Part 12 Dan Vs. Couples: Chapter 105 Dan Vs. Jason
The Wheel and the Butterfly
A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga
Part 12 Dan Vs. Couples
Chapter 105 Dan Vs. Jason
-ooooooo-
Dan continued to look through his binoculars as he grinned manically to himself. He chuckled to himself as he watched Pinkie’s would-be brainwashers slowly reach the end of their tethers by virtue of having her in their midst. “I should let people who bug me kidnap Pinkie more often! Whether she knows it or not, she’s an expert at psychological warfare.” Dan turned to Amber. “Which is my favorite kind of warfare after the regular type.” Dan grinned and added, “It’s sort of like watching a clueless Batman at work.”
Amber knitted her brow as she looked back at Dan. “Shouldn’t we be worried about the cops showing up?” She glanced up as she motioned out with a palm. “I mean, the loud screaming, Pinkie tied to a chair where anyone curious enough to look in could see her, a fuming man yelling at her threatening to thrash her. I can’t imagine no one reporting it for very long.”
Dan merely shrugged. “Pinkie’s screaming seems to mess with phones and electronics. You wouldn’t believe how much I had to hit my phone to get it working again after last time.”
Amber rolled her eyes. “Riiiiight…” Amber continued, “Still, there’s an angry man in there who looks like he wants to give Pinkie a thrashing. I’m surprised you’re just sitting here watching.”
Dan put down the binoculars and frowned. “Jean and Jennifer seem to be holding him at bay…”
Amber nodded. “Sure they do now, but do you think they can keep him away for the entire night? He’s practically foaming at the mouth!”
“Merrow!” Mr. Mumbles mewed.
Dan sighed, “Alright, alright, alright… I guess it’s pretty risky letting this go on for too long with Jason around. Let’s move out.” Dan handed Amber his binoculars as he stood up straight and poised his body to jump out of the tree.
Amber quickly reached out and grabbed Dan by the arm.
Dan flailed his arm in response, getting Amber to let go of him. “Unhand me, strumpet! I thought you wanted to move out.”
Amber narrowed her eyes and tilted her head slightly. “You can’t jump through a first story window without hurting your leg! Do you really want to jump from this tree?”
Dan paused as he looked down at the ground. “Alright, fine!” he huffed out. “We’ll climb down.”
Amber nodded before she slowly made her way down the tree and onto the ground below. She reached her arms out for Mr. Mumbles who bounded down the tree and leapt onto Amber’s outstretched arms.
Dan slowly shimmied his way down the branch and made his way down the tree as Amber helped him down.
“Stop touching me!” Dan whined out as he reached the ground and flailed about. “I’m slightly injured! I’m not crippled.”
Amber rolled her eyes. “Just trying to help.”
“Well you can help by helping me mangle these couples that kidnapped Pinkie Pie,” Dan said as he walked back to his hatchback with a slight limp. Mr. Mumbles bounded alongside him.
“I thoughts that’s why we we’re here,” Amber replied.
Dan paused and turned back in surprise. “Wait, you mean you’re not going to do something stupid like try to talk them out of what they’re doing?!”
Amber narrowed her eyes and pointed to the white lotion on her face. “Heck no! Jean scalded me! I at least want a piece of her before we ask them to hand over Pinkie. Why’d you think I got changed and everything before heading out?!”
“I don’t know!” Dan exclaimed. “I guess I just thought you were trying to get on my good side so I’d take you along and you could try some more of your cheesy anger management lines on everyone!”
“Why would you be happy I wanted to come along then?!” Amber asked.
Dan smirked before he turned and continued walking towards his car. “I figured I could press the right buttons when the time came…”
Amber ran a fingertip over the lotion half of her face briefly and examined it as she followed Dan. “Believe me, those buttons have already been pressed.”
Dan’s smile widened as he unlocked the hatch to his car and opened it.
Amber’s eyes opened wide as she stared inside. “Holy crud Dan! Were you planning to get Pinkie back or lay siege to a castle?!” she exclaimed as she stared into the back of the car which was loaded, almost to the point of overflowing, with a number of cudgels and sharp-looking weapons.
Dan maintained his smile as he shrugged. “Eh, figured I’d start with the rescue and see where the night takes me. SO, wadda you want? Mace, battle-axe,”—Dan’s grin widened as he lifted up a massive, two-handed sword with a wavy blade—“flamberge?”
“Uhh… I think I’ll just stick to the bat, thanks,” Amber said. “I just want to even the odds a little bit, not hack my couples’ therapy members into tiny bits.”
Dan reached in for the aluminum bat and handed it to Amber. “Have it your way.” He pulled out a crossbow for himself and brought it close to his face, stroking it fondly. “This should help with our little gun problem.”
Amber looked at the weapon with concern then looked back at Dan. “You know… maybe we should try being a little more discrete.”
“WHAT?!” Dan protested as he threw his arms out, his right hand still firmly on the crossbow. “A minute ago you wanted us to do something! Now you want to sneak around some more?! Make up your mind will ya!”
“Merrow!” Mr. Mumbles mewed out forcefully.
“You reminded me that this is a potential life-or-death situation here. Especially for us since we could both be shot!” Amber gave Dan a small smile. “Also, I just remembered something that might tip the odds in our favor!”
Dan’s expression softened a bit. “I’m listening…”
“Jason usually gets some fresh air after he has an episode. Once he’s started to calm down he’ll probably come outside for a bit.”
Dan’s eyes widened slightly before an evil smile slowly made its way onto his face like a thief creeping through the shadows. “So we’ll catch him alone… and unawares…”
Amber nodded with a slight smile. “Totally unawares.”
“I like it! “Dan reached into one of his front pockets and pulled out a wadded-up clump of hair. “It also gives me the opportunity to keep a promise.”
Amber looked at the wad Dan had pulled out with a perplexed expression. “What the heck is that for?”
Dan gave a low, wicked-sounding chuckle before answering, “You’ll see…”
-ooo-
Jason sat on the Goodhill’s large, v-shaped, brown couch and struggled to catch his breath as sweat poured down his face in large beads that soaked his dark green collared shirt. Likewise, much of the rest of his shirt was soaked as dark, wet patches formed under his arms. “Huff… puff… Can’t I just rough her up a little?”
“NO!” Jean and Jennifer cried in unison. The two girls also showed signs of having exerted themselves, their clothing also quite wet from their own sweat.
“Jason, you can’t just assault people who make you angry!” Jennifer cried. “Especially if they’re girls that are tied to chairs!”
“Hey!” Pinkie protested. “That’s sexist! You shouldn’t show preferential treatment to people who are being held against their will and tied to furniture based on their gender!” she cried.
The trio turned towards Pinkie with a mixture of different looks: Jason shot her an angry glare, Jennifer gave her an irritated scowl, and Jean looked on Pinkie with a serious, contemplative look.
“She’s right, you know,” Jean said.
“What?!” Jennifer exclaimed. “Oh, come on! She just said it to be irritating!”
“No I didn’t!” Pinkie insisted.
“Can I hit her now?!” Jason asked.
“NO!” the two women replied.
“Look,” Jean began as she turned back towards Jennifer, “regardless of why she did it, she’s right. We shouldn’t discriminate against people under any circumstance.”
Jennifer turned to Jean with an angry expression on her face and threw her arms to her sides. “WE’VE ALL PARTICIPATED IN KIDNAPPING AND ASSAULT! I DON’T THINK WE NEED TO BE PARTICULARLY CONCERNED ABOUT HOW POLITICALLY CORRECT WE’RE BEING WHILE WE DO IT!”
“What?!” Pinkie shrieked. “Don’t tell me I’ve been kidnapped by a bunch of sexists! I mean, if you’re a bunch of bigots, I really don’t want to be held captive by you all!”
Jean quickly waved her palms back and forth in front of her defensively. “We’re not sexist here!” She turned to Jennifer. “Right?”
“Oh my gosh, Jean!” Jennifer exclaimed. “She doesn’t actually have a choice if she’s held captive or not! What does it matter?!”
Jean furrowed her brow. “Just because we’re holding her against her will doesn’t mean we can’t conduct ourselves with a little decorum! She’s certainly not going to listen to us if she doesn’t think she can trust our judgment.”
Pinkie nodded solemnly.
“DECORUM?!” Jennifer cried as she continued to flail her arms about in frustration. “SHE ALREADY SAID SHE PRETTY MUCH HATES US! I DON’T THINK SHE TRUSTS OUR JUDGMENT ANYWAY!”
Pinkie continued to nod in agreement.
“WELL THAT DOESN’T MEAN WE SHOULD JUST COMPLETELY DISREGARD EQUALITY LIKE IT DOESN’T MATTER!” Jean shot back.
Pinkie once again nodded.
Jason let out a long, heavy sigh as he began to speak. “Look, you two can work this out. I think I need some air…” With that, Jason walked towards the hallway that led out of the room. He made his way down the stairs lined with various eastern and far eastern art and soon exited the house out into the warm, Southern California night.
Jason stretched his arms out and took several deep calming breaths as the sounds of the two women arguing continued to drift on the night air from above. He shook his head. “What are we even doing…” he mumbled to himself.
“Hello, Jason,” a feminine voice called out.
Jason jumped and turned to a bush out on the Goodhill’s lawn. “Amber? Is that you?”
“Over here!” Amber called out quietly.
Jason tentatively walked over to the bush. “What are you even doing here?!”
Amber stood up, revealing her face that was half covered in lotion and the fact that she was dressed completely in black. “I’m here to fix a mistake you all made.”
Jason swallowed. “Pinkie?”
Amber nodded. “Pinkie,” she parroted back.
“Well… we meant well enough…” Jason said sheepishly as he rubbed the back of his head.
“But…?” Amber replied.
Jason sighed as he began to speak, “Well… I guess we’re starting to figure out she’s completely out of her mind? And maybe Dan isn’t to blame for all of that?”
Amber nodded. “Yep, that’s about the size of it.”
Jason paused as a contemplative expression crossed his face. “Maybe I should go back up there and try to talk everyone into letting her go, I mean… it’d doesn’t seem like we’re going to convince her of anything at this point.”
Amber smiled warmly. “That seems very sensible of you. I think that’s a good idea.”
A sound not unlike irritated grumbling came out from the bushes.
“What was that?!” Jason cried as panic quickly entered his voice.
“Huh? What was what?” Amber replied in a slightly confused tone.
“Uh…” Jason looked down at the bush and back at Amber. “Hey, how’d you know about Pinkie, any…” Jason trailed off as his eyes suddenly widened. “Oh no…”
A large, wicked grin quickly spread across Amber’s face. “GET HIM, DAN!”
“HAH!” Dan cried as he quickly popped out of the bush and snagged Jason’s shirt. As soon as he had jumped out of the bush, Dan dragged Jason into it and began raining his fists down upon the surprised and worn out man.
Dan dug a knee into Jason’s stomach as he held onto Jason’s shirt with his left hand and pulled his right fist back. “THIS IS FOR KIDNAPPING PINKIE!” he cried as he sent his fist sailing.
“No! WAI—”
‘Pow!’
“—OOF!” Jason cried as Dan’s fist connected with the side of his face.
Dan pulled his fist back again and prepared to deliver another blow. “AND THIS WAS FOR DRIVING OFF WHEN I WAS HOLDING ONTO THE VAN!” He sent his fist flying again.
‘Bam!’
“OUCH!” Jason cried. “STOP! I WANT TO HELP!”
‘Thud!’
“AAAAH!”
Amber folded her arms and rolled her eyes. “No one cares, Jason. No one.”
“YOU’RE MAKING ME ANGRY!” Jason cried.
‘Smack!’
Dan reached for the wadded-up beard on the ground.
“OW! YOU WOULDN’T LIKE ME WHEN I’M—MMMPH!”
Dan began stuffing the beard he had ripped off of Jason’s face earlier into Jason’s mouth as Jason continued to struggle vainly against Dan.
“Geez, you’re really bad at this,” Dan commented.
Jason shot Dan a rageful glare as he mustered all his strength and pushed Dan off of him. He pulled back his fist and—
‘CRACK!’
Jason quickly fell back down to the ground as Dan delivered a haymaker into Jason’s jaw.
“Huh…” Amber uttered as she watched Dan. “You’re doing pretty well for a guy almost half Jason’s size…”
“Pinkie and I get into a quite a few fights together…” Dan paused and added, “… in more than one sense.”
“Meow!” Mr. Mumbles mewed as she sat on the lawn and watched Dan continue to pummel Jason who seemed to be able to put up very little resistance.
‘Pow!’
“MMMPH!”
“Yes, I know,” Amber replied. “I was privy to that information, and a lot more…” she added in a somewhat annoyed tone.
“Oh, whine, whine, whine…” Dan said.
‘Smack!’
“RRMMMPH!”
Dan glanced up at Amber as he reached into one of his pockets and pulled out his car keys. “There’s rope in the back of the car,” he informed right before lobbing the keys at Amber.
Amber quickly unfolded her arms and caught Dan’s keys using both her hands.
“Now make yourself useful and grab it so we can tie this normie up.”
“Fine!” Amber huffed out as she walked off. “You’re welcome…” she grumbled under her breath.
“Oh, and Amber?” Dan called out.
‘Thunk!’
“…Mmmmph…”
“What, Dan!?” Amber shot out in an irritated tone of voice.
“Thank you,” Dan said.
Jason’s cries began to lower in volume as his struggling lowered in force. Things had even quieted down to the point where Mr. Mumbles had walked up to Jason’s face to start playfully batting at a bit of loose fake beard that stuck out of his mouth.
Amber looked back at Dan in mild surprise. “Uh… right… you’re welcome…” she said as she continued her walk to the car.
-ooo-
“JEAN,” Jennifer cried out, “this whole situation is absolutely crazy!”
“Well sure, but that doesn’t mean we need to abandon our guiding morals!”
“NOT ASSAULTING AND KIDNAPPING IS PART OF MY GUIDING MORALS!” Jennifer shot back.
Unbeknownst to the two quarreling ladies, Dennis casually strolled into the living room and up to Pinkie Pie.
“Oh, hello again!” Pinkie said cheerfully.
Dennis placed an index finger up to lips signifying Pinkie to be quiet.
“Are we playing the quiet game?” Pinkie asked. “Because I’m terrible at the quiet game. I pretty much lose—“
“Do you want to be set free or not?” Dennis asked.
“Oh!” Pinkie exclaimed. “Set free, please!”
Jean and Jennifer continued arguing, Jennifer was adamant that certain behaviors and ideals be upheld. “Just because we kidnapped Pinkie doesn’t mean we need to turn into a bunch of bigots.”
“That’s not… I’m NOT…UHG!” Jennifer cried as she began to pull at her hair in frustration.
“Why are you helping me?” Pinkie asked as Dennis untied her hands. “I thought you said it was exciting here,” she added as she rubbed her unbound wrists.
Dennis shrugged and moved on to the rope around Pinkie’s legs. “It was but now those two are just screaming at each other.”
Pinkie sighed, “Yeah, tell me about it.”
Dennis smiled. “Plus I thought if I free you maybe I could go with you and hang out with Dan for a while.”
“Oooo!” Pinkie said excitedly as she stood up. “That sounds super-de-duper fun! But first, where’s the bathroom?”
“Uh, down the hall, second door on the right, but we should—”
In a pink flash, Dennis was suddenly talking to open air. “—just leave…”
‘SLAM!’
Dennis stared blankly down the hall before shaking his head.
“Dennis!” Jean called out. “Where’s Pinkie?!”
Dennis scowled up at his adopted mother. “I’ll tell you for five bucks.”
Jean paused before sighing, “I’ll go get my purse…”
“WHAT?!” Jennifer cried. “You let your son charge you for information?”
“Hey!” Jean said in a protesting tone. “It’s bad enough everyone is telling Flynn and I how to be soulmates! I don’t need you to explain how I should raise kids, too!”
“Alright, alright!” Jennifer said as she held her hands up defensively. “Let’s just try and find—”
‘Kowooooossssshhh…’
The two ladies paused as they heard the toilet flush from down the hall.
Jean looked down at Dennis. “Is Pinkie hiding in the bathroom?!”
“I already told you, I’ll tell you if you give me five bucks!”
Jennifer just shook her head as she walked down the hall to the bathroom door and rapped lightly on it.
“Ocupado~!” Pinkie answered sweetly.
Jennifer motioned with her head for Jean to come to the door. The two women waited patiently as the sound of running water from the bathroom sink was heard.
Soon the door opened, revealing a smiling Pinkie Pie. “Alright, all…” Pinkie trailed off as she stared out at the two women who shot her irritated looking scowls. “Ooops…” she said with a nervous smile.
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Dennis plans to join the Pinkie/Dan alliance. I approve of such things.
Ass-whoopin time. Let it go, Pinkie!
Oh. My. God. So many chapters! Judging by comments, this story is awesome! Oh well, let's start reading...
4300430
Welcome! Happy to have you.
I wonder if Dan could knock out Bruce banner before he could turn into the hulk?
Great chapter by the way loving the story
4300443
Glad to read that!
I very much so like this.
Also.
Jason-hulk.
I'm not saying we need Jason-Hulk. All I'm saying is that I would find it significantly relevant to my interests if he turned up somehow.
Oh, great chapter by the way.
Pinkie is in the bathroom
Bathrooms have plungers
Pinkie is nuttier then a pecan pie
This fight will be hilarious
Awesome chapter!
With how often you mention the gun, I'm worried that it will actually be used. And not in the fun way...
Quicky error check!
Should be midst
Unless he suddenly got very friendly with Amber, it should be his head.
I didn't spot anything else wrong
I suspect that Jean and Jennifer are going to learn the hard way that Pinkie is best left alone... With Dan... for snuggles... and stuff...
if that bathroom is anything like either my grandparents or parents there will be a lighter and at least one aerosol can... need i say more
4301042
Thanks! Got these!
4301955
Awww, thank you!
Some days I'm not sure how I even do it!
Thees vas gud.
4301955 that'S funny I did the same thing
4301042 Nemesis mine! ... Well done.
Another lovely chapter, and it seemed to be clean. (Smiling manically (In a manic manner) versus Smiling maniacally (Like a maniac) being the only one I spotted, and that's a completely debatable one)
Oh dear. Jason's heart was in the right place. After a rage session and a talking to. Let's hope his teeth are still in the right places.
Not quite sure where things will go from here beyond south. I can't help but think this is going to end with kidnapping charges... and not the expected ones right now.
A confrontation in the bathroom. This will be messy.
4300430 Yes. Yes it is!
4300443 Angrier Dan gets, more Vengeful Dan gets...and a little bit after that more hugs from Pinkie Dan gets to help cheer him up.
4300509 Don't be ridiculous. OF COURSE WE NEED A JASON-HULK!!! Then he can fight Bear-Chris & we can find out whom is stronger. (Screw the Superman/Hulk fanboy debate; this one is much more interesting.
)
4300754 My bathroom doesn't, but the likelihood is quite high.
4302004 The way I would have it play out is by now, everyone gets their voicemails from Dan. Everyone follows the trail of Daness to the current location. By now an epic Dan-battle ensues, and Jason-Hulk is released upon an unsuspecting world. Elise and Ninja-Dave take out the enemy females while Chris is injured. Were-Chris is released and THE MOST EPIC BATTLE EVER HAPPENS!!! Pinkie, meanwhile, has closed the bathroom door with Dennis and is waving a white flag of toilet paper on a plunger flagpole to get her one true love's attention. Dan, Pinkie, & Dennis leave (unbenonced to anyone else) back to the apartment.
For the rest of the series, the characters that remained keep referencing the rest of the battle and the telling gets more extreme/zanny each time.
At least that's how I'd do it.
4304809
I saw this on Derpibooru. It's pretty awesome.
So Pinkie is free and is probably now gonna show them what really happens when she and Dan get into a fistfight.
Sorry to kinda make a really stupid comment here...
I'm looking for the Part in the story where The 'Nice' Dan meets pinkie for the first time.
I just recently watched the Dan Vs series (thanks to this by the way XD) and I want to re-live the part where she throws him through a window.
A hint as to which chapter it is would be very helpful!
4313590
Heh. No problem, it's Part 9 Dan Vs. …: Chapter 67: Dan & Pinkie Vs. Unexpected Trip
4316879
Yeah, there's sort of an ongoing attempt to keep this up to date with canon (within reason), so I'll have to look at this piece.
Originally, the opening referenced the Elements of Harmony and I ended up making some rather big changes.
4317071
She's had pretty hard day. Also Dan's pretty dang antagonistic.
4300430 Get out while you still can! It's not too late to save your funny bone!
Also, Yay! Beard eating time!
4317278
to be fair... that only came up in season 4 after Twilight's little venture to human land. Maybe she suggested to the restaurant how to make a new tasty dish she saw in a foreign land. there you go, justifiable excuse. no editing required. unless you want to.
oh wait Pinkie was there too... uhh... *throws milk at face and runs away*
I'll be honest, I cackled in sadistic glee at that.
This may be the single weirdest thing Pinkie Pie has ever said.
4755048 Not even close...
4306093 I've actually had to break it up to digest in small chunks. If I try to read too much at once I begin bleeding internally from the hysterics.
Dennis, never change.
5081260 I hear ya, brother