Subject Delta - Rapturous for Equestria

TheMightyT

#1 · Chapter 1 · 64w, 3d ago ·

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TheMightyT here. I'm hoping you'll enjoy the story, if not; well, all criticism is highly appreciated.

If you have any questions, ask them here in the comments or PM me. :twilightsmile:

Also, tell me if you want me to continue this ... .

TheMightyT Out.

Superpony

#2 · Chapter 1 · 64w, 2d ago ·

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FIRST!!! jk but the story looks promising. :twilightsmile:

jmlop0

#3 · Chapter 1 · 64w, 2d ago ·

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Ok Spoiler?And nice job!

Samuel Eyre

#4 · Chapter 1 · 64w, 2d ago ·

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Hmm. It intrigues me, I will keep track of this story.

Grankuwaga

#5 · Chapter 1 · 64w, 2d ago ·

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I take it his Daughter is dead or will she also show up later on?

The Producer

#6 · Chapter 1 · 64w, 2d ago ·

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The funny thing was that I automatically popped in sounds of the lighthouse and blasted pairbonds.

MagneticMind

#7 · Chapter 1 · 64w, 2d ago ·

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Just curious - do you have any specific Plasmid powers for Subject Delta to have?

Niklashg

#8 · Chapter 1 · 64w, 2d ago ·

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Just some things i noticed in the story that looks weird.

"Augustus’ dead was necessary in many ways, but he had hoped he didn’t had to kill the man who had helped him along his journey. But he would not get Augustus’ dead be in vain."

first "Augustus’ >death< was necessary in many ways, but he had hoped he didn't >have< to kill the man who had helped him along his journey. but he would not >let< Augustus’ >death< be in vain."

"Like Augustus one said" once said. "Eleanor just needed more time, time he would be making." This is just me but i think you should remove that last part and just have "Eleanor just needed more time."

"The words of Eleanor’s mother resonated" Write Sofia Lamb insted its beter. "Dead was standing out front, waiting for him." Death not dead. "His body was given up" >Giving up< His body is about to stop it hasent stoped yet.

puhh i will return and look through the other half later. but i like the idea. Just try to get a prereader for future shapters.

Distrance

#9 · Chapter 1 · 64w, 2d ago ·

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Solid story bro.

I feel for you on the whole multiple languages of fan-fictions your writing. Going from one language to another while still being descriptive is hard.

Stofen

#10 · Chapter 1 · 64w, 2d ago ·

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Awesome, and to think I just beat Bioshock 2 a couple weeks ago. And I also second the motion for what plasmids and tonics this Delta has.

KyleAJ

#11 · Chapter 1 · 64w, 2d ago ·

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Good structure, slight use of cliches though ("Twilight messes up a spell", used all too often although I can't be sure yet), some mistakes, for that I would suggest getting a pre-reader to catch things that you might miss or fix grammar mistakes seeing as your first language isn't English. Keep up the good work!

virotox

#12 · Chapter 1 · 64w, 2d ago ·

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good story. personaly i'm very forgiving in terms of grammer. your mistakes mainly consisted of mixing up past/present tense so it was fairly understandable.

there was only one bit that baffled me.

"Dead was standing out front, waiting for him" not quite sure what this bit was supposed to mean :rainbowhuh:

Petrichor

#13 · Chapter 1 · 64w, 2d ago ·

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See? I told you your story was awesome! I'm so proud to have you as my editor! :pinkiehappy: :rainbowdetermined2:

Vonaumock

#14 · Chapter 1 · 64w, 2d ago ·

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It would be interesting if he could use the research camera on the ponies. He could get teleportation from twilight a solar ray/blast ability from celestial and 4th wall break from pinkie.

TheMightyT

#15 · Chapter 1 · 64w, 2d ago ·

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Wow, I go get some shuteye, and suddenly 80 notifications. :derpyderp1:

It seems you guys are loving this story, so expect Chapter 2 popping up in a couple of hours. :twilightsmile:

And now it's time to answer some questions! :rainbowdetermined2:

>>259559259559 >>259588259588 >>259616259616 *Well, thank you! :twilightblush: Expect a spoiler at the end of this post! :yay:

>>259637259637 *I take it his Daughter is dead or will she also show up later on? That is one hell of a question. :twilightsmile: Let's just say ... you'll see that in a future chapter. :trollestia:

>>259644259644 *Yeah, I love that soundtrack too. Makes me want to write even more, and it's a good way to get in the 'writer'-mood. :twilightsmile:

>>259651259651 >>259969259969 >>260900260900 *Just curious - do you have any specific Plasmid powers for Subject Delta to have? Eh, I was thinking about that. And I'm not completely sure I can tell the plasmids I maybe will use, because that will surely change ... . I can confirm that he only has one weapon though, his drill; but for plasmids? I will give you a possible list, but it will surely change. Possible Gene Tonics: Drill Lurker, Drill Power (1&2), Fountain of Youth, Keen observer (1&2), Sports Boost, and maybe something like Medical Expert/Handman (with other use than in the game) or Elemental Storm (with an other use than in the game). Possible Plasmids: Decoy, Electro Bolt, Incinerate, Telekinesis.(Cyclone Trap, just to get Pinkie Pie away from Subject Delta.) But just remember this, Subject Delta is not in Rapture anymore. He has spend all his EVE in that last battle, so ... don't expect him killing stuff too frequently with Plasmids. He is in a world with strange rules, and some of his Plasmids & Gene Tonics will have different effects. And if I decide, being the Author, that Incinerate becomes Electro Bolt than I'll just direct you to the "Alternate Universe"-tag. Not that I'm going to do something like that, but just a warning that things are going to be different than in BioShock 2. :derpytongue2: And to answer another question: Yes, he still has his Research Camera -it's a part of his helmet- and possible his Hack Tool -But it's useless in Equestria-. And maybe I'll write a troll chapter with a '4th wall breaking' Gene Tonic. :trollestia:

>>259724259724 >>260427260427 >>260527260527 *Going to correct those mistakes. Even after reading it 3 times, it still has mistakes. :facehoof: It's the burden of any author, the curse of not being able to spot mistakes in a story you write yourself. Also, my use of 'Dead' is indeed not right. It should be 'Death' in those sentences, I'm going to correct that in a bit. Yeah, for the cliché way ... I had some other ideas, but I sticked with that one. It's was kinda necessary to my Chapter 2, so ... . Yes, I know that 'Twilight messes up a spell' is used frequently, but this program I have on my computer (Plot-hole thingamajig.exe) told me it was better to use a cliché than just magically bringing Subject Delta to Equestria. :trollestia: Maybe I'll release a chapter in the future with a different way of bringing Subject Delta to Equestria. Who knows? :moustache: I will take that advice, searching for a proofreader as I write this. :twilightsmile:

>>259751259751 *I feel for you on the whole multiple languages of fan-fictions your writing. Going from one language to another while still being descriptive is hard. Yeah, I feel your pain too, brother. *Brohoof*

>>260586260586 *Thank you, friend, thank you. Everyone, read his story, it's quite good. And I'm a proofreader, so I know it's good. :rainbowdetermined2:

Question: Do you have some time left to be a proofreader? :twilightsmile:

Okay, that was a lot of writing. 23 likes and only 1 dislike, I can not express my emotions through writing ... have an emoticon! :heart:

And I didn't forget that spoiler I promised! Enjoy! :twilightsmile: *SPOILER ALERT*

***

“For every choice, there is an echo. Which each act, we change the world. One man chose a city, free of law and God, but others chose corruption and so the city fell. If the world was reborn at your image, would it be paradise … or perdition?”

“The Rapture dream is over, but in waking I am reborn. This world is not ready for me, yet here I am. … but in waking, I’m alone.”

***

And have some more! *SPOILER ALERT*

***

The trees became a blur and he heard another scream and some kind of howling ... Splicers? No, maybe wolves … what were wolves even, and how did he know that? No time, his Daughter is in danger. The trees became more sparsely the closer he came to, what he thought, was the edge of the forest. He saw a rickety bridge over what seemed to be an abyss or something like that. And a castle … a castle? It seemed very old, destroyed by weather and time, but that was where the scream came from. He began slowly crossing the bridge trying not to look down. But a thought crossed his mind, what if the scream wasn’t from Eleanor? Well, it would just be another death Splicer … .

***

Enjoy some random trivia for Chapter 2:

*There was no mention of any pony, dragon, griffin or anything like that through the entire chapter.

That's all folks, thank you so much! :pinkiehappy:

TheMightyT Out.

EDIT: Holy wall of text!

TheMightyT

#16 · Chapter 1 · 64w, 2d ago ·

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Questions for all the people who read this story:

*Do you guys know any good BioShock related FanFics on this site? If you do, just reply on this post.

*Any group I need to post this story in? Maybe HiE ... .

*Any suggestions? Are you people mad I'll probably go with a 'Good Guy'-Subject Delta? Or do you guys really prefer the 'Kick some ass and chew bubble gum, but I'm all out of gum'-type for Subject Delta? You can still try to change my mind ... .

Yep, that's all. To the 'Writers Cave'! Chapter 2 inbound in +/- 2 hour!

TheMightyT Out.

EDIT: Needs more emoticons. :moustache: Yep, that feels better. :heart:

TheMightyT

#17 · Chapter 2 · 64w, 2d ago ·

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Next Chapter is up! Just a kick-starter for the events of the next chapter, expect some ponies in that one. :twilightsmile:

Chapter 3 is coming along nicely, the only problem I'm having is descriptions of fighting scenes. For some reason that's quite hard for me to write, but I'm not giving up that easily.

I'm sorry in advance for not replying comments and such, have some family stuff to go to. I rather stay home and write, watch & read some ponies ... but it's family. Ain't that a kick to the head? (I'm totally listening to that song while writing this!) So, I'll see you next weekend; same FimFiction Time, same FimFiction Place! :pinkiehappy:

TheMightyT Out.

EDIT: NEEDS MOAR EMOTICONS. :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: I needed to get that out of my system ... . :twilightblush:

jmlop0

#18 · Chapter 2 · 64w, 2d ago ·

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>>261778261778.......*sees HUGE ASS wall of text for tha dream part*....Daaaaaaam.....I had higher expectations from looking at the word count....

Oh well!Well Written!(Or is it Typed?Know what i dont care)Keep up the good work!

Crushric

#19 · Chapter 2 · 64w, 2d ago ·

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Well written indeed, but the giant walls of text can afford to be separated. Indents at the start of new paragraphs also helps. Since this is Bioshock will there be moral choices on Subject Delta's part?

Lionheart

#20 · Chapter 2 · 64w, 2d ago ·

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dis gonna be good

Klutzershy

#21 · Chapter 2 · 64w, 2d ago ·

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You seem to mix up the words "death" and "dead" quite a bit. Mistakes like this are to be expected your first time writing something significant in English, but pleases take that into consideration. Otherwise, a pretty good story, if not a little lengthy on the dream portions. Keep up the good work.

Stofen

#22 · Chapter 1 · 64w, 2d ago ·

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>>261610261610

Aww, and here I was hoping he'd have the Security bot Plasmid; "Oh you think you can break the 4th wall Pinkie? Well how about summoning flying robots!"

Slaughterstone

#23 · Chapter 2 · 64w, 2d ago ·

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I sense a manticore with a drill through its skull cumming up. Also the big daddies are programed to protect small, cute (from the daddies point of view), and somewhat helpless creatures... Fluttershy... or maybe the CMC?

StatusQo

#24 · Chapter 2 · 64w, 2d ago ·

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I expect to go berserk if he can't find elenor

TheMightyT

#25 · Chapter 2 · 64w, 1d ago ·

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Time to respond to your comments! :twilightsmile: (I'm hijacking some Internet from the neighbors, don't tell them! :trollestia: ) And again, thank you, guys!

>>261925261925 >>261956261956 *What do you mean, wall of text? --Checks Chapter 2-- Oh my ... . It seems I have some correcting to do. That's what you get from importing ... . :twilightblush: And those indents at the beginning of each paragraph, great idea! Your getting a shout-out for that, Crushric!

Going to answer your question: Since this is Bioshock will there be moral choices on Subject Delta's part? Um, yeah. If you read those quotes I use to break the story in different parts (and to change field of view and all that jazz), you'll surely have read this one: For every choice, there is an echo. Which each act, we change the world. So yeah, he's going to have to choose something in Chapter 3. And I will let you guys choose, because I'm a nice guy. (Maybe, I change my mind to much.) So just think about this, who could be lost in the Everfree Forest, at the Castle of The Elder Sisters? And would you like to save her? :trollestia: One word: Foreshadowing!

>>262221262221 *Thank you! :twilightsmile:

>>262320262320 *Yeah, I know. I'm going to think twice now about typing death (or dead). And I know the dream portions are long and there's a reason for that. The Chapter 2 dream portion is a major foreshadowing for Chapter 3, and it explains some strange things about Subject Delta. It seems like he has some ... strange thoughts, don't you guys think? Just think about it, a Big Daddy with knowledge about the stars? With memories about wolves and grand forests? Maybe there's still something human left in Subject Delta ... . (I'm using the 'Alternate Universe'-tag more for BioShock 2 related things, really.) But I understand your concern, and you can expect some less dream sequences in the future. (But not Chapter 3, it has some more dreaming in it. And it's going to be shorter than Chapter 2. But I still need to flesh it out and stuff.) (Also keep this in mind, I need to give Subject Delta a 'personality' in the past, to be able to change it *for better or worse* in the future.)

>>262503262503 *Yeah, but then I would begin doing comedy.(It would be bad, trust me.) And then I would begin to ship Subject Delta ... and I'm not going to change the story into a clopfic. Maybe. You're giving me bad ideas my friend! --Adds some new things on a paper named 'Troll-chapter'-- Oh, the horror! THE HORROR! :raritydespair: *But I like your thinking!* :twilightsmile:

>>262920262920 *Manticore? Didn't I write wolves? --Checks Chapter 2-- Yeah, I wrote wolves. --Checks plot for next chapters-- ARE YOU IN MY BRAIN? GET OUT, IT'S MINE, ALL MINE! MUHAHAHAHAHA!!! :pinkiecrazy:

>>262921262921 *Well, who knows? :trollestia:

So, short recap for you guys. Just think logically for a second: Who could possibly be in the Everfree Forest? And if you think you know who she is (I give to much hints!), do you guys want to brutally kill her or save her?

Just know this, your choice could possible make this story very short. Like 4 or 5 chapters short. Chose wisely ... . :rainbowderp:

Also, short spoiler for Chapter 3! *SPOILER ALERT* *THIS COULD POSSIBLY UNDERGO CHANGES*

***

Subject Delta finally had crossed the rickety bridge and he began running to the castle. He heard those howling sounds again, and a voice screaming for help. It wasn’t his Daughter, that he could tell now, but his hands were itching to get to use his drill on something.

***

DUN DUN DUN! Who could it possibly be? :facehoof:

That's all, TheMightyT Out.

EDIT: Needs more Trollestia, because I'm in a strange mood! :trollestia:

Slaughterstone

#26 · Chapter 2 · 64w, 1d ago ·

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SAVE ALL THE PONIES!

Bioshock sort of gives the felling of the world being royally screwed for any ending other than full good.

TheMightyT

#27 · Chapter 2 · 64w, 1d ago ·

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>>263263263263 *Yeah, but if you have played BioShock 2, you know that Eleanor changes by the actions of Subject Delta. So, it just depends on how you want to progress the story. :pinkiehappy:

I'll repeat it once more, to make it official. Chapter 3 will end on a "cliffhanger" ( :trollestia: ), and you all will get the chance to choose for the reaction of Subject Delta. :twilightsmile:

TheMightyT Out.

Stofen

#28 · Chapter 2 · 64w, 1d ago ·

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>>263291263291

Well it all depends on how much ADAM a little pony gives...

Dostoron

#29 · Chapter 2 · 64w, 1d ago ·

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>>263371263371

forget the bad guys get more ADAM crap, i did the maths, saving all ends up getting you more.

Kagitaar

#30 · Chapter 2 · 64w, 1d ago ·

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>>263473263473

Yup, more ADAM and more plasmids for being a good person, though it's foreign to me to hurt any Little Sisters anyway.

Barbecue Sauce

#31 · Chapter 2 · 64w, 1d ago ·

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Bioshock - MLP crossover? Tracked! :rainbowkiss:

NotABrony

#32 · Chapter 2 · 64w, 1d ago ·

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interested will be tracking.

TheMightyT

#33 · Chapter 2 · 64w, 1d ago ·

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>>265605265605 *Yep, it's surely is that! :twilightsmile:

>>263371263371 >>263473263473 >>263971263971 *Well, it depends on how I decide, doesn't it? :trollestia: I'm not following the game with that 'feel better being a good guy and get a reward'-type of thing they did. I'll do it 50/50. So, good guy or bad guy, only the story will change through that choice. And where do you think you're going to find a Gatherer's Garden in Equestria? Don't expect Subject Delta being able to spend ADAM so easily ... . :twilightsmile:

>>266440266440 *Thank you, I hope you'll enjoy your stay! :twilightsmile:

Also, on a completely different note, I'm home sick. Well, sick is a big word, the doctor said I had to 'stress less and watch my breathing more'. Ugh, I have no time to stress less ... . But now I've some more time to write, yay me! :yay:

TheMightyT Out.

TheMightyT

#34 · Chapter 2 · 64w, 22h ago ·

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Short update on Chapter 3: the dream sequence (follow up of the one in Chapter 2) is done. Now to write the difficult part ... . :derpyderp1:

But, because I'm a nice guy, something to think about 'till Chapter 3 gets posted:

“In the House of Upside-Down: cellar’s top floor, attic’s ground. In the House of Upside-Down: laughing cries, and smile’s frown. In the House of Upside-Down: found is lost, and lost is found. In the House of Upside-Down: killing saves, and saving kills … .”

That's all ( :trollestia: ),

TheMightyT Out.

Kagitaar

#35 · Chapter 2 · 64w, 21h ago ·

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>>266487266487

I'd expect Pinkie Pie could get one for him. :pinkiehappy:

Slaughterstone

#36 · Chapter 2 · 64w, 11h ago ·

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>>267129267129

―Little Sister Song/Poem at the beginning of BioShock 2

I think I get what you mean.

This is going to be an awesome story. :pinkiehappy:

One question thought, are they regular wolfs or timber wolfs (Family Appreciation Day)?

TheMightyT

#37 · Chapter 2 · 64w, 5h ago ·

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>>269633269633 *Yes you're right, but the last sentence I added myself. To answer you question: You'll see that in Chapter 3. :trollestia:

>>267323267323 *Oh, it will be great when Subject Delta meets Pinkie! :pinkiecrazy:

TheMightyT Out.

TheMightyT

#38 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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Hey everyone, TheMightyT here. I have some early updates for you guys. :twilightsmile:

Now, Subject Delta's fate is in your hands. Please comment with your choice (A, B or C) below. I'll check back in 24 hours, then I can start writing Chapter 4! :pinkiehappy:

Expect the next update this weekend! See you next time, same FimFiction time, same FimFiction place! :moustache:

TheMightyT Out.

EDIT: I'm not going to reply to every comment anymore, I'm clogging up the comments section! :facehoof: When some questions are asked multiple times --by different people--, I'll answer them. --If I'm not going to answer them in a future chapter!-- Also, my dear readers, this is for you: :heart:

Clappie

#39 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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I would say C) Save Twilight, because well, i don't really like when main characters die early on no matter what :3 And besides Twilight is my fav pony ;) Oh, and good chapter btw :)

The Commander

#40 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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C would just be a generic choice. To me.............Im thinking B. That way Delta can kick the Mane six's assess all at once.

Clonetrooperkev

#41 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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C because not only is Twilight favorite Pony, but it would create a sense of kindness within the monster. Twilight saved by the giant bipedal metal creature... has a nice ring to it.

Lionheart

#42 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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C i choose C cause in the long run they will HELP!

linch_lord666

#43 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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c) is the only way to go

Valsion

#44 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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I'll choose option c)

Nutter795

#45 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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methinks c

Draequine

#46 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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C

AwesomeCabbage9000

#47 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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Going for A is defitively the wrong choice. Twilight could send him back, so C.

Lothar1357

#48 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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Option C is would be my choice of action.

Professor Litmus

#49 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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my vote is C. because thats how my delta always rolled.

Nightsoul

#50 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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C) damn it save her! :twilightsheepish:

TheMightyT

#51 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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>>270816270816 *It's not Twilight Subject Delta should fear ... .

plp855

#52 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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C twilight might help him out of the forest :rainbowlaugh:

Slaughterstone

#53 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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C) He saved her and she is no threat to him. Also she reminds him of Elenor in a good way.

Forge

#54 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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Definitely option C. It seems like that's what Delta would do in this situation.

Kriegor

#55 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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Well DUH! :ajbemused:

C

Svgb

#56 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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Everyponys saying c. And so am I.

Great story.

Tonto the Trotter

#57 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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C, For the love of Celestia choose C. Something Awesome will happen if we choose C.

StatusQo

#58 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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I choose B, also 'anything in his way to protect Equestria.' u mean elenor dont you.

TheMightyT

#59 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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>>270901270901 *What do you mean? --Checks story-- Oh, my bad. :twilightblush: Consider it fixed! Seems my thoughts were someplace else ... . :twilightsmile:

TheMightyT Out.

hyourei

#60 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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Another c it is!

The Producer

#61 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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Sweet mother Mary, make it C. The reactions from the little sisters when Delta is an ass are way too heartbreaking. That, and Elanor might want a unicorn...

Barbecue Sauce

#62 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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Pick C!!! :twilightsmile: :rainbowkiss:

TheMightyT

#63 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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>>270969270969 *Don't worry, it seems to me 'Option C' is winning at the moment. But I'll let you all know when I've counted the votes! :twilightsmile:

TheMightyT Out.

Zh3sh1re

#64 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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I choose special option D! ALL OF THE ABOVE.

In all seriousness, I choose C, like the rest of the fellas here. Also, did you really have to tell the ENTIRE intro in text form, as I and most of the people reading this have probably played the game. But, you're the bawss, so i shouldn't say anything, should I?

Oh dear..... I'm... I'm sorry.... I... I didn't mean anything by it.... I'm sorry... EEP *Cowers behind mane*

Kagitaar

#65 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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C of course, not only is it the good thing to do, it's also the pragmatic thing to do; who better to tell you where you are than something that lives there.

TheMightyT

#66 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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>>270987270987 *I appreciate your opinion, so you don't need to be sorry! :twilightsmile:

To answer your question: No, but it would be a lousy chapter 1 if I didn't do it, wouldn't it? And, I need to think about my readers who didn't play the game. Also, I'm not using the game as a past for Subject Delta, I use it as ... a guideline, something to refer to. Like I've said before, that 'Alternate Universe'-tag is being used --mostly-- for BioShock 2 ... .

I will read every comment, I can promise you that. Everything you guys suggest I will think about. Without you, my readers, I'm nothing! :twilightsmile:

TheMightyT Out.

Fireheart

#67 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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C, cause if she die celestia gonna be pissed

MagneticMind

#68 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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I vote C

FenrirBlackfire

#69 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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:yay: :C;

We all know that we want the longer version of the story and besides leaving her would give it some grimdark first time meeting later in the story

Ps: i also dont have the heart to say A :fluttercry:

Faldo

#70 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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ne B would be more logic

Darklordcomp

#71 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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C GOD DAMN IT FUCKING C I WILL EAT YOUR FUCKING FACE OFF IF ITS NOT C :flutterrage:

Hikikamori

#72 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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c

NuclearCupcake

#73 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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C all the way baby! :yay:

Whitestrake

#74 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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I'm casting a vote for B

Anonlurker

#75 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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I was going to ask if you were going to make all morality questions obvious but then I realized that that is how morality questions in the Bioshock series were answered. Save 'em, kill 'em, or leave 'em.

C, by the way. Saving the Little Sisters was ALWAYS better in the long run.

Crushric

#76 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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I choose B - more mystery in the long run.

Now stop! Grammar Time!

You have the odd habit of doing '... .' and it's weird. For example, “He was her Big Daddy, she his Little Sister. Until Death do us part … .” - the weird periods should be more like this "-do us part..." It's an ellipses; I get what you're trying to do but it's improper grammar.

He cooed to her, “Were not going to hurt you, little girl.” Another Splicer, the only woman in the group, chuckled and came closer to her partner. She came to eye-level and softly spoke to Eleanor, “Come with us, we’re only here to help.” - You have two entities speaking in one paragraph, a major no-no. When the other splicer speaks it should be its own paragraph.

May I recommend that you put all thoughts is a ' ' ? Those help to distinguish thoughts from dialogue, especially when during an italic flashback scene. IE: 'What do I do wit this small pony? Dare I help it, or dare I simply leave it to its fate; perhaps yet I could end its suffering with one small blow?' - italics and ' 's help to distinguish specific thoughts. In my experience that clears up a lot of minor issues.

There are a few minor grammar mistakes elsewhere, but none that couldn't be fixed with a quick run-through on your part.

Hope that helps!

Scygnus

#77 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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Subject Delta being a simple-minded creature, and having already associated Timberwolves with Splicers, it's probable he would associate Twilight with the many Little Sisters he worked with during the game. And I'm assuming he played like I did and saved them, so that should carry over and thus be C. Once he realizes she can talk, she'll be a source of information about where Elanor is or isn't, not to mention what the hell is going on. Certainly better than wandering around at random looking for her.

Razorwing Greybeak

#78 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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I vote C. I may be a drug addicted Griffon but even I don't have the heart to murder Twilight in cold blood or leave her laying alone in some creature infested castle ruins. Remember: Even evil has standards!

virotox

#79 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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im gonna be the first to say (A) just so it can have a vote :pinkiecrazy:

Reiver

#80 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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I'm going B or C, both have great storytelling potential, C in the obvious way, but B has many more plot branches than C does i think :twilightblush:

A would be cool in the sense that its not a friendly crossover, which would be unique, but Twi' is best pony so don't do it!!

Good work so far! Now I'm all pumped for bioshock infinite again :pinkiehappy:

Ghost-111

#81 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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I choose C cause in every game that I have played I usually take the good side.

Unless one of the characters is pissing me off then I'll find some spectacular explosive-like way to kill them. :pinkiecrazy:

But it also depends on their importance to the story. :derpyderp1:

Overall again repeating myself C. For me it seems that these good stories usually last longer than bad road ones, as being bad usually ends in, "Killed the mane cast, conquered the world, The End". :moustache:

Mr 0

#82 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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Nice story choice C

Lord Arcturus

#83 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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"C" of course.

"A" is a pointless decision that'd get him banished to a celestial body and it won't be the moon. Plus it's OOC for Delta.

"B" is just boring, plus it deprives Delta of information. Like "stay the fuck away from the weird chicken-lizard". Or "that's a dragon, walk away slowly". Without Twilight he won't get out of Everfree alive.

Darklordcomp

#84 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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>>273006273006 I agree with a but slightly disagree with b, If you've played Bio Shock 2 you know what he's had to fight including the Big sister I'd like to see a dragon take down one of those mother fuckers and live

Slaughterstone

#85 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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>>273102273102

However he is missing a large portion of his arsenal (grenade launcher, rivet gun, Gatling gun, etc.). It might be hard to hit a dragon with his drill. I guess he might still be able to take a dragon down with his magic plasmids though.

Bookmaster

#86 · Chapter 2 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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This story is to perfect

Bookmaster

#87 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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>>273222273222 true but the only thing I used in the game was his drill well most the time it was satisfying drilling them

lostirishman

#88 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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>>270696270696 C) please this story is incredibly interesting.

Petrichor

#89 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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I would laugh if C would bring the story to an end. You would be the troll of fimfiction. But, my vote would definitely be C. :scootangel:

Jack_The_Rectum_Ripper

#90 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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C!!!

Unholyinferno

#91 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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C) because he may feel remorse and treat twilight like his 'daughter'

IraqLobstah

#92 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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>>261610261610

If you ask me, dont focus on Gene tonics, his drill and either an Electro bolt,

Telekinesis or Incinerate should be the plasmid of choice.

Cheers

~iraqlobstah

insightguy

#93 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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my answer:

CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC

:scootangel:

Darklordcomp

#94 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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>>273222273222 That and he has a freaking drill, If i remember correctly that thing can puncture solid stone

IraqLobstah

#95 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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I would chose C.

C or die.

cheers

~iraqlobstah

TheMightyT

#96 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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>>271400271400 *Well, thanks for the advice, Crushric. I'm constantly going back to older chapters to edit them, so... I'll make sure to correct myself! And thanks for the tips, it seems English grammar is slightly different than what I'm use to. But you're right, if someone speaks it can't be in the same sentence. Going to do another correcting run! :twilightsmile:

A question for you: Are there not to many mistakes involving the tenses? I tend to use them wrong from time to time... . :facehoof:

>>271582271582 *Are you in my mind? :derpyderp1:

>>273834273834 *He only has one weapon, that's everything. But Plasmids and Gene Tonics will be revealed throughout the story. :moustache: So don't worry, he has more Plasmids than just 'Incinerate!'.

>>273503273503 *I aim to please, but it would be a good troll-move... . You are giving me good ideas, friend! :pinkiecrazy:

TheMightyT

#97 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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Attention everyone, I'm closing the voting now. Going to see which choice (A, B or C) got the most votes. I will let you all know which one won! :twilightsmile:

TheMightyT Out.

EDIT: I counted the votes and C won! What a surprise! :twilightsmile:

The numbers: A has 1 vote, B has 7 votes and C has 40 votes. So C is the clear winner! Now it's time to start writing! See you all later! :heart:

Lord Arcturus

#98 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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>>273102273102

Big Sisters...aren't that impressive. Yes I've fought them but personally I thought that they were just big speed bumps. They'd slow you down and throw you into a wall, yes, but hardly a threat as long as you got at least half a brain. And compared to a dragon, like the one adult we know of that lives in Everfree, Big Sisters are insects.

The two adult (tentative) dragons that we know of are several stories tall, had big teeth and claws, breathed fire, and were intelligent. And if the saying "you are what you eat" holds true then their scales are probably impervious to everything short of modern anti-tank munitions. And one of them lives in Everfree and has an extremely short fuse. Plus Delta can go down to 1940s-50s small arms fire; he's big and tough, but not a tank.

Slaughterstone

#99 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 6d ago ·

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>>274279274279

He also isn't fire proof and dragons can fly.

Crushric

#100 · Chapter 3 · 63w, 5d ago ·

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>>273929273929

I haven't observed any outstanding errors in tense, but I'll let you know from now on if I see any. Since I'm tracking this expect me to mercilessly tear it apart in an attempt to make it better.

See you then!

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