• Published 11th Sep 2013
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The Wheel and the Butterfly A Dan X Pinkie Pie Saga - Justice3442



Pinkie Pie finds herself adjusting to a new, hostile world, with a new hostile friend. Can they make it through this new misadventure together, or is it the universe that needs to watch out for them?

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Part 14 Pinkie Vs. N.A.R.F.: Chapter 123 Pinkie Vs. Wild Cats

The Wheel and the Butterfly
A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga
Part 14 Pinkie Vs. N.A.R.F.
Chapter 123 Pinkie Vs. Wild Cats

-ooooooo-

War.

War never changes.

Unless it’s a war fought with food, in which case it tends to be quite a bit different than a typical war. For one, people seemed far less likely to die and slightly less likely to find themselves injured in the line of service.

Yet, if the employees of Wally’s Cupcake and Muffin Emporium were thrust into a war, they’d probably note a number of similarities between the battlefield and their daily grind. The near constant movement, the herculean task of keeping up with an ever-changing chaotic environment, orders constantly being barked at them.

The demands the bakery required of each employee tested both mind and body. Early mornings were spent preparing for the busy day, and a flood of people would enter when the doors were opened. The rest of the day was spent keeping supply up and satisfying customers. The work was grueling and unrelenting, and even the most resilient of the group found themselves committing the occasional mistake.

The work was not for the weak-minded or the easily tired. Many employees had come and gone in a flash, finding themselves burnt out almost as soon as they started. Those that were left had proven they could take the constant tide of orders and the heat of the kitchen. Even a few days was more than many others had shown they could tolerate.

The crew of Wally’s Cupcake and Muffin Emporium had definitely felt the mental strain of the previous test, but even the unforgiving world of numbers was not enough to keep them from instinctively snapping into baking mode when there was something to do.

The cart of ingredients was cleared in moments and everyone quickly filed into the kitchen area and began prepping ingredients for baking.

Dan immediately began assigning tasks, barking out orders in an authoritarian tone. “Amber, mouthy teen! You’re both on dye-making duty.”

Tasks that were accepted without question.

“You got it!” Gibson replied.

“Why am I always paired up with him?!” Amber cried.

Well… almost without question.

Dan narrowed his eyes. “You two seem to work well together. Also shut up.”

“‘Work well together’?!’” Amber cried. “Gibson mostly hits on girls while I yell at him to stop!”

Dan nodded. “Exactly! No one yells at him as well as you do!” Dan glanced up briefly and shrugged. “I mean, I do, but I have better things to do than to keep a teenager focused on work and not on girls.”

It was Amber’s turn to narrow her eyes. “What, I don’t?”

“Obviously not!” Dan replied. “Now get to making dyes!”

Amber sighed as she reached out for one of the beets in front of her.

Dan continued assigning tasks to his crew. “Chris! You’re also on dye duty.”

Chris frowned. “Can’t I help make the batter?”

“No!” Dan called back. “I want you to work with something you’re less likely to eat.”

Chris frowned. “Well, you got me there…”

“D.H., Crunchy. I want you two to work on frosting.”

“Aye aye, Dan!” D.H. replied with a slightly crooked salute.

“You got it, brah!” Crunchy replied.

“Sarge!”

“Sir, yes sir!”

“I want you to bring whatever those two clumsy idiots need to them! I want them walking around carrying things as little as possible!”

His right arm still in a sling, Sarge saluted with his left. “Yes sir!”

“Wally!”

“Yes, Dan?” Wally replied.

“You, Pinkie, and I will work on batters.”

“Yay!” Pinkie cried. “Batter buddies~! she chirped out. “Omn…”

“Alright, Dan,” Wally said with a nod.

Dan raised a hand to Pinkie’s face and brushed crumbs off of it. “And don’t eat your cookies over the batter, Goofball.”

Pinkie nodded. “I won’t, Dan!”

Tasks assigned, each employee immediately began on working on what was asked of them. Though working hours at the bakery where usually chaotic, this was more akin to those early mornings of preparing for the day. Early mornings, while full of activity, where often the calmest time while working at the bakery. With all nine employees working together, dyes, frosting, and batters began to come together quickly and without incident.

From above the kitchen area, the three men of the N.A.R.F. looked down as the bakery employees handled each task with an unexpected amount of professionalism. The arguing and bickering that had been a staple of their time in the headquarters together had quieted to a dull roar, mostly drowned out by the activity of making cupcakes and muffins and the sounds of kitchen machinery. The three men simply found themselves quietly watching the activity below. Caspar had a sour expression on his face, and Melchior tapped his fingertips against the end of his armrest.

Caspar sighed. “Well that was unexpected.”

Balthazar turned to him. “You mean that they’d all recover so quickly and hop right into baking without incident? Impressive, no?”

“More like boring,” Caspar griped as he slouched on his chair, resting his cheek on his fist as he leaned against an arm of the chair. “I thought they’d at least argue with each other some more.”

Balthazar shrugged. “Well, no sense being upset they actually work well together.”

Melchior spoke up. “I do not care for this turn of events either. I do not believe this test is challenging enough.”

“Here, here!” Caspar said in agreement.

Balthazar frowned. “It’s not really a test, but an opportunity for them to prepare for the other tests and show us how they work together as a team.”

“Well, they passed then,” Melchior said simply. “Now let’s test how they react to an unexpected situation.”

Caspar sat up in his chair excitedly. “I second that motion.”

Balthazar stroked his chin. “I suppose I can let a lynx loose into the kitchen, or something…”

Melchior cackled to himself. “GoodGood…”

Caspar nodded with a malevolent smile. “That will be sufficient.” He frowned. “Still, we really should have some more stuff on hand so you don’t have to do it yourself.”

Balthazar sat up out of his chair and began descending the stairs. “Sure! Why don’t we just throw money away while I’m at it?!”

Caspar merely rolled his eyes.

Their minds focused on the task at hand. The bakery employees took no note of the activity happening above them. So engrossed in their work were they, that they only looked up when a low growling noise was heard behind them.

Grrrrrrrrr…”

The group collectively stopped working as their eyes went wide with worry.

Pinkie turned and gasped. “Big kitty!” she squealed in delight. “Omn…”

The rest of the group turned and looked at the several-feet-long cat with a black speckles over its grey and orange fur. It growled and moved its head back and forth over the line of people who were busily working on making cupcakes and muffins prior to the large cat announcing its presence.

Dan sighed. “Alright, no one panic. A wild bobcat has wandered into the kitchen.”

“WHAT?!” Gibson cried. “Is it shooting radioactive flames from its mouth or anything?!”

Dan rolled his eyes. “No, mouthy teen. It appears to be a regular Bobcat.”

Gibson breathed a sigh of relief. “You had me worried there for a second.”

“I said ‘no one panic’, didn’t I?!” Dan cried. “Anyhow, go deal with it.”

“ME?!” Gibson cried. “I don’t know how to handle a bobcat! That thing will shred me.”

Dan grinned wickedly. “That’s the idea.”

“DaAaAaAaAaAaAn~,” Pinkie cooed. “Don’t you remember our agreement?”

Dan thought briefly then frowned. “Alright… Sarge,” Dan called out, “grab that cat, will ya?”

“Yes sir!” Sarge said with a salute. He pivoted and turned towards the large feline. The bobcat quickly shifted its weight onto its back haunches and leapt at Sarge. However, Sarge quickly snatched the predator by its neck and held it in place. “Got it, sir!”

Dan nodded. “Escort our furry guest out, if you will.”

“Awwww…” Pinkie said in a disappointed tone. “Can’t I pet it first?!”

Dan sighed. “Pinkie, it’s not someone’s house pet that wandered into the kitchen! It’s a wild animal that was released probably in the hopes that it would maul us.”

Pinkie puffed out her lower lip as her eyes widened. She let out a small whimper as tears formed in front of her eyes.

“Gah! Fine!” Dan said in an exasperated tone. “But be careful!”

Pinkie blew out a dismissive gust of air. “Pfffft, what could possibly go wrong?” Pinkie cried as she bounded off towards Sarge and the large feline he held by its scruff.

Dan narrowed his eyes. “Did you just—?

Pinkie reached her hand out towards the Bobcat. “Good kitty, I just—”

GRRRAHHRAAAHHRAAHH!” the Bobcat growled as it swiped its claws out at the outstretched arm.

AHHH!” Pinkie attempted to retract her arm a little too late as the Bobcat’s large paws hit her bare forearm. They raked across it as Sarge pulled the cat away. Pinkie quickly clasped her other hand around the lacerations and stared at the Bobcat with a hurt expression on her face.

“Uh… I better find a place for this little guy,” Sarge said sheepishly as he pivoted and walked up the stairs back to the raised platform.

Dan looked at Pinkie and folded his arms across his chest. “I can’t help but feel you deserved that.”

“Give me a break!” Pinkie cried as blood trickled out from her wound. “There are like… two famous cartoon Bobcats!”

“Well why’d you reference the one who sucks!?”

THE OTHER ONE DOESN’T HAVE A CATCHPHRASE!” Pinkie replied shrilly.

WELL THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU GET TO MAKE REFERENCES TO THINGS THAT ARE ATROCIOUSLY BAD AND PROBABLY CAUSE CANCER!”

From an out-of-the-way corner of the kitchen area, Ninja Dave, Becky, and Elise all stared at the quarreling couple quizzically.

Becky spoke up. “Uhhh… Shouldn’t someone stop them?”

“Yeah, they’ve totally lost focus on baking,” Ninja Dave added.

“Oh, they do stuff like this all the time,” Chris informed as he looked up from the carrot he was peeling.

Elise cocked an eyebrow. “They argue over references while one of them slowly loses blood instead of treating their injury?”

Amber turned briefly and shrugged. “Sometimes they’re both injured…”

From above the kitchen area, Caspar frowned. “Well that was short-lived.”

Melchior nodded. “They seem unusually conditioned to such adverse conditions.”

“Well, shall we let them work in peace?” Balthazar asked.

Caspar looked up at him in smile. “No, I think another animal is in order. The pink-haired one seems fond of cats.”

Balthazar rolled his eyes and began walking down from the raised platform again. “Fine, fine… I’ll let another feline loose.”

-ooo-

Kcchisssss!

Having settled back into the rhythm of work, the group gave a slight jump as a peculiar clicking sound was heard followed by a hiss. They turned to see a small cat with a light tan coat staring back at them.

Pinkie squealed in delight. “Oh my gosh! It’s a sand cat! Imma gonna pet it!”

Dan sighed. “Do not pet the sand cat!”

“Oh, I’m gonna!” Pinkie replied as she turned and bounded towards the small animal.

“Pinkie! Do not—”

KCccHISSSSSSSSS!

AAAAAAHHHHH!” Pinkie cried as the sand cat leaped at her already bandaged arm and dug its claws in. She began flailing her arm about. “GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET-IT-OFF!

Dan sighed. “Sarge, would you…?”

“On it, sir!” Sarge said as he walked over to Pinkie. He quickly grabbed the sand cat by the scruff of the neck and walked off with it.

“Dan, Dan!” Pinkie cried as she bounded up to Dan and held out her scratched up arm. “The cute kitty tried to eat my arm!” she wailed.

Awwww…” Dan said. “Let’s get that cleaned up right away…”

Ummm-hmmm…” Pinkie hummed weakly as she nodded.

Dave, Becky, and Elise all exchanged confused glances and shrugs.

-ooo-

Rrrwoooerrr... Rrrwooooerrrr… Rrrwooooerr…”

The group paused briefly and turned to see a stout cat with thick fur that was a mixture of white, black, and brown. Seeing the animal was roughly the size of a house cat, most simply returned to their task. Though two of their number paid a bit more attention to the animal.

Pinkie squealed again. “It’s a Pallas’ses cat! Imma gonna hug it!”

Dan smacked a palm against his face. “Haven’t you learned anything in the last several minutes?!” Dan asked through the hand on his face.

Pinkie nodded her head. “I have learned that Pallas’ses cats look even fluffier in person than on the internet! I can only imagine hugging it would be better than I could possibly dream! Omn…”

Dan added his second hand to his face. “Fine, go hug it!”

“YAY!” Pinkie cried.

“Uh… sir?” Sarge said in an unsure tone.

“She’s got to learn somehow!” Dan replied.

RWWWWOOOUEEER!

AAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!” Pinkie cried. “THE CLAWS THEY’RE TINY BUT SHARP! BUT IT’S SO FLUFFY! I CAN’T STOP—OUCH— HUGGING IT! OUCHIES!

Dan sighed. “Sarge?”

Sarge saluted. “Yes, sir!” Sarge walked up to Pinkie and quickly yanked that fur ball of a feline off of Pinkie’s torso. The Pallas’s cat’s claws tore through Pinkie’s vest and the shirt underneath.

Daaaaan!” Pinkie wailed. “The fluffy kitty tore up my clothes!” She paused and added. “…And my skin… Omn…” she added as dots of red appeared from the fresh scratches on her arms and torso.

Awwww…” Dan uttered. He grabbed Pinkie by the hand and walked off towards the stairs. “Let’s get you cleaned up…”

-ooo-

WRGCVHUUGRCCHHH…

The group flashed each other quizzical looks as a peculiar noise came from behind them. They turned to see what appeared to be a miniature-sized leopard.

Pinkie’s eyes widened as she saw yet another small feline.

Dan rolled his eyes and looked up at the trio of men high above him. “Seriously, do you really think Pinkie is so absentminded that she’d…”

“OH MY CELESTIA, DAN! IT’S AN OCELOT!” Pinkie cried excitedly.

Dan made a pained hissing sound as he inhaled and pinched the bridge of his nose with a thumb and forefinger. “And you’re going to give it a belly rub?”

“IMMA GONNA GIVE IT A BELLY RUB!” Pinkie declared.

“Pinkie!” Dan said in a chastising tone as he flung his hands out in frustration. “Stop going up to all these wild cats! It’s just a trick!”

“But Dan,” Pinkie replied, “tricks are for kids!”

Dan paused and stared at Pinkie blankly. “… You know what Pinkie? On second thought, rub that cat’s belly. Rub it with your face.”

“YAY!” Pinkie cried. “I’m gonna name it Babou!” she declared as she walked up to ocelot.

“DAN!” Elise said in a chastising tone.

“WHAT?!” Dan protested as he motioned out to Pinkie. “It’s not like you can tell me I haven’t been trying!”

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Pinkie cried. “THWERES AWN OWCEWOT ON MWY FWACE!” Pinkie ran through the kitchen area with an ornery ocelot fastened around her head.

WRGCVHUUGRCHH!”

Elise narrowed her eyes and motioned to Pinkie Pie.

Dan rolled his eyes. “I’ve told her over and over again not to go up to the wild cats! But does she listen?! No!”

“But that doesn’t mean you should encourage her to go up to them!” Elise shot back.

Dan rolled his eyes. “She’s going to do it anyways! Might as well get it over with!”

Crunchy spoke up. “It is rather hard to talk her out of this stuff, brah.”

“Umm-hmm!” D.H. hummed out with a nod.

Wally carefully frosted a cupcake in front of him. “I just keep the first aid kit well-stocked.”

Ninja Dave shot Dan a perplexed look. “Well if you know this is going to happen, why even try talking her out of it?”

Dan stared at Ninja Dave blankly. “Because I love her!” he said.

Awwww!” D.H. uttered with a smile.

“SWOMEONE PWEAAAASSEEE PWULL THIS THING OFFA MWY FWACE!” Pinkie cried.

“On it!” Sarge cried as he walked up to Pinkie.

“RRRWRGCCHHUUGRCCH!”

The ocelot growled furiously as Sarge grabbed it by the scruff and yanked it off of Pinkie’s face. Sarge held the animal at arm’s length as Pinkie stared at it, blood trickling from the long lacerations on her cheeks.

Pinkie suddenly grinned. “Hehehe… Babou, you have such a fluff-wuffy tummy! It was kinda fun having my face pressed against it.

“GRRRORRRCCH!” ‘Babou’ swiped out with its claws and caught Pinkie’s nose.

EEEK!” Pinkie cried. She quickly raised a hand to her just-scratched face.

“Whoops,” Sarge said as he backed up a few steps. “Sorry, looks like there’s still plenty of fight in this one.

“Totally worth it…” Pinkie squeaked out in a strained voice as she held a hand against her nose.

Grrrowwrr?” the ocelot replied in a questioning growl.

Pinkie narrowed her eyes. “No, Babou. That was all sarcasm.”

Rrrrowwrr?”

YES, ALL OF IT, YOU FOX-EARED @$&#%—

-ooo-

“Meow… meow…”

The group collectively rolled their eyes and turned. Yet another feline sat and watched them. This one with a spotted coat and a head that looked disproportionately small to the rest of the animal’s body.

“What the heck is that?!” Pinkie cried, her cheeks both sporting large bandages.

“It’s a serval,” Dan answered. “It’s a medium-sized African wild cat.”

Pinkie frowned. “Well it’s weird-looking!”

“Seriously?” Dan asked. “You don’t want to pet it or anything?”

Pinkie held up her bandage-wrapped arms. “Does it look like I’ve had good experience with petting wild cats today?!”
Becky breathed a sigh of relief. “Pheww… she’s learning… I was beginning to think—”

Dan frowned. “I bet you’re just saying that because you think it looks weird.”

Pinkie scrunched up her lips and pursed her lips. “Am not!”

Dan folded his arms across his chest. “I think you’re prejudice against servals!”

“How can I be prejudice against servalseses?!” Pinkie cried. “I never even saw a servalseseses until today!”

“You’ve gone up to pet every wild feline that’s been let loose in here without question! Only when you see this one do you start hesitating!” Dan shot back.

Pinkie narrowed her eyes. “You know what?! FINE! Imma gonna pet it!”

Becky sighed to herself. “Never mind…” she said quietly to herself.

“Good!” Dan cried.

“GOOD!” Pinkie shouted back.

“Pinkie, no!” Elise cried.

“Sorry, Elise!” Pinkie said. “But my reputation as a non-prejudiceseseses wild cat lover is on the line!”

“Pinkie!” Elise protested. “You’ll just get—!”

Shhhh…” Chris hushed out as he looked up from the cupcake he was frosting. “Honey, just let nature take its course.”

AAAHHHH! IT BIT MY HAND!” Pinkie cried out. “WHAT A TOTALLY UNPREDICTABLE, YET UNAVOIDABLE OUTCOME!”

Becky motioned out to Pinkie as she attempted to free her hand from the mouth of the Serval. “That’s nature taking its course?!”

The bakery employees all nodded their heads up and down.

“Oh Becky, Becky, Becky,” Dan said in a knowing tone. “Pinkie going up to an animal she’s not supposed to and getting attacked is as natural as the food chain… Like a lion downing a gazelle, an eagle flying off with a sheep, a dog catching a Frisbee, or a shark eating a gorilla.”

Elise stared blankly at Dan. “Alright, I know you watch a lot of nature shows, so how is it—”

“SOMEONE GET THIS WEIRD-LOOKING THING OFF MY HAND!” Pinkie cried as the serval continued to clamp down on her hand. It’s head simply bobbing up and down as Pinkie attempted to get her hand loose.

“I’ll help you, sir!” Sarge said. He walked up and grabbed the tall feline by the back of its neck. It let go of Pinkie, who began to cradle her bleeding hand with a frown on her face.

Ninja Dave turned towards Dan. “So what did you do before Sarge was around to remove wild animals?”

Dan shrugged. “We poked the animals with brooms and mops until they left.”

Wally nodded. “Ever since we hired Sarge, I no longer have to buy new ones all the time!”

DAAAAAN!” Pinkie wailed. “That mean, weird kitty bit me!”

Awww…” Dan said as he walked up to Pinkie. “Let me see…”

Pinkie slowly showed her hand to Dan as he carefully looked it over.

“Okay, that’s another weird thing, dude,” Ninja Dave said. “You seem totally fine with Pinkie getting mauled one second, then you’re all concerned and trying to treat her wounds the next! How does that make any sense?!”

“Because I love her!” Dan cried as he looked up from Pinkie hand. “How is that hard to understand?!”

Pinkie smiled and leaned her head against Dan’s shoulder.

Dave just sighed and shook his head.

“Uh… Excuse me,” Wally said as he looked up at the three men above him. “We’ve made piles and piles of cupcakes and muffins. How many do we need?”

Balthazar peered down into the kitchen, where stacks of bakery boxes were piled up high.

Caspar also glanced down and then looked at Balthazar. “Do we have any more small or medium-sized wild cats?” he asked.

“The cougar is the next smallest,” Balthazar informed.

Melchior cackled wickedly.

“That could be entertaining,” Caspar said with a devilish grin.

Balthazar raised an eyebrow. “You know if she gets killed, she’s going to be a lot less entertaining… Also the rest of the group won’t have a reason to continue…”

Melchior went silent and Caspar frowned.

“Fine, fine,” Caspar said. “I suppose that’s enough baking and wild cats…” He paused and added, “for now…” quietly.

Balthazar turned to the group. “Congratulations! You have all survived the task of baking your own food for the next challenges… also, wild cats!”

Yaaaay…” Pinkie said weakly. She stumbled to the side as Dan quickly caught her.

“Are you okay?” Dan asked in a concerned tone.

“I think I lost a lot of blood that last challenge,” she smiled and raised a cookie up. “Good thing I have a good supply of sugar on hand. Omn…”

“Your next challenge lies behind that door!” Balthazar said as he motioned to a door attached to the kitchen.

Everyone turned and stared at the door.

“…”

The group continued to quietly stare at the door.

Chris looked up. “Uh… do we…? Did you need one of us to open it?” he asked.

“NINJA!” Balthazar cried. “Open the door, please!”

Ninja Dave nodded. “Yes, sir.”

Dave walked up and opened the door. On the other side was a large brown bear and a pair of bear cubs sitting at a wooden table.

The group looked at the large, wild animals with worried expressions plastered on their faces, with a couple notable exceptions…

Pinkie gasped. “MAYBE THEY’RE FRIENDLY!” she cried in a cheerful tone.

“Pinkie, no!” Dan cried.

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