Part 11 Dan & Pinkie Vs. Distractions: Chapter 91 Chris Vs. Intervention
The Wheel and the Butterfly
A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga
Part 11 Dan & Pinkie Vs. Distractions
Chapter 91 Chris Vs. Intervention
-ooooooo-
“What the heck happened to you two?!” Ninja Dave exclaimed as he looked over Dan’s and Pinkie’s bruise covered bodies and matching left black eyes. “You get into another fight with some mythological or otherworldly creatures?!” The red shirt and jeans wearing ex-ninja baker suggested.
The four stood in front of Chris and Elise’s adobe house in the warm Southern California sun.
From behind the injured couple, Becky emphatically waved her tan arms and hands about in front of her pink’ NERD’ shirt. She shook her head with a somewhat nervous expression on her face.
“Oh, just a minor disagreement…” Dan said casually.
“With… whom?” Dave asked raising an eyebrow.
Pinkie giggled. “With each other!”
Becky sighed and smacked her palm against her face.
“You dudes… got into a fist fight with each other? You both look worse than after we took out the vampires…” Dave mused.
“But better than when we fought a supervillain!” Dan said holding up an index finger.
“What were you two even fighting about?” Dave asked.
“Who loved who more,” Pinkie informed casually.
“WHAT?!” Dave exclaimed. “Why would… why would anyone come to blows over that?!”
Becky sighed. “That’s the part of the reason I figured you’d be happier not knowing.” Becky knitted her brow and pursed her lips. “I know I would have been happier not knowing it…”
Dan shrugged. “I don’t see what the big deal is!” Dan said. A mischievous grin spread across his face. “Things ended well enough.”
Pinkie giggled and wrapped her arms around one of Dan’s. “They usually do~!” she sang out.
Dave’s mouth hung open slightly as he cocked an eyebrow at the couple. “Uh…”
“And that’s the second reason I figured you’d be better not knowing…” Becky said. “Elise warned me that just about any question regarding injuries between the two ended in that answer.”
Pinkie beamed. “So you’re getting along with Elise!”
Becky smiled slightly. “We have a few common interests,” she informed.
Pinkie narrowed her eyes slightly and smiled mischievously. “Does one of these interests begin with a ‘y’?”
Becky frowned. “Maybe,” she said quickly.
Pinkie leaned closer to her friend as a cat grin spread across her face, “Does it involve the letters a, o, and, i?”
Becky scowled at Pinkie. “I plead the fifth.”
Dave chuckled. “I never pegged you for a yaoi chick.”
Becky’s body tensed up as her face turned a luminescent of bright red and she wordlessly began to stare at the ground.
“Ooo! You know what it is?” Pinkie asked with a grin.
“Well, I am Japanese…” Dave said. He turned to Becky and looked at her with a concern look. “Uh…”
Dan rolled his eyes. “HERE!” he said as he suddenly pushed Dave towards Becky.
“Whoa! Hey!” Dave protested as he quickly regained his footing.
Pinkie quickly pushed the far less surefooted Becky towards Dave. She stumbled and fell towards the ex-ninja who quickly opened his arms and caught the dark skinned woman in his embrace.
“Whoa… gotcha…” Dave said as Becky’s body relaxed a bit in his arms.
Her face still beet red, Becky looked up with a smile. “Thanks…”
Pinkie giggled. “Aww… you two are so cute together…”
It was Dave’s turn to blush. “Uh… heh… you think so?”
“Oh, I don’t think so, I know so!” Pinkie replied.
Dan sighed. “Are we done with this mushy garbage? Chris is probably figuring out how much food he can get on a napkin before he figures it’s good enough to eat as we speak... I’m guessing it’s not a lot”
Pinkie skipped towards the house past Dave and Becky, winking at the tan skinned woman as she went. She caught up with Dan and slipped her hand into his.
Becky gave Pinkie a small smile as Dave and her walked arm and arm towards the house.
Dan reached for the doorknob and walked into the house.
“Uh… shouldn’t you knock, dude?” Dave said.
“Pfft… We’re practically family!” Dan replied.
“For good or for ill…” Elise said as the group entered.
“Elise!” Pinkie said enthusiastically as she let go of Dan’s hand and threw her arms around the maroon haired woman. “Oh my gosh it’s been… almost an entire day since we saw you last!”
“Hey, Pinkie,” Elise said as she returned the hug. She broke the embrace and stepped back from the pink haired woman. “Uh… I see you’re still bruised and battered.”
Pinkie chuckled. “Oh these? Just a few love taps.”
Dan chuckled.
Dave, Becky, and Elise groaned.
“I get it!” Chris said happily. “Hey, Dan! Hey, Pinkie! Dave, Becky,” he greeted.
“Hey guys,” Dave said.
“Hey Chris, Hey Elise,” Becky said with a smile.
Dan nodded at Chris. “Garbage disposal…” he greeted.
“Hi, Chris!” Pinkie said. She bounded up to him and threw her arms around him. “It’s okay…” Pinkie said softly. “We’ll get through this, together!”
“…Uh… alright…” Chris said as he glanced from side to side in confusion and slowly wrapped his arms around Pinkie. His eyes suddenly shot open wide and he broke his embrace with Pinkie and held her at arm’s length.
“Oh God… is this…” Chris gulped.
Elise walked up and put a hand on her husband’s shoulder. “It’s okay Chris, we’re here for you…”
Chris looked at his wife with a panicked expression. “Do I have cancer?”
Dan and Elise synchronized a pause and then simultaneously slapped their own faces with a palm.
“No Chris, you don’t have cancer,” Elise informed.
Chris paused. “... Do you have cancer?”
Elise sighed, her hand remained in place. “No Chris, I don’t have cancer either.”
“…Dan?”
“Monkey-face, are you going to go around the entire room?” Dan asked in an irritable tone.
“Chris, no one has cancer!” Elise exclaimed as she threw her arms out to her sides in frustration.
“Well… not no one…” Pinkie said. “I mean… cancer is not a fake thing…” Pinkie paused and looked at Dan. “Is it?”
Dan sighed, “No, Goofball. Cancer is not a fake thing, it is real, and tangible and someone has it.”
“So… Ninja Dave?” Chris guessed.
“CHRIS!” Elise said in frustration. “NO ONE YOU KNOW HAS CANCER.”
Chris cocked an eyebrow at his wife. “Are you sure? I mean… I know I don’t know a lot of people, but one of them might have cancer.”
Elise erupted in a frustrated growl. “GRAAAAH! I am not aware of anyone you know having cancer!” she cried.
“Actually,” Dan began, “I think this conversation has just given me cancer.”
Pinkie whimpered and dashed to Dan’s side. “Oh Dan, you can’t die!” she insisted. “You’re far too pretty!”
Ninja Dave and Becky shot each other amused looks.
“Holy crud, dude,” Becky whispered. “Next time let’s just skip the movie and hang out with these four.”
Dave chuckled. “You should hang out at the cookie shop more. I’ve lost hundreds of cookies because I was too busy laughing to get them out of the oven.”
Becky smiled at Dave. “Sounds like a plan.”
“NO ONE IN THIS ROOM HAS CANCER!” Elise shouted.
“Do you know that for sure?” Chris asked.
Pinkie gasped. “What if one of us had cancer and didn’t know it?!”
Elise pinched the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger.
“Yeah, dudes,” Dave said with a big grin on his face. “Maybe we should all get CAT scans.”
Becky chuckled. “I heard those can give you cancer.”
“STOP HELPING THEM!” Elise cried.
“You feel that?” Dan asked Elise. “I mean… the more we let them talk the more it feels like we have cancer, right?”
Elise paused. “… Actually, now that you mention it…”
“Oh no!” Pinkie cried. “We’re the cancer that’s killing Dan and Elise!”
Dan nodded. “Thankfully, the cure is silence.”
Pinkie frowned. “Oh… well… uh… you’re screwed.”
There was a beat of silence before the group broke into laughter as Pinkie turned her head from side to side in confusion. “Wait! No! STOP! YOU’RE ALL KILLING DAN AND ELISE!”
“HAHAHAHA…Oh God, she’s serious…” Becky exclaimed. “HAHAHAHA…” tears began to form in Becky’s eyes. “I can’t… I ca—MMPH?!” Becky felt something sticky suddenly clamp her mouth shut. She reached up to her mouth and realized her mouth had been duct taped shut. Looking around she noticed that Dave, Chris, and Pinkie also had duct tape around their mouths. Pinkie herself held a roll of duct tape.
“You… you even duct taped your own mouth shut?!” Dan exclaimed. “You’re the best girlfriend ever!”
Pinkie responded by batting her eyelashes at Dan.
“You did miss one, however,” Dan said, pointing behind himself with his thumb directed at Elise.
Elise glowered at Dan. “But I’m not talk—MMPHph…” Elise rolled her eyes in a ‘walked right into that one’ manner as Pinkie smoothed out the piece of tape she had just applied to the maroon haired woman’s mouth.
“Perfect!” Dan said as he walked up to Pinkie and planted a kiss on the tape over her mouth.
Pinkie whimpered.
“Oh…” Dan said as the downsides to Pinkie’s plan began to dawn on him.
*A round of painfully removing duct tape and two rounds of explaining that cancer had nothing to do with the reason everyone was present later...*
“… I have diabetes?” Chris suggested.
Elise looked up the ceiling briefly with an irate expression on her face. “Oh for the love of… NO you’re not sick.”
“…Pinkie has diabetes?” Chris asked.
Dan pursed his lips slightly. “Huh, you know that wasn’t a bad guess…”
Elise turned to Dan and placed her hands on his shoulders. “PLEASE don’t start! You’re the only pillar of support I have at the moment, and I’m incredibly aware of how sad that is.”
“It might help if you four weren’t so entertaining to watch…” Dave chimed in.
“Seriously,” Becky agreed, “you should have your own T.V. show, or something…”
Dan rolled his eyes. “Chris you fat lard, this is an intervention.”
“AN INTERVENTION?!” Chris exclaimed.
“Well,” Elise began, “we’re supposed to ease into this, but since we spent so much time explain how no one has cancer…”
“But only in regards to people in this room!” Pinkie qualified.
Elise rolled her eyes. “Yes, I thought that went without saying… Anyhow,” Elise said, turning back to Chris, “your obsession with eating has gotten to the point where I think you’re in love with the concept itself. The amount of non-food items which you have consumed in the past several weeks is very concerning for all of us.”
“I’m more interested in how you do it,” Dan stated. “I mean, I’ve known you for a long time and you still find ways to amaze me with the things you ingest,” Dan stated as he held a palm up.
“I know, right!” Pinkie said. “I mean… I’m pretty sure I’ve eaten my weight in cake at just one sitting, but I’ve never eaten an entire sandal before.”
“In my defense, that sandal was baked into a cupcake!” Chris asserted.
Elise sighed. “Chris, as disgusting as what I’m about to suggest is, you could have removed the sandal and just eaten the cupcake. It would have been unhygienic and wrong, but less so than what you actually did. Which was eating something that someone had worn on their feet.”
“And not just any feet,” Dan added, “dirty hippy feet.”
“Wait…” Pinkie said. “’Dirty’ hippy as in Crunchy, or ‘Dirty Hippy’ as in the name that shall not be spoken because it’s now taboo within my franchise?”
Everyone paused and stared at Pinkie.
“Is uh… is anyone going to explain that one?” Dave asked.
Dan shook his head. “No,” he answered. “Anyways, Chris has probably devoured both their footwear at some point.”
Chris folded his arms over his chest. “I don’t see what the big deal is. I mean… it’s not like it’s hurting me or anyone,” he said sullenly.
Elise cocked an eyebrow. “There’s a reason people don’t eat shoes Chris… I mean, besides the fact that they're almost completely unpalatable to a normal person…”
Chris rolled his eyes. “Name one.”
“Well… shoes can have toxins and chemicals that could give you… uh…. The ‘c’ word.”
Pinkie giggle snorted as she wrapped her arms around her stomach. “Hehehehe-snnnch… Elise, I don’t think Chris is going to turn into a girl if he eats shoes.”
Dan rolled his eyes. “She meant cancer, Goofball.”
“Oh…” Pinkie replied as her eyes widened slightly. “Ooooooh…!”
Chris’s face went pale. “Alright, I’m willing to admit I might have a problem here.”
“Finally!” Dan said an exasperated tone. “What’s next? I vote we shame and humiliate Chris, possibly publically, until he stops eating non-food items.”
“No Dan,” Elise replied. “That’s exactly what you’re not supposed to do in these situations.”
“Oh, come on!” Dan whined. “It’s been forever since I’ve tarred and feathered anyone!”
“It really has been a while,” Chris agreed. “Not that I want you to do it to me.”
“Hehehe… You can tar and feather me!” Pinkie said. “Sounds fun.”
“It is fun!” Dan asserted. “For whoever is doing the tar and feathering, that is.” He informed as he held up an index finger.
“You see,” Elise began, “this is why I invited Ninja Dave and Becky. I wanted at least a couple sane people here for this."
Dave blushed slightly. “You think… you think we’re a couple?”
“…What?” Elise replied in a slightly confused tone.
Becky chuckled as she reached out for Dave’s hand, “You’re so cute when you’re flustered.”
“…Well, I do now,” Elise said.
“Alright, can the mushy stuff before I break out the tar,” Dan threatened.
“Dan, could you at least refrain from tar and feathering me in my own house?” Chris asked.
“Who’s threatening you?” Dan said. “I just want all the disgusting displays of public affection to stop.”
“Dan, you and Pinkie are by far the greatest perpetrators of public affection in this house… or anywhere else you go for that matter.”
Dan folded his arms over his chest and blew a dismissive gust of air, “Pfft… Are you kidding?! I hate public displays of affection!”
Chris rolled his eyes. “She’s raining kisses on you, right now!”
“Mwah! Mwah! Mwah!” Pinkie said as she audibly planted a series of kisses on Dan’s face.
Chris narrowed his eyes at Dan as Pinkie leaned down and placed her cheek next to Dan’s face expectantly.
Dan mirrored Chris’s expression as he leaned over and planted a quick peck on Pinkie’s cheek. “Mwah…”
Pinkie giggled.
“So uh… what do we do next?” Becky asked.
“I found a support group,” Elise said. “I figured we could all take Chris to show our support, as well,” Elise said as her lips opened wide into a somewhat over enthusiastic smile.
“Yeaaah…” Dan replied. “Pinkie and I have a few errands to run so…”
“Dan!” Elise cried. “Chris is your friend!”
“She’s got a point, Dan,” Pinkie said. “I mean… the places we want to go to will still be there later…”
Dan chuckled. “You mean, until we get there!”
“We’ll we don’t have to destroy everyplace we go to,” Pinkie replied.
“Don’t have to, but should!” Dan asserted.
“Look, watching you discuss just how illegal your day will be is all fine and well,” Elise began, “but we have an appointment to keep with Amber.”
Chris and Dan exchanged glances and looked back at Elise.
“Anger management teacher with her own anger issues Amber?!” Dan exclaimed. “THAT Amber?!”
“Elise!” Chris exclaimed. “Last time I saw Amber she tried to kill me with hedge-trimmers!” Chris exclaimed as he motioned out with his arms.
“You dudes lead rather eventful lives,” Dave mused.
“Come on! I mean… you guys have a good rapport with her!”
“Oh, like blackmail?” Dan chimed in.
“And attempted murder!” Chris said.
“Aww, come on!” Pinkie said with a slight giggle. “Hehe… I bet a reunion will do you good.” She suddenly frowned. “And me… no one blackmails my boyfriend and gets away without at least a strong talking to!”
“Could you maybe upgrade the strong talking to a mild thrashing?” Dan asked.
“Eh, I’m planning on playing it by ear,” Pinkie replied.
Elise frowned. “You know what… maybe this is a bad idea…”
Dan smiled wickedly. “Good enough for me.” He reached out for Pinkie’s hand and dragged her to the door. “Let’s roll baby,” he said as he opened the door to the house and went outside.
Elise sighed.
“Uh… I guess I’ll be in the car…” Chris said as he followed the couple.
“You guys up for this?” Elise asked Dave and Becky.
“Uh, sure…” Becky replied. “But, Chris seems pretty willing…”
Dave nodded in agreement.
Elise followed Dan and Pinkie with her eyes as the giddy couple entered Dan’s red hatchback. “It’s not Chris I’m worried about…”
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Hell yeah. I mean, Ninja Dave and Becky. Whoo. Although that yaoi comment gave me some unsettling thoughts. I guess the monster-hunting can wait, because of interventions n' stuff. I hope that Chris will put up tons of opposition to the point where there WILL be fighting. And why Amber? I mean, Pinkie will just have to have another "Missing Person" on her list of people she's met. Oh yeah, Fish.
Poor Amber...
Will Chris's Canadian side come out again?
Too many sandles, too many socks, Dans kissing Pinkie, and Pinkies eating Dans cupcakes.
and Elise’s adobe
Could be in front of their adobe home, or in front of their 'abode'
ex-ninja, baker suggested.
Think that comma is a comma splice, but, as usual, commas aren't my strong point.
Does it involves
involve, easy typo
beat red
...I'm halfway curious how many people would notice the difference. Red as a 'beet;' the colorful root vegetable; not the rhythm.
we’re her for you…”
I would very much like to see Elise be Pinkie for Chris. I can only imagine how confusing that conversation would be. (Here typo)
Elise synchronized pause
Sychronized 'a' pause, or performed 'a' sychronized pause, or synchronized pauses.
and Pinkie also had cut tape around their mouth
cut tape? ...Duct tape? Anyway, I think it's their mouths, but I'm not terribly sure this time.
A round of painfully removing duct tape and two rounds of explaining that cancer had nothing to do with the reason everyone was present.
Probably needs a 'later' or some other 'passage of time' word. Feels partially incomplete, but I'm not sure I can pin down an exact cause.
fact that their
they're (They are, you see.)
“Last time I saw Amber she tried to kill me with a chain-saw!” Chris exclaimed as he motioned out with her arms.
Amber's arms, Elise's arms, or... perhaps 'his' arms?
“Aww, come one!”
On typo.
Amusing. Interesting set-up, let's see where it goes. Keep being awesome! In the name of Justice! ....Keep being Justice! In the name of Awesome!
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Changes made.
Thank you!
The revenge-buddy is coming...
This is going to be fun
wait I'm missing something, what dirty hippy is banned?
What`s the "Dirty Hippy" thing that Pinkie talked about?
Dirty Hippy = DH = DERPY HOOVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thats why its banned
I'm assuming you are a fan of Pinkie/Dan shipping.
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4090817
Dirty Hippy = D.H. = Derpy Hooves. I possibly could have inserted the acronym.
4091314
One might say that, sure...
4091454 since when was derpy taboo though? or is it just a joke about how you skirt around the name and pinkie is fourth walling it which only occurred to me now for some reason
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There was the whole fiasco with her appearance. This alone wouldn't be a big deal, but I noticed you never see her name in supplementary media anymore either:
roundstable.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/funko_muffinpony_00-1.jpeg
I find it pretty hilarious, myself. Hence why I never use the name either.
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Statement; ( Dude keep it up! I love this chapter, just remember to reread your stuff to catch the mistakes. But really I wouldn't wanna put trixie out of a job) | End
Pinkie vs Amber is going to be epic
So this is about to go from zero to Hell pretty quickly...I look forward to watching this train wreck happen!
...More..
MORE........
I WANT MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!
I SACRIFICED AN ENTIRE DAY TO THIS THING. GIVE ME MOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!
I didn't know that this story was on FimFiction.net... can't wait for the next chapter =)
Nice!
More great stuff! Can't wait for more...and yet I will
Oh snap!
“Chris you fat lard, this is an intervention.”
"Tina you fat lard, come get your dinner!"
Coincidence, I think not!
Huh, no new comments for this chapter since 2014? Time to fix that.
What I want to know, is how does one get cancer, and end up being the last to know about it? And I mean this in a comedic sense, obviously.
What kind of events have to unfold in order for everybody to figure out that you have cancer, except for you!?
Heh, Dan is every shipper I know. Including myself.
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I mean...I don't know about comedic, but in real life it's probably because the one in question is still asleep after surgery, and has given instructions to the doctors to tell his family.