Hmm... Story fully made of OC ponies and locations, even in a place not in Equestria. Rather interesting to read as this is my first on these types.

Anyways, I like the premise; it's smooth and it introduces us to the presumed main characters of Sepia Stripes, Starflash and Honeydew (are you possibly referencing to Yogscast?). To be honest, they aren't a half bad ones either, even at this point of close to zero character development and having the good old nerdish, sporty and joky mentalities.

So please, I'm looking up fo the next chapter.

Just be patient, ARBPW. I'm certain that with enough time and care, hundreds will be talking about the latest events in your story.

I know I will. (And yet, I don't even know what's going to happen!)

Looking pretty good. I won't be tracking it because it's not really my cup of tea, but for anyone who is willing to sip, I think they'll eagerly want more!

~Cosmic

>>826006826006

I have never seen (or even heard of) Yogscast so I have no idea what you're going on about. But I'm pretty pleased if this is the first 'Non-Equestria' story you've read and you liked it. It must mean I'm doing something right.

>>826040826040

With 3 comments, 5 likes (but one UNEXPLAINED dislike) and about 8 favourites at this point, I think that I've done better than I could have ever hoped for with an all OC story on the first chapter. But as you've said, this is only the beginning!

>>827231827231

Well, at least you've read it and gave your opinion. I greatly appreciate that. And congratulations on getting onto EQD (kind of)!

Hadn't this be happening in alternative universe, that Alicorn would cause red-flags to be risen.

But at this point, its enjoyable to read and I'm still waiting for the charactersto open up more.

Also;

Image: http://scranton.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw5489-13395083424619.png

>>896867896867

Oh trust me. We're still a good chapter or so away before it begins. I mean, there's going to be some more action in the next chapter, but in terms of the adventure tag I'm still a couple of chapters away from that.

The relation between Sepia and Honeysuckle is amusing. I want more.

"Did you fall asleep in a bush or something?”

        'Yes, actually.'"

>>11346861134686

If you think it's amusing now, I'll be very interested in your reaction to their relationship in the next couple of chapters.

Not wanting to spoil anything though.

>>11481141148114

They will be great friends or deadly foes, imho. I do not think any intermediate state is possible here. It will be interesting to watch what you planned for these three. Anyway - great story so far. Thank you for your work.

There is very little number of good OC stories here. It is a lot easier to peek ready-to-use character from the show than create something by yourself and it is nice to see another good original story.

Here's a favorite and a thumbs-up for ya. Onto chapter two...

I'm glad Diexna directed me this way. Three characters that I care about right off the bat? Sure, Honeysuckle needs a good thrashing, but a good antagonist is practically necessary for a good story. All three of your prominent characters are pretty interesting (two chapters considered); even better, they contrast excellently. I don't know if there really aren't that many good OC stories here (I think I'm only tracking this and Perquisition), but I'm glad that I came across this little gem. I eagerly await more. No pressure, of course.

Edit: EqD feature! I'm not surprised, but nice work!

It is good chapter

It was worth waiting.

I'm looking forward for the next one.

And thanks for continuing the story.

>>12982791298279 I'm glad you're enjoying it! If I may ask, what's your favourite part so far, or who's your favourite character?

>>13024241302424

Well I am already your fan so my opinion could not be neutral, you should understand it.

I could not tell you favorite part - all 3 chapters are nice. Characters are alive and world is interesting and full of mysteries.

I like Sepia (obviously), Starflash is nice written.

I think that his reaction during his first fight (I mean dropping sword and run :) and after fight (overwhelming shame) are very natural.

//as a remark: I fear that this incident could result in him hastily throwing himself in danger in the future, to redeem himself.

And such natural reactions are rare here (I mean fimfiction). Half of authors would write battle scene where he crushes all wolves + one or two manticores as bonus :)

The same thing regarding that part where Sepia did not enter forest by herself at night for the first time.

It is one of the reasons that I really value in your writing. Having characters acting naturally with their own flows but in the same time making awesome adventure spiced with luck, bravery, mysteries _and_ relations.

This story is adventure obviously, but not comic-like adventure with flat characters in static poses.

Another thing is that you somehow managed to create (at least in these 3 characters) world darker than canon, but in the same time keep light fairy-tale like mood (or maybe Tolkien-like). Is it something.

As to the Honeysuckle - she could be nice or could be bitch - I do not have formed opinion regarding her at this time. Her rivalry with Sepia is funny and it is very interesting for me where you are going to turn it later. Will it be long and permanent or will she broke from the group or maybe you will find her some other nice colt ;) or may be she will win (while I personally sympathize Sepia, as I told before).

As to the story in general - I like that you do not forget who your main character is. Sometimes author peeks too many point of views (including a lot of background characters) and constantly switching between them does not give enough attention to any character.

Although I have one concern regarding story. To be true it is my typical concern for any story with reach background, so I will shamelessly copypaste myself:

Sometimes author gets entangled in global conspiracy plot so bulky that it overwhelms the story itself.

My opinion is that if author could not manage to tell the story from point of view of main 1-2 character(s) and has to implant villain's (typically) or other characters' points of view to explain global conspiracy to reader - the story itself is spoiled.

I hope that it will not happen here.

Also I hope that you will not forget character development during story. Imho character development is critical for any good story (especially adventure) and you have great potential for it.

I am sorry if my answer is longer than you expected and hope that this feedback could be a tiny bit useful.

>>11723111172311

If you like quality OC stories too - I recommend you to check these two:

Unmarked

Airborne

They are both brilliant and woefully underestimated.

And maybe this one too: Walkies

>>13030911303091

Well that was a huge response, which I wasn't anticipating... Still, I love hearing people's opinions on my content. It means far more than favourites or likes to be honest, because I know what I'm doing right and what I need to improve. Thank you very much.

Oh, and if you like a good OC story, try this one:

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/5345/Perquisition

This was what inspired me to write my current story, and it's probably one of the best OC stories on the site. It doesn't update as much as it used to (I poke Diexna when I can, and that seems to squeeze a couple of words out of him) but with 14 chapters right now it comes high on my recommended reading list.

(P.S. Diexna, if you're reading this, shameless endorsement ftw!)

>>13034291303429

You would not believe in this coincidence, but I found your story thanks to Diexna's link in chapter 14 of Perquisition.

I watch Perquisition about 5 months now and I too think it's great :)

The only reason I did not mentioned it in my comment to Apphole - is that he came here from Perquisition too :)

Anyway, I suggest you give Unmarked and Airborne a shot too.

>>13034291303429

>>13073081307308

Indeed. What'd you think of the chapter btw?

Excellent, another great chapter. On one hand, I feel bad for Honeysuckle for not getting her mushrooms, but then again, she kinda deserves that disappointment. She's like Trixie, but without any likeability (personality-wise. Honeysuckle is an excellent antagonist.)

>>13037921303792

Hey, you remembered me!

Edit: Random perfectly preserved church? Something tells me that this would've been found and spoken about at some point. I'm sure you'll explain this later, but it comes off as a convenient plot device (but that's probably just me.)

>>13074581307458

I like how Starflash isn't as confident as he first made it look like, gives more depth to him.

And that very final line... hmm...

Hmm, this is quite an interesting tale. It's a totally different Equestria from what we know, but still recognizable as Equestrian.  The writing is pretty good, no glaringly obvious mistakes, and the OCs are developing nicely.

But one thing:  She crushed the patch underneath her hoof, leaving nothing but a violet stain on the grass as she made her way inside.

Those poor innocent mushrooms!  Murdered before their time!  

>>13962881396288 As much as it pained me to write about the tragic demise of those mushrooms, fiction is all about conflict and turmoil. I'm sorry, but I just had to kill them off...

>>13968321396832  There they were, a happy family of mushrooms, enjoying the early spring weather, the mommy mushroom expecting new spores any day now, the father excited about his new job at the compost plant, and the young hyphae preparing for the end of Mycosis Academy...

And you killed them all... just like that, with utter callous disregard, you snuffed out their hopes and dreams.

You monster.  

trolololo!  

Thank you for the update

Time flows unnotisable with good reading, I seems I only few minutes ago opened new chapter and now it's gone,

What can I say ?

only: MOAR

BTW I like how you pictured Honeysuckle in this chapter - these few lines made her character much deeper and lovable.

>>13969371396937 And I actually enjoyed making them suffer...

But enough talk of shroomicide. If I may ask, what are your favourite part(s) or character(s) so far?

>>14002641400264  Well, I should think that Starflash's personality is one strong example, as others have noted.  It's quite a realistic and believable portrayal of the over-confident wanna-be hero who practically pees his pants with terror when finally encountering his first true trial of courage.  It mirrors many accounts of arrogant soldiers in many actual wars.  

And Honeysuckle's character is quite excellent as the emotionally confused and conflicted personality who has no idea how to get what she wants in life and her hesitation, uncertainty, and brusque nature ends up more often than not leaving her in worse condition every time she acts.

And then there is out heroine, Sepia, who is playing the part of reluctant hero very well.  Curious, inventive, intellectual and yet still very naive she is a wonderful protagonist who already shows signs of important and prominent growth.

The story world itself is quite rich and original, holding true to the basics of the Equestrian world all while appearing in a unique and novel setting not quite in the land we are familiar with.  

The mystery itself is also quite intriguing.  You're giving us clues in such a manner that each revelation brings up new questions even as it answers others, keeping the endgame quite vague, all while leaving us readers with the insatiable curiosity to keep reading and learning what deep intrigue lies in the shadows.

Sorry, I can't read this. I mean, the writing is very good and all, but the plot... just doesn't cling to me, y'know.

Still, it is nicely written and because of that I'll refrain from thumbing up or down, leaving it as I found it.

>>16119901611990 I understand. I realise that it's more of a character-driven story rather than one being driven by plot. I guess I prefer stories like that, so it's showing here.

Wait, have I seen you somewhere? Your name seems extremely familiar to me...

>>16141781614178 Well I've written some shit...

>>16143941614394 No, I'd know if I'd read any of your stories. Possibly the FIMFiction IRC, back when I used to hang around there? That might be it.

>>16144011614401 I once or twice got in there in the past, true. I never again did it after some time passed.

>>16144071614407 Ah right, I was thinking it was there.

How'd you find this story anyway? It's been buried in the depths of FIMFiction's archives for like a month without being updated.

>>16144181614418 I was bored and began to search random words for stories. Stumbled across this one and the description got me. I read the four chapters before casting my call.

>>16323801632380

No wait, my reaction to writing that was more like

Honeysuckle needs to have a meeting with a hydra.  While her legs are tied together.

>>16364741636474 I'll pencil her in for a one o'clock 'snacktime' then.

  Holy crap, what is that?  

Image: http://cdn.overclock.net/f/f8/f81fad17_dis-gon-b-gud.gif

I love this story!  

>>16522341652234 What's what? WHAT'S WHAT?! IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, WHAT ARE YOU REFERRING TOO?!

Also, I'm glad you like it.

The plot thickens...

Honeysuckle needs a good thrashing. I don't care what the reason is; you never, never mock someone for being physically incapable to do anything. She is selfish, conceited, close-minded, malicious, manipulative, arrogant...

I'll stop now. Honeysuckle better get what's coming to her. She has no right to act the way she is. Good... good chapter.

>>16609811660981 Oh, she's not all that bad...

(pulls out shotgun)  *YAY* you *YAAAY*!!! (fires)  And no pony will miss her.  Rage aside, good chapter.    I love the legend of the Wanderer.  Can't wait for more!  

>>16562851656285 I was referring to the ghost-like unicorn in the plaza and how I was in awe.  

>>16623611662361

Really? I've seen very little to indicate otherwise. I assume you're talking about future chapters (which I look forward to).

>>16636231663623 Depends. Obviously, you don't know her backstory (yet). I'm thinking of integrating that story into later chapters even though I practically have it written now. I don't mind requests to share, I don't mind dishing out spoilers if you want them.

>>16636171663617 I would miss her... I like her!

You'll get more sometime in the future once I'm done with this current project.

>>16636851663685 Oh, whoops.    Well, my aim was off so I didn't hurt her THAT badly.  A week in the hospital and she should be fine.    I just hope that uncalled for rant of hers comes back to bite her in the flank.  

>>16638351663835 Oh don't worry, Sepia gets revenge soon enough...

>>16638811663881 Excellent.  

Image: http://denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw1235_Discord_go_on.gif

>>16638811663881

Good. Celestia knows she's earned it.

Now I've got to know more about what's going on between Starflash and Autumn.

And so the great chase begins...

>>17419171741917

This is the new theme song of this story.

>>17437041743704

That almost sounds a bit too fast-paced and upbeat (as in joyful). Almost. Pretty neat, though.

Haha, I love how these characters are jiving. Also, I'm curious to learn more about what happened to Sepia's wing.

>>18298881829888 Your wait will be short, I can tell you that much.

Well, I just got around to finishing what you have up so far, and I must say that it's pretty fantastic You've done an excellent job with the characterization of Honeysuckle, in particular. She's awfully complex, as far as ponies go. I mean, obviously, she's a huge bitch, but there's a softer side that comes out every so often that makes you question her. I've acquired mixed feelings about her, and I don't know if I even like her or not right now The power struggle for a relationship with Starflash also spices things up quite a bit. I'm fairly certain that both of them want him, but he's too naive to see the signals from either of them. Sepia is a fantastic lead for the story, as well. She has a strong sense of duty and a natural sense of curiosity that makes her so easy to like

Chapter 6 really took me for a turn, though. Everything was so simple, but everything changed when the fire nation attacked I guess all good things must come to an end, huh? Especially when powerful artifacts are caught in the midst. Diamond Dogs, though. Yeesh. And if you do something horrible to Fading Scroll, I'm not going to like you very much He just wants to run his library in peace and quiet. HE'S DONE NOTHING WRONG The plot is really snowballing at this point, and I'm eager to see how you handle everything that's accrued up to this point. SO many questions, so little answers.

Also, NEEDS MOAR CONJURY SHOTS.

>>19216101921610 Conjury shots?

Anyway, I'm glad you're liking it so far.

>>19252941925294 Conjury shots They're from a fanfic that never gets updated called "Perquisition." Perhaps you've heard of it?

>>19284631928463 Perhaps...

*cough* Greatest fic ever! *cough*

>>19284631928463>>19308021930802

...

...

I really need to write more. :( School completely threw me off.

>>19312071931207 You so do That story was compelling as hell, and it would be awesome if you would continue it. I actually don't think I've ever gotten so involved with a fanfic than I have with your material. It's really brilliant. The last 3 months have been nothing but terrible suspense for me, and I don't know how much more I can take Y U DO THIS TO ME?

I can only say one thing and that is: This is the best fimfiction i have ever read and the characters seem very thought through. im eagerly waiting for the next chapters!

T'is most impresive mine comrade

So Starfall's gay. Huh. Didn't see that coming.

>>21574702157470 Can't tell if that's sarcasm.

>>21613272161327 I really wasn't sarcastic. I didn't see that coming. And I am unbelievibly disappointed with the fact that he won't be with Honeysuckle.

>>21618272161827 ...huh.

Y'know, I'm surprised that you feel disappointment with that, especially given how much of a bitch Honeysuckle has been up to this point.

>>21618892161889 hey, Eponine was a bitch, and then she fell in love with Marius.

And he completely ignored her until her death, where he didn't even recognise her. And then he completely forgot about her because of Cosette.

Damnit, Marius.

I started reading the first chapter; instantly realised... this gun' be good.

I'mma hold off on reading it until complete; there's no way I'd survive a cliffhanger with this. :P

Here's to looking forward to a great fic!