"What the hell are you talking about?!" I yelled at the news mare. She didn't even flinch.
"So, you claim to have no knowledge of your growing religious group?"
"Why in hell would somepony worship me?! I'm no god! Heck, I'm not even good or pure!!"
"Oh? Have you done anything recently that would be considered impure or wrong?"
"... I stole some gems from diamond dogs..." The mare grinned at me.
"That's not wrong in the least! Diamond dogs are theives that refuse to even share the few gems we need! What did you do with these gems?"
"...... I gave them to a friend..." The mare's grin expanded even further.
"See?! You can't even do something bad! That's why you're our big news-making hero! Smile!" A few more camera flashes went off before the news team vanished again. I groaned loudly and face-palmed.
"Well that went well..." I muttered dumbly as the news crew fled. "A cult... This can't be good..." I rubbed my temples as a throbbing pain started up. "I swear, this world is going to freaking kill me before any monster can..." I continued my walk back to the library. "Why me... Why in hell do I get to come here just to deal with shit like this?" I griped until I finally reached Twilight's library. I knocked on the door and it was opened after a few seconds. Twilight wasn't wearing her dress, and she seemed shocked to see me.
"Oh! Sharky! I'm so sorry, I'll go--"
"Don't bother, I'm going to be in and out anyway. Ha!" I walked in and right up to the bedroom.
"What? What's wrong?"
"I'm not a god Twilight. Why in hell does everypony look up to me?" I shouted down the staircase as I entered the bedroom. "Where's my coin bag?"
"It's under your bed! What are you talking about?" I jumped up the little ledge and fell to the floor to see under my bed.
"Did you hear about my cult? Apparently I have a cult now." I heard Twilight's hooves on the steps as she followed me.
"Well, I read about something like that in the paper, but I didn't think it was serious..."
"Yeah, well apparently I do. Why in the name of almighty Celestia would somepony worship me?"
"Well... you do have a knack for doing the impossible..."
"Even if I did, that wouldn't make me a god!"
"Well, maybe ponies just really like you and it got to their heads. I'm sure it'll pass soon." I reached into the bag under my bed and grabbed a handful of bits. Without even bothering to count them, I put them in the smaller pouch at my hip and stood back up.
"Hey, Sharky... Can we talk?" Twilight asked sheepishly. I sighed and sat down on the edge of my bed.
"Yeah, I've got some time. Get your clothes on and we can talk."
"Uhh... Ok... but... my dress is next to your bed..." She mumbled quietly. I looked around for a second, and sure enough, Twilight's dress was next to the bed, right by my feet. I squinted at it in confusion.
"What's it doing here? Wait a minute... did you... in his bed? ... BWAHAHAHA!!!"
"It's not like that Steven!"
"Not like what? Oh, this outta be good."
"Well... uh... nothing... it's nothing."
"It doesn't sound like nothing..."
"Oh... dear... Well... I was testing a theory..."
"What would that be?"
"... I thought if male humans... were sexually arousable at any time... maybe females were too..." I slowly looked back and forth inbetween her dress and my bed.
"Ok, seems legit."
"What?! You aren't mad?! Or disgusted or... Something?!" I shook my head.
"Nah, it's perfectly normal. I'd be lying if I said I'd never done the same thing. Just uhh... be careful how far you throw your clothes ok? What? Oh hell no. He thinks it's over here by accident!" I grabbed Twilight's dress and threw it over my shoulder. "Anyway, get dressed and we can talk." Twilight fell to her knees in shock. She dully picked up her dress and put it on. She slowly walked towards me, the tap of her hooves getting louder as she approached. Suddenly, I felt arms around my neck. Twilight was sitting on my bed and hugging me from behind.
"Dear Celestia Sharky... You're so stupid... but so smart... I don't know what to do..."
"Twilight, what are you talking about?" Twilight sighed into my ear.
"Look Sharky, I need to tell you something... I wanted to tell you this for a long time." Twilight slid around my back and sat in my lap. I cradled her in my arms and gave her all of my attention. She placed both of her hands on both sides of my face and looked into my eyes. "Sharky. I like you."
"Well I like you too Twilight!" Twilight shook her head and gave me a soft smile.
"You don't understand. Let me show you..." Twilight pulled my head down and she moved her head up at the same time. She pressed her lips against mine and kissed me. My brain failed to function for a few moments. It didn't make sense, Twilight was my friend, she wasn't supposed to like me. Then, all of the sudden every single little odd thing she had done made sense. Her tripping on purpose to have a hurt leg, her being mad that I wanted to take multiple friends to the new year's party, her sadness everytime I called her friend, her sudden intrest in taking the form of a human. Everything connected, like a giant puzzle in my head suddenly putting itself together. Twilight was in love with me this whole time! All of the sudden I knew this was my dream coming true, one of my favorite girls in the world liked me back! I closed my eyes and put my hands around Twilight to pull her even closer to me. She placed a hand on my chest in suprise before she went back to kissing me.
"Twilight..." I muttered as she pulled away from me. I opened my eyes, and to my suprise, Twilight was crying. "Twilight?! What's wrong?" We took our hands off of each other and I caught a tear on her cheek.
"That kiss was everything I wanted it to be..." She sobbed.
"Then what's wrong? I like you too!" Twilight shook her head.
I love him... but I won't cheat my friends like this... Twilight thought to herself.
"No you don't..." A wave of magic flowed from Twilight's horn and hit me in the face. I wasn't sure what was going on, but then my memories slowly started fading. Then I remembered exactly what was going on. I had just told Twilight to get her clothes on so that we could talk. I didn't remember her crawling in my lap, but she was there now.
"So, what did you want to talk about Twilight?" I noticed tears in her eyes. "Whoa, why are you crying?" Twilight shook her head quietly.
"No reason... I just needed comfort. Thank you..." I scrunched up my brow in confusion.
"Umm... You're welcome... glad I could help. Well, I have to go to the market." I moved Twilight over to my side and stood up. "Don't think you fool me Twilight! I know what just happened... You mind-wiped Sharky!" Twilight's eyes widened.
"Oh yes! You better watch it, now, why would you bother to erase his memory hmm?! Hmm? Is something wrong Twilight?"
"No reason..." Twilight's mouth was hanging open in fear.
"No reason for what? You would never do this if it was for you... Ah, I'll bet this has something to do with the other girls, doesn't it?!"
"H-how'd you know about them?!"
"I didn't. I just guessed. I know now! What? Who's them?" Twilight covered her mouth.
"Oh no... no no no..."
"... Riiiiiiight... well, I've got to go. I'll see you later Twi! Mwahahaha... Let's hope the others don't hear about this..."
I spent the next two hours at the market, trying to get the salesponies to let me pay them for their products even though I was a 'hero'. By the time I was done and had made it back to Futtershy's house, it was pitch black outside. I quickly rushed into the house and went to go put the plain clear glass bottles and powdered chocolate away. As soon as I was done, I went to go look for Fluttershy. I found her curled up in her bed with Unity. Fang was sleeping at the foot of the bed and my robin was perched on the headboard. I smiled at them, then realized that Fluttershy was a pony again!
"Huh, I guess that spell finally wore off. Good, I'm glad to see them back to normal." I mumbled quietly to myself. I walked over to the bed and laid down on the floor next to it. My stomach growled and I silently scolded myself for only eating one meal again. I resolved to eat all my meals tomorrow, then let myself fall asleep.
Sunday, Febuary 3rd
I woke up to find Fluttershy strapping saddlebags to herself just a few feet away from me.
"Whoa, hey Shy! What's up with the saddlebags?" Fluttershy seemed to be in a really big hurry, she didn't even look at me.
"I'm very s-sorry, but I need to make a special meal f-for Angel... I'm going to the market, then I'll be right back."
"You sure? I could go for you ya know." Fluttershy shook her head.
"N-no, I'll be fine..."
"Well don't you have a spa day with Rarity today?"
"N-no... Rarity is spending time with Pinkie Pie today... Lucky for h-her the spell wore off last night..."
"Yeah, that reminds me, why did you all have that spell on you in the first place?" Fluttershy's face was slowly enveloped by a deep red blush. She hid her face in her mane.
"It was an experiment for T-twilight..."
"Ah, that makes sense. Have fun at the market." Fluttershy nodded quickly before darting out of the bedroom. I let out a deep breath and stretched all my limbs. With a few cracks, my body loosened up a little. I walked over to Unity's crib to see that he was still asleep... and he was made out of stone. I was worried for a moment, but then he yawned and stretched. He wasn't really rock, just another illusion. "I swear kid, you're going to give me a heart attack." Fang was still asleep at the foot of the bed, even my robin was still sleeping on the headboard. "I guess you're all really tired huh? Well, no sense in waiting here for you to wake up." I left the room and walked into the kitchen again. I made myself a simple breakfast of toast and eggs. I sat down in the living room to eat.
"No you don't..." A small voice hissed out of nowhere. I jumped to my feet and rapidly looked around for the source of the sound. the only things nearby were the birds and bunnies.
"Who's there?!" shouted to the empty room. Unity started crying in the bedroom. I smacked myself for my stupidity.
"Calm down Sharky, you're just hearing things." I walked into the bedroom and picked Unity up, only to find out he was really as heavy as a huge rock! "Whoa!" I stumbled into the living room, struggling to get a firm grasp on Unity. since he was crying, he was kicking and punching as well. His impressive weight combined with the struggling was making it very difficult to hold him. I sighed and moved him over to a chair. I put him down in it, causing the chair to collapse. I groaned and rubbed my temples. I walked into the kitchen and quickly made Unity a bottle. I brought it out to him and as soon as he was sucking down the milk, the stone started to fade away and he stopped struggling. I sighed in relief and picked him up again. I walked over to an unbroken chair and cradled Unity while he drank his milk. After that, I got to just sit and relax for the first time in the entire time I had been here. Fang and my robin went to play in the forest, Unity was content to lie in my arms and suck on his paw, and I had nowhere to go, nothing to fight, nopony to please. I was finally, free to rest.
Dear god I was bored.
At around lunch, Fluttershy finally showed back up as I was cooking some more eggs for myself and making another bottle for Unity.
"Sharky! I'm s-sorry I took so long to get b-back, Rarity and Pinkie Pie were t-teaching me to n-not be a doormat..." Fluttershy called as she opened the door.
"What? They think you're ... Actually I see their point. Well, how'd it go?" Fluttershy trotted into the kitchen, quickly emptying the contents of her bags onto the counters with her wings.
"Oh... Not to well... I didn't get everything I n-needed for Angel's f-food..."
"I'm sure he'll understand if it's missing a few things."
*Ten minutes later*
"Holy fuck, did you just throw Fluttershy out a window?!" I yelled at the deranged little bunny that had just assulted it's owner over a cherry. I was torn between bitch-slapping the hell out of the bunny, and going to see if Fluttershy was ok. I decided to do the former. I grabbed the little bunny by the ears and lifted him to my face. "What the hell?!" I hissed at him. He gave me a blank expression and tried to slap me. I held him back at arms length to keep him from hitting me. "Dude, Fluttershy is like your mom! Why did you just do t--"
"With Celestia as my witness, I'm never going to be a pushover again!" I heard Fluttershy yell outside.
"What the heck?"