Part 13 Dan & Pinkie Vs. Couch Hunt: Epilogue
The Wheel and the Butterfly
A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga
Part 13 Dan & Pinkie Vs. Couch Hunt
Epilogue
-oooooo-
Change.
Change is slowly but surely taking its toll on The Nexus, and The Nexus is at the center of everything...
From atop a plain, stone throne which was set on a small hill, a gaunt, bipedal blue-and-black colored figure with a spiky gold crown atop his head waited. His naturally dour expression would make many others declare it brooding, however he would answer that he wasn’t, nor had ever been, brooding.
He glanced up as if regarding the simple gold crown on his head and lightly brushed his fingertips across it. It was cool to the touch, but through that touch he could feel great power. Power that signified he was a ruler, and destined to rule all in time; yet another thing he hadn’t had need or cause to think about in eons. Such as the simple shape he had picked for the item, for his people wore nothing, and all he needed was something noticeable to signify his position. With what appeared to be the hints of a grimace he ceased his mental wandering and returned to the matter at hand (though, if questioned, he would reply the he didn’t, nor had ever, grimaced).
Little bits of energy taken from The Nexus. Released back into the grand cosmos of the multiverse… No doubt adding time until the end of suffering. The end of everything.
If the king of The Nexus had reason to shake his head, perhaps he would have. Though gestures, especially those that didn’t involve communicating to another, had long since been disregarded, possibly forgotten by his kind.
If only those stubborn beings could understand what we’re doing for them. That our victory would mean the end of pain, grief, misery… Still, they cling to their short, brutal, and often times sorrowful existences, and continue making generation after generation to repeat the unpleasant cycle.
Still, all things end in time… or they would if we could only contain such as The Warper. Had she been imprisoned things would have gone much smoother, or we could have at least focused on tracking down the next Warper, and the next, and on until their disruption of the great countdown to all things ceased.
But she is not contained, and still finds ways to disrupt. And now she’s found a being who can tap into The Nexus itself without a direct connection.
The grim king touched his crown once more. Power… such power should not exist without the crown. Such focus and determination is hard to come by as it is with these being, and not since we took over The Nexus has such a dangerous being set foot in this realm.
The king then did something he rather loathed doing, but something he now felt was necessary for he and his people to reaccustom themselves to: he stood up and began walking. The act took an incredible amount of effort. Effort that he and his kind had not been forced into doing for long before any of them could remember. Exertion and suffering the beings of The Nexus had long since moved past, or so they had hoped. The power of his crown coursed through his entire body, yet he could still feel the weight of his physical self wear at his muscles, each step harder than the last. It was troublesome to say the least that the human who had caused so much death and destruction with his visit could force physical forms upon his people with little more than a whim, troublesome and perhaps even worrisome that the human could do the same to him.
So he walked and reaccustomed himself to limbs and a state of being he would have all have wished he had forgotten existed entirely. He walked by others of his race who were likewise corporeal for the moment. Some still adjusting and simply trying to keep their balance. Others going so far as to punch into open air with their fists and remain standing.
The grim king looked over his people’s attempts to prepare for the inevitability of physical combat. Likely not well enough to overpower the human and The Warper. However, the range of his will seems limited, and we still have other means of attack.
The King of the Order Keepers stared off into the distance. Once we’re ready it’s, just a matter of luring The Warper and the human back into The Nexus.
It’s all just a matter of time.
-ooooooo-
From his and Pinkie’s new-old red couch, Dan sat and watched TV with a bored expression on his face. Sunlight poured in from various windows around the apartment lighting up the large shared kitchen/living room area. A narrator spoke out from the TV’s speakers, going on about some animal Dan hardly cared about, since his criteria for caring about animals was usually in proportion to the impressive body count they could wrack up during their life spans.
‘CRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSH!’
“AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!” Dan cried out in alarm as a silver car with a massive, exposed engine suddenly crashed through the wall of his apartment. He threw his arms in front of his face as chunks of glass, wood, and pink insulation flew forward and rained upon him and the floor around the couch.
The driver’s side door flew up, it's hinges built into the top of the door instead of the side, and out came a female tan-coated pegasus with a long, straight brown mane and tail plus a cutie mark of a racecar tire with flames behind it. She wore an angry expression behind a pair of sunglasses and leveled both at Dan.
The pegasus pointed a forehoof at Dan as she ripped off her sunglasses with one hoof and tossed them into the car. “DAN! ARISE!”
Dan quickly stood and looked around. “HOW THE HECK DID YOU DRIVE A CAR THROUGH MY APARTMENT WALL?! I LIVE ON THE SECOND STORY!” he cried as he motioned out vigorously with his arms.
“SHUT UP!” The pegasus cried. She continued as she lowered herself to three hooves and continued to point at Dan with one, “Now you listen directly to me!”
“Seriously!” Dan cried. “Who the heck are you and why the heck are you here?!”
“WE DON’T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR STUPID QUESTIONS!” the pegasus declared in an irate tone. “I am The Pony of Rages Past from the Future, and I have come to tell you not to abandon your rageful ways.”
Dan furrowed his brow. “Alright, but you just answered my ques—OW!” he exclaimed as a jagged-wooden piece of his former wall bounced off his forehead, having just left one of the forehooves of the tan pegasus.
“NOW,” the pegasus continued, “assuming there’s no more rude interruptions.” She flung her arm out and smoke immediately flooded in from behind her. “THOUSANDS OF YEARS AG—OW!” she exclaimed as the same piece of wood she had just thrown bounced of her own head. “WHO THROWS THINGS WHEN THEY’RE ANGRY?! REAL MATURE, JERKWAD!” she cried.
“GET OUT OF MY APARTMENT!” Dan shouted. He paused and added, “…AND PAY FOR THE WALL YOU SOMEHOW CRASHED THR—WHOA!” Dan cried as he ducked under another piece of debris that was thrown at him. He began picking up large wooden chunks from the floor and throwing them back at his attacker.
The pegasus dodged the various pieces of wall that where being thrown at her. “I’M TRYING TO—HEY—IMPART AN IMPORTANT—WHOA!—ALLEGORY ABOUT BEING—GAH!—BEING ANGR”—A piece of wood smacked her in the side of the face and bounced off—“OW! SON OF A…” The pegasus began hunting for ammunition to return fire with.
Dan shouted back as he continued his attack. “I ALREADY TALKED TO PINKIE AND SHE SAID SHE LOVED ME THE WAY I AM, SO I’M NOT—OW!” Dan exclaimed as a piece of wood bounced of his head.
“I sure did!” A cheery voice called out quickly followed by a pink pony with a curly pink mane and tail who bounded out of the apartment’s bedroom. “Oh! Hey, Wild Fire!” Pinkie said as she noticed the tan pegasus. “Nice car,” she added.
Dan creased his brow as he stared at Pinkie. “Wait?! You know this pony?! Also, why the heck are you a pony again? Did you ask Twilight, or—”
“YOU SHUT THE CELESTIA DAMN TARTARUS UP!” Wild Fire cried as she leveled an angry forehoof at Dan. “I’ll ask the questions!” She turned her head and hoof towards Pinkie Pie. “WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE?!”
Pinkie frowned as she trotted up to Dan. “Hey! It’s my boyfriend’s dream! I have way more right to be here than you do!”
Dan’s eyes widened in surprise. “Wait… This is a dream?”
“Whoops!” Pinkie exclaimed. “Spoilers!” she said with a smile.
“It’s not a dream,” Wildfire asserted. “It’s a vision!”
Dan frowned. “Uh… and the difference is...?”
“There’s much more smoke in a vision. EXAMPLE!” Wild Fire cried as she flung an arm out, causing another flood of smoke to billow into the room. “THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO, A YOUNG BOY WAS EXPOSED TO THE HORRORS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE WHEN HIS FATHER ATTACKED HIS MO—”
Pinkie’s forehoof shot up in the air.
Wild Fire sighed raised a forehoof to her face. “Yes, Pinkie?” she asked in an irritated tone.
“Is this story going to take a while? I mean, should Dan and I get snacks?”
Wild Fire sighed. “FINE! GET SNACKS! JUST HURRY IT UP!”
Pinkie stood up on her back legs briefly and gently pushed Dan back onto the couch. “Now you sit right there,” Pinkie said cheerily. “I’ll get you a snack.”
“Uh… Alright, sure…” Dan replied.
Pinkie bounded up to the fridge and opened it. She gasped. “DAN! Your dream fridge is completely full of already made turkey sandwiches!”
“Neat!” Dan exclaimed with a smile.
“Would you like a turkey sandwich, Wild Fire?” Pinkie asked.
“NO! HURRY THE BUCK UP!” Wild Fire cried. “I HAVE PLACES TO BE AND THERE’S LIKE A BILLION STUPID BIRDS THAT I NEED TO VISIT AND ENCOURAGE TO BE ANGRY!”
Pinkie grabbed a couple of turkey sandwiches and placed them on her back before she lowered herself back down to all fours. She happily cantered back to the couch and Dan, expertly balancing the sandwiches.
Dan grabbed the sandwiches and smiled at Pinkie as she jumped onto the couch next to him. Dan handed Pinkie one of the sandwiches as she snuggled up next to Dan.
Wild Fire scowled at the couple. “Alright, well if you two are finally done wasting time…” She flung out an arm as smoke filled the apartment again. “THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO, A BRILLIANT DOCTOR CREATED A GAMMA BOMB, AND—”
“Oooo! Oooo!” Pinkie cried. “That looks fun! Let me try!” She held her sandwich in one forehoof and flung out her free arm. Pink smoke immediately began to fill the room. “THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO, A HANDSOME, ANGRY HUMAN LIVED ALONE…”
“Was this human named Dan?” Dan asked with a hopeful, childlike smile.
Pinkie smiled back. “It sure was!”
Wild Fire quickly flew over in front of the couch and began using her wings to push the pink smoke away. “NO! STOP! MY BUCKING VISION! MY BUCKING STORY!” she cried.
Dan sighed. “Would you hurry it up already then?!” he asked. Dan motioned to the TV. “I’m missing out on all the dream TV here! I think this show's about a magic tapir that eats the dreams of children.”
“WELL I WOULD IF I’D STOP BEING INTERRUPTED!” Wild Fire roared. “Now, uh… Where was I…”
“Thousands of years ago,” Pinkie said helpfully.
Wildfire flung out an arm as smoke filled the apartment once more. “THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO, A MAN BOMBARDED BY GAMMA RADIATION NOTICED A STRANGE CHANGE COME OVER HIM! HE COULD TRANSFORM INTO A HULKING, GREEN BEAST WHEN HE BECAME ANGRY! HE USED THIS POWER TO FIGHT—”
Dan rolled his eyes. “Yes, I know about The Incredible Hulk! And that wasn’t”—Dan airquoted—“‘thousands of years ago’, the first Hulk comic came out in 1962, and—OW!” Dan cried as another piece of wood bounced of his head.
“DON’T INTERRUPT MY STO—OW!” Wild Fire cried as another piece of wood bounced of her head.
“DON’T THROW THINGS AT MY BOYFRIEND!” Pinkie shouted shrilly as she picked up another piece of wood in a forehoof.
Wild Fire rubbed her head. “FINE! You know that one? How about…” Wildfire flung out an arm again causing more smoke. “A LONG, LONG TIME AGO IN A GALAXY FAR AWAY, A DARK WARRIOR WAS DEADLOCKED IN BATTLE WITH A COURAGEOUS YOUNG MAN! A WIZENED OLD FIGURE CAME TO THE YOUNG MAN AND SAID, “USE YOUR AGGRESSIVE FEELINGS, BOY! LET THE HATE FLOW THROUGH—”
“HEY!” Dan cried.
“Oh, what the hay is it now?!” Wild Fire huffed out.
“That’s Star Wars: Return of the Jedi!” Dan cried. “I’ve watched the movie so many times I could recognize it in my sleep!”
“Technically you did recognize the movie in your sleep!” Pinkie pointed out.
“Anyhow,” Dan continued, “that’s the Emperor talking to Luke Skywalker, and the whole point is that Luke doesn’t give into his anger.”
Wild Fire contorted her face in a wrathful expression and suddenly placed her forehooves on the couch on either side of Dan’s legs. She placed her face inches away from Dan. “WELL IF YOU THINK YOU KNOW MORE ABOUT ANGER THAN THE PONY OF RAGES PAST FROM THE FUTURE WHY DON’T YOU TELL ME A STORY ABOUT ANGER!?”
Dan narrowed his eyes and pressed his forehead against Wild Fire’s. “One time I went to a convenient store for a slushee and when I saw that the red ‘Do Not Use’ dot was lit up on the flavor I wanted, I threw a frozen burrito through the display window and broke the machine.”
Wild Fire paused and backed off a few inches away from Dan. “Wow… uh… That’s… That’s pretty angry,” she admitted. She lowered herself off the couch and nodded. “Alright, keep it up. Just remember that anger is the key.”
Dan frowned. “The key to what?”
“Oooo! Oooo!” Pinkie cried out. “Do you mean the key to opening up that hexabox-thingamajig Twilight and us found at the Harmony Tree?”
Dan paused. “… I have no idea what any of that meant, but I’m pretty sure I despise at least two things mentioned it that sentence.”
“WHAT?!” Wild Fire exclaimed. “NO! I’M NOT SUPPOSED TO TELL YOU WHAT ANGER IS THE KEY FOR! IT’S A VISION! IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE VAGUE!”
Dan folded his arms and grumbled irritably to himself. “Typical…”
Wild Fire flew back to her car. “Well, my work is done!” she announced happily as she crawled back onto the driver’s seat.
“BUT YOU DIDN’T DO ANYTHING!” Dan cried.
Wild Fire put her sunglasses back on. “Didn’t I?” she said with a smug, satisfied smile. She pulled the door down grinned wildly as she started her car and pressed her foot on the gas. The engine roared to life.
“NO!” Dan shouted back at Wild Fire.
‘VRRRRROOOOM, VRRRRRROOOOM!’
Wild Fire pressed the accelerator to the floor and the car’s wheels made a noisy ‘SKRRRRREEEEEEAAAAAAACCCCHHH!’ before it tore through the apartment and ‘CRASH’ed through the wall on the other side. The silver sports car flew off into the sky, a leaving a smoky trail of flame in the sky behind each wheel.
Dan frowned. “Well that was weird and pointless.”
Pinkie examined her boyfriend carefully.
“WHAT?!” Dan snapped out.
Pinkie grinned. “Wanna dream make out?” she asked.
Dan pursed his lips. “But I’m human right now and you’re a pony!”
Pinkie smiled. “I can fix that! Close your eyes.”
Dan smiled and closed his eyes.
“Alright, open them!” Pinkie said excitedly.
Dan did as requested. “Uh… you’re still a pony…”
“And so are you!” Pinkie said happily.
Dan raised grey-colored forearms that ended in hooves in front of him and frowned. “That’s not what…” Dan sighed. “You know what? Never mind, it's fine. I just hope getting dream-pony hair in my mouth is not as irritating as getting regular-pony hair in there.”
Pinkie grinned. “Just one more thing!”
“Uh… Alright…” Dan replied.
Pinkie flung out an arm and the apartment filled with Pink smoke. “THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO, A HANDSOME STALLION AND A PRETTY PINK PONY SAT ON THEIR BRAND NEW NEW-OLD DREAM COUCH AND ENGAGED IN A INTENSE AND TOTALLY HOT MAKE OUT SESSION!”
Dan grumbled irritably and buried his face in his forehooves.
Pinkie continued. “DREAM SAGES STILL TELL THE TALE OF THIS AWESOME BATTLE OF TONGUES BATTLING FOR DOMINANCE AND LIPS LOCKED IN GRUELING COMBAT…”
End Part 13.
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XD Rofl!
And if someone tries and Tropes this, I hope Dan plummets into their dreams riding Pinkie riding Luna, and uses one of the burning tyres left behind to give them a Real bad case of skidmarks.
Also, the Nexus. Oh dear. Dan is the pinnacle of 3.6 billion years of angry Earth life. Thats extremely concentrated constantly raging against self defeat. Nexus? Theyve been around for 13.7 Billion years at most.Only 4 times longer, and for most of that time, theyve been having it so easy.
I wonder if I can offer a really horrible nightmare for them. Because Pinkie is used to affecting realities accross the dimentions, she can, accidentally, sort of give Dan hints, like imagine bits of Nexus between his hands, or in front of his fists, while he sleeps and dreams. Might as well abuse the crazy out of non existant link.
......this is a work of art....
infinarium.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/OMG-Its-Beautiful-Google-Images.jpg
seriously though keep up the good work!
Insanity continues to fester. This pleases me.
4457726
Funny, your post kind of sounds like a couple pieces of fan art that actually exist, one even has Wild Fire in it:
derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/7/5/32478__safe_crossover_nightmare+moon_this+will+end+in+tears_dan+vs_dan_artist-colon-tofutiles.jpg
derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/7/16/46174__safe_nightmare+moon_wild+fire_dan+vs_dan_artist-colon-tofutiles.jpg
4457747
Then Dan points his hand, accidentally letting go of the lit molotov, at the Auditors. "Its all their fault."
angry birds. Hulk. pokemon. star wars..so many...
For some reason when Wild Fire bust in, I thought she was driving the Delorian from Back to the future.
If she is- wow.
What is this?
War and Peace? 
4457770
Actually, I believe the dream TV program about the "magic tapir that eats the dreams of children" is more a direct reference to the Baku, a tapir-like creature from Japanese mythology/ folklore that consumes dreams and nightmares. Though to be fair, the Baku is the primary inspiration for two separate evolutionary families of Pokemon (Drowzee & Hypno and Munna & Musharna).
Also, you forgot to mention the most important reference of all... THE CYBERNETIC GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST FROM THE FUTURE!!!
I love that crazy bird-man-robot guy. He was originally featured in a few episodes of the Adult Swim show "Aqua Teen Hunger Force," though you may also remember him from a couple episodes of "Yugioh Abridged" (though that series does make A LOT of other Adult Swim references).
Also, "anger is the key" references the arc phrase "memory is the key" from the popular Halo machinima series "Red Vs. Blue."
4457925
cant believe i forgot him.. and i agree that it is a more direct reference but considering not everyone would have that knowledge i would say its a nod at pokemon or drowzee in general, if only because most people here would have had some kind of exposure to it.
THAT WASN"T BUCKING ANGRY ENOUGH!
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More!
You should totaly do something where they get lost in the wild and have to resort to the only survival knowledge they have, bear gryls (can't remember his last name) and drinking piss to survive
Or something with two best friends
here's a video of both
First, I want to say that this is like the when I finally caught up with Sluggy freelance and now there isn't an unending stream of content anymore and second I really really want to see some of the other warpers now and even some back story like how the corporal beings claimed the nexus and I'm done.
4457726
Primarily: Tropes are not bad. Having a tvtopes Page means that someone out there cares enough about the Story to go through it and Take note of which thing means what.. Secondarily: Having a Trope Page often helps boosting the popularity of a story and, furthermore allows people to see if they'll enjoy reading a 110+ Chapter'd fic. Tertiary, The Nexus People are Multiversal Beings. When our Universe started has no bearing on how long they've been around.
Pretty sure i dont have to tell you how to fix this.
4457747 Dan & Pinkie were right to try and stop Wild Fire from telling her story. It's like what Smokey the Bear says...
"Only you can stop Wild Fires..."
4458407
Fixed! Thanks.
set on a small, a gaunt,
...set on a small what?
dower
dour, grumpy, unhappy. A dower is a widow's share of an estate... seriously? Huh.
many other’s
Don't need the apostrophe.
“I HAVE PLACES TO BE AND THERE’S LIKE A BILLION STUPID BIRDS THAT I NEED TO VISIT AND ENCOURAGE TO BE ANGRY!”
....pfft 
..
that easts the dreams
Next we'll have a wicked witch who wests weary wayward vagabonds. (Eats, probably)
wheel made
...Unless it was down to a single tire, it's likely 'wheels'
Ah, that was amusing... Although I don't know much about this Wild Fire pony... oh well, dream pony make-out times, I suppose.
4459351
Got these! Thank you!
Wild Fire is actually a pony of one of the MLP story boarders. She was the female pony that was arguing with her boyfriend in Twilight's flashback with Cadance from the show.
Fanon views supported by the card game is that she has a bad temper.
4457907
[REFERENCES INTENSIFY]
I went back and dropped a few hints that Wild Fire's car was a suped-up DeLorean because why not? She's supposedly from the future and has a flying car anyways... even if it's a future, flying dream car.
I AM THE CYBERNETIC GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST FROM THE FUTURE AND YOU HAVE STOLEN MY CATCHPHRASE!!!
Awesome chapter!
3578056
4457726
B-but it NEEDS a TV Tropes page!
Not like my fic, it only WANTS a TV Tropes page.
4459177 I do not function well at school with no sleep
Dan shows more anger for less reasons.
4461025 When i started reading you were on chapter 10. Now I finally caught up wOW
okay was that an Angry Birds reference, and Birdemic reference, or an Alfred Hitchcock "The Birds" reference?
I'm going to choose to believe it was the later to give the chapter a little more class.
Oh, cool, I was noted in the Author's Notes! Is this what it feels like to be special?
Yes! Caught up!!
4467956
My favorite song of theirs is Seven Deadly Sins.
Though I was introduced to Offspring here. I had to put 'Come out Swinging' in my Ipod.
so thanks for that too Justice.
You know, I'm surprised with how often and regularly this gets updated. And considering that the everage wordcount per chapter in this story is 3570, it's... it's pretty damn impressive. And don't forget about the quality of each chapter (talking about the story itself, not counting spelling and grammar mistakes and typos).
The only thing to add...
Literally make Dan one of the angry space marines! He's practically their leader at this point.
He's not evil, he's just angry... all the time!
4469196
You're welcome!
Offspring is one of my favorite bands and they're punk, so I figured it was something Dan would be into.
Dream Wildfire is very funny
Excuse you?
rabbitpoets.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/simon.jpg
4466416 why not all three
They call that a "gullwing door". You can clean up this sentence by just describing it as such.
So...she has to dress up as a green pig and steal eggs?
Thousands of years ago.
Now all he needs is an energy sword and he'll be set!
I'm surprised they didn't want to make out as any other animals. I can only imagine what octopus sex would be like.
The ghost of Christmas past, from the future. Memory is the key. 88mph. This chapter has references from things that have never before even HEARD of each other. Nicely done, XD
5819709 I've seen that. it's not as disturbing as you might think.
Approved.
content9.flixster.com/question/41/53/52/4153523_std.jpg
this
I now have the mental image of Tirek somehow playing a part in bringing Pinkie back to Equestria, probably somehow involving the destruction of the mirror on Twilight's end when Golden Oaks gets destroyed resulting in supercharging the connection between worlds (probably because Dan saw the blast coming and tried to Rage Punch it back), resulting in a stable wormhole between where the library was and Dan's apartment, without aid of mirrors.
...and then Dan decides to punch Tirek in the face because he hurt Fluttershy, or something.
Are... are TOK a bunch of Mr. Meesigs?
7885174
You mean Meeseeks? "(Physical) Existence is pain"? It's not QUITE like that, but because of the powers of the Nexus they figured out how to exist as energy and found it a much more preferable way of being.