Growing up is hard on its own, especially when your accomplishments are forever overshadowed by those of somepony else. And how could one not be overshadowed by Rainbow Dash?
Rainbow's son must learn to step out of his mother's shadow.
Chapters (9)
- Member Since 19th Feb, 2013
- offline last seen March 17th
SleepIsforTheWeak
I want to be a lion, everybody wants to pass as cats. We all want to be big big stars, but we got different reasons for that...
SleepIsforTheWeak
Joined 19th Feb, 2013 ·
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Im reading this in class, it really good !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SO AWESOME
3187313
Shame on you! LOL. I read fanfics in class all the time. They're more entertaining than the professor.
Chills. I got 'em.
I really like that you answered the question of what got Rainbow kicked out with something canon... The fact that it endangered Fluttershy lends that some legitimacy. There are some flags that are raised about the whole issue, like Rainbow's "I didn't get kicked out." line from the Best Young Flyer competition episode (What is that episode called? I'm terrible with episode names.), but I can totally accept this as an alternate view. Kudos.
I wonder why the sheets smell like him...LOL
3187370
probably 'cause it's his bed?
3187354
Thank you, my friend. I tried.
3187354
She dropped out!
I like your ideas but your use of sort of 1st person is distracting and confusing. At times it feels like you are switching narrators in the same paragraph which is very hard to follow. If you want multiple view points in a short time you are likely better off going 3rd person or if you decide to go 1st person you need to make it clearer about who is talking and what they are thinking. Since you like Pinkie Dash I would recommend reading stories from the cloudkicker universe as they are in 1st person and has your favored couple.
One of the previous chapters made me think Pinkie is sick or otherwise in trouble did I miss something? Also while I get trying to live up to Rainbow Dash's legacy I think there should be some thought of can she live up to Pinkies. I am sure Pinkie has a legacy that is hard to live up to even if it possibly not quite as visible as RD's.
*Nervously clicks next chapter button*
3187552
Noted. And I've read the Winningverse. As has everyone else on the site, I'll bet.
3187541 Well right, that's what I mean when I refer to the flags. It's a little bit of cognitive dissonance. But I'm willing to accept an alternate version of the tale where she really did get kicked out because I like how it was rationalized in the story.
It's probably worth mentioning at some point, seeing how other people are commenting on this facet, but this isn't actually in first person, you know. This is still third person; The parts in the first chapters where Pinkie was telling the story using "I" were first person, the rest is just a very, very distant voiced and limited information third person. I like the way your narration sounds, because it kind of paints the whole story in a sort of sepia-toned light, and it's very unique compared to most of the authors on this site; Furthermore, while it definitely does have the potential to get confusing because of how detached and sparse the information is, I've found this story to be much easier to follow than, for example, the first draft of Curfew was. So, kudos on that.
I look forward to seeing the rest of this, nints. Perhaps the most impressive part of this story is how distinctly I feel I know the various Dash children already, despite their screen times being quite low. You've developed 5 OCs with distinct voices and personalities in a very short span of words, and that is seriously difficult to do, so I have the utmost respect for how you've pulled it off here.
Edit//And I apparently left this comment in limbo, by clicking next page before posting it, but in response to third year;
Beautiful. That is so Dash's child.
3187702
Yeah, I know the difference between the persons. I'm almost going for a Harry Potter feel. It had limited third. Trying to push myself and experiment a bit. I got tired of writing in first person a while ago.
Thanks for the character building compliments. I try to sneak hints in without laying it out straight cause that's never fun to read.
And thanks. I'm proud of that line.
3187748
I figured, but the author's note in the first chapter is alie.I don't really get a Harry Potter vibe, tbh; The problem is I don't have anything I actually do feel I can compare it to. Mostly it's the obsessive use of "He" and "Her" when referring to the POV character that gives it such a distinct feel, and I honestly can't (at least off the top of my head) think of another time I've seen that done. When I'm reading, in my inner eye, I tend to assemble a movie in my head. (I don't think that's unique, I'm pretty sure everybody does that to some degree, but I can't really say for sure I guess.) Usually, I see things shot like... well, like most movies are shot; Widely painted scenes where you see the characters interacting from a floating eye (The camera) that is not actually there, simply the shots the director has chosen to best show the scene. This narration style, however, (to me) creates the effect of seeing the story through the POV character's... uh... POV. Instead of the floating eye.
Does that make ANY sense!?
3187402
IT'S HIS BED, MR. KRABS!
HE'S #1!
3187784
Yep. It does actually. And, why is the AN a lie?
3187789
<----why don't we have other laughing characters? There should be a laughing version of all the Mane 6.
This made me lol so hard.
3187794 NEVERMIND I am the liar.
I read
as
3187802
Oh geeze. I didn't see the comments after mine where you drew an allusion to what I just said...The whole #1 on the tombstone. Now it's even finnier.
3187813
3187354
It's Sonic Rainboom.
so dash and pinkie are homosexual??
3189047
We can dream...
NOT TOO BAD THIS IS
.
I'm having trouble deciding between "Hee hee" and "Giggity".
Lightning's growing up so fast. D:
This was really awesome. I'll be holding out for that sequel!
3260630
Thanks. And I've got the first chapter almost done.
WOW. i liked it! i will also be holding out for that sequel. +1 follower!
3282812
Thank ya thank ya.
bessauer.com/2012/02/22/distractions-and-the-art-of-writing/ too awesome
3420067 Thanks, friend!
the link is beoken, the story do not exist. And I got curious about Stormee!!!
4037374
ohhh. that's cause i deleted that story yesterday. perhaps someday i shall begin it again.
4038167 oh, oh! what was about?
4039500
I'll PM you. It was a looooooong story.
4039515 feel free to do so.
3189047
here, have a stache for going 5 chapters without figuring that out
*tsks tongue* mm hmm, i think this deserves a follow.
Nope, no one deserves to get hit out of anger.