You know what I like about the universe? It’s big, unfathomably big. Think about it this way: our entire galaxy is but a speck of dust in the majesty that is universe. An individual in the universe is such an insignificant part of the universe that their entire existence wouldn’t even be the tiniest blip in the cosmos.
But I like being infinitesimally small. Why? It puts everything in perspective. Yeah, I had problems, everyone has problems. I was a bit socially awkward, I spent way too much time online; stuff like that. But in the grand scale of things, those problems were nothing.
I really wish I could say the same about my current situation. I was a pony. No, I was a cartoon given form in reality. I had wings, wings that must have defied every law of physics known to man. Before today, I had thought reality was solid, now I was a wrecking hammer to the concrete of the universe. I was scared out of my mind.
“John, how did this happen?” Mary continued to look over my equine form, amazement on her face.
“I-I don’t know!” I screamed. “But it’s wrong, very very wrong!”
“But this is what fans dream about all the time. You even got wings, you can fly now!”
The thought of spitting in Newton’s face terrified me even more. I quickly tucked the wings back to my sides. “T-that’s the p-point!” I couldn’t speak clearly, fear was running through my veins. “T-that’s all they are... a-all they were: dreams!”
Mary now saw how scared I was. “Okay John, just take some deep breaths, I’m sure this will all work out.”
“Work out? Work out?!” Mary! I’m a f*^king horse! A talking flying horse. I’m a violation of everything that should be possible!” My eyes wildly darted around the room. I expected the apocalypse any second. I desperately wanted a Bible, a Torah, something holy. I’m not even that religious, I just wanted something to take solace in.
“Um, let’s just go through everything. Did anything happen last night that might have caused this?”
“Aside from reality crumbling? No. I was just sick like I had been. I threw up a little sometime in the middle of the night. Then I chugged some medicine and pa–” I stopped. The medicine helped people with colds sleep, but it took a bit of time to take effect. No off-the-shelf medicine could have knocked me out that fast. Then I remembered the artificial grape taste of the medicine. “Oh my god!” I darted over to my medical supplies.
“What is it?” Mary said with concern.
“Reality becoming fiction, that’s what!” I scanned the supplies and then my eyes fell on an empty cup and an open bottle. I looked just like a standard bottle of cold medicine. Only there were no labels on the bottle. I noticed there was a small dribble of purple liquid near the top of the bottle. It shimmered with an unnatural glow.
Then I saw the letter next to the bottle. No, it was more of a scroll. A familiar looking scroll. I scooted it closer with a wing, careful not to spill whatever was in the bottle. Once it was close, I tried uncurling it, but I couldn’t manage it with my wings or my mouth. “Mary, I need some help, uncurl this for me.”
“Right,” she walked over grabbed the scroll and easily uncurled it. I desperately missed my hands. “Do you want me to read it?”
“No, I’ll read it, I can at least do that much... can you just hold it open?” Can’t even read a letter without assistance, super. I began to read the letter:
I looked at the letter for a very long time. Somehow, it was the thing that was most wrong with my room. I could read it clearly, but it had to have been something pulled out of a dream. There was no way it actually existed. Then again, I was now a pegasus, so my judgement call on what was real and what was fiction was shaky at best.
Then I remembered my dream. Only it hadn’t been a dream at all, it’d been a vision. My one chance to talk with the rulers of Equestria and my damn alarm clock had ruined it. If I hadn’t already broken it, I’d stomp it repeatedly with my hooves. Crap, crap crap! Now where do I get he– there was one place I could go. There were people who had experienced this before, well not experienced being turned into a pony, but they’d written about it at least.
“So what’s it say John?” Mary seemed very anxious to look at the letter.
“Mary, it just got real.” My own words felt disbelieving. I was getting a little afraid to fall asleep again. Things might be normal in my dreams from now on. “Do you read pony fics?”
“Not really, I think Nate or Sean are more into fics. I mean, remember that time Sean wrote that horrible clo–”
“Mary! Focus!” I thanked god that my brain had still been rational enough to have not called either one of them. Sean and Nate had gotten me into MLP and they made my fandom for the show look miniscule. If they saw me now... I think the whole campus– no, the whole city would know I was a pony by noon. Mary wasn’t even that big a fan and she was ecstatic about my transformation. Couldn’t she see how dire the situation was? “Listen to me carefully, I need you to get on my computer and contact some people.” I trotted over towards my computer.
“Oh! Is this some world-wide thing?” She’d skimmed the letter while I was trying to walk. She was eagerly eyeing the bottle.
“Mary! You drink that and I’ll buck you in the face!” I’d said another ponyism. I felt lightheaded for a second. “Please come over here.” I stomped a hoof by my desk. “I’ll give you instructions... then you can have whatever you want.” The letter’s words were scrawled across my brain as I spoke. Make more converts. That was the order I’d been given by an entity I thought was just a cartoon until now. But Celestia was real, Equestria was real. I didn’t want to condemn anyone else to the situation I was currently in, but somewhere deep in my heart, a voice cried out telling me conversion was right.
“Okay, what’s your password?” Mary was sitting next to me in my chair. I’d probably never fit in it given my current form. I gave her the password; what use was it if I couldn’t even type anymore? My computer might as well have been a slab of metal, hooves were useless on a keyboard.
“Open up my internet browser and click the bookmark farthest to the right.” She followed my instructions as I spoke. The page in front of her was a link to various IRC channels. I only needed one. I prayed someone was on. “Now in that top space scroll down until you reach a server called ‘geekshed’ then for the ‘name’ space fill it in with ‘FMP’ and for the channel fill it with ‘#TCB.’” Please someone be on.
The screen shifted and now it had a chatroom format. I scanned the right side of the screen, looking to see if anyone was on that the time. I cursed that Chatoyance never came to IRC, she could have probably been the most help dealing with something like this. But I wasn’t completely out of luck. Midnight and Krass were on and having some bizarre debate about cherry potion. I shivered at the thought of that nightmare occurring. Being turned into a pony had been terrifying enough, losing my masculinity would have been even worse. My arrival into the chat room hadn’t gone unnoticed.
Krass: sup newfoal
Midnight: who is this?
Krass: new guy he seems to like Chat’s stuff
Midnight: oh hello what’s going on?
“Mary type exactly what I tell you.”
FMP: Situation is bad. Potion is real need help.
Krass: You been smokin?
FMP: Accidentally drank potion last night. Woke up as pony. Having friend type for me.
Midnight: oh boy this should be interesting
Krass: Bullshit, pics or it didn’t happen
“Mary, open up a new tab and my my photo application.”
“Are you sure that’s...”
“Do it! This may be the only lifeline I’ve got.” The application was in the foreground while the new blank page sat in the background. “Now take a picture of me and then go to ponychan’s /fic/ board and go to a thread called ‘The Conversion Bureau: Tasty Tasty Grass Edition’ and post the picture there.”
With a few clicks, the deed was done. My face... my muzzle was online and anyone could see it. Seeing it on a computer screen just solidified reality for me; computers didn’t make mistakes the way humans did. Unless there was a glitch, it had taken a perfect picture of a brown pegasus. “Now go back to chat room.”
Midnight: did he leave?
FMP: check out the ponychan thread.
Krass: this should be funny
For a few minutes, the screen was still. I gazed intently at the it, awaiting a response. It came after about five minutes.
Midnight: is it shopped?
Krass: checked, I couldn’t find any editing
FMP: I’m telling the truth.
Krass: Holy shit
FMP: I need help. There’s still potion and a letter and I don’t know what to do.
The text couldn’t convey the desperation in my voice.
FMP: from the sun princess herself. I wouldn’t believe it if I didn’t have my friend to verify it.
Krass: What does it say?
Mary typed up the exact words of the letter.
Krass: Did I take something? I must have taken something to be seeing this.
Midnight: not unless I took the same thing. my god, this is heavy
FMP: What should I do?
There was another long period of stillness.
Krass: Start the bureaus. This is so insane but cool. So is like Celestia sending potion to everyone... no everypony?
Krass is insane. I don’t care if it’s text or not. No one throws away humanity that quickly. I’ve made a mistake talking to him.
Midnight: Krass, cool it. This is pretty freaky. You’re sounding like someone from the PER
FMP: I’m scared
Cloudhammer has entered #TCB
Cloudhammer: Hey what’s going on here?
Another frequenter of the TCB chat room, Cloudhammer was usually the one most likely to be online when I usually was.
Midnight: Shit just got real
Cloudhammer: What’s going on?
Krass: FMP was a lucky bastard and got the potion
Midnight: He’s a pony now
Cloudhammer: for real?
Krass: check the thread on ponychan. You’ll shit bricks!
For a minute there was no movement on the board. Then Krass spoke up again
Krass: So... have you tried out the wings yet?
FMP: No. I’m terrified to even leave my room. What if the government sees me. They’ll find me and then they’ll interrogate me and then they’ll experiment on me.
I was crying by the end of the tangent. Mary was lightly petting my head. “John, it’ll be okay. We’ll keep you safe.”
Midnight: that sounds pretty rough.
Cloudhammer: I’m back... holy crap FMP what’s going on?
FMP: I don’t know, I had a dream with the Princesses but my clock woke me up.
Cloudhammer: Damn this sucks, if potion is real that can’t be a good sign
FMP: what should I do?
Krass: convert your friends? you have to start somewhere.
Midnight: also these “seeds” in the letter. perhaps there are others like you?
There were others... I could make others. The righteous feeling in my heart grew. I’m not alone. I’m not the only pony! A mad sense of relief and determination was seizing my mind now.
FMP: keep this as far under the radar as you can for now. We can’t start a panic because of this. Only tell other TCB writers, they might be able to offer advice.
Midnight: what are you going to do?
FMP: what Celestia commanded
Krass: heh, so did it really taste like artificial grape?
FMP: the worst. Midnight, thank everything holy it wasn’t cherry
Midnight: Oh... oh wow. Yeah definitely.
FMP: I’ll try to keep in touch, don’t be surprised if the news starts going crazy in a few days. If there are others, I bet a commotion will be started somewhere. We’re like a stack of dominoes, just waiting for one of us to fall and send the whole set up crashing.
Krass: save some potion for me!
Midnight: Me too!
Cloudhammer: If it’s the end of days I’m up for some as well.
FMP: RL friends are the immediate issue. Must go now, there is work to be done.
“You can close the window now.” Mary did as I asked and then looked anxiously at me.
“So can I have the drink now?”
“In a second.” My mind was swimming with ideas. I had essentially been given the liquid death of humanity, or at least the human body. I looked back and forth between her and the bottle. “We need to get someplace more secure first.”
I scanned my mind for a place, then I realized there was a place right down the hall where we could be safe for a while. “Mary, I need to you to got get Sybil, her room should be more secure than mine.”
“That’s right, she does have a single after all... why didn’t you call her first anyway? I mean she’s right down the hall.”
“There’s a reason we call her the ‘Pinkie Pie’ of our group. Given how you’ve been acting, she’d probably be screaming like a deranged fangirl at this.” I flapped my wings again.
“Sorry, it’s just that this is so cool. I mean ponies are real and we can become them. It’s so awesome. Wonder if I’ll be a pegasus or a unicorn? Earth pony is cool as well.”
I facehoofed. Couldn’t she see how insane this all was? I could understand conversion a little now, but there had to be regret for lost humanity somewhere in there. “Tell that to me when you can’t even walk right and you don’t have hands. Can you please just go get Sybil? Oh and if she screams, close her mouth.” I needed to at least have some control of the situation. Control made me feel a little better.
“Okay, I’ll be right back,” she said as she moved over to the door and left me alone in the room. I braced myself for the storm. I am so screwed. I’d given up trying to sort out reality and fiction, all I could do was pray things would work out.
There was an frenzied knocking at my door. I didn’t bother draping my covers over me this time. I didn’t want my tail to get stepped on again. The instant I opened the door, Sybil was in my face. “John, oh my god! This is so cool! I mean holy crap! Can...can I touch your wings?”
“Jesus, I knew this would happen. First, please calm down. You want me to be on the news tonight? Second, you can touch them is you help me.”
“Okay, okay,” she said in a whisper that was still filled with energy. “What do you need?”
“I need you to get me and the potion to your room.”
“The stuff that did this to me.”
“Mary! You didn’t tell me there was stuff that could do this to us!” Now Sybil seemed like she was about to bounce off the walls. She excitedly turned back to me, “Can I have some?”
“Both of you!” I yelled and then checked my voice. “Listen to me. That,” I pointed a hoof at the bottle, I nearly lost my balance doing so, “is the largest powder keg in human history. We need to handle this calmly and as rational people.”
“Ponies,” Sybil chimed in. I swiftly kicked her in the shin. I was getting tired of their fantasy antics.
“That is the major issue: we are human, I am a human. Don’t you two comprehend how terrifying this is?” I stomped a hoof to the ground.
“Well I mean life does kinda suck,” Sybil seemed much more serious now. “I’ll have student loans to deal with, finding a job after college.”
“Dealing with drunk roommates,” Mary voiced her complaints as well. “Grades.”
“I can’t believe it, those are your complaints?” I was completely flabbergasted. Maybe it was because I considered life good. I came from a rich family, had good friends, went to a good school. Did I have bad days, yes: a D on a test there, an asshole here. But I could have never said life sucked. But now it was gone. “For god’s sake, this isn’t some fun game! I’m stuck like this now!” I was beginning to cry again. “Is that really what you want?!”
“John, remember what the letter said?” Mary was petting me again as she tried to comfort me. “I think this might be bigger than all of us. I mean if ponies exist, why haven’t they contacted us until now?”
“I don’t know!” I sobbed.
“Well, it sounds like they need our help and you saw what the guys online said. I know this wasn’t fair to you, but... we’ll help you through it.”
“She’s got that right,” said Sybil, “the show did have friendship in the title after all.”
Friends. That was right: neither Mary nor Sybil had run at the sight of me. They’d actually wanted to join me. Their eagerness to convert still confused me, but at least they were willing to stand by my side. “Okay,” I sniffled, “let’s get to Sybil’s room and then we can plan out from there. Mary, get my keys, we’ll need to take two trips.”
Mary walked back over to my desk and grabbed the lanyard that held my keys. “Got ‘em.”
“Okay.” I bit my sheets again and draped them over my body.
“Um, John,” Sybil was probably giving me a quizzical look, “what are you doing?”
“Not causing a panic. Here’s what I need you two to do...”
I couldn’t see the hallway, but the trip to Sybil’s room still felt like an eternity. I was bundled up in my covers along with a ton of my other clothes. I couldn’t wear them any more, but at least they seemed to be working as a camouflage. I prayed two girls taking a bunch of laundry to their room didn’t look suspicious.
I heard Sybil’s key unlock the door and then we were in the safe zone. They set me down on the floor and I squirmed out of my disguise. It took much more work as a pony to get out of tightly wrapped covers. I felt of few of my feathers bend oddly, but again, it was a minor pain that quickly faded.
The bigger issue was that the window-shades were open. Seriously, it looked like someone had cranked the world’s flare meter up to eleven. “Gah!” I put up my wings to cover my face.
“What wrong?” Both girls said in unison.
“Do you not see the supernova going on outside?” I’d pulled the cover back over my head. “Oh crap, is it Celestia? She’s not outside is she?!” The vision of Celestia coming down in a messianic fashion popped into my mind. At least that’d get the panic out of the way.
“John, what are you talking about? It’s not even that bright out today, might even rain a little.”
“Fine, fine! Just please shut the blinds!” Even under the covers with my eyes closed, I could still see the world ablaze outside. Then it was normal again. I tentatively stuck my head outside of the covers. I could still see the traces of the insane sunlight from behind the shades. “Okay, neither of you saw that?” They both shook their heads. “You didn’t see the world’s brightness get turned up to maximum? Arg! What is going on?!” I was still seeing spots from the partial blinding.
“Maybe...maybe it’s just how you see things now?” Mary posited. I was scared again. I’d thought my senses had remained the same. They had... just in artificial environments. “Oh god, I-I can’t eat anything.”
“What?” Sybil asked.
“My senses, they’re not mine... n-not human anymore,” I quivered.
“So you’ve got like super pony senses now?”
“I...I don’t know. But a cloudy day is now the sun staring me in the face! I can’t go outside, my brain will burst!” Of course the worst possible thing happened after I said that. My stomach grumbled loudly. By now, I’d usually be sipping a tea and eating a muffin for breakfast. Evidently, my senses had changed, but my stomach’s tendencies had remained. “Crap!”
“Um,” Mary looked around awkwardly, “do you need some food?”
“I don’t know! Anything I eat now might cause my tongue to explode!”
“I’ve got some Campbell’s.” Sybil walked over to where she kept her food and picked up an instant-can of chicken soup.
“That stuff’s probably poison to me now.” Great, I’m gonna die of starvation now. My stomach grumbled again, but as it did a something flashed in my mind... something tasty. “Apples.”
“What?” Sybil was giving me the quizzical look again.
“I don’t know, but apples sound really good right now.” My mind was flooding with all sort of apple dishes: the apple danishes at the library’s coffee shop, the pie they sometimes served in the cafeteria, apple sauce on a potato pancake.
“Um, John?” Mary snapped me out of my fantasy, “You’ve, uh, got a little something on your uh...” she turned to Sybil, “what would you call it?”
“Muzzle,” Sybil replied.
Apparently, I’d been drooling while my fantasy was going on. I quickly wiped it away with a hoof. Then I shivered a little at what I’d done: I liked food, but I never got that excited about it. It wasn’t who I was. “Please... just...just go get some apples... and the potion.”
“Right,” Mary left the room. I was alone with Sybil now. What was the name of that movie where Kathy Bates was a crazy fangirl?
“So what’s the deal with this potion anyway? You just take it and bam! You’re a pony?”
“I don’t know, I thought it was just fiction until today, I thought everything was fiction until today.”
“So where’d it come from, was it from a fanfic or something?”
“A collection. This thing called The Conversion Bureau.”
“Uh-huh, so what? Did people just find a way to turn other people into ponies and then go on adventures?”
“Kind of, TCB’s world was usually a real hole, it makes Africa look utopian in comparison. Then one day ponies just showed up and helped people make the potion.”
“So is that what’s happening now?”
“I don’t know! Guh! If only my stupid alarm clock hadn’t gone off.
“What’d your alarm clock have to do with anything?”
“Some things are different about the potion, but the dream was still the same.”
“In the fics, when someone drinks the potion, they pass out while the transformation happens. Then they have a dream, only it’s not a dream... it’s kinda like a chat room... only you’re talking with royalty.”
“Royalty?” Sybil looked confused again. But then her confusion turned to excitement. “You mean Celestia? You actually got to talk to her?!”
“That is so awesome!”
“Tch, I wish, all I got was who they were and pretty much what the letter said.” All the answers and a damn piece of plastic ruins it.
“Oh darn, that does suck.” For a moment she was quiet. “So did it hurt?”
“Becoming a pony, duh!” She was eager to hear my response.
“I don’t know if it hurts, I was sick as hell last night, I couldn’t tell up from down... I still don’t think I can. But after I drank it, I don’t remember anything else but the dream.”
“Wonder if I’ll get to see them.” I still couldn’t understand how they could want this so much. Don’t get me wrong, there’d been times when I thought it would be cool to be a pony, heck, pegasi seemed pretty awesome. Maybe that was why I was one why now. Now I wished I’d liked unicorns more, at least they could still manipulate stuff with magic.
There was that word again: magic. It goes against every scientific thing out there. I’m not a big science person, but before today I’d thought there was a logical explanation for everything. That was why I thought (and am still thinking) that the world is gonna end soon. When magic becomes real it means order is falling apart: the possible has lost its footing so the impossible must now prevail in reality.
But before I could dwell more on the subject, there was a knock at the door. Mary was back. In one hand she held the potion and in her other hand was a bag. The smell from it, my god, I’d thought she’d brought fragrance or something into the room. My mouth started salivating again. “Okay, I got everything so what’s the plan?”
“Can...can I have that first? It’s really distracting.” I was eyeing the bag like I hadn’t seen food in a year.
“Yeah, sure,” Mary pulled out not one, not two, but three apples! They were just the standard apples that the snack bar always sold. As soon as she placed them down I was on them. But I stopped myself from swallowing the first one whole. Instead I just took a small bite. It was actually pretty easy to eat it, even without hands.
… Um, how do I put this? Okay, Rainbow Dash’s reaction to Cider in that one episode, remember that? She was not kidding. I’m dead serious. I would have called bullshit on Mary if I wasn’t enjoy the damned thing so much. There’s no way this is from the snack bar, everything there is crap! She’d had to have drivin to the nice market or... oh my god it’s so juicy! I didn’t even notice the girls giving me odd looks. For the moment, I didn’t care. Remember how I said I liked food? Yeah I loved getting good food, especially after days of the same mundane cafeteria food. But this? This was a whole new level. No restaurants, not even my favorite ones, made something this good, and it was an apple, a damn apple!
I quickly finished the first one. I ate the whole thing: stem, core, everything. I didn’t even think about it until after I’d done it. I wonder if ponies can digest apple cor- I stopped and looked up at the girls. They both had faces that I couldn’t exactly read. “What did I do?”
“Uh, well John...” Mary was blushing a little.
“You foodgasmed... hard,” Sybil said bluntly.
“I what?!” I blushed profusely and my ears drooped.
“Seriously, it was like you were eating pure ecstasy or something. You didn’t notice?”
“No... it... it was just really good.”
Mary and Sybil looked and me and then at each other. They each grabbed one of the remaining apple and were about to put them in their mouths when I screamed, “No! Okay, you can have a bite, but please leave the rest for me!” I brought my forehooves to my mouth after saying that.
“Okay,” Sybil was holding the apple as she spoke, “if that’s not an argument for taking that stuff, I don’t know what is.”
“No,” I replied.
“She has a point John,” Mary said, “nobody enjoys apples that much, hell, nobody enjoys eating food that much.”
“No,” I repeated, “No, no, no! That... that’s not me! I... oh god.” I sprinted over Sybil’s bathroom. No matter how delicious the apple was, it wasn’t staying down.
Mary and Sybil rushed in as soon as they heard me hurling. “John? John what’s wrong?!” I couldn’t tell whose voice it was.
“Everything! I cried out between throwing up. “I... I don’t even feel things as a human anymore... it’s gone all gone! Ugh!” I was just having dry heaves now, my stomach had nothing left to throw up.
“John it... it’ll be okay.” It was Sybil’s voice.
“It won’t! I’ve lost everything!” I sobbed over the toilet. “T-that’s not even the worst part! It’s that it’s so much better. I-I can never go back to normal again. I...I’ll know this exists. Oh god, help me!” I slumped in front of the toilet and bawled like a baby. Sybil hugged me, I tearfully looked up at her. “I-I’m scared.”
“John... I know, I’m sorry about before...I was stupid. I just thought this was so neat. But I didn’t think about it that way. That it’s not just different, that you’ve lost so much.”
“Well why don’t we just sit down and talk, relax and try to sort things out.”
“T-that sounds good but where’s... Oh Jesus! Mary! Mary!!” I bolted past Sybil and back into her room. Mary was passed out on the floor, an empty cup in her hand. “No! NO!” I screamed and dry heave again as Mary’s body started to ripple and turn chalk white. Sybil isn’t so lucky when she walks in the room. She pukes right on bathroom tiles, at least it wasn’t the carpet.
“Oh god, John!” She averted her eyes. “That’s what happened to you? I...” She ran to the toilet. I shut my eyes and prayed for the nightmare to be over.
Ten minutes passed and the only sounds in the room were Mary’s clothes tearing and Sybil retching. Eventually Sybil turned her head to me and asked, “Is...is it over John?”
I turned my head slowly. Mary was lying there now, whatever clothes she had were now just torn pieces of cloth. I was somewhat relieved, she was almost done with the process. Right now, she kinda looked like a base model for a pony: no hair, no color. Then I saw her body start to shift colors. It became a deeper shade of white and then a light creamy yellow. It darkened some more and then stayed a dark pastel yellow. Then her hair and tail grew out. They were a light blue color, she kinda looked like the Ukrainian flag.
For a second, I thought she was done. Then I saw these little nubs grow at her sides. The kept expanding. At first, they were thin and bony, but then they drooped down and became filled with flesh and... feathers. She was a pegasus as well. I looked at her wings and then I looked back at mine. They’re both about the same size. “Sybil, I think it’s safe.” Mary appeared to just be sleeping now.
“John, I... I don’t want to do this anymore. The way your body shifts and squirms... it’s not right.” She covered her mouth as she cried.
“I know, I know.” I looked back over at Mary again, she seemed to be mumbling something. “Jesus! The dream!”
“W-what?” Sybil cried.
“The dream,” I said in an excited voice but then I tuned it down to a whisper, “she’s having it right now. We can’t let anything interrupt her. She’s our lifeline now.”
So we sat there for a while, just watching Mary dream. I still can’t believe what I just saw. Humanity out the window with just a simple drink. The bottle scares me now.
“Hey John?” Sybil timidly asked.
“Why’d you call Mary instead of me or Jane, we both live right down the hall.” Jane lived directly across the hallway from Sybil. She’d probably be joining this commotion sooner or later... everyone would.
“I thought that if I called you, you’d flip and start running around campus. Then Sean would hear about it and he’d start running around campus too. By the end of the hour, the news would be here and there’d be pandemonium. Then the black suits would come and... I don’t want to talk about it.” I was shaking again.
“What about Jane?”
“Her heart couldn’t have taken it, plus she has the flu.” I didn’t know the exact medical terms, but Jane had some minor heart condition. She always complained about being able to drink soda. “You really want to show a sick person this?” I flared my left wing up. If she’d seen me, soda would have been the least of her worries.
“You liked Mary didn’t you?”
“What? No! I...” I’m blushing now, “you know she has a boyfriend.”
“Had, I don’t think things will work out the well now.”
“Heh,” it was an empty laugh, “she’d choose being a pony over her boyfriend?”
“I think she chose it to help you.”
“I...” before I could say anything else, Mary murmured a little louder and flapped her wings for the first time. “I think she’s coming out of it.” We both got closer to her, but still kept some distance.
“Mrphl,” Mary murmured.
I couldn’t take the tension anymore. “Mary?” I asked in the most quiet voice I could.
“Jphl...jopl...John?” Her eyes started to twitch as she tried opening them for the first time.
“Mary,” I said in a gruff tone, “you’re crushing me.”
“Oh sorry, sorry! Guess I just got a little excited.” She got off and immediately stumbled and fell to the ground. “Wow, you weren’t kidding, this is hard.” She looked over at her right forehoof, trying to flex it, but instead she caused her right wing to poke out of her side. “Whoa!” She looked at it in amazement. “Heh, guess we’ll be learning flying together.”
“Another time. Right now can you please tell us what happened in your dream?”
“Oh yeah... um, John, it’s pretty serious. I mean holy crap, you thought today was strange so far? I don’t think you were too off about reality falling apart. There’s just one thing.”
“Can I please have those apples?” She was drooling as she looked at the two red spheres she and Sybil dropped earlier.
“Take ‘em!” Sybil and I both said in unison, neither of us wanted to eat after what we’ve just seen.
Mary stumbled over to the apples and awkwardly sat down, trying to figure out what position worked best for her new body. “Okay, so here’s the deal,” she said as she bent down and took a bite out of the apple. “See Celest... oh my god! It ahhh, just ahhh!”
I turned over to Sybil. “Yeah, foodgasm definitely is the appropriate term.”
“We might be here a while,” said Sybil. Mary just continued to experience the ecstasy that was a simple apple from a college snack bar. I couldn’t deny that her reaction was justified.
Earl was bored. Then again he was always bored. Manning a small gas station on the side of the Nevada freeway was boring work. On a good day he might get around twenty customers. Sometimes he’d get lucky and a trucker would come into the store while he was refueling his rig. Earl liked truckers, they always bought a ton of snacks and drinks and they always needed to completely refill their trucks. Plus, they liked to talk about their stories on the road. Earl liked hearing about the world beyond his small gas station.
As he sat behind the counter watching the empty freeway, he mused about the time a convoy had stopped at his station. It had been his best business day. Eight truckers, all with big rigs. They’d cleared him out. His gas station was small, so by the time the truckers left, Earl was down to his emergency reserves of gas. His food and drink supplies weren’t faring much better. Earl didn’t care, it was the most interaction he’d ever had. It was almost like a party. He really did love that day.
There were no truckers today. Hell, there weren’t any motorists today. But that happened a lot, so Earl just decided to sit back in his chair and read the paper. It was only eleven in the morning, but he still had a beer at his side.
Then he saw a speck in the distance. He perked up immediately, as the speck zoomed in closer its shape became more defined: a simple SUV, probably a family on a road trip. Earl set the beer and paper down immediately. He still had a duty to look professional if there was a customer coming. Nothing scared away a customer like a fat man lazying about drinking a beer. Unfortunately, the SUV didn’t look like it was stopping. In fact it looked like it was getting faster. Eighty-five, ninety-five, one hundred and five! The car was going way too fast. As it passed in front of the station, it looked like it was about to hit the three hundred mile mark.
“Jeeesssuuussss Chrrrrrisssssstttt!!!” Earl exclaimed, then he got scared. Why had his voice sounded like it was in slow motion? He decided he might not be feeling well, so he decided to call up the hospital to send a truck to come get him. But as he moved toward the old wall phone his actions, like his speech, were playing out in slow motion. “Whhhaaaaattttt tttthhheee fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu...”
That was it for Earl and his store. They had run out of time.
Chatoyance, here. This is just awesome. If I understand, there are four doses, correct? If so I know exactly where you are going with this. But I don't think we're dealing with Famine, Death, War, and Pestilence here, but perhaps their opposite, in which case, I am impressed.
And damn, I wish I could get a cup.
Oh wow Chatoyance, neat. Yep I've got four more people to turn into ponies. But well since you've read it you can understand why when this in on FIMfiction it'll be called "And Then There were Two". As for the four horsemen wow, I hadn't even thought of that, freudian slip? probably.
But since your fics were a real good basis for my TCB experience I'll let you in on a little secret for the next chapter. Celestia planted six seeds, oh which John is one. I wonder where the other are?