Looks good, has a lot of potential. I give you a thumbs up and a stash

This definitely has some potential. True, the concept has been done to death, then resurrected with necromancy, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. You could be making this into a bit of a parody, for all I know.

Some advice regarding the summary: Make it really vague. Just say that bad stuff has happened to him. That way, when he tells the ponies, it'll be a shock to the readers as well.

>>Tony1685 I agree the Idea is really cliché, but I really like it. I started this one because after reading a few others like this (ex. Coal Buck. Great writer BTW.) I noticed a few constants that annoyed the hell outta me. I'm gonna NOT do what others did, but it'll still be an account of life in equestria because that's what I want it to be. I do however like the idea of surprising the readers and will fix the description now.

>>266376266376

Mate, think nothing of it. Hell, I did a HiE fic a while back, knowing full-well that it would be a case of "been done before." Surprised that it was as liked as it is.

>>Tony1685 oh really? Well I'll have to read that!

Liking it,liking it.... Continue!!

>>266969266969 Thanks! wow I'm gald people actually enjoy this!

When I wake up I would say AH what is with me passing out so much?!?!?!?!

>>268406268406 In due time

... Why only one a day?

That is just stoo-pied

>>270043270043 because I wanna get a few chapters ahead so that I can afford to release 2 or 3 a day.

This chapter has a noticeable flavour of being rushed somewhat.

Take your time, make sure that you pick every spelling and grammar error. Also, formatting. Be careful there.

And, if I may, too early. You keep that kind of thing for major character development.

>>270088270088 Ok? Weelllll should I revise it or keep going? Oh also whats wrong with formatting and grammar? I thought I was so careful.

You mean you already have more chapters planned out?? yay!

>>270353270353 to be honest, I've been planning this for a long time. I've got plans up to June 14th in his world. Currently it's December 30th.

Why hello there.

>>270725270725 Umm hi?

Awkward boner poke ftw!       Also..it sounds like your going to make him a friggin uniperson!

>>274137274137 you're smart, but not quite right. Very good guess though.

This is awesome! I am gonna go read the other chapters

>>274217274217

MUST HAZ MOAR! How long are you gonna make this fic to be? I hope there will be a bunch of chapters because this is awesome!

>>274306274306 this story was inspired by Coal Buck's. His is a 146 chapter ( and still going) story. I plan to match or even surpass him.

>>274419274419

I read "My Second Life" too,and it seems like this competitiveness is gonna be worth it because it means more chapters WOO!

>>274574274574 Oh, I'm  not competing by any means! I just wanna be as good as him someday, and a story like this is the perfect way to practice.

>>274705274705

Well good luck then! It seems that this kind of fic is steering in the right direction, but I would rather that you try to stick on quality and not just make numbers I stopped reading coal's fic because it was starting to get boring not enough interesting events. It's nice chatting to fiction writers through commenting on their fictions...And if you need any idea's or someone to spot spelling mistakes for you etc I am here, though if you would like to chat instead of commenting or sending messages etc I am on Steam mostly and it's abodythehero but currently I am named Demon Sparkle (Long story.) But it's better to add the original username.

>>274727274727 Well thanks for the suggestions! Don't worry though, I've got plans to keep this interesting every day up to the week before the summer sun festival. (those of you who have read beating the heat know what event I'm refering to.) And i'm working on plans to keep it interesting after that too! A proofreader would be great though...

>>274761274761

So do you want me to proofread? Or will you be looking for someone else? To be honest I am not very good with Grammar but I can surely spot a few spelling mistakes here and there.

I have to say this premise is fun and exiting, but poorly executed. Half the time it seems things are going far too slow, a quarter too fast and the remaining portions wholeheartedly skipping points of important information. Now don't take this as bashing, I love it, but you'd soar with a beta reader and more descriptive words beyond '"So it's a night for friends to learn new things about each other?" I summarized'. For example, you could continue with something like:

"So it's a night for ect. ect?" I summarized, sighing deeply before quickly regaining my composure and sending a smile towards the adorable purple Mage.

Or something.

Aside from that and the odd grammar and spelling error, I really like this. Although that may be just because you're depicting the best pony as adorably as possible.

TL;Dr: SLOW THE FUCK DOWN AND DESCRIBE SHIT

>>277151277151 I understand what you mean. Would you like to beta read too? I've got a Guy for spelling already, but if you wanna help too, that'd be great. To be honest, I'm really adhd so It,'s hard for me to make the story flow right.

EDIT: now that I've gone back and re-read all the comments I was able to overlook your criticisms and I noticed something. You REALLY like Twilight Sparkle don't you? The sentence you offered an edit for had nothing to do with the "adorable purple mage"

As a frequent reader of HiE fics I feel must inform you that even at this early stage I have to place yours in the top 10% of HiE fics I have read. I find yours to be similar to Coal Buck's (Which I love) but yours is a nice balance to how depressing and anger inducing his gets at times. Tracked and eagerly awaiting more.

>>277623277623 wow! You have no idea what this means to me! Now I understand how coal can write 3 3000 word chapters a day! You guys are a freaking amazing group of readers! I was gonna hold back the next chapter but Buck it,  here ya go!

Yay! (It should be noted I say this a lot more since I became a brony) Update!

And yes I totally got the Avatar reference. Ahh Twilight and her failing at being subtle, though I gotta admit I loved the "I really like your pants" scene.

Oh and props to you for ending on a literal cliffhanger.

Also due to a trend I am seeing lately I shall now state this: I NOW WIELD THE MIGHTY TWIN DAGGERS OF FIRST! MY SPEED AND PRECISION SHALL BEST YOU ALL!

(couldn't resist)

Hmm... somebody felt the need to call first... YES! life complete. I was a little nervous about how people would react to me throwing a pony off a cliff, but hey I guess it worked.

DAM!!Now THATS a Cliffhanger!*rimshot*

As long as you jump after her we're okay with it

>>277847277847 are you insane?! Killing sharky too won't help!

And then spiderpony saved the day

Image: http://images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/25800000/Spiderpony-someone_save_me-25802186-557-510.jpg

Obscure Last Airbender references FTW!

>>277893277893 There's a spider pony? Well damn you guys have pony versions of everything don't you?

>>277855277855

I meant it in a "I'll save her" kind of way not a "I've been living on borrowed time anyway" way

>>278077278077 Oooor. I could NOT kill sharky. I wouldn't have a story anymore! Don't worry though. I might not kill Twi.

Three things:

1: EPIC Avatar: the Last Airbender reference

2:OH NOES TWILIGHT FELL OFF THE CLIFF

3:>>278105278105 NO YOU WILL NOT KILL TWILIGHT OR I WILL COME TO YOUR HOUSE AND USE MY PROTOTYPE POWERS AND CONSUME YOU

>>279179279179

1. thanks.

2. yupp she did.

3.This outta explain how I feel. Dang I've been wanting to use that all day!

>>279265279265 IF YOU MAKE IT WHERE TWILIGHT DIES I'M INSTANTLY GONNA STOP READING AND TRACKING THIS (not it bugs me the fuck out if I read a fic and don't finish it!)

>>279484279484 lol, do you really think I could casually kill one of the mane 6?

Whenever i hear the word flustered i automatically think of that dinosaur that spits acid in Jurassic Park. I have no idea why, but that always make me think of that.

I sense a harem.

AND BABIES

>>280273280273

Yep.

At least make a bonus chapter if you dont.

PWEASE

>>280352280352 Bonus chapter for a multi-relationship? Or did I totally miss the point there? Well if that is what you meant, I might, but it will take a while. He's gonna take a while to even realize Twilight likes him, let alone get enough sense to realize Fluttershy does too.

>>280371280371

Better later than never.

>>280498280498 Enough said.

First a uniperson now a pegaperson?

>>280791280791 Yupp he can be anything, he just has to copy their magic. Told you it was different.

This is simply magnificent, words alone cannot describe how great this fan fiction is.

Soon, ALL of the ponys will be trying to get into the aliens pants!

>>281974281974 No, just one more. Or not, I'm not sure maybe you guys should vote or something.

I will now communicate using only meme images if possible.

>>282170282170 Dammit! you stole my line!

Hahahahaha!Brilliant!He is TOTALY oblivious to thier feelings!

Can't wait to the next chapter

>>282923282923. That's the idea!

>>282930282930 thanks! It shouldn't be too long!

well in his defense having sexual feeling for another species is very strange, even if they can speak. plus "sleeping" with any living creature that is not a consenting adult human is considered a crime so it would not be strange for him to be oblivious to the feelings of small ponies.

>>282988282988 0_0 well to be honest I wasn't considering any of that. He's based on me, and I'm just EXTREMELY thick-headed. To be honest if I fell in love with a sapient being, it would be easy for me to get over appearances. Buck the law.

He's so oblivious its painful.  The other horn part was pretty funny though.

>>283035283035 Yepp thats me. painfully oblivious. And thanks!

You know, this is good, funny at times and certainly worth my watch... but yeah they are a little bit short... and sorry for spoilling this but the only one not having a crush on him is applejack and princess Celestia right? and when is he meeting her btw?

>>283158283158 Pinkie pie doesn't like him, Luna doesn't like him, Celestia doesn't like him, in fact only those 4 like him. I plan on him only ending up with one. Maybe 2 if enough people ask. Oh and not soon. I don't want him accidentally mimicking alicorn power so soon.

I wonder celestia expression when he spends time with her or her sis

>>283221283221 Well think about it, if Twilight doesn't have enough time to convince celestia that I'm trustworthy BEFORE she meets me and finds out that I can become as powerful as an alicorn, guess where I'm going?

EARTH!

This guy is as clueless and dense as Ash Ketchum.

I think they all should have a sleepoveer and then he grows extra buff, double horns, and 4 wings.

>>284052284052 1. You forgot to add pinkie pie

2. He can only mimic 1 being at once.

Italys  airports have lousey secruritey

>>286077286077 IKR!?

>>286084286084 ...Maybe.

Image: http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-6QdiP5LYdeE/Tt73-BBZkYI/AAAAAAAAB58/M73rLzHlG6k/s1600/PP.png

Nice chapter! loved it! you have earned 7/6 staches!

Also need moar!

>>286232286232 Lol Thank you! I'm a big fan of Pinkie Physics too! Glad you like it, but I'm afraid Imma have to pull back a little on writing

.....I expected a whitty comeback at the end like:Then why did you tell me to stop?! or somthig like that.

>>287579287579 Well he told him to stop because there's no way to OUTRUN a manticore, they're gonna have to outfight him. BTW there's no h in witty.

Is he oblivious because he doesn't want to be in a relationship?  If not SOMBODY DRAW HIM A MAP.

>>287611287611 It's a mix between: 1. He's the smartest idiot ever

2. He just had his heart torn out

3. He doesn't expect them to find him attractive

My thoughts at the end of this chapter: click here

I shall play this during the impending fight scene. Also, you are now thinking of Sharky having lightning powers from hanging out with Stormy.

>>287670287670 Cool song bro. Lightning powers... FALSE Giving him lightning powers would mean that stormy has them too. 2 lightning wielding beings vs a manticore? Thats too easy. 1 pegasus and a magic copycat, able to mimic the attributes of anypony vs a manticore? Now you're talking!

Man that guy has noo bucking clue what he is doing

>>288512288512 as in?

Hey Giant MUshroom Cloud.... also as a side note MY CABBAGES

The truth WILL hit him like a brick wall....         Made of ponys.

BAH! Cliffhangers... I eagerly await to read the next chapter.

*yay*

Can I have some more now?

>>292468292468 is that a vote?

This guy is painfully stupid

>>292484292484

Of course, my horse. (Horse puns )

If I wasn't too clear, my vote is for 'Shy

(I hope I can vote through comments too?)

>>292484292484 WAIT what are y'all voting about well what ever you are voting for my vote is for Rainbow Dash,the best pony in Equestria! NO SUBSTITUTION

>>292539292539 were voting on sharky's future marefriend.

>>292561292561 RAINBOW DASH DEFINITELY RAINBOW DASH THEY ARE BOTH AWESOME AND COOL AND ADVENTUROUS AND RADICAL

>>292578292578 LOL Okayyyyy. Chalking it up... Also, YES 100TH COMMENT BOOYAH!!