”
“WHAT?!”
“It’s okay! I’ll show up early!” Pinkie suggested. “You can get some rest!”
Dan glanced at the gauze covered hand resting on his shoulder. “And what? Show up to find you burned your lips because you grabbed a tray with your mouth, or caught your hair in a cake-mixer? I don’t think so.” Dan said, fishing his keys out of his pocket and unlocking the apartment door. “I’m coming even if you have to drag me there.”
Pinkie giggled. “If you insist.”
Dan nodded. “I do insist…though, you might really have to drag me…” He added, opening the door.
“Meow!” Mr. Mumbles mewed excitedly and bounded up to greet Dan and Pinkie.
Dan and Pinkie walked over to the couch. Dan leaned down and deposited Pinkie onto the blue cushions and stood up. “Alright, I’ll feed Mr. Mumbles and make us some dinner.” Dan declared.
“Uh…what do I do?” Pinkie asked.
“You just sit there and look adorable.” Dan said with a smile.
Pinkie expression changed to surprise and she blushed slightly. “Well, someone is being a Mr. nicey nice pants, today.”
“Eh, you earned it. You worked hard today.” Dan responded.
“Not any harder than you!” Pinkie exclaimed.
“You also burned the heck out of your hands.” Dan reminded.
Pinkie raised her gauze covered hands in front of her face. “Oh…right…” She said with a nervous smile.
*One fed cat and two fed humans later.*
Dan deposited a couple dishes and some flatware in the sink, walked back to the couch, and sat down as Pinkie wasted no time and plopping her head down on his lap, smiling with an exhausted expression up at Dan, a smile that widened as Dan mirrored it and began brushing pink, curly strands away from her face.
“Bed?” Dan offered.
“I think I’m fine here.” Pinkie responded sleepily.
“Me, too.” Dan responded with a soft smile. “Though, waking up might be problematic without an alarm.”
Pinkie reached into one of her pockets and pulled out her phone, she turned it on, swiped the screen a few times with a thin, pink nail polished finger wrapped in white gauze, tapped the screen a few times, and set it on the crate that served as a coffee table. “There, now neither of us needs to move.”
Dan chuckled. “I still need to get up to turn off the lights, at least.”
Pinkie reached into her pockets again and pulled out a collection of various colorful and cute looking key chains all grouped together in a large mass. She eyed the light switch next to the apartment door and lobbed the weighty metal and plastic mass at it, hitting it, and successfully catching the switch. The lights went out leaving the two in the dark of the small apartment.
“Nice shot,” Dan commented.
“Thanks,” Pinkie yawned out.
Dan ran a hand through Pinkie’s long hair briefly. He gave his hand a tug and frowned in the darkness.
“Uh…Pinkie? I think I’m stuck…”
Pinkie’s gentle snoozing was his only reply.
Dan sighed and shook his head.
Great. Looks like I’m stuck here for the night…
He felt Pinkie turn and nuzzle into him, raising her hands, resting one under her head and gently resting one on his stuck hand.
Dan smiled to himself.
I guess that’s not so bad…
“Hey, Pinkie?” Dan called, making sure she was fast asleep more than anything.
“Zzzzzzz,” was Pinkie’s response.
“I love you.” Dan whispered into the darkness, smiling to himself as the gentle snores of the woman sleeping on his lap slowly lulled him to sleep.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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So cute! I feel all warm and fuzzy inside!
...I hope its because of the story, and not the radio-active fire ants in my colon...
"CHRIS! QUICK! PRETEND THEY’RE PIES!”
lol
Bring me the warm tinglies, yes.
Touchesies and feelsies, yes, yes, good.
I will have your happy ending, yes...
I... NEED A HEART REPLACEMENT. There. You see that gory mess over there. Yes. That right there. That's the remnants of my heart exploding from adorkableness overload.
I'm sooooo tempted to draw fanart for this fanfiction
You guys always give me the best comments.
3495494
I approve the heck out of this notion.
3495713
Well, great authors get great comments! Also, we do it cause we love you!
3495826
Awww, shucks.
I'm just happy the story is getting read and is so well received.
I was reading this with my pinkie plush and my Dan Vs. pillowcase, and the next thing I knew the two were together, despite being on the opposite sides of me to begin with...
THIS ISS SO FKING AWESOME!!!!! when will they catch a lucky break? if they were in a padded jail cell they would almost kiss, the door would open, and the gaurd would tell them there free. FAIL
3495494 Ever since the camping trip I thought that there needs to be a picture of Pinkie holding a chainsaw kinda diagonally down in a badass fashion and Dan next to her slightly crouched with a machete and a wicked grin on his face. That'd be so cool.
3495071 I'm fairly certain that radioactive fire ants would not feel fuzzy... I could be wrong, I tend to kill things like that with blunt trauma or acids before I can find out.
3495713
THEN I WILL TOTES DO IT! :D
3496685
Brilliant writing tactic at the end there! Stalls us fans long enough to get more writing in before the actual confession by giving us d'aaww warm squishy FUZZY FEELINGS!
Y'know what I'd find funny? That they don't kiss until the very last chapter! Hilarious! Heheh...hehe...
If that happens I will find you...
Flamethrower...nice tf2 reference. xD
Dan began slowly one of Pinkie’s hand in gauze
Missing a word somewhere.
Pinkie reached into one of her pocket and pulled out her phone
"pockets"
and sat it on the crate that served as a coffee table
"set"
3938111
Flamethrowers are not only in TF2 you know.
DISCOOOOORRRRRRRRD!!!
I honestly can't believe you made Dan being in love and acting like this...work, somehow, without anyone being horribly out of character. I really, truly can't.
And yet you have.
Thumbs up for May 3 bdays!!
I got it! Since Chris Pearson and Dan Mandel created the show and Chris is stated by the show to have the last name Pearson, you made the connection that Dan would/should have the last name Mandel... has nothing to do with the chapter but ya know... hamsters.
4385892
I think his last name might be canonically in the show somewhere. If not, yes that is the logic.
That got all of my dawws.
*sniff* Almost there, Dan! You have this in the bag!
4315101 I'm howling at the moon, and sleeping in the middle of a summer afternoon.
4555100 Discord! Whatever did we do, to make you take our world away?
Keep the chain going
4568336
Discord, are we your prey alone?
4570223 Or are we just a stepping stone for taking back the throne?
I am thoroughly impressed. I can hardly believe that are still around 100 more chapters of this despite the fact that this story began only last year. Simply amazing.
I thought you said Harry Potter references where lame
You two where really made for eachother
1. Were.
2. Were and forgot your spacing.
4606179 Discord! We won't take it anymore, so take your tyrany away!
This chapter had me laughing AND oozing.
4683792 (Disco-o-oo-o-oo-ooo-oo-rd) x3
4707078
All of my yes
4707078 You know I'm fine with changing status quo,
Chapter 49: He Who Must Not Be Named Until It Serves the Plot
This right here is an example of why I'm now utterly addicted to this story. You evil author, you; and your heroin-like troll writing.
Damn you... *obsessively injects more story INTO HIS VEINS!!!*
Chapter 49 part Deux: It's beginning to look a lot like Hatemas.
I agree with Dan. This house must be dynamited.
WALLY DOESN'T LIKE MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE!!!
4683792 Well, I'm fine with changing status quo.
5072575 But not in letting go while the world is falling apart.
Really? Radioactive hamsters?
.
.
.
What sort of evil are you?
(considering my usual, default internet accound name actually has d3vil in it, I can't stress enough how ruthless I find your writing)
Okay, his saying he lo... he loho... the L word might've needed priority, but MY POINT STILL STANDS TALL AND PROUD, YOU MONSTER!
Honestly though, this was kind of what I would've wanted to do with my own main characters, but I just didn't have the stomach for it. I didn't have the stomach for it, how the Hell did you?
Awwww, so warm! The two chaos-makers bring such delightful love. What a positively delicious narrative.
Circling with the yet bitter taste
of foolish resentment,
you have sought and found
a better,
a most magnificent dream.
And with this,
you will surely be entwined further,
until no hardships shall lock you separate;
then might you love in peace.
We shall read on.
I think my heart is finally thawing now.
4976006 your name though
6281804 I will not praise the sun! I am part of the pre06.deviantart.net/4462/th/pre/f/2012/349/b/8/changeling_swarm_by_karl97885-d5o313l.jpg
6376311 I'm more for pre00.deviantart.net/b1f2/th/pre/f/2011/202/0/e/p_a_r_t_y__mercenary_squad_by_puzzle_of_life-d417vyv.png Let's PARTY.
6641255 dame tats scary
Somewhere in the cosmos: a black Pegasus with a purple mane looked up from his writing, wrinkled his nose, and sneezed.
Was that a Lord of the Beans reference?
If not, I apologize.