A story of how two ponies, both opposites in personality, formed a bond of friendship and love that lasted throughout an entire lifetime...
Chapters (15)
- Member Since 26th Nov, 2011
- offline last seen 34 minutes ago
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"You think you know me..."
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Cool can't wait for more
Really sweet story!
make at least five chapters and ill start reading y u ask? if there is only 1 chapter ill read the book but if theres more than 2 ill only read it if its finished under 5 or over 5 if not finished so plz get 2 more chapters and ill read ty
This is a really wonderful story. I really have enjoyed it so far. Keep up the good work!
As a huge fan of FlutterDash I naturally hope this fanfic goes down the path of a FlutterDash romance fanfic and yet, if it were to be only a friendship fanfic my immense appreciation of this story would not dwindle. I have never attributed cute to anything more than a scene within a fanfic but so far I have caught myself going d'awww so many times that I feel justified in saying that this is the cutest fanfic I have read. Seriously, at the end of every chapter I was going d'awww and that is not like me at all.
Other than being absolutely adorable there are many other things I can say contribute to my love of these first four chapters. These can be small things such as the chapter titles or larger things such as the frequent details and description. Sure said details and descriptions are merely good rather than great, but they are more frequent than the majority of fanfics and this allows me to see things as you, the reader, intend me to rather than making a lot of the characters actions and general scenery up in my head. The style of writing feels simple yet appropriate, and allows for smooth transition between narration, description, and dialogue. Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash appear to be in character, and their interactions provide heart-warming moments, entertaining reading, and sweet bits of humour.
Now let me think of what I can say on the matter of improvement. There are a couple of minor mistakes such as misplaced speech marks and wrong words or additional letters, the common mistakes that you miss when proofreading unless you know exactly where they are. You use Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash’s names a little too often, and your vocabulary could be a tad stronger but otherwise I’m quite satisfied. So far this story is pretty balanced; it only has a few key strength’s to it but makes up for that with a general lack of weaknesses.
This fanfic doesn’t try hard to be funny yet it can make me laugh (chapter 1) nor does it try hard to make me cry yet it can make me feel sad (chapter 4). The story is progressing well, nice and slow, in particular to the relationship between Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy which hints at some spectacular development, and the interactions between the two characters make it all worth reading. So far it’s an adorable fanfic to which I gleefully await the next chapter of. Fantastic job, keep up the superb work!
Doesn't matter to me if it ends up as romance or not, this story proves that you don't need 8k+ words a chapter to tell a meaningful story.
Looking forward to the next chapter
While I really like where the story is going, there's a few lines of dialogue in here that just don't feel natural.
Anyway, I hope to see more.
So, so, so beautiful
. I swear this should have more popularity than other flutterdash stories. I usually go for the ones with romance in them (take my man card) but this is just as good as some of the greats. If you decide to do a romance, great! If you decide to keep it at friendshipping, great! With the work you've done I don't think this story can be ruined. Can't wait for the next chapter.
Cheers,
jangledorf
I don't think you should bring a romance into this, its good as is and it would just kinda ruin it for some of your readers if you brought that in. What you should do is bring it up to date with modern time. like into daily things with the show with twilight and everyone else and elaborate that Fluttershy makes more friends in ponyville and maybe you could have a couple chapter where she helps each pony out in a special way, or something like that. All in all its your choice so do as you want but anyways great chapter and story so far. Can't wait till the next chapter!
As I mentioned in the last chapter I of course would like to see this fanfic take the romance route. Would it not being romance stop me from reading and reviewing? No, but I would like it even more as a romance, and it would be nice to have another great FlutterDash fanfic on this site (especially one that does not have either of the two characters injured and either in hospital or caring for the other, which is the most common FlutterDash fanfic plot).
Plenty of chuckles were had as with the introduction of Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Rarity (mostly the later) the comedy was vamped up. Loved every moment of Pinkie Pie's in character antics and Rarity's was a very believable first encounter between the two, and packed with humour. Details were present, Fluttershy's current situation has logical reasoning behind it (her unconstructed house and lack of places to stay are well explained), and all the characters were introduced smoothly. They weren’t forced to appear but made their presence known as the natural flow of the well paced plot. I also loved the reunion between Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash as well as the hints to the pairing (the part about marrying a childhood friend, even if Rarity was referring to a colt at the time, is such a tease if this does progress as FlutterDash).
The first criticism I noticed was the sentences which could flow better as it were. Many feel like they end too soon and what they detail could be either extended or have the second sentences details added to it, making a single smoother sentence, than two stunted ones. My main criticism for this chapter though were the numerous errors present, such as capitalising pony constantly (you don't refer to a person as a 'Person'), some other unneeded capitalisation, and out of place full stops. I could point out where each one of these errors is but they should be easy enough to find with another proofread.
I loved how the chapter unfolded, the events that lead to Fluttershy interacting with the other characters and of course, Fluttershy's first interactions with Pinkie Pie, Applejack, and Rarity. Here's hoping it will be romance in the next chapter rather than just friend-shipping but ultimately it is your decision, I remain eager for the next chapter. Great job, keep up the good work!
326160
I have a problem capitalizing races all the time. The next time I get free time I'm going into everyone of my fics and changing that
To be honest I think you have got two options: 1 End the story here. 2 turn it into a romance. Great story by the way!
I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!! Is it finshed?
357384
no. Not yet
357444 AWESOME! I can't wait to read more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yay.
This is how you do pre-relationship interaction right. Not a bunch of stuff that is super serious that gets in the way, just letting these characters be. Bravo.
Well i hoped for it to not be Romantic but, Whatever, i'll give credit where credit is due. Great work once again my friend!
Very cute.
Although, ANGEL
Another great chapter. I am looking forward to more.
Today’s introduction will concern the recent chapter you have sent for me to proof-read (this way I don't have to send you an extra message). I have received your chapter and have begun proof-reading it however I'm afraid it won't be available until Wednesday at best (I was a tad busy on Monday and only did a brief read and edit on Sunday) but I enjoyed what I read. Now to review this chapter, which once again I would have done sooner but I was kind of busy all of last week.
This chapter has a lot of things that I love about it, a brilliant relationship build up through the course of natural situations, well described and enjoyable to read winter activities, and the introduction of my third favourite character of the show, Angel Bunny. Your decision to make this romance pleases me and your execution of it more so. It hasn't suddenly become romance but is rather progressing towards it with small hints and development that occur in what I presume to be normal interactions between the two friends. Everything feels both believable and sweet; I can imagine Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash interacting like this in the show and though it may be chilly for the two characters every moment I have read warms my heart.
One criticism I have is in regards to story progression, for instance it is strange that the story leaps all the way to Fluttershy's first winter in Ponyville when a lot could have been said about the events between the last chapter and this one. Instead we are merely given tibbits about it which is a little disappointing. A personal dislike is the fact that Fluttershy is already friends with Rarity, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie, while I prefer it to be the case of Twilight being the reason that they all are close friends with one another, and that while they were acquainted beforehand they were not best of friends as it were. That is though a personal preference of mine.
This is not the most creative or exciting of events and yet that is why it works. That is why it works so well as a tale of friendship and romance, that is why it is so realistic, and that is why it so enjoyable because it feels smooth and normal and doesn't involve any sudden unexpected dangers or accidents or anything of the sort. Thanks for mentioning me in both the opening and closing author notes. Fantastic job, keep up the superb work!
It's RAINBOWRIFIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love this story, keep it up.
I speak for all Schadenfreude-loving readers when I say,
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA
I love how it's Fluttershy who screws everything up and in a very Fluttershy-like way.
With each passing chapter I like the story more.
Looking forward to the next one.
Its review time...Yeah, I can't think of anything witty, or special to serve as an introduction. Hold on a minute, I think I've got one. Call me a minion and I'll give you my opinion
!
What I recieved to proof-read was a mighty fine piece of work, with great development and heart tugging atmospheric and emotional moments. What I see in now is an amazing piece of work, with beautiful development and heart tugging atmospheric and emotional moments. The chapter was good before but the additions of the dream sequence, some added lines, and the exploration of Fluttershy's developing feelings as she watches Rainbow Dash sleep make this simply wonderful, wonderful. The story is engaging and believable, its twists and turns being plausible particularly for the characters involved. Detail is great as always and while humour was rather light, the moments that were to be had got a giggle or two from me.
Unfortunately with so much new content and so many new lines a few word errors have cropped up. There small and few in number, though there is one repeated mistake of writing 'audition' as 'auction', an error I noticed in the version I proof-read and corrected but one that has resurfaced in this version. Other than that, well you know longer have the Derpy line of reasoning that I criticised in your draft so I guess that's it. Oh, you could probably do with some more description concerning the scenery, though the characters never did stay around in one spot for too long.
I always smile when I see my name amongst the author notes, and even if I wasn't tasked with proof-reading I would still be looking forward to your chapters just to read. I have high hopes for the next chapter and can't wait to see it. Fantastic job, keep up the superb work!
Gah! I need moar! Why must you end the chapter like that?
But...Fluttershy...in the Everfree...ran...away?
Kinda makes scene i mean out of everypony she could survive in the everfree
533430
That... and I needed a place where she can be in danger
you sneaky little rascal
Been waiting for this to update! This is really gutwrenching and handled really well. I think Rarity's arguments weren't the best since those were more errors of judgement than a wilflul act of deception, but if it works...
I've really liked this story from the get go. It's been fresh and original. I just hope that you continue that and don't simply have it end with "pony x feels bad and runs away and gets into trouble and pony y saves pony x from something and everything it magically forgiven"
Can't wait for more!!!
This story reminds me of friends that i met during the summer, and how they possibly changed my life. Now that I think about it, i think i can compare myself to fluttershy.
What is it with you and Metalingus from After Bridge?
537425
The persona I have for this name is based on a wrestler named Edge aka The Rated-R SuperStar. The song was his theme song when he came into the ring. Plus, it's a cool song
All of these answer... Right now. No, when hell freezes over, because they have nothing better to do
Needs an update.
Cool story bro.
Once again I must apologise with being so late with the editing of this chapter. I will try to be quicker and more efficient with the editing of the next chapter, which I will get on with once I have finished reviewing.
Rarity and Applejack are spot on in both characterisation and their manner of speech. The reactions and actions of the characters feel fitting are well explained without the explanations being forced, and said explanations even allow the show to be referenced quite a bit. Writing was generally decent to great, with plenty of details and description to help picture each scene and moment. Comedy was not completely absent but left when it the chapter needed to focus on the sadder emotions, which in turn were well conveyed and well paced.
A few of the sentences lack flow, and could have easily been expanded into one another. Considering other instances when I've made note of this criticism there are fewer cases of this here however the fact that there are some should be noted. Also, the pacing at the beginning felt rushed, not helped by Rarity's quick leave from the spa and almost instantaneous meeting of Applejack.
A well rounded chapter this is and a fitting follow up to the events of the last chapter. Again the ending leaves me wanting more and guessing as to what is to come, which I will luckily be able to find out as I begin proof-reading it. Great job, keep up the good work!
I LOVE YOUR FACE MON!!
thats not what you're supossed to say
oh sorry
I LOVE THIS STUFF!
there you go
shut up
I am even more interseted
Aw. I was hoping for it to not be romantic, but this is still cute. =]
I COULD KISS YOU RIGHT NOW!
but I wont
not my thing you know?
either way}great story, I love it I hope you finish it witha bang (in a manner of speaking)
and havea happy summer/spring/whatver season it is
bro/sis/whatever it is that you call yourself
Great read, but try not to kill Fluttershy again please
608280
I didn't kill her. I just made her get close to getting killed.
So im confused ont hat last part, it just suddenly went to a new scene. Is it years later or somethinglike that?
609085
It's a happy version of the dream Fluttershy had two chapters ago. Instead of Rainbow Dash forgetting her in that dream, she remembers her.
609091 Ooh okay so that was a dream. Just making sure, at least I hope I understood that.
I was also confused by the dream at the end. If I were to read the whole thing through I'm sure the fact that it's a dream would be immediately apparent, but since this is just one of dozens of stories that I read as new updates come out, I didn't remember that dream. A quick line indicating that it is in fact a dream would probably be a good thing.