Because I just woke up and feel like writing something weird, here's my motto.
"The early bird gets the worm."
"Yes, but the second mouse gets the cheese!"
I took a breath and began to speak.
"Ok girls... Here's how it is..." They all leaned in and turned their ears towards me. "I wa--" A white pony with a red cross for a cutie mark burst in.
"Did I hear you say you were leaving!?" She gushed, she seemed really happy. "Ok just sign these papers and be on your way!" She had a few documents balanced on her back. I took them and filled them out properly. "Yay! maybe the other ponies will come back to work now that you're leaving!" She cheered. Boy I've never been so rudely saved before. As soon as I was done filling out the documents she ripped them out of my hands so fast it left a burn. (like I needed another one of those.) She then pushed her head against my lower back and forced me out the door, which made me hit my head on the door frame (ow.). After she forced me out of the hospital I just stood there dumbfounded.
"Well nice to meet you too..."
"Sharky are you ok?" One of the mane 6 asked as they came out after me. I was too shocked to determine which one.
"Yeah I'm fine... It's not like she attacked me or anything..."
"Well yea, but that was mighty rude a' miss Redheart, are ya upset?" I had regained enough sense to know it was Applejack talking this time.
"...No. I over stayed my welcome I'm sure. It must have been hard for her to come to work thinking there was a monster there." I was a little upset, but I'm definately not gonna tell them that. "So, Twilight, who is this...Spike was it? That you mentioned earlier?" I tried to stray further away from what I had been about to talk about earlier. They didn't appear to fall for it, but seemed to know I didn't want to talk about it.
"Well, Spike is my baby dragon." I decided to take advantage of her wording of that sentence. I decided to throw focus on her to distract from myself. Sorry Twilight. I widened my eyes in fake horror.
"Twilight that means that...you..with a dragon?!" I yelped in fake disbelief. I'm a terrible person. All the ponies, except Twilight, Rarity, and Fluttershy rolled on their backs laughing. (Fluttershy and Rarity were laughing, but not rolling in the dirt.) Twilight's pupils shrank and she blushed profusely.
"N-No! NONONONONO!" She balked. "I just hatched his egg!"
"By sitting on it like a momma bird?" I asked innocently. Fluttershy began to laugh harder when I said that.
"NO! I used magic to hatch it!" She was obviously very flustered, but come on, you know it was funny. I decide to quit now. I had succeded in distracting them anyway.
"Oooooh! Well now that that unpleasent misunderstanding is out of the way, can I meet him?"
"Sure, I would love for you to meet him!" Twilight was obviously still very flustered, but her blush faded as we started walking towards her house. It was early morning still, so nopony was around to see me. That, or they were awake and hiding. Twilight looked up at me with a smile on her face as we walked. Then she squinted her eyes and seemed to be examining my face. "Sharky? Where'd the bump on your head come from?" I felt my forehead, and she was right! There was a small almost pointy bump on my head!
"Well, I hit my head on the way out of the hospital, but It shouldn't be swelling already..."
"Don't worry, when we get to my house I'll fix it up for you!" She had been walking without looking for awhile, and right about then she tripped over a large rock. "Ah buck!" She shouted. She looked to be in a decent amount of pain. "I think I twisted my hoof!" I leaned down and inspected her, but I couldn't figure out which leg she was talking about. So I just lifted her with both arms, cradling her like a baby. (She's so small I can pull it off. She's freakin' adorable like this!)
"Don't worry!" I proclaimed. "You carried me when I was hurt, and now I'll carry you." She turned a little red and looked away from me.
"What a true gentlepony!" Rarity interjected. I rolled my eyes at being called a 'pony' again. Luckily Rarity couldn't see my face. We walked a while more and we were almost at Twilight's library when she looked up at me again. She opened her mouth like she wanted to speak, but then closed it again.
"Did you want to ask me something Twilight?" I asked curiously. She blushed again. (She does that A LOT I've noticed. I wonder why.) She couldn't look at me while she asked.
"I feel like such a filly..." She muttered. Then she looked at me shyly. "Could you...kiss my leg to help me feel better?" She murmered. I nearly busted a gut laughing. She's so damn cute! She must have thought I was laughing at the idea because she teared up. (Damn I gotta stop making ponies cry, it's not good for my heart.)
"No no don't cry." I soothed. "You were just so much like a little human girl right then that I laughed. I don't have a problem with it, which leg?" Her tears vanished and she held up her right foreleg like a little girl. (SO MUCH D'AWWWWW!!) We had reached Twilight's door, so I knocked, then brought her leg up and kissed it just above the hoof. (at least I assume it was above the hoof, I really couldn't tell you where the hoof ends and the leg begins.) Right as I was about to pull my mouth away, the door was flung open by a very small, and very angry looking, purple dragon.
"I WON'T LET YOU EAT MY SISTER!!!" He screamed. He took a big breath, and then proceeded to set my pants on fire.
"BWAAAGH!!" I hopped up and down, still holding Twilight. I guess dragons can choose whether their flame hurts or sends letters, because this hurt like a bitch and I could smell smoke. Rarity magically pulled off my pants, (Wait whut?) and then threw them on the ground. Then Rainbow flapped her wings at them really fast and put out the fire. Spike took another deep breath, oblivious to the efforts of the mane 6 to yell at him to stop. Right as he was about to exhale again and problably light my boxers and leg hair, Twilight magically clamped his mouth shut. He inflated like a ballon temporarily, then deflated again right after that.
"SPIKE!!!" Twilight practically screamed. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" Spike looked like he was going to yell back, but then just looked really confused.
"Saving your life?" He asked. Twilight seemed to calm down at this.
"Well that's awfully brave of you, but you just lit my new friend, OUR new house guest, on FIRE!" She made sure to put a lot of emphasis on that last word. Spike looked down bashfully.
"Oops... *ehm sorry mr....?"
"Sharky, Sharky White. Don't worry bro, I'm actually really impressed with your bravery!" He looked up at me with a happy gleam in his eye.
"Ya really mean it? You aren't mad?"
"Yeah I mean it, I wouldn't have the guts to attack something like 10 times my size if I were you. I'm not mad at all!" I thought a little. "I might need new pants though..." I looked down, past Twilight and saw the blackened, holey remains of my pants. About that time, I realized I was standing there in my boxers. "Ohmygosh!" I shouted. I ran past the little dragon and into the house. I then dashed up the stairs to Twilight's bedroom and jumped clear up on top of that little ledge that has her bed on it. (actually not that impressive, it was only about 4 feet tall and I used to jump hurdles.) I gently placed her on the bed and jumped back down.
"Whoa Sharky! Why did you run like that?!"
"Because I'm not wearing pants!" I yelled up at Twilight.
"So?" My jaw dropped. I can't believe the idea of not wearing pants doesn't effect her. Though I really should have known.
"So, I'M. NOT. WEARING. PANTS!!" I yelled. "For a human that's really bad!" I tried to explain.
"I still don't see how that's a problem. We only wear pants when we want to. Why do you need them so bad?"
"Because...because...Look I just need pants ok?!"
"Then you should ask Rarity for help."
"Help with what dear?" Rarity asked as the other 5 and Spike came into the room. I got up again and dashed to the nearest door. Yes, bathroom! I thought as I locked the door.
"Rarity!" I yelled through the door. "I need your help!"
"Ummm... I don't know what help you could need in there, but I'm not the one you should ask..." I laughed.
"No,no, nothing bad. I just need you to make me new pants or fix the old ones. If it's not to much trouble that is.... I'm sure I'll be able to pay you back once I make some money!"
"Think nothing of it dear, I'll fashion you some new clothes, free of charge!" She then squealed a little. "Oooooh, I get to design clothes for a famous actor from another planet!!" I heard hooves trotting out, so I assume she left.
"Why did you tell her I was a famous actor?"
"You told me you were acting remember? Thats how you got hurt."
"Yes, but I also said I wasn't very good!"
"You're just being modest!" I gave up. Clearly there was no arguing with this pony. I sighed deeply and sat down in the corner of the bathroom. Just then Rarity came trotting back in.
"Oh dear, I seem to have forgotten to bring Sharky!"
"Why would you need to bring me?!" I was freaking out now.
"Well I can't very well fashion clothes for you without measurements, can I?" She asked. I groaned.
"Can't you measure what's left of my old pants and use that?"
"Oh, you mean the ones that nearly burnt to a small pile of ash?" She asked sarcastically. "Yes I'm sure those wouldn't fall apart before I even got to the boutique."
I am so fucked... I thought to myself. "Alright Rarity, how far is the boutique?"
"Just a five minute trot from here." She said. I sighed loudly. I grabbed a towel from a rack on the wall and wrapped it around my lower body. I then unlocked the door and stepped into Twilight's bedroom again.
"Ok Rarity, lets go." We left Twilight's house and I saw Spike cleaning up what was left of my pants. I saw a glint of silver through the ashes. "Wait Spike!" He stopped and turned to face me. I walked over and grabbed the engagement ring from the ashes. "Thanks Spike..." I turned and started following Rarity to the boutique. Luckily for me it was still really early so I didn't run into any ponies. That didn't make it much less embarrasing that I was running around ponyville in my boxers. Worse still, Twilight had found a little walking stick and caught up with us.
"How much longer is this gonna take?!" I whined as Rarity took like her 50TH MEASUREMENT. I had been standing here with her hooves and measuring tape all over my lower body for four hours straight. I had wanted to ask why she wasn't using magic to hold the tape, but decided not to bother her.
"I'm on the last few measurements dear." She's said that at least four times now.
"You've said that four times already!" Twilight complained. Haha, like she read my mind.
"Well I'm sorry I'm trying to do a thorough job!" Rarity retorted. "By all means If you can do better, please do!" She never once even looked away from measuring though, so she must be pretty confident we can't. She's right.
"I'm sorry Rarity, I'm just not used to this sort of thing. This is the longest I've ever stood in one spot." It was true. Even when watching a certain area of sea for hours trying to document shark behavior I had needed to pace around my boat. "I know you're the best around, maybe even the best in Equestria!"
"Flattery does get you everywhere." She said with a blush. "I haven't even begun making your pants though, what makes you have such a strong opinion of me already?" I faltered as I realized I had almost given away the fact that I knew about her previous works. I looked around quickly for an escape from my verbal slip. My gaze settled on the mann(horse?)equins, luckily, they had some of what I guess was her winter fashion line on them. I guestured towards them.
"I simply took a look at your work. Nothing in my world could even compare to what I see here!" Sure I was laying it on a bit thick (maybe not, I didn't keep up with fashion in my world, so I don't really know.), but I really wanted her to like me. I wanted all the ponies to like me, but especially Rarity, seeing as how she was my only source of clothing.
"Rarity?" Said a sweet little voice coming from the stairs. I turned my head and saw a tiny white unicorn with a half light purple, half light pink mane and tail standing on the staircase. "What's that?" She said with fear in her voice. I'm getting tired of scaring ponies.
"Don't worry Sweetiebelle. This is my new friend, Sharky!" Raity said through a mouthful of measuring tape. Sweetiebelle seemed to get over her fear just as quickly as she had gotten it.
"Ooooh~ Is he going to go to the New Year's party?!" She squeaked.
"Oh my gosh! The New Year's party!" Twilight shrieked. "I haven't even thought of which friend I'm gonna bring!" I was genuinely confused at this point. The show never mentioned a New Year's party.
"Ummm... What are you guys talking about?" Twilight and Sweetiebelle were to busy bouncing and gushing over the party to hear me. (wait... bouncing?) So Rarity responded instead.
"The New Year's party happens at the end of every year to celebrate the coming of a new year, full of promise and second chances." Sounds like our new year so far. "Everypony hooks up with a friend and stays up until midnight, drinking laughing, and having fun." Still sounds familiar. "At midnight, everypony then has to tell their friend a secret. Most ponies use this night to confess their love for another pony with little to no reprecussions." And there the similarities end.
"So it's a night for friends to learn new things about each other?" I summarized.
"Well basically yes!" Rarity had thankfully stopped taking measurements and was at her sewing machine right now. I sat down. Right when I did, a lavender pony jumped in my lap.
"Will you go to the New Year's party with me?" I have to say. I REALLY didn't want to go. I could only imagine how my apperance would make ponies react. I looked up to tell Twilight no, but when I did I saw the most adorable puppy-dog begging eyes, EVER. She was sitting on her haunches, had her forelegs in front of her chest, and her eyes had swelled about three times their normal size. I didn't have it in my heart to tell her no.
"Alright, ok. I'll go one one condition." I said. Twilight looked ecstatic. I heard a small ripping noise from Rarity's direction.
"Tell me why your foreleg is all better now." Her eyes shrank and her hooves dropped.
"Uhh...ummm... like I said, we ponies heal fast!" She managed to say. I don't buy it, but I'll let it go for now.
"Ok!" I said with a smile. "I'll go." Twilight giggled and started bouncing. Then I realized I was still only wearing boxers. I pushed Twilight off me and stood up with a blush.
"Ow! What was that for?!" I know she problably doesn't realize what she just did, so I try to be casual about it.
"Oh, sorry. I just needed to stand because... Uh my legs were falling asleep!" She accepted my apology, and we waited for my pants. I twirled the ring I had kept clenched in my hand around my fingers, and thought.